Prompt 30: Never Look Back -- Because Once, We Were Close -- Part 2

[principessar]

           He smiles, then frowns, realizing that his joke was not in the best of taste. I return his smile, though, not offended in the least. “It’s for Kikre,” I tell him.

He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about Kikre. She’s not worth your time.”

It’s incredible how he thinks his joke might be offensive but doesn’t stop to

Comments

[fated_bliss]

Wow. I love your writing style. I can feel Karrah's bitterness and a tinge of wistfulness laced through the entire piece, and it's very effective because now I really want to know how the discord was sowed between the two sisters. It's an interesting touch that this has never been explicitly mentioned by Karrah.

And finally, I think it's neat how although the main theme involves the two sisters, there is only one small scene between them in the present. I like how you use other 'indirect' characters to show their relationship and to convey Karrah's feelings. =)

[principessar]

Thank you! Really, from the time they knew each other they didn't get along -- they met at the age of sixteen and there was jealousy and discomfort from the start, though Kikre behaved worse from the get-go Karrah retaliated and, though in this story it is Kikre being cruel outwardly Karrah has said some pretty awful things too.

I'm glad you like it! :)

[herbeautifullie]

Oh my goodness, I loved it! The creativity behind it is just mind-boggling and I love the names you used. This was honestly like nothing i'd ever read. I've been sitting here, finished, for the last 5 minutes and have yet to grasp it all in my mind.

It was wonderfully written, thank you for sharing! =]

[principessar]

Aww, thank you so much! I'm so glad you liked it! I came up with the names a long time ago... I don't really remember what inspired me for them. This piece, though, I'd begun, written the first few paragraphs, really, and strangely enough didn't finish it until I found it again and I think changed its direction and, well, got it done :) Anyway, I'm so glad you liked it, thank you for commenting :)

[black_saturniid]

It got a little confusing for me at times, but that's probably because it's 7:00 pm and I've had no coffee. [There is no place called Assera. Therefore, it is an invented place. Nice.] You might want to work on... I dunno, it's not really FLOW but... um. The way you talk about the revolution and things. Some people might get confused.

Like the poor ones who have no coffee and want to sleeeeeep.

Otherwise, I LOVE your description and your dialogue. The relationship between Etin and Karrah is absolutely TANGIBLE -- perfect -- and I think Atenin was extremely well portrayed as well.

:) Well done!
-Shona

[principessar]

Yeah, sorry, LOL. It can be confusing but I don't want to clutter up narrative with the basics 0.0 I can explain if you want 0.0 but yeah I can see how it can be confusing. This stuff floats around in my head for so long that I don't remember that maybe I made it up and should explain? LOL

[black_saturniid]

Alternate historical fiction works. ^^

All right. I've got it now. [I also have the coffee. With whipped cream. Buaha.] I know Russia. Yeah. History's one of my obsessions, but I could have made the same connection with the French Revolution. [with the story, I mean. Without your info. Ugh. You get me, I'm sure.]

I'm in Puerto Rico. ^^ And my clock was wrong. It's 6:30 pm. :S My brain is on crack and my inner clock decided to hit up the meth guy on the corner. *shakes head*

-Shona

[principessar]

Hehe, cool. I never do know what to call these things. Some people are apt to say fantasy but I hold that it's not fantasy if it doesn't involve magic or magical creatures and all of my stuff could happen in the real world, I think anyhow... :P

Yay for coffee! And getting it :P I love history, 20th century in particular but really all history. Considering Assera Russia does solve some of the anachronism problems, because in Russia you can have feudalism (even though serfdom ended before the revolution by a while...) and 20th-century style revolution going on at the same time. My date in my head for this is 1630 or '40 something, but I'm like ... yeah, uh, no. Notice I didn't put the date on the story :P

Ahhh, Puerto Rico :) Are you on the same time zone as like, New York, or Halifax? (Do you know?) 6 to eleven -- let's see -- I think you're on the same time zone as Halifax but I don't know :P

[elsiey]

Nice~ Haha, I feel like this story is part of a bigger story... Like, there's all this betrayal and revolution and stuff going on and we only get to see a small part of what's happening between these two fictional nations. XD It's cool~ It actually made me want to check if you wrote another story in this universe but when I think about it, it doesn't seem likely~ If you ever write another story in this universe, please do tell me. XD I'll gladly read and perhaps even comment if I remember. (Yeah, horrible with commenting on stuff. ToT)

Well, overall, I had a great time reading your work. My mind often got sidetracked with thoughts of what might have happened in the revolution and all those 'whys' that can't be answered in a single short story. ^^; This story sparks the imagination, for sure. XD Well, on my part, anyhow.

[principessar]

Haha, thanks! It is part of a larger story but not one I usually write in -- I posted two things in this universe a long, long time ago and I don't know how good they are but I can pass the links if you like. All of my shorts are part of something bigger but I can't really try to write anything in a linear fashion that a novel would require. :P

Thanks for reading and commenting! I do post here often enough in other stories, so maybe you'll like them too. :)

[fleurette]

Very nice...made me cry, actually -- Karrah and Etin's catharsis. Lovely, lovely!