Unicorn Club #7: Too Close for Comfort
Please note...over halfway through this recap I realized I should have broken it into two plots: Angels and Unicorns, because the POV switches back and forth several times per chapter. Sorry if it's a little convoluted and long. If I wasn't so lazy, I would try to fix it, but here we are!
Oh noes!!! The Unicorns and the Angels have German measles!! On the cover we have the lovely "QUARANTINE" sign, courtesy of the Sweet Valley Dept. of Health. Um, yeah, it's not the plague, people. I'm sure the CDC is overwhelmed with German measle outbreaks. Really, the doctor is the one who says they should be quarantined, but it's not mandated or anything. Moving on! I'm just guessing on who the peeps are...Kimberly at the left, reaching out for human contact. Lila in the satin robe, because she rolls like that. Ellen forlornly wishing she was in satin instead of flannel. And Jessica appears to be wearing a "BUSH" jersey...in the Clinton era!!! I never would've pegged her for a conservative.
So this is one of the many Unicorn books that is done in two POVs...Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield!! Very confusing, Francine. Anyway, we open with Jessica asking Mandy to sit with the Unicorns at lunch, even though she's an Angel. If you'd like to relive the fallout, you can find my recap of "Unicorns at War" here. Short version: Kimberly moved back, she's a bitch, she ran against Mary for student council, she cheated, Mary won, the Unicorns broke up, now there's another club called the Angels. So, here we are. Mandy says she doesn't want to sit with the girls if Kimberly's there, but Jessica convinces her that Kimberly wants to make up with her.
Jessica goes to sit down at the table, reflecting on her twinsisteromgwe'resoalikebutdifferent on the way. Ellen, Lila, and Kimberly are laughing at one of the lamest jokes ever.
"We've come up with the way the Angels would define trouble," Lila chimed in through her giggles.
"How's that?" I asked.
"Their idea of getting in trouble is having their library cards taken away for a week," Lila replied, cracking up again.
Lila is seriously suffering from hanging out with Kimberly. I guess lame is as contagious as German measles. Anyway, Jessica tries to change the subject by complimenting Kimberly's sweater, and Kimberly says that her mom is taking her shopping that afternoon. She's getting a new outfit to cheer her up after the election (clearly her mother has no clue that her daughter's a lying skank). Kimberly also says that she would be president of the student council if it weren't for that goody-goody Mandy Miller, and that everyone thinks Mandy's such a saint just because she was sick. WITH CANCER, YOU BITCH. Jessica tells her to STFU, and Lila says to relax because she was just kidding.
Guess who walks up at this exact time? Mandy! She says that she was waiting on her lasagna, and they must have had to fly back to Italy to get a new batch. Then Kimberly tells her to fly there with them. And Mandy thinks that Jessica was just playing a prank on her, so she goes back to sit with the Angels. Kimberly has decided that the girls shouldn't associate with Angels, and Ellen totally agrees. Because she's a sheep. Jessica has her reservations, but then she looks over at the Angels table. Elizabeth is passing out pink t-shirts that say "Angels" on the back, with the girls' names on the front. So Jessica decides to forget the Angels, and toasts the Unicorns with her carton of milk.
Next chapter is Elizabeth's POV. She asks the other Angels if they want to wear their shirts to the sleepover at Casa Wakefield tonight. It's a great idea!!! Mary wants a picture of the girls wearing the shirts. Woohooo! Elizabeth decides that tonight is the perfect time to announce that she wants to be president of the Angels. She wants to start volunteering at a soup kitchen (in addition to the day-care center), and start a book club. I know the Unicorns were shallow, but did the Angels have to abandon all sense of fun? Lame.
