this morning as i drove home i came to the realization that i am growing up. what a disappointing realization.

there is a wall in my head blocking me from being able to understand the concept of the world. not in the sense of people & personalities, but moreso along the line of where it comes from & what its purpose is. & then there is time! i can't get time either. i heard that it is constant; that what's happening now happened five minutes ago & will ( Read more... )

i got my tonsils removed & i throw up a lot from taking narcotics. today i am getting a haircut at the salon & it has been like a year since i have not cut it myself. i have some mary jane sitting in my bedroom, wasting away because i'm afraid coughing will make my throat bleed. i don't know when i am going back to work, but i do know that friday ( Read more... )

in the book the world according to garp there is a quote that goes "the world is comic to those who think, & tragic to those who feel." & it rings true. i don't handle emotions well & that is no one's fault but my own. there are few things that i care about, but the things that i do, i care too much about. & that is no one's fault but my own. there ( Read more... )

there are things in life that make you fall apart, & whatever doesn't now, with time, will at some point. i'd like to watch a video-tape of my life.

i woke up this morning to the smell of summer two thousand four in my bedroom & i have no idea where it came from. i tried to make myself fall back asleep & it didn't work. i layed out in the sun & smelt more of summertime so i came inside & laguna beach is on television all day & i might cry because i miss them all so much right now & i haven't ( Read more... )

i received my tax returns & told my father i was going to buy a record player. i came home last night with a bag full of fresh vinyl & dad walked up from the cellar with a record player in his hands. i spent the rest of the evening sitting in my room doing nothing but listening to postal service b-sides & iron and wine.

pictures from italy soon.

Step 1: Put your music player on random ( Read more... )

i pulled into the empty driveway of my grandfather's empty house. the residents currently residing in florida; as far away from their family as they can get. getting out of the car i turned to adam & commented on the feeling i had that us being there was breaking some code of ethics. we all laughed & finished unloading the trunk. fishing poles in ( Read more... )

i've lost all interest in smoking; pot, cigars, anything. i think about how much i want to drink, but when the moment arrives it seems repulsive. lately my cravings have laid in casey aylward, video games, & cleaning. regardless of the fact that i'd rather play video games than have a few drinks, i've grown up. i think the acceptance letter to ( Read more... )