On Being Heavy
I suppose I've grown complacent and too used to my cow like size. At 5' 6 and 175 pounds, I'm not a small woman.To tell you the truth, none of the adjectives used to describe anything about my physical appearance would involve any word that means anything close to small.
In fact, I am the fattest I've ever been in my entire life. I'm unhappy about it and growing consistently unhappier.
I know I should do something about it, but its hard. For a long time I struggled with anorexia, because when I was in middle school I used to eat my emotions. I realized that this was terrible and I guess I stopped eating altogether.
I lost 30 pounds. My senior year of high school I weighed about 139 pounds.
Then I went to college and while my eating habits improved, I still maintained my weight. Until I got depressed in January, I stopped moving and started eating again.
I've gained 36 pounds. In 6 months I ruined everything that I worked for over those 4 years.
Worse, is that people have noticed.
Even worse, my boyfriend has noticed the progression and has talked to me about it.
I feel embarrassed, ugly and just utterly repulsive in nearly every way. I know that I have to do something about this, I just don't know what I am going to do.
In fact, I am the fattest I've ever been in my entire life. I'm unhappy about it and growing consistently unhappier.
I know I should do something about it, but its hard. For a long time I struggled with anorexia, because when I was in middle school I used to eat my emotions. I realized that this was terrible and I guess I stopped eating altogether.
I lost 30 pounds. My senior year of high school I weighed about 139 pounds.
Then I went to college and while my eating habits improved, I still maintained my weight. Until I got depressed in January, I stopped moving and started eating again.
I've gained 36 pounds. In 6 months I ruined everything that I worked for over those 4 years.
Worse, is that people have noticed.
Even worse, my boyfriend has noticed the progression and has talked to me about it.
I feel embarrassed, ugly and just utterly repulsive in nearly every way. I know that I have to do something about this, I just don't know what I am going to do.