a glance into the future, a stare into the past
So im sitting here, (not) studying justice studies for tomorrow realizing i have an exam in less than 9 hours which i feel fairly confident on. Tonight is my last night as a freshman at the University of New Hampshire. its sad in a way, scary in others, overwhelming, and soothing. I haven't developed a myriad of close friends that i have cried over because i wont see them for 3 months. Actually two of the people i feel the closest to i met within the last month of school and have spent the last week with almost every day. it's funny how things work out like that. I haven't i involved myself in a group that i will feel lost without over the summer. i dont even have a routine that is going to get screwed up because im leaving. its kinda just a mind fuck. im 18 years old, and i am finished with one of the most defining years of my life. its over. i have flown through my freshman year of college with restrictions and freedoms like i have never felt before, both of which i sometimes wish i did not have. i feel old but but still so young and i feel them both bouncing off each other. so far ahead in life, BUT I'M 18! I've been in two real relationships, both were long distance for a period of time, this one more than half of the time. I've met "the one" twice, maybe more times and havent realized or reacted.
But while on the topic of relationships: i will finally have her all to myself, as of 1 o'clock 2moro i will not be in a long distance relationship anymore. I will have her by my side whenever i need a hug, and even when i dont. that's good and bad i suppose. im overwhelmed with joy that the stress and distance are gone, but with those also goes the freedom. not just because shell be closer to me, but because i will be back under my parents roof. no more long walks to and from fairchild, williamson, gables at 2 in the morning. no more swearing, no more walking around in my boxers. no more friends a door away. im slave to the will of TWO sets of parents. and i will have her with me most of the time. not that i do much when she isnt here that i can't do when she is.. i dont know how to explain it.
But i will be home, away from the pressure of class and homework and diving into the stress of a 50hr/week job and money problems, cuz god knows my mom will be on my ass about that all summer. as will cori, but on a nicer more helpful scale. even still i hate being told what to do. thats the main thing. i need to get over it.
Chris left wednesday and that was my first taste of my life up here dissolving away slowly. I havent had band practice in weeks but hopefully that will carry over into the summer. Kevin will be in NH all summer so i wont see him. I just left dana and kristin's room and as much as i really dont know them very well, it was weird to think i won't see them for 3 months. maybe ill see Kristin on my way down to see chris in a few weekends.... now im just rambling.
Life these days hasn't been simple. Love, school, nostalgia, depression (not mine), moving, movie nights, booze nights, trivial pursuit with CM in the AM, papers, russian, jobs, jobs, jobs, crushes, long weekends, traveling, concerts, new faces, old faces, my own face, prom. they all contribute to the chaos. I thrive on chaos, the good kind, the productive kind. not the other kind. i love my hectic and scattered life style. but i guess ill have to bid adieu to it for a few months. UNH ill miss you, and all of you that have been good to me during my stay. Walpole, our love hate relationship will continue for a while longer.
PS. thank you girls for the awesome goodbye, and all ur support!
But while on the topic of relationships: i will finally have her all to myself, as of 1 o'clock 2moro i will not be in a long distance relationship anymore. I will have her by my side whenever i need a hug, and even when i dont. that's good and bad i suppose. im overwhelmed with joy that the stress and distance are gone, but with those also goes the freedom. not just because shell be closer to me, but because i will be back under my parents roof. no more long walks to and from fairchild, williamson, gables at 2 in the morning. no more swearing, no more walking around in my boxers. no more friends a door away. im slave to the will of TWO sets of parents. and i will have her with me most of the time. not that i do much when she isnt here that i can't do when she is.. i dont know how to explain it.
But i will be home, away from the pressure of class and homework and diving into the stress of a 50hr/week job and money problems, cuz god knows my mom will be on my ass about that all summer. as will cori, but on a nicer more helpful scale. even still i hate being told what to do. thats the main thing. i need to get over it.
Chris left wednesday and that was my first taste of my life up here dissolving away slowly. I havent had band practice in weeks but hopefully that will carry over into the summer. Kevin will be in NH all summer so i wont see him. I just left dana and kristin's room and as much as i really dont know them very well, it was weird to think i won't see them for 3 months. maybe ill see Kristin on my way down to see chris in a few weekends.... now im just rambling.
Life these days hasn't been simple. Love, school, nostalgia, depression (not mine), moving, movie nights, booze nights, trivial pursuit with CM in the AM, papers, russian, jobs, jobs, jobs, crushes, long weekends, traveling, concerts, new faces, old faces, my own face, prom. they all contribute to the chaos. I thrive on chaos, the good kind, the productive kind. not the other kind. i love my hectic and scattered life style. but i guess ill have to bid adieu to it for a few months. UNH ill miss you, and all of you that have been good to me during my stay. Walpole, our love hate relationship will continue for a while longer.
PS. thank you girls for the awesome goodbye, and all ur support!