tom ford makes me think too much.
I returned the keys to my first apartment in Austin today. my first apartment for which I paid my own rent. somehow I feel like I've taken two steps back. moving into a nice place, on the cliche side of town, with my sister. this year may cause me to runaway for good.
I'm having great difficulty unpacking. I finally sorted through the boxes in the kitchen, replacing my tea towels with hers. disposing of the plastic dishes I used in the dorm. for some reason I cant bring myself to make any progress in my bedroom. the space feels foreign to me, like it isnt mine yet. maybe it is because I actually have space for furniture now, but still no where to put my books. thats all I own, really. books. & clothes. & wine glasses. perhaps I find it difficult to decide on an adequate way to display my books, because they are so close to me.
I have contradictory styles. a part of me wants to have clean lines, black backdrops. sophistication with an edge. the other side of me wants color. bold screaming prints and incongruent patterns. Im afraid that my family and friends will always have too much of an influence on my presentations. because I am so close to them, in proximity as well as familiarity. Ive never really known how to be myself.
I think this will be a summer for poetry. pulling out the books I read during my last semester at Rice made me remember how good it felt. how inspiring. perhaps this will prompt me to write again. maybe even attempt publication. or at the very least, it will help me relax. unlike novels, poems allow you to take a deep breath and contemplate existence in short intervals. no need to rush on to the next page. pacing can be deliberate.
validation has been very important to me lately. in my work, particularly. I despise hearing certain friends moan about how no one understands just how hard their business is, but I dont believe anyone in my own office understands the nature of my work. the intent, the passion, the purpose. I cannot allow this summer to pass by idly. I must improve, progress, grow. my work must improve, progress, grow and I must have something to show for it come August. come May.
I believe in bed bugs these days.
I'm having great difficulty unpacking. I finally sorted through the boxes in the kitchen, replacing my tea towels with hers. disposing of the plastic dishes I used in the dorm. for some reason I cant bring myself to make any progress in my bedroom. the space feels foreign to me, like it isnt mine yet. maybe it is because I actually have space for furniture now, but still no where to put my books. thats all I own, really. books. & clothes. & wine glasses. perhaps I find it difficult to decide on an adequate way to display my books, because they are so close to me.
I have contradictory styles. a part of me wants to have clean lines, black backdrops. sophistication with an edge. the other side of me wants color. bold screaming prints and incongruent patterns. Im afraid that my family and friends will always have too much of an influence on my presentations. because I am so close to them, in proximity as well as familiarity. Ive never really known how to be myself.
I think this will be a summer for poetry. pulling out the books I read during my last semester at Rice made me remember how good it felt. how inspiring. perhaps this will prompt me to write again. maybe even attempt publication. or at the very least, it will help me relax. unlike novels, poems allow you to take a deep breath and contemplate existence in short intervals. no need to rush on to the next page. pacing can be deliberate.
validation has been very important to me lately. in my work, particularly. I despise hearing certain friends moan about how no one understands just how hard their business is, but I dont believe anyone in my own office understands the nature of my work. the intent, the passion, the purpose. I cannot allow this summer to pass by idly. I must improve, progress, grow. my work must improve, progress, grow and I must have something to show for it come August. come May.
I believe in bed bugs these days.