another day

[_breakingfree_]

so here i am... sitting at the coffee shop again... waiting for the line to go down a bit and to let the ones who are in a bit of a rush to get to work/school go. i have class in an hour and work right after. i'm doing my best to keep myself busy before i COMPLETELY break down. i'm good so far. just go to class and work. go hang out with random people mostly dustin and tania... they seem to be the only ones left. everyone else has left again. i'm just waiting.... you know somehow i've just figured out that i'll never EVER be good enough for them... my parents that is. doesn't matter how many times i sacrifice myself, and what i want for them... no matter how many times i have greater plans and do what they want.... no matter how many times i wash their cloths or clean their house or watch their kids... no matter how many favors i do... how many times i meet the 8 pm curfew... no matter how many times i let them see me cry... no matter how many classes i teach for them... no matter how much money i give them... no matter how many times i go to their church where i know i don't belong.... no matter how good i am.... no matter how long i say no to drugs and alcohol... no matter what... they will NEVER care! i'm falling apart... my entire everything is being riped appart... i just want to cry... and scream and throw myself to the ground... i want to leave... i want them to FUCKING CARE!!! is that really to much to ask? i mean i have been living with them for 19 years... i have been.... oh i can't do this... one day they will see.

i have class in about 45 min. and i must leave in a bout 30. my connection here SUCKS... but it's all cool i suppose... went to the picayune halloween fair last night. i love looking out in the see of faces... just wondering what each and every one of their stories really are...i know they each have one... and most are just waiting to find someone to listen... i know i have been there. well i'll let you guys go... all my love to each of you.