I really love livejournal sometimes.
Today, could not get any worse. No, it probably could. Where has my life gone? In the past 2 weeks, I have been on the brink of losing 3 close friends. I guess my "relationship" went to hell too. All of my best friends aren't speaking to me. I just failed my math b exam. I'm on the verge of crying and I have a migraine. No one wants to talk to me. I just.. don't know where it's gone. I want to get away, I want to be in Florida. I talked to Brad last night for 2 hours, I don't think I've smiled that much since I was with Adam in April. He's a really good kid, I miss him alot. It's been way too long, I hope we hang out when I get back.
I feel like he's gonna forget about me altogether, soon. We had sexy time last night, and he tells me today he's done. That was his last round. If they start dating, I don't want things to change. I don't want everything that ever happened between us to be lost, for him to pretend it never even occurred. That I don't exist. I want to be with him this summer, I wanted it to be like April. It could have been, had she not come into the picture. Why did you have to be there? Why did he have to find you? I shouldn't blame you, but I do. He even said you weren't pretty, you were cute. Nevertheless, you're 15. And you were a whore. I don't want him with you, I don't want you with him. I want him with me. Always. :/
Since I hugged him at the square, I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. I tried taking a nap today, but thoughts of him and our relationship flooded my mind. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate on anything but him. I miss him so much. I want to be with him again, why does this always happen? I don't want this. I don't want to think of how much I fucked it up between us. I love him so much still. He was perfect, he was my everything. Of course Ally brought it up today. I wish she'd stop calling me a whore. People have done way worse shit than me, they just don't broadcast it. So why should I be labeled as a whore? Because I don't keep my shit private? Because I'm not ashamed of what I do with a guy? Fuck that. I messed up once, and you label me forever. I guess that's why they say don't fuck up your reputation, cause you'll never get it back. "Maybe if I acted like you, I'd get more guys. No, I don't want to act like a whore." How many guys do you see me getting? None. I had one, and apparently he's lost interest in me. I was faithful to him, and we weren't dating. I didn't even bother kissing anyone else. He just made me so happy. I guess that's gone.
I guess I want high school to be over, in a way. But it's given me such security that I know I'll always have a place to stay. I wish my mom would shut the fuck up, I don't want to start crying in front of her. I know I have to fuckin study. History is so easy, and I'm good at writing essays, so I don't really need to study. If this summer is going to consist of me being depressed, and crying all the time, it's over. I don't want to deal with that. What did I do so bad that I deserve this? I've been trying to be good lately. I guess that's not working out very well. The only person I can count on lately is.. well no one. I can't even count on myself. I guess Andy is a pretty good friend, he's always got high spirits. I'm glad we met. I don't really know what I would do without him sometimes.
I guess I'm gonna go "study", or just cry. I don't know yet.
I feel like he's gonna forget about me altogether, soon. We had sexy time last night, and he tells me today he's done. That was his last round. If they start dating, I don't want things to change. I don't want everything that ever happened between us to be lost, for him to pretend it never even occurred. That I don't exist. I want to be with him this summer, I wanted it to be like April. It could have been, had she not come into the picture. Why did you have to be there? Why did he have to find you? I shouldn't blame you, but I do. He even said you weren't pretty, you were cute. Nevertheless, you're 15. And you were a whore. I don't want him with you, I don't want you with him. I want him with me. Always. :/
Since I hugged him at the square, I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. I tried taking a nap today, but thoughts of him and our relationship flooded my mind. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't concentrate on anything but him. I miss him so much. I want to be with him again, why does this always happen? I don't want this. I don't want to think of how much I fucked it up between us. I love him so much still. He was perfect, he was my everything. Of course Ally brought it up today. I wish she'd stop calling me a whore. People have done way worse shit than me, they just don't broadcast it. So why should I be labeled as a whore? Because I don't keep my shit private? Because I'm not ashamed of what I do with a guy? Fuck that. I messed up once, and you label me forever. I guess that's why they say don't fuck up your reputation, cause you'll never get it back. "Maybe if I acted like you, I'd get more guys. No, I don't want to act like a whore." How many guys do you see me getting? None. I had one, and apparently he's lost interest in me. I was faithful to him, and we weren't dating. I didn't even bother kissing anyone else. He just made me so happy. I guess that's gone.
I guess I want high school to be over, in a way. But it's given me such security that I know I'll always have a place to stay. I wish my mom would shut the fuck up, I don't want to start crying in front of her. I know I have to fuckin study. History is so easy, and I'm good at writing essays, so I don't really need to study. If this summer is going to consist of me being depressed, and crying all the time, it's over. I don't want to deal with that. What did I do so bad that I deserve this? I've been trying to be good lately. I guess that's not working out very well. The only person I can count on lately is.. well no one. I can't even count on myself. I guess Andy is a pretty good friend, he's always got high spirits. I'm glad we met. I don't really know what I would do without him sometimes.
I guess I'm gonna go "study", or just cry. I don't know yet.