Mandy asks if Jessica will be at the slumber party, and Elizabeth says she hasn't talked to her. So this ginormous sleepover is being planned, and her parents and brother haven't even mentioned it in front of her sister? Implausible! This leads into a debate of whether or not Jessica is a thief like Kimberly. Evie and Maria quickly change the subject to the slumber party, and Mary announces that she wants to go over student council ideas. Girls gone wild, indeed. Elizabeth then suggests a play reading of "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." Isn't that a little mature for the kidlets? I don't know. Anyway, Mary says that since Jessica won't be there, they can all take turns reading the lead!
We switch to Jessica's POV. Lila comes back from getting frozen yogurt (they were out of cappuccino, oh noes!!!), and announces that the Angels are having a sleepover. Lila decides that she'll have one at her house that same night. Guess who wants to propose that she become the new president of the Unicorns? She has a dimple in her left cheek, eyes the color of the Pacific ocean, and a precocious nature. Lila wants to stop at the day care center first to see Ellie, and Jessica wants to drop off a book about trains she got for Oliver. Kimberly mocks the girls for wanting to do something positive instead of just thinking about boys. Ellen and Lila quickly decide that it's not something they're interested in, and Jessica caves. Awesome.
The Angels go to the Center after school, and Oliver and Ellie miss Jessica and Lila. The Angels are appalled at the selfish antics of the Unicorns. At the same time, the Unicorns are at Casey's eating huge hot fudge sundaes. Kimberly tells Ellen to be careful...she doesn't want to get fat. What a bitch. Kimberly's totally Regina George, only not as hot. Ellen says that she's going to bring a dead-sea mineral mask for all the girls to use. Lila goes on a tangent about how great they are for the skin...as long as they're not cheap. Ellen's quick to say that her mom isn't cheap. LOLZ. Rick Hunter (so dreamy!) walks up and tells the girls that he hopes they wash the mask off before tomorrow night, because he's having the most major, exclusive party of the year!!! OMFG!!!! While Jessica's walking home, Rick rolls up on her on his bicycle and asks her to invite the Angels. Jessica is horrified...she's not inviting those geeky goody-goodies!!
Jessica walks into her house to see Steven, Elizabeth, and Alice unpacking a bunch of food. She grabs a cookie and asks what's up with the snackage. Steven's all, "Didn't you know that Elizabeth and her friends are going to eat a bunch of food and get fat at a sleepover tonight?" Jessica tosses her cookie (HA) in the sink, and is hella pissed that Elizabeth's having a sleepover at HER house with HER (former) friends. And she didn't even invite her!! That is a little bitchy, Liz. This leads into a Liz vs. Jess, Unicorns vs. Angels debate. Alice actually parents, and tells the girls to make nice or she'll cancel the party.
After the girls fake a truce, Jessica goes into Elizabeth's room. She proposes a for-reals truce (which is still fake), and Elizabeth agrees. Jessica then asks to borrow something for the party tomorrow, and when Liz is like, "What with the party, the who?" So Jess tells her that it's Rick's party...the most exclusive of the year!! Surely you were invited, Liz? Liz gets pissed and throws Jess out of her room.
The doorbell rings, and Jessica thinks it's Kimberly. She opens the door to see a whole band of Angels in their t-shirts!! Jessica makes some lame comments about them being Girl Scouts and playing pin the tail on the donkey, and Mandy tells her that:
1. She's lame, and her jokes aren't funny.
2. She's being mean, and everyone else is as uncomfortable as she is.
A wise sage, that Mandy. Jessica tells them to have fun at their crappy sleepover, because she'll be at Lila's fabulous mansion (did she just call her own house crappy? But it has a Spanish-tiled kitchen!!!). Kimberly shows up and her and Jessica start talking about Rick's party. Mandy gets upset because Rick's her ex-boyfriend, but the other Angels tell her it's probably not true. "After all," says Mary, "these are the Unicorns. Known liars and thieves." Wicked burn, Mary!!
