Sometimes i just wish...
Jerry and jerry go for a drive
Hey, kid? You there?
Yeah?! How you feeling today?
"Ok" Just "Ok" "Ok" is good enough for me. C'mon! Let's Go!
Get in the car
Don't worry, it's not cold out, actually you would agree--it's quite nice
Windows down. Remamber the rules?
Of course you do!
How old are you today? Twenty-two?
No? Ten?
No? What is it?
Six?
Six it is then.
What's been keeping you locked up in there? Up in there-- up
inside that place no one ever sees?
I haven't seen you in a while, man. You all right?
I know it's snowing out.
Don't worry though. It's warm, i swear.
You see? Not so bad, right?
No we won't drive so fast. But you have to remember the rules.
Yeah, heh, I still smoke, funny we both smoke still. Thought we
were gna quit years ago.
So what's up?
What's going on with your head little guy?
Broken bones? Can't sleep? Bad stomach again? What is it? Are
the manta rays in your pool?
Ah, I see. Well, thats a little more complicated.
Look, once time is initiated--
i mean once it really starts, you can't stop it.
Not only can 't you stopit, but it goes really fast.
Oh shiii--... Hold on, here comes a turn!
Sorry, I forgot about that turn. Always sneaks up on me.
Hey, but it's beautiful out huh? Snowing like hell but it's sunny
and it's gotta be like seventy-five
degrees!
Right, right. Back to time. Well she's leaving you.
There's just about nothing you can do about it. You watched this happen before.
She has nothing left to tell you. She's tireed of explaining. You're
exhausting her.
She's not your's! Never was. She really did a number on us, Jer.
I know. I know. I'm dying about it too! It's not your fault. But what are you gonna do?
Tell her "no"? Ask her to come back? You definately can't stop her.
You can't stop time and she needs to go. Everyone needs to go.
Let's go to the comic book store-- that makes you feel better, right?
No? last time i checked--we loved comics when we were six, huh? No?
I know, little man. it's gonna hurt forever. Remember, I know.
I know you. You know me. have a smoke.
Pop in you favorite record, Jer. C'mon. One that you love.
You don't remember what you love?
That's the problem, man.
I can't, until you can.
I miss you, Jerry Jones.
~Jerry Jones of Trophy Scars
Sometimes, kinda like now i feel like that. i wish i could go back and talk to myself at 14 when i decidedi wanted to be in my first real relationship, when i was 16 and decided to stay in it, when i was 17 and decided to go to a College close to home, when i was 12 and decided to jump over that pit of fire, when i was... last month when i decided to take that hit at Winnepisake, When i was 12 and decided to dumb my first girlfriend over the phone... through her friend... when i was 5 and decided to kiss sarah under the slide, when i was 3 and pushed my aunt into the pool. over the last few years when i wanted to hang out with my friends and 4 years later was brought to tears by how much of jimmy maegan and peter's lives i have missed. This past year when i have drank myself into a coma for a whole semester's worth of weekends. In 4 years when i apply for a job with the Concord PD, or in 15 years when i apply at the FBI. Or maybe in 10 when i get shot in the line of duty, never to see my family again. or as simple as right now, when i decided to stay up til 3 in the morning reading poems making myself think.
The point is, everyone wishes they had maybe done things differently, or even if they don't wna go back and change it, they are curious about what may have happened if they acted differently. You are plagued by choices every single day of your life. and most of these choices have to be made instantaniously. YOu dont have hours or days to mull over whether you take 1A or 95 home. you pull up to the right turn and say yes or no. do i spend an extra 10 minutes in a car with my best friend or girlfriend or mother or sister and enjoy what could be the best or worst scenic route drive of your life, or do you pull merge with traffic and let the open window and the screaming wind do all the talking? Simple things like that.
I guess the only way to live your life is by asking yourself this question. If i was ever in the situation jerry was in, and i found myself looking at and speaking to the person i am now, as a version of myself in 10 or twenty years, what would i be like? what advice would i want to have given myself? Granted this decision you make may alter who you will be, and what your opinions may be in the future. so it isn't a perfect science. but how else do you make a decision. IS this fun? will it make me millions of dollars? will it make me happy now? will it kill me? will i have gained anything later? does it matter if i gain anything later?
I guess choices just have to be made. and maybe someday you will see yourself sitting on the side of the road, in the form of your own child and you can tell him all the things you wish you had been able to tell yourself when you were in their position. maybe they will listen to you, or maybe they will make the same mistake you did, and hopefully not worse. but giving advice to save someone else is the best thing you can hope to do with your gained knowledge.
I see a lot in children, i see hope, innocence, happiness. I hope to God they are naive enough to blind themselves from the growing stupidity of man until they are old enough to know how to fix it. because at 18 years old i am still not old enough nor wise enough to save the human race, yet every time i walk outside, turn on the TV, or look into the eyes of another soulless careless person, a part of me dies inside. And too many children start dying inside way too young...