I give up! *crushed*
This was supposed to be an awesome night; I got a kitten, I had fun, it was a blast. And then I come home, talk online for two seconds, and find out that I suck and guys suck and I am never dating any of you again until I'm 40 yeras old and I forgive your gender. I hate this. I had never been dumped until I started dating the older men, and then I found out how stupid and gullible I am and how they all just lie to get what they want. Now i'm not saying I've done anything *intimate* and been rejected, but I started to open up. I mean, The first real one to squish me, knew he was a mistake (literally messed up in the head..scaffolding accident.) next, lied to me, turned out he had a chick on the side, and used me, going for another chick on the side. Okay, fine. The one I really open up to, had been close friends with through all of these people, recently opened up and called me and called me more than his girlfriend, hinting he was goign to break up wiht her and be with me because the bastard was in love with me. Well, I had learned my lesson with opening up to highschool boys, so I was reserved, telling him that I wouldn't be more than friends (etc.) while he was till with his chick, and he kept calling me a saying how i was one of the best people he had ever known, his only true friend, and Dammit I started to fall for him. Screw it all. And then, right after I admit it to myself and to him, he just stops talking to me. Doesn't really say goodbye, never tells me why or who he offically chose, and poof gone. So fine, I say. Like I always have done, I skip to a new chapter. I would never let a trivial high school relationship figment bother me, and it would mean nothing more than a bad choice. And hardly any time goes by and someone knew starts talking to me, and I don't know what I was thinking...I guess I thought finally I would be good enough for one of them and finally I would have a real relationship that I wouldn't have to just cut all emotion from in the end and pretend like it was nothing and i made the mistake of letting him kiss me. It wasn't like I was really attached, but I was so happy at finding a good chance and someone I could have fun with and then he tells me tonight "it's not that you aren't fun to hang out with, but I just think I have more in common with *another person who will remain nameless*." OKAY, so, is anyone seeing a pattern? They all start out enjoying me, and then after a short time (in most) they find someone better. And i"m tired of it. I'm sick and tired of it and maybe it's just late but I hate to think why...it's just high school, I know, but once it would be nice - and I know it's even more stupid because this happens all the time and I'm no exception. I'm just going to shut up now because I sound like a whiny baby, but I'm goign to do what I always do, shut it down a little more each time, and now I'm just not giving to any of them anymore. Guys? Not for nuns. friends, fine - I'm devoting all of my energies to friends and the rest can wait until senior year in college, if I dare that soon. Goodnight, and to those that read this and said not to get your hopes up, YOU'RE RIGHT. You are wonderful, blah blah, I will definately take your advice more often. But I'm goping to bed now, and I probably won't be updating before school, and I probably won't be on aim, so I'll see you all at school or something - bye.