SVK Super Special #4: Save The Turkey!
It's quite pixelated, but you can get the gist. The twins are both looking horrified, and I can only assume that the one on the right is Jessica because she's wearing pink (and incidentally, at age seven, both of the girls apparently have barrettes that match every outfit of theirs, including what I think are their pyjamas - however, it's also much more forgivable, age seven). While at first I thought the twins' faces were identical, on further inspection I increasingly realise that Jessica's mouth is shaped sort of funny.
Furthermore, looking at the background, there seems to be an awful lot of billowing smoke, and what I think it is a mantelpiece with a kettle on it. I can only assume that this means that Casa de Wakefield is on fire, and this is why the twins look so horrified, not because of their turkey friend.
The cover, like the last SVK book I recapped, promises 'fun activities' inside. Being a super special, there's a word search, a maze and a trivia section/word puzzle. Someone (I got this book second hand) filled out the trivia questions inexpertly and declared that the President lives at 1600 "Peniyvala' Avenue. I'm not sure which is worse, the declaration of the President's address so horrendously misspelt, or the fact that the President's address actually comes up in a Sweet Valley book.
But anyway - to the actual book!
Chapter 1
Page one gives us 'blue-green eyes and long blond hair with bangs'. In fact, the first four pages are introduction to the characters, telling us that Jessica likes school for 'recess and lunch', while Elizabeth likes everything about school, 'even homework'. Apparently Jessica doesn't like horses, because they smell, while Amy and Elizabeth ride horses together and Todd and Elizabeth play on the same soccer team.
There's an almost sweet moment where Jessica declares that she's going to grow up to be an actress or singer when she grows up, or maybe a princess. Sorry Jess, that's Elizabeth... for a very loose value of 'princess'.
Also, negative points for continuity, ghostwriters: in this book, Jessica plays piano, whereas in Little Drummer Girls, she has no musical ability or experience except mysterious recorder talents. (This one is set before that one, but I had to observe that fact.)
Anyway, all that aside, the ghostwriter gets to the actual point - Thanksgiving! Jessica likes Thanksgiving because she gets to wear her prettiest clothes and everyone loves all the delicious food.
However, Ned declares, this year we're not having a turkey! He's making his 'famous' zucchini lasagna!
Jessica whines and wails, and begs Elizabeth and Steven to back her up on this, that they have to have turkey. Elizabeth just eats her cherry tomatoes, and Steven just shrugs and tells her that there's 'no law that says you have to eat turkey'. Alice tries to tell her that change is a good thing, and that she loves lasagna.
Nuh-uh. Jessica only loves turkey on Thanksgiving.
Can anyone else see where this is going, yet?
Chapter 2
Elizabeth and Jessica are playing in the pool. When Ned gets home from work, he just dives in with them and they play until they get cold.
Incidentally, the illustration here clearly shows an above-ground pool. I don't know if this directly contradicts anything in other books, but I'm convinced it contradicts the pool-pushes into the Wakefield pool. You can't push someone into an above-ground pool.
When they get out, Alice asks Ned about work, and he declares that 'something exciting' happened, and launches into this story about a client of his, Mr. Kiebel. Jessica offers the aside here that, "Clients are the people who come to Dad for help. Dad is a lawyer. That means he knows lots of stuff about the law." Does he, Jess? Does he?
Apparently, Mr. Kiebel is a farmer who grows tomatoes near a river. However, the river had flooded in a rainstorm that lasted 'for a whole week'. (It rains in Sweet Valley?) All of his tomato plants died. Elizabeth feels the need to interject, "Poor plants." at this point. Oh, Liz.
Now, personally, I have to wonder what kind of exciting part this is building up to, but Jessica declares that she is 'very interested' in Mr. Kiebel's tomatoes and demands to know what insurance is. So, Ned gives us a page long description of insurance in very small words. However, unfortunately for Mr. Kiebel, the insurance company refused to pay out, and so Kiebel went to Ned. He received his money today!
I have to stop here and ask. What kind of law does Ned practice? I'm sure we've covered this a lot of times, but seriously. This is quite different from anything I recall him doing before. Why is he suddenly working in insurance?
Well, since he got Kiebel his money, Elizabeth declares him a hero. Ned's big, exciting news is still to come, however - Mr. Kiebel and his wife and daughter are coming for Thanksgiving with the Wakefields! Jessica is bored of the story, now. She wants to go have a tea party on the bottom of the pool.