After Jess and Kimberly leave, the girls talk about Rick's party. Mandy doesn't think it's true, but Evie says she was shopping at Verve and heard Kimberly talking to her mom about it. Why is Evie always the one who hears this valuable information? She was the one who heard about Ellen ratting out the Unicorns for sneaking out to lunch in #6. Elizabeth points out that the girls wouldn't want to be at a party with the Unicorns anyway, and then decides it's time to read the play. Mandy wants to read the Elizabeth Taylor part, and Elizabeth says that she can, if she uses a strong southern accent. She also says it's a juicy part. She's such a freak.
Next we go to Lila's awesome party. Lila does an imitation of Maria walking, and Jessica cracks up. Then Kimberly does an impersonation of Elizabeth, and Jess gets kind of pissed. She changes the subject, and Kimberly says that she must have hit a soft spot. Jessica thinks that no one has a right to make fun of her sister but her. She even starts to feel guilty about not telling Liz she was invited to the party!
The Angels are playing light as a feather, stiff as a board with Maria. Elizabeth is wondering what the Unicorns are doing, and Evie tells her that it's time to count to three and levitate Maria. Yeah, they couldn't lift her up at all. There's a lot of talk about girls being fat in this book. I'm surprised that there's no ana issues later on. Anyway, turns out Maria fell asleep. The other girls are really tired, too. Then they look at the clock and see that it's only 9:30. Mary says that if Jessica was there, they'd be having a dance contest right now. Evie says, "Well, good thing she's not here, or we'd really be exhausted." That's right, Christy. Keep telling yourself that.
Speaking of the A Group, they're laying in sleeping bags, talking about how much fun Rick's party is going to be. They're talking about what boys are going to be there, and Lila says she can't find a thing to wear in her closet. This leads to a fight between Jessica and Lila about how many clothes Lila has, and that even though she owns everything, that doesn't mean she has something to wear! Kimberly tells them to drop it, and Jessica says it's wearing her out. This leads to a conversation eerily similar to the Angels discussion about Jessica. Lila wishes that Mary was there to tell a ghost story. Kimberly says that not only is she great at telling ghost stories, she's better than Mary!! I'm just going to have to transcribe this whole thing even though it's long.
"Once there was this girl who lived in Sweet Valley," Kimberly started.
"She can't live in Sweet Valley," Lila said.
"Why not?" Kimberly asked.
"Because that's stupid," I told her.
"Fine. Once there was a girl who lived in New York City," Kimberly continued. "She was very rich and lived in a penthouse apartment that overlooked the whole city."
"What was her name?" I asked.
"Uh...Stephanie," Kimberly said. "Anyway, one day Stephanie was all alone in the penthouse when she heard a noise at the window."
"What kind of noise?" Lila asked.
Kimberly sighed. "A tapping noise," she said impatiently. "Now, would you guys stop interrupting me?"
And it goes on like this for another paragraph until Jessica falls asleep. I love when the girls realize Kimberly is full of shit and not made of awesome.
Now we get to the outbreak portion of the story. Elizabeth wakes up, exhausted and with a sore throat. All of the girls look at each other and see that they have red spots all over their faces. Maria thinks it's chicken pox, which is the logical explanation, until they realize that most of them have already had the pox. Alice comes into the bathroom, takes one look at them, and diagnoses it as German measels. Really? I had never heard of German measles before this book.
loveisrevenge linked to a Wikipedia article in my Unicorns at War recap. Click at your own risk. The pictures are nasty, yo. And it looks like chicken pox to me.
Anyway, the Unicorns go through the same thing, with Kimberly telling Jessica that she has terrible acne and might not want to go to Rick's party.
Back at Casa Wakefield, Alice tells all the girls that the Unicorns have German measles, too. The Angels are disturbingly happy about this. It seems that some of the kids from the Center had it, and that's where the girls got infected. The doctor says that the girls can't be around other people for a few days, and they all have to stay together so they don't infect their other siblings. That means the slumber party is going to turn into a marathon sleepover!!! Squeee!!! Ned says that he'll go rent movies for the girls. Awww, I love how parental the Wakefields are in this one book.
