(no subject)
The past couple weeks have been very hard, emotionally and physically. I spent about a week and a half in the hospital at the end of May... first, because of unexplained fevers... and then back again a day later due to other complications regarding my pregnancy, which ultimately ended up in the death of my baby.
I miss feeling him inside of my ever-growing belly. He was so active. I didn't realize I could feel his heartbeat until he wasn't there anymore.
Now my breasts are full of milk, but the part that needed it is gone. At night, instead of drifting off to sleep, imagining the things to come, I have to try and not think of the things that could have been. It's hard not to replay what happened in the hospital.
I'm trying to be thankful to my little guy instead of thinking of the What Ifs. To my little Blake, I am thankful for him because he made me a better person for the short time he was in my life. Because of him, I stopped drinking. Because of him, I've quit doing drugs. Because of him, I have a clearer head and can move myself forward in life.
I wish he was still here, still growing inside of me. I wish I could one day hold him and rock him to sleep. I wish I could sing him lullabies and read him bedtime stories, show him off to my family, hear his little laugh, and try my damnedest to be the best mom possible for him. Instead, I have to be positive about what he has done for me, and not regress.
Blake Daniel Champion was born and died on May 29th, 2008. But I will remember him always and I will love him always.
I miss feeling him inside of my ever-growing belly. He was so active. I didn't realize I could feel his heartbeat until he wasn't there anymore.
Now my breasts are full of milk, but the part that needed it is gone. At night, instead of drifting off to sleep, imagining the things to come, I have to try and not think of the things that could have been. It's hard not to replay what happened in the hospital.
I'm trying to be thankful to my little guy instead of thinking of the What Ifs. To my little Blake, I am thankful for him because he made me a better person for the short time he was in my life. Because of him, I stopped drinking. Because of him, I've quit doing drugs. Because of him, I have a clearer head and can move myself forward in life.
I wish he was still here, still growing inside of me. I wish I could one day hold him and rock him to sleep. I wish I could sing him lullabies and read him bedtime stories, show him off to my family, hear his little laugh, and try my damnedest to be the best mom possible for him. Instead, I have to be positive about what he has done for me, and not regress.
Blake Daniel Champion was born and died on May 29th, 2008. But I will remember him always and I will love him always.