Unaware that I’m tearing you asunder…

Jun 27, 2005 22:40

My dreams were filled with images that I wanted to do anything to scrub them out of my memory. I wasn’t sure what made my heart hurt more, killing people or the idea of Spike and I fighting for years ( Read more... )

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theurbancowboy June 28 2005, 06:23:52 UTC
Can't say I don't love a woman who likes to take control, of course I have a feeling it's got a little more to do with that demon inside her, but hey it's really apparent i've got a thing for chicks who get turned into vampires, so what the hell ya know?

She wrapped her legs tightly around my waist and I couldn't help but smile. I don't think I'd ever wanted anyone this much in my entire life, not a goddamn one, not Darla or Eve or Shelly Christensen in high school. Not a fucking one.

"Can't exactly get your fucking pants off if you don't let me go,"

I pressed against her and she growled, low in her throat and fuck if my cock didn't jump. I groaned and unlocked her feet from behind me and quickly undid her pants, pulling them off her, along with her underwear, in one clean sweep. Her hands were less than idle, already sliding my jeans, no boxers, down my hips and gripping my cock in her cold hand.

"Fuck," I muttered, half cursing her and she grinned and pulled me forward guiding me inside. Screw foreplay and pretense she was getting right to the point.

Hey the girl knows what she wants who the hell am I to complain? I slide into her and close my eyes at how fucking good it feels. Who knew hot and cold would be so fucking good?

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sexytarawitch June 28 2005, 06:45:25 UTC
My body arched up to his and I cried out as he filled me, everything inside me nearly going into shock from the temperature difference. I craved more, more of the warmth, more of how his heart beat against my chest and it almost echoed inside the silence of mine. Everything about him I wanted, needed.

I've never felt so torn, so full of want and need followed by guilt and sadness. But I wasn't going to let that ruin this moment, how it felt and how different it was then Spike.

Not that Spike was...this was just...Lindsey was...

I don't know, I can barely speak full sentences when I'm not being fucked into the mattress let alone think them. I leaned up and kissed him hard, grinding my hips up towards him as he filled me again and again, making my body shake from head to toe. "Don't stop." I gasped against his ear, wrapping my arms around his neck and keeping him pressed against my body.

A cruel smirk crosses my lips as I pant into his ear. "Now when I said fix me...I didn't think you'd have balls enough to fuck me..." Any other words were turned into screams as he moved his hips more, thrusting hard and deep into me.

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theurbancowboy June 28 2005, 20:03:37 UTC
Stop? Like I'm going to stop? I think I'm starting to see the appeal of fucking vampires. She's got my cock in a vice grip inside her, it's cold and hot all at the same time. She's trying to goad me and I just fuck her harder, slam my hips against her bruisingly, for me at least. But fuck if I care, there wasn't anything like this in the world and I cursed Darla for never giving me a fucking taste.

"Shows what you know," I grunt in response. She's so fucking beautiful underneath me and I'd love to just chain her to my bed and never stop fucking her. Not a bad idea actually.

She flipped us over and nipped at my neck before sitting up and riding me, she pulled up and then slammed back down on my cock and I groaned, grabbing her hips and helping her along, not that she needed the help but I enjoyed the feeling of her against me. I ran my hands up her sides and cupped her breasts, pinching her nipples hard eliciting a moan.

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sexytarawitch June 28 2005, 20:12:50 UTC
"Then show me more." I challenged him before I rolled us over, pinning him to the bed. I grinned down at him as I slammed my hips into his, feeling his warm cock slam into me over and over. That along with his hands on my breasts was making my head spin. "Oh fuck you're so warm." I gasped softly, dragging my nails down his chest as I rocked on him.

I bent down and moaned, pressing my chest against his I ran my tongue over his neck, feeling his pulse against it and then against my lips when I kissed his flesh.

Part of me wondered if I could or even should bite him, but I realized I didn't want to, I didn't want to bite him or harm him in any way. He was warm and hot against my body, made me feel alive and if I bit him who knows what would happen, I didn't think I had the self control or the lack of guilt to do it and stop.

My fingers were in his hair and I moaned against his skin, kissing and nipping at his flesh as I kept rocking my hips against his. I trailed kisses over his neck and jaw till I got to his lips. "I won't bite." I murmured before kissing him hard, feeling his arms wrap around my back and press me even further into him.

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theurbancowboy June 28 2005, 21:06:09 UTC
"I'm not worried," I murmur into her lips and trail my hands down to her ass, cupping it hard and pressing her closer before sitting up, one arm firmly wrapped around her back and the other pulling her thighs around my waist.

Fuck, all most too much sensation but I'd rather it kill me than stop this, she's too beautiful, too cool to the touch and too engrained me already. I should care that she's a vampire, that she could kill me without a second thought, but I don't.

I slip my hand between our bodies and find her clit, I pinch her hard and she growls and tightens her legs around my waist. I slam my hips upwards and press against her clit, my fingers biting into her back as I hold her to me.