Over at the Fowler's, George is giving the girls the same news. They are less excited than the Angels, since it means they have to miss Rick's party. Mr. Fowler tells the girls there is no way they can go to the party. He also tells them that the girls got it from the kids at the Center, so Lila deduces that Jessica got it from Elizabeth. Mr. Fowler then tells Jess that she can go home if she wants to, and the other girls flip out. Why would she want to punish herself by hanging out with the Angels? The girls debate about what to do, and they finally decide to do makeovers.
At the Wakefield's, the girls figure out that the Unicorns won't be able to go to Rick's party, and celebrate their misfortune with a hearty chuckle. Later on, Elizabeth is going to get a board game and overhears Steven on the phone telling Jessica that there's something he can't do, because he's not in the mood to ruin Elizabeth's party. Liz demands to know what Jessica asked him to do. She asked him to put bugs in the Angels' sleeping bags when the girls won't looking. For fuck's sake, Diane!!! This is the same Jessica Wakefield who goes on to invent Daniella Fromage and Magenta Galaxy! How embarrassing.
Elizabeth reports back to the other girls, and Mandy makes a wistful comment about how the Unicorns really know how to get back at people. Mary says it sounds like she misses the Unicorns, and Mandy insists that she doesn't. The girls then decide to get back at Jessica & Co. Their first idea is to deliver gross food to Lila's house, but they decide that since Lila's so rich, she'll pay for it and not care. Then Elizabeth suggests crank calling them. She offers up the old "Is Mr. Wall there? Is Mrs. Wall there? Then what's holding up your house?" and the standby "Is your refrigerator running?" LAME. Then Maria goes for the win and tells Elizabeth to call Ken Matthews, pretending to be Jessica. Then she's going to invite him and his friends to go over to Lila's for an impromptu pool party. That is pretty clever, I have to say.
At the fabulous Lila Fowler's, the girls are lounging outside and tanning. Mr. Fowler comes out and he is supa' pissed. He informs her that Ken Matthews and some other young men came over because they received an invitation to come over for a pool party. The girls insist they didn't call the boys, and Mr. Fowler says that the girls need to remember that this isn't a party, and he will force them to stay in bed all day if they have to. What the hell is going on? All of the parents in Sweet Valley are acting like adults!! Jessica asks what Mr. Fowler told the boys, and he just told them the girls were sick, not that they were covered in spots. Then George makes the girls come inside so they don't get overheated.
The girls start trying to figure out who called Ken. After accusing each other, they cleverly deduce that it must have been those crafty Angels! The girls all agree that it was a pretty cool prank for nerds like the Angels to pull off. Lila says that she hopes her dad wasn't mean to the boys, and Jessica says that Lila's dad is anything but mean. He was just mad because he thought Lila disobeyed him, and he didn't tell the boys that the girls had spots on their faces. Kimberly tells her that she sounds more like Elizabeth than Jessica. Jessica wants to push Kimberly in the pool (sooo close to a pool push!!!), but instead she just tells her that Elizabeth might be an Angel, but she's still her sister. She also says that there's nothing wrong with seeing the good side in someone, and that happens to be one of Elizabeth's best qualities. Kimberly tells Jessica that it sounds like she misses her twin. Why is that such a BFD?? Jessica pretends that she doesn't miss Elizabeth, but even if she did, it's none of Kimberly's business!!!
The Angels are playing Monopoly, and Elizabeth can buy Park Place. Mary tells her that it's great, and if she can get the Boardwalk, she'll be in good shape. Elizabeth tells the girls that she's never played like this before. Jessica was always super competitive, and she always stole money from the bank. Mary thinks that is SOOO rude, and it must be a relief not to have to worry about people cheating. Then Maria says that it's such typical Unicorn behavior, because they have it in them to steal and cheat. Then Elizabeth says that she wouldn't necessarily call Jessica a cheater. Does she miss Jessica? Of course not!