But hold on a second, Jessica - the big news is still to come! They're providing a turkey from their farm!
Wait, I thought he was a tomato farmer?
Oh, well. Hurrah, the Wakefields won't have to eat zucchini lasagna!
Chapter 3
But, it's only chapter three, so the story can't possibly end there. When the twins get home from school on Friday, Alice is arguing with a delivery man. He's wearing dirty overalls, so we know he's no good from the start.
The delivery man apparently has a crate that Alice doesn't want. However, he has to leave it here, because he has her name on the delivery form - "Mrs. Wakefield." After a moment of looking at his form, he asks, "This is Sweet Valley, right?"
Ah, that explains the dirty overalls. He's an out-of-towner. Burn him!
Anyway, Alice refuses to answer when Steven asks what's going on, and though she eventually signs the form, she yells at her kids not to open the crate outside, and pleads with the delivery man for mercy to tell her what turkeys eat.
Wait, what?
Apparently Alice was "very upset" and "just stood there watching the truck disappear". It occurs to me at this point that she actually wasn't all that upset about the mystery crate, but just wanted to spend some more time with the dirty out-of-towner.
Eventually, Steven tries to carry the crate into the backyard, but it's too heavy for him, so Alice does it instead.
Once in the backyard, they open up the crate, and look - it's a turkey! From the description given by Jessica ("The bird's feathers were different shades of red and black and brown. He had a tail shaped like a fan. He was about the same height as me, but his head was much smaller."), I can't really tell what kind of turkey he is, and I'm far from an expert in that area, but... if he's that big, how is Alice able to pick him up so easily and carry him into the backyard? Is she a weight-lifter? Or are turkeys just deceptively light?
Apparently none of the kids have ever seen a turkey before (in fairness, I haven't either, but at least I've seen pictures) because none of them believe it's a turkey. Alice, Jessica and Elizabeth all very quickly declare that they're not going to eat this turkey, because he's 'beautiful'. Steven says nothing until the turkey walks up and stares at him, at which point he very quickly declares that he's not going to eat him either. (Turkey 1, Steven 0.)
When Ned gets home, Alice leads him out to see the turkey, and he simply declares, "He's a beauty, isn't he?" and states, in no uncertain terms, that they'll have him for dinner.
Jessica and Elizabeth claim that they can't, while Steven declares this to be 'gross'. However, Ned states that they have no choice, because if they didn't, Mr. Kiebel would be insulted. Steven suggests they buy a different turkey from the grocery store, but Ned dismisses that as 'dishonest'.
Chapter 4
Chapter 4 opens with Lila and Amy coming over to 'play'. Now, in the days when Amy was still a tomboy and not a boyfriend-stealing cheerleader bitch, I can't really imagine that Lila would have been too keen about coming over to play with Jessica at the same time as Amy was around.
Either way, that's not the most important part. Elizabeth announces to the two of them, "We got a new pet!"
Um, Liz? I don't know if you read the whole of Chapter 3, but just in case you didn't, let me recap the important part for you. You're going to eat him. He's not a pet.
There's a quick little bit of exposition about how they don't have a cat because they make Ned sneeze, and that they don't have a dog because Jessica is afraid of them (so plus two for continuity, ghostie). However, Jessica also claims to 'like' Tinkerbell and Thumbelina, and I'm fairly sure that it was her not liking them that ended with their being two of them. Maybe she's had a change of heart that I don't recall, though, so you can keep those two points. Probationally.
Elizabeth tries to make Amy and Lila guess what kind of pet it is, giving them the hints that it's heavier than a cat, taller than a dog and doesn't have any fur. Eventually, Lila gets tired of guessing, so Jessica spills that it's a bird.
Lila doesn't believe that there's any such thing as a bird taller than a dog (really, Lila? Really?) and makes them show her.
In the backyard, the turkey is 'slowly walking along the fence'.
"Ooo, a peacock," Lila breathed.
I'm so sorry, Lila-fans, but Lila is hopelessly dim in this book. I think the ghostwriters confused Ellen and Lila to some extent.
Amy asks for the turkey's name, and they admit it doesn't have one. Jessica suggests Penelope, because 'that's a name fit for a princess', but Elizabeth and Lila disagree; this turkey is clearly a boy.