She claps down around me and lets out an ear piercing scream as she grinds her hips down on me.

"Fuck," I mutter haphazardly as I come hard and fast inside her.

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sexytarawitch June 28 2005, 21:16:26 UTC
I come moments before he does, hard and fast and so intense I can feel it in my toes. I grip onto him, my nails digging in his back as I feel his heart pounding against my chest.

Opening my eyes I keep rocking my hips as I watch him come, almost in awe at the look on his face as he does. "Fucking hell." I murmur softly, keeping my legs tight around him and him still deep inside me.

I run my hands over his sweat covered back and then one into his hair, bending down and kissing him firmly on the lips, stealing the air from him till I pull away and kiss down his jaw to his neck. "Is this why you stayed?" I spoke in a flat tone as I peppered kisses over his shoulder, then running my tongue over his flesh. "So you could have me, fuck me? Take what was his?"

Shaking my head I tightened my arms around him, closing my eyes and trying to stop more words from coming out of my mouth. I didn't want to think about Spike, I didn't want to think about anything right now, if I started that then things would just go badly again. But there was one thing that I had to speak, maybe it was the insecurity talking, I don't know.

"Why? Why did you really stay?"

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theurbancowboy June 28 2005, 21:35:52 UTC
I wanted to push her off me but she held on tightly. My jaw clenched hard and I just stared at her. What the fuck was her problem?

"I stayed to take what I wanted, which would be you in case you didn't get the fucking memo."

I try to push her away but her arms are firmly around me and I give up and just look into her eyes, she's beautiful and sinful and too fucked up for me to get involved with. But, the fuck, I'm already in way too deep. Fucking women.

"One day in my life and you totally fucked me up, sent me too far out of the realm of sanity for me to do anything but want you. You disappear with a fucking vampire for three weeks then show up at my door one yourself and I couldn't give a fuck, I still want you so don't even try to play any goddamn games with me."

My hands are biting into her sides now and I kiss her hard, biting her lip and she gasps, she tries to start moving against me again and I still her as best I can.

"Don't fuck around with me Tara. It's been done enough already and I'm not in the mood to pick myself up again."

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sexytarawitch June 28 2005, 21:44:35 UTC
I look down at him and lick my lips, I want to speak but I don't even know what to say anymore, everything's so messed up. I lean in and kiss him hard, feeling his heart pound against my chest and I take what little comfort I can from it before I move off of him and pull his now buttonless shirt over my shoulders.

"I shouldn't be here then, it's not fair to you. I just shouldn't have come." He gripped my arm and I couldn't stop the growl that escaped my throat as I whipped around to look at him. "I am a game Lindsey, I'm a fucking joke, can't you see that? Something that was supposed to protect us with Buffy gone ended up being part of my undoing."

I sighed and looked down, the scratches on my chest were closed now but my skin was stained with blood. My blood, now anyway, it was pigs blood at some point.

"The one person I had - thought I had - did this to me, ripped me apart and said it was for the best when it was said and done. Tells me he loves me and then I find him looking at a book that would rip my soul from my body - maybe even killing me in the process." I stopped talking finally and looked up at him, all my emotions tearing me to pieces. "That's not what you need Lindsey, you don't need me around you like this. I-I should..." I sighed and started looking around the room for dry clothes. "Maybe I should go to LA...H-he did mention...and I know he'd..." I wasn't sure what I was thinking, I just knew that I had to leave before I really screwed his life up.

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theurbancowboy September 1 2005, 20:18:53 UTC
I growled at her and stared not bothering to give a shit that I’m standing naked and she looks hot in my shirt. I would be fucked up enough to first notice what she looks like looking ravaged in my clothes as apposed to what she’s saying.

“What? You’re going to go to fucking Angel for help? He’ll kill Spike before I even get the chance, and believe me I want the fucking chance.”

I’m not stupid; I can see the feral protective look in her eyes when I say that. She might half hate him right now but she still loves him and it makes me hate him even more, makes me want to dance on his ashes.

“I’m not letting you go now, not without a fight; you can’t just walk in here fuck me and then walk away? You going to go back to him? You think he won’t be able to smell me on you? I doubt I’ll get by with just a few broken ribs this time.”

It was a low blow, a fucking low blow for me to remind her exactly what would happen if she left me and Spike found out we’d been together, but I never said I was a noble guy, in fact I’m pretty damn sure I made it clear I wasn’t.

“I don’t give two fucks about Spike, or Angel or anyone but you and me in this goddamn stinky motel room right now. I’m not a good or noble man, but I want you to stay here with me, and I can help you. So don’t run away because you’re too fucking scared to deal with what it means to stay.”

Fuck when the hell did I start getting preachy? Fucking Angel, it’s his fault, every single thing that has happened in my life since I met that bastard has been his doing, from loosing my goddamn hand (literally) to being forced to run for my life (figuratively) to hell HER being turned by his fucking progeny.

