Thoughts
So, this week I've been on Spring Break and to be honest, it hasn't felt like much of a break. I have 2 tests this week when we go back to school, and to be honest, I can't bring myself to study. One of the tests is Microbiology, and to be perfectly honest, that class scares the shit out of me. I will not fail another test. I cannot fail another test. May 8th I'm gonna walk across that stage with my fucking Associates Degree, even if it kills me. On top of that class, my 2 nursing classes have gotten a lot harder this semester, and on clinical we've started giving medications. On the upside, I gave my first injection last week, which was pretty cool. On the down side, one of my patient's last week was kinda difficult. We had to move him from the chair to the bed and he wasn't exactly helping us, and I had never moved a patient before, so I didn't really know what to do. Mrs. Crawley basically called me(and Hannah) useless in front of our clinical group in post-clinical conference. That on top of the fact that I was already feeling like I was going to crack, just made me feel worse. So last week just kinda sucked. This week too for that matter.
I don't know why I'm constantly feeling this way, I'm trying so hard not to let everything get to me, but I honestly feel like I'm drowning, and there's nobody to pull me back. I also started an EMT class that's every Saturday. I love it so far, because I've wanted to do EMS for so long. One thing that I hate is that so many people(my teachers, my mom) are questioning why I'm doing it. I hate that they don't want or try to understand. Yeah, EMS isn't easy, but neither is nursing. I don't hear anyone questioning me about that. My mom basically doesn't even support the fact that I am taking this class. My stepfather doesn't either, but as far as I'm concerned, he can kiss my ass. I don't give a damn what he thinks. I just hate that nobody really stands behind me. Even with nursing, one day at work last week, my assistant manager Tammy was teasing me about giving meds. I told her I had given my first injection. She was joking and was like "is the patient still alive?" I know she was teasing, but that seriously hurt. I take this seriously, something like giving meds as a freshman is a big deal. My mom was asking when we learned how to do IV's and I told her next year. I asked her if she would trust me to do one on her and give her a shot(she hates needles). She came straight out and said she wouldn't even trust me to do it. Talk about kicking me when I'm down. Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I'm not. Like I said, this is serious to me, I've worked too long and too hard to get here, but damn, I wish it was easier sometimes.
Anyways, tomorrow is my second EMT class, so I gotta be up early to drive to Bedford. Catch y'all later.
Jess
I don't know why I'm constantly feeling this way, I'm trying so hard not to let everything get to me, but I honestly feel like I'm drowning, and there's nobody to pull me back. I also started an EMT class that's every Saturday. I love it so far, because I've wanted to do EMS for so long. One thing that I hate is that so many people(my teachers, my mom) are questioning why I'm doing it. I hate that they don't want or try to understand. Yeah, EMS isn't easy, but neither is nursing. I don't hear anyone questioning me about that. My mom basically doesn't even support the fact that I am taking this class. My stepfather doesn't either, but as far as I'm concerned, he can kiss my ass. I don't give a damn what he thinks. I just hate that nobody really stands behind me. Even with nursing, one day at work last week, my assistant manager Tammy was teasing me about giving meds. I told her I had given my first injection. She was joking and was like "is the patient still alive?" I know she was teasing, but that seriously hurt. I take this seriously, something like giving meds as a freshman is a big deal. My mom was asking when we learned how to do IV's and I told her next year. I asked her if she would trust me to do one on her and give her a shot(she hates needles). She came straight out and said she wouldn't even trust me to do it. Talk about kicking me when I'm down. Maybe I'm overreacting, maybe I'm not. Like I said, this is serious to me, I've worked too long and too hard to get here, but damn, I wish it was easier sometimes.
Anyways, tomorrow is my second EMT class, so I gotta be up early to drive to Bedford. Catch y'all later.
Jess