Why? Because it has black, brown and bronze feathers, which are 'boy colours'. I have no idea if that's actually true of turkeys, or if this is some assumption on the basis that the characters in question are seven year old girls.
"Then how about Charles? Prince are always named Charles," suggests Jessica, foreign diplomat extraordinaire.
"He's not a prince," Elizabeth points out. "He's just a turkey."
Eventually, they decide on Tom. A few minutes later, they decide to play dress-up with him.
Really, girls? If it's not bad enough that you're showing him off as a pet when you're going to eat him for Thanksgiving, now you're torturing him as well.
Alright. So eventually, poor Tom ends up wearing a doll hat on his tiny turkey head, a scarf around his neck, a halloween cape and a big bow on his tail. In his head, he is plotting the deaths of every one of these girls.
Apparently, this just isn't bad enough for poor ol' Tom, so they decide to go to Ellen's house and borrow her dog's halter collar so they can take Tom for a walk. So, they do. They walk down to the park, picking up other people to join their absurd little parade along the way, and then stand around and talk to their friends.
Eva Simpson says he has 'pretty feathers', while Lois Waller claims he has 'sensitive eyes'. Yes, Lois. That's his shame.
It's not until Todd gets to the crux of the issue with, "Are you going to keep him forever?" that Jessica finally admits that the plan is to eat him for Thanksgiving dinner.
She says that at this point, Tom is pecking around for insects, but personally I think he's just too ashamed to look anyone in the face while wearing a bow and a doll hat.
Todd declares that they've got to save him. Oh, Todd. You sure do love the animal kingdom.
Chapter 5
They have apparently concocted a cunning plan to save Tom the Turkey. Chapter five begins with Elizabeth reassuring Jessica that she's a 'terrific actress'.
Then Elizabeth runs downstairs and yells out, "Mommy, come quick! Jessica's sick. I think she just threw up!"
Alice hurries to the bathroom to find out if Jess is okay. She claims that she's felt sick ever since lunch and that it must have been something she ate; she left her normal lunch on the bus, so she shared Lila's potato chips and turkey sandwich.
Oh no! Jess must be allergic to turkey! (Just like how Steven and Ned are allergic to cats, the ghostwriter points out. Now I just think you're trying to show off which books you remember, Molly Mia Stewart.)
This scene leads to all three of them dancing around in the kitchen because this means they can't eat Tom for Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, Ned comes in and points out the obvious flaw in this: one, Jessica is dancing around the kitchen, so she mustn't be very sick and two, even if turkey did make her sick, that doesn't preclude everyone else having turkey.
Chapter 6
At only three days until Thanksgiving, they're running out of time to plan ways to save Tom. As the twins are sitting around, playing a board game and trying to think of ways to save Tom, the phone rings. Ned's watching TV, so Jessica answers. It's Mr. Kiebel!
Ned comes to the phone and talks to him. "You want to take him back?" Ned asks, surprised. Jessica and Elizabeth get excited, but Ned reassures Mr. Kiebel that they love the turkey and are perfectly willing to keep him. When he gets off the phone, he tells them that Mr. Kiebel was worried that they wouldn't appreciate the gesture and would be willing to take the turkey back if they didn't want to eat him.
Jess keeps shouting and making noise while Ned's on the phone, so he tells her to shush. "Geez!" she thinks in response. "No one appreciates me!" Maybe if you shut up while they were on the phone, Jess...
Although the twins complain that this would be the perfect out for them, Ned tells them that they have to eat the turkey because it's important for him to be on good terms with his client. He also tells them that Tom the turkey is no different from supermarket turkey, and Mr. Kiebel being a farmer doesn't see anything strange or gross about raising a turkey just to eat him.
Then he tells them he's sorry they're so attached to Tom, and goes back into the den to watch TV. Nice work, Ned.
Chapter 7
The next day after school, Steven calls the twins over to get them to sit with him on the bus. This is weird in and of itself, but they join him, because he says it's important. He's come up with a clever way to save Tom!
Every year at Thanksgiving, the President rescues a turkey. All they have to do is write a letter to the President and ask him to save Tom.
Jessica is slow to catch on. She doesn't understand what President Steven is talking about, and then says that they don't know him, so they can't possibly ask him to save their turkey. Oh, Jess.