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sexytarawitch September 1 2005, 20:42:03 UTC
My eyes stung at his words and I wanted to cry and tear his heart out in the same moment. I didn't know what to feel, I wasn't even sure what a normal emotion was for me anymore. "He can't bruise a corpse Lindsey." My tone was cold and even, I didn't mean a word of it though. When it came down to it he seemed to be the only one on my side, so he became the one I could lash out on.

"So tell me Lindsey, how is it you want to help me huh? Chain me to the bed and fuck me some more? Tame the demon, bruise the girl? Been there, done that. I'm bored." I was starting to find it was easier to get angry and control it to a point. The angrier I got the easier it became to hide every other emotion running through my body.

"You think...you think I want to go back to him? After all this?" I shook my head and looked at him square in the eyes, letting his shirt fall from my shoulders. "You were too fucking busy trying to get into my pants to spite him to look at me Lindsey to notice what he did to me..." I could feel his eyes wonder over my body and it didn't turn me on, it made me sick to think of all the things Spike did to me, that I let him do to me.

"Yeah..." My voice got lower when he finally looked back up at me, my hands gripping his shirt on my arms so tight my knuckles were white. "That's just the half of it...my back..." I licked my lips and pulled the shirt up onto me again. "It's a good thing that vampires heal fast huh..."

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theurbancowboy September 4 2005, 03:54:17 UTC
Her threat should have frightened me, I knew I was treading on too thin of ice here but I wasn't. Maybe I liked the pain, maybe that's what this obbsession was all about, but it's too late to take back now.

"What you going to kill me now? I'm betting that'll be good for the soul."

If she doesn't kill me now it will be a miracle. I'm a fucking idiot but at least I'm aware of it. I have half a mind to track down Darla and see if Tara wants to play. Course, that's probably the stupidest idea I've ever had in my life.

Did I want to chain her to the bed and fuck her some more? Well the idea did have it's appeal but that's not exactly what I had in mind for helping her.

She thinks the reason I wanted in her pants was to spite Spike? Has she looked in the fucking mirror? Alright, maybe not lately but give me a fucking break if I wanted to do something to spite that fucker I'd find Angel give the guy a heads up and let him take care of his own fucking family. No I wanted her long before Spike had a shit load of demons kick my ass.

I'd noticed her body, it was kinda hard not to, I knew exactly what had happened what that bastard had done to her, it wasn't the point, she was through wasn't she? Whatever state she was in wasn't shocking. I'm not someone whose shocked easily.

"Alright. Shut the fuck up."

I walked towards her without really knowing what I'd do when I reached her, but I pushed some hair behind her ear.

"First of all the reason I wanted to fuck you had absolutely nothing to do with Spike. Second of all I'm all for another go round but that isn't the way I was planning on helping you, not that I'm even sure what to do but that's not the fucking point. I want to help you and I will if you let me. But you have to let me."

Why the hell was I so fucking calm, "Thirdly, I don't pity you Tara. I'm pissed off for you, dare I say I ache for what's been taken from you but I don't pity you and I'm not shocked by this," I run my hand over the arm of my shirt.

"Nothing really shocks me anymore. I'm not a noble guy, maybe I'm worse than all the evil things you know, but I'm standing here offering you all I have. So spit in my face and walk out, but no games, no 'oh woe is me' crap. You've been dealt a fucked up hand, now you just gotta start dealing with it."

I took a step back, "Make a choice, leave or stay."

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sexytarawitch September 4 2005, 04:21:40 UTC
He didn't get mad at me, he didn't yell and he didn't scream. Why? I wanted him to, I needed someone to lash out at and to hurt, I needed something.

I listened to what he said and stood there, images and flashes of things I craved but never could do to him ran through my mind. Part of me wanted to hurt him, make him bleed and hurt just as much as I do, but the other part knew I couldn't do that, I didn't want to. There was just something about him that I knew I needed.

"So what am I gonna do about clothes? Or do you want me to just stand here naked so you could get your rocks off?" I sighed and shook my head, running my fingers through my hair and mumbling 'Sorry.' softly. I wasn't sure how to be sweet anymore, every moment I was losing that more and more. I was losing who I was and becoming something I wasn't so sure of.

"I can't promise you anything Lindsey, least of all stability. I don't even have that in myself. I came to you...I came here...because..." I shrugged. "Guess you're all I have left. That leaves me feeling awkward but something tells me you won't lie to me or sugar coat things. I don't need that."

With slow steps I walked over to him and looked up at him, my eyes meeting his. "I don't undersand you." I murmured, stepping up on my tiptoes. "I try and try to push you away and you're still here." I kissed him softly on the lips. "That makes me believe something." I took his hand and rested against his chest. "You're just what I need."

I tilted my face up to his and kissed him softly at first, and then deepened it as I wrapped my arm around his waist. "Lindsey...please help me..."

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