Back at the Fowler's, they're doing makeovers (skip to 8:00 in). Ellen is giving the girls new hairdos. Lila's hair is in two braids, and Jessica thinks she looks like a little girl. Ellen tells her that if she read fashion magazines, she'd know that braids are totally in. Jessica says that she does read the magazines, she just thinks the models look like little girls, too. Lila says that Jessica has no fashion sense, and Jessica says she has the best fashion sense in school after Mandy. This is about the 10th time she's mentioned Mandy's fashion sense, and Kimberly's had enough. She tells Jessica it's time for her to make a radical change to differentiate herself from Elizabeth. Um, Kimberly? They do differentiate themselves. Jessica's hair is down, and Elizabeth wears it in a ponytail or barrettes. Keep up!
Lila reaches under her sink and busts out a home perm kit. This was 1995, the middle-end of grunge. There were no perms to be had!! Apparently it will wash out in ten perms. What is with the magical short-term hair care products in Sweet Valley? I used to get spiral perms (shut up, I was ten), and my hair held the curl until I was in high school! Maybe these are just super powerful sponge rollers. Jessica says that she likes looking like Elizabeth, it's one of the things that makes them so close. Kimberly corrects her and says, "Don't you mean were so close?" Lila is appalled that Jessica isn't mad at Elizabeth for having a slumber party at her own house and not inviting her. Kimberly thinks that Liz only had it at the Wakefield's house to hurt Jessica's feelings. That does seem a little hurtful. Jessica agrees to the perm, and thinks she looks like Shirley Temple.
Jessica says that she looks like a poodle, and Kimberly says that she loves poodles. Jessica almost throws her brush at Kimberly's face. Enough of the almosts, Jessica. I want some action!! Lila says she's making a big deal, and it's only hair. Jessica tells Lila that she's the most conceited person when it comes to her hair. Lila tells Jessica not to be bitter just because her hair looks ridiculous. No one is happy. Especially me.
The Unicorns are bored bored bored. Lila hypothesizes that the only reason they don't feel like doing anything is because they've been lying (isn't it laying?) around all day. She has an idea...her dad's going on a business trip that night, and they're going to sneak out to Rick's party! Jessica thinks this is a horrible idea, and Jessica has just gained 2 smart points from me. She's remarkably likeable in this book (minus the bugs in the sleeping bags thing). Jessica doesn't want to give the other kids measles, Kimberly thinks she sounds like Elizabeth, Ellen says, "Baaaahhhh!!!" Jessica points out that they look like the "before" in an acne commercial, and Lila dismissively says that they can just cover it with make-up. This will end well. Jessica finally agrees to go if they can cover their spots.
At the Wakefield's, Elizabeth has decided that the girls should cook dinner. Mandy is asking Elizabeth if she wants her to cut the tomatoes into little cubes. Elizabeth likes the tomatoes in slices, but Mary says they're much prettier in cubes. Then she takes the knife and starts slicing Elizabeth's perfectly cut slices into cubes. Bitch. Maria asks how long to cook the pasta. Elizabeth suggests ten minutes, and Mandy argues that it should be fifteen. Elizabeth points out that it will be mushy if they cook it that long, and Mandy says it will be hard if they cook it for ten. Um, Mandy, it's al dente, okay? Evie finally suggests twelve and a half minutes. Then Mandy commands Mary to start on the onions when she's done with the mushrooms. Elizabeth is pouring olive oil in the skillet, and Mandy tells her it's way too much...they just want to saute the veggies. Elizabeth finally tells Mandy that since she's the expert, so she can do it herself. Oblivious Mandy thinks it's a great idea, and she tells Elizabeth to go help Evie with the basil.