When they get home, he invites them into his room, in contravention of the sign on it that reads 'NO GIRLS ALLOWED'. This proves that the venture to save Tom is Serious Business. He teases them a little bit about not being able to write neatly enough for the President to read, but they eventually get down to business. The final letter reads as follows:
Dear President of the United States of America,
Hi! How are you?
We are not so good. We are sad about our friend Tom. He is a turkey. Our dad wants to eat him for Thanksgiving dinner.
Please help us save Tom! He is really very nice. You could give him a turkey pardon.
Thank you so much!
I'm sorry. This is, hands-down, the most absurd part of the book. Even more absurd than Lila confusing a turkey and a peacock (well... at least equally absurd). I can't imagine why anyone thought this was a good idea.
But alright. Jessica and Steven argue about who gets to sign their name first, and Elizabeth yells at her. Jessica's words on the subject were, "Geez! She is so touchy sometimes." Well, Jess, maybe you shouldn't have been arguing like such a nitwit.
Why does Jessica keep thinking "Geez!", anyway? Is this some kind of seven year old vernacular I'm not familiar with? I thought only mildly disgruntled fathers in dom-coms said 'Geez'.
Anyway, so it turns out that they don't know the President's address, but they figure the guy at the Post Office must know it. As it turns out, he doesn't, but he can find it for them. The address is apparently 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington. Not, surprisingly enough, 1600 'Peniyvala' Avenue. Sorry, kid.
He asks them why they're writing to the President, so they launch into the whole story about Tom and the turkey pardon. The clerk just frowns at them and points out that Thanksgiving is in two days time; this means that the letter doesn't have a hope of getting to the President before Thanksgiving.
Finally, a sensible person in this story!
Chapter 8
Over lunch the next day, everyone tries to think up different ways that they could save Tom. Lila suggests that he should run away and join the circus, but Jessica claims he's not smart enough to learn any circus tricks. Andy suggests they convince him that he's a robin so he'll migrate.
I don't know who Andy is, but I can't tell if I love him or hate him.
Todd suggests giving Tom to a zoo, but Elizabeth (sensibly) points out that people don't go to zoos to look at turkeys.
Finally, they decide on a cunning plan - make sure the Kiebels don't come over for Thanksgiving dinner! That way they don't have to tell them what happened to Tom.
In a way, that makes a lot of sense (or, at least, it makes about ten times as much sense as asking the President to save him).
They toss the idea around, but then they decide on an even better idea - get themselves invited somewhere for Thanksgiving! After all, if they're not home, they can't have guests over!
Yes. That's much more likely to keep Ned on good terms with the Kiebels than giving back their turkey would. What a cunning plan you have there.
When they get home, Alice is in the backyard reading a book and snuggling with Tom. I'm not even kidding. Tom is snuggled up to her 'just like a cat' as she reads. What a soft touch Alice must be.
The twins get permission to call Aunt Helen, who Jessica notes is actually their great-aunt, but who they refer to as Aunt Helen anyway. I recall Aunt Helen appearing in other books, so I'll give you a point for continuity here, too, ghostwriter. They tell Alice that they just want to call her to wish her a happy Thanksgiving, and they get permission.
They blurt out the whole story about Tom to Aunt Helen, but no dice - Aunt Helen was actually just about to leave for the airport, because she's going to New York this year for Thanksgiving, but she assures them that she's sure that they'll think of something. I'm actually just surprised that Aunt Helen even gave some thought to the idea that this plan was a good one.
Jessica's not so sure. Aunt Helen was their last chance! And tomorrow is Thanksgiving! They're out of chances now!
Chapter 9
Jessica can't sleep, knowing that she's failed Tom and that the upcoming day is Thanksgiving. Partway through the night, Elizabeth declares that she can't sleep either, so they sneak downstairs to say goodbye to Tom, one last time.
But who's in the kitchen, but Alice? She asks them what they're doing out of bed, and Elizabeth admits that she wanted to say goodbye to Tom. Then Steven, from behind them, pipes up, "Me too!". He'd also gotten out of bed and come downstairs, conveniently at the same time.
"Well, don't say good-bye yet," Alice says. "I can't stand the idea of anyone hurting Tom. I have a plan to save him."
Together, the four of them decide to hide Tom in the toolshed. They put some seed in a bowl and lay some leaves over the floor, then entice Tom into the shed.
A+ parenting from Alice, here. If she was really against the idea of hurting Tom, why didn't she just talk to Ned about it in private? Is it really necessary to lead the kids in a plan to hide a turkey in order to save him from being eaten?
Chapter 10
Alice won't tell them exactly what the plan is, only that it involves hiding Tom, so they go back to bed. The next morning, Elizabeth bounces on her bed until Jessica wakes up (no, really!), and they both hurry downstairs to find out what the deal with Tom is.
Alice and Steven are already in the kitchen, cooking 'a turkey'. Actually, it's some sticky dough shaped around a metal coffee can.
Alice. Really.
Why not just buy a turkey from the grocery store?!
Oh, wait. Because you left this until the very last minute. If you were so against Tom being endangered, why didn't you buy a turkey earlier, so you'd actually have a real turkey to feed the guests? No, I lied. This is the most absurd part of the book. At least you can justify writing to the President by suggesting that they're just kids, they don't have to be sensible. Alice is an adult! You'd think she'd have put some more thought into her plan!
Jessica makes the very sensible point that even if it looked like a turkey, people would notice that it wasn't, you know, when you tried to carve and eat it. Alice just mysteriously says that they won't cut it.
This plan isn't making any sense to me. I don't know about any of you.
Alice puts the dough turkey in the oven, after covering it with butter.
A little while later, Jessica can smell something funny. The turkey - it's burning!
So, that's why the house was full of billowing smoke on the cover. The dough-turkey never gets quite that bad in the book, but I suppose it was some kind of artistic license.
When Ned comes downstairs, he sniffs a bit and asks what's burning. Alice, shamefacedly, claims that it's the turkey, she accidentally burned it.
Over breakfast.
Apparently, though, Ned buys the story - his only question is how Alice managed to prepare the turkey all by herself, but she claims she got some help from the butchers. Never mind the fact that the turkey, which no one wanted to eat, is mysteriously burned to a crisp over breakfast, when I'm given to understand that turkey usually takes the better part of the day to cook properly.
I mean, I personally don't eat or cook turkey, so I don't know, but that seems unlikely to me.
Chapter 11
At two o'clock that afternoon, the Kiebels show up. All of them look grumpy and unhappy, and their daughter Clara looks to be on the verge of tears all the time. A few minutes in, Steven makes his excuses and goes for a bike ride, not wanting to spend any more time around the Kiebels than he can manage.
Elizabeth and Jessica spend the next hour trying to cheer up Clara and the three of them help set the table. Clara still looks all red around the eyes and on the verge of tears, and doesn't speak very often, if at all.
Mrs. Kiebel had brought a pie with her, so she asks if Alice would mind if she pops it in the oven to finish cooking. When they open the oven, though, she exclaims in shock - why is there no turkey? Alice admits that there's some bad news, and tears start welling up in Clara's eyes again. When Alice says she threw it out because it was burned, Clara drops the spoons she was holding and bursts into noisy tears.
She runs out of the kitchen and Mrs. Kiebel follows her. Mr. Kiebel, who was signing papers with Ned, hugs Clara and tries to comfort her, but eventually agrees with his wife that it's probably just best if they leave.
Chapter 12
Ned apologises about the turkey, apparently thinking that the guests are upset about it having been burned and wasted, but Mr. Kiebel apologises himself; the turkey he'd sent to them for dinner was actually Clara's pet turkey, and she was devastated about it being killed and eaten. When she heard that it had been burned and thrown out, she just couldn't help crying.
Ned asks why they didn't say something, and Mr. Kiebel reminds him of the phone call; he was actually trying to get the Wakefields to return the turkey, but he didn't want to be too pushy with his lawyer.
While the adults are (with the exception of Alice) standing around and looking miserable, Jessica and Elizabeth coax Clara into coming out to the toolshed to see the turkey. All the adults follow, unsure of what's going on.
When they open the doors - surprise! There's Tom!
"Laurabel!" Clara cries out, dashing forward to give the turkey a big hug.
Yes. Apparently being 'boy colours' isn't enough to make something a boy; Tom is actually a girl turkey.
Alice explains the ruse to Ned and the Kiebels. Ned is hurt up until Alice explains that she didn't want to hurt his feelings by refusing to cook the turkey; apparently, that makes it all better.
Steven gets home at that point and demands to be caught up in what's going on. Everyone explains everything to him, and they go inside and eat - what else? - Ned's famous zucchini lasagna.