Nobody pushes Elizabeth Wakefield around the in the kitchen!!! Mandy then suggests that the Angels have a bake sale. Elizabeth asks what they would do with the money raised, and Mandy suggests giving it to a few charities and the day-care center. How much do they think bake sales raise? I mean, I know every little bit helps, but do you think these charities are going to be all, "Ooooh, five dollars!!! You really ARE Angels!!!"?? Mary and Elizabeth tell her that it's a great idea (no, it's actually pretty crappy and subpar), and Mandy takes a bow and says, "They don't call me club president for nothing." Elizabeth is pissed that Mandy would be so presumptuous as to assume that she's president of the Angels. That is a little arrogant.
Lila is doing Jessica's make-up, and Jessica is super crabby. She feels crammed in Lila's bathroom, and Lila is insulted. Her bathroom is bigger than the Blue Banana!! Ellen thinks that Jessica's just in a bad mood and she's taking it out on Lila's bathroom. I think Ellen should ride the short bus to school. Jessica comments that Mandy's an expert makeup artist, and Kimberly thinks Jessica keeps bringing up Mandy to annoy her. Jessica looks in the mirror, and her face is completely orange, and her spots totally stick out. Jessica refuses to go to the party, even though the other girls think she looks fine. Jessica decides to call home.
Elizabeth is not a happy camper. Her parents are concerned that she's overextending herself by having her friends over. Elizabeth is having a great time...it's fucking great, so back off, Alice!!! Ned tells her that Jessica called, and said to be sure to tell Elizabeth that she's having a great time at her party, and she hopes Elizabeth's having as much fun as she is.
Over at the Fowler's, George has made the best parenting decision he'll make in all 7 Sweet Valley series. He's staying home from his business trip. The girls try to convince him that they're fine, and he really should go on his trip. He tells Lila not to be brave, he already went out and rented the girls more movies for the night. He tells them to take the make-up off because it's probably not good for their measles. The girls are all upset, except Jessica, who's happy to have more movies to watch.
The Angels are not having fun. They're bored...too bored to even read a story out loud!!! Oh noes!! Mary and Mandy suggest playing an old Unicorn game...the truth circle. They go around and say one bad and one good thing about each other. This is a capital plan! I know that I love hearing terrible things about myself from my best friends. The girls all draw names out of a hat. Mandy's first, and she has Maria. She tells Maria that she's really smart and honest, which is good, but she can be too honest and come across as rude. Maria is not happy. She goes up to Elizabeth's room. Mandy thinks Maria's too sensitive. Evie's up next, and she has Mandy. Evie thinks that Mandy's cheerful and energetic. She also thinks Mandy can be bossy. Mandy disagrees. She asks the other girls if they think she's bossy, and no one wants to answer her. Elizabeth finally says she's been bossier than usual lately, and cites the cooking incident as an example. Mandy's pissed, and that's the end of the game.
Elizabeth wakes up in her bedroom the next morning. I don't blame her, if I was sick I sure as hell wouldn't want to sleep on the floor at my own house. Anyway, Jessica calls and they each lie about how much fun they're having. Jessica comes up with some lame excuse that she thinks she left her curling iron on. They get a little pissy with each other about the pranks they tried to pull off, and then they hang up.
Elizabeth goes downstairs, and the girls are all "excited" that they get to spend another day together. Everyone apologizes about the truth game, and they're all kissing each other's asses. They agree to never play the game again. Mandy suggests the girls talk about the future of the Angels. Elizabeth starts to speak up, and then suggests eating breakfast instead.
Jessica is on the hunt for a jelly donut, and instead settles for chocolate. She notices that Lila is finishing her jelly donut, and she is not happy about it. The girls decide to play truth or dare, and Jessica dares Ellen to call Rick Hunter, and tell him that she's Mandy and she's not over their breakup. I remember thinking this was really mean when I was younger, but Mandy's such a bitch in this book that I kind of feel ambivalent about it. Ellen totally fucks it up, but the girls pretend she sounded just like Mandy. Lila goes next and picks truth. Kimberly asks her who she thinks should be president of the Unicorns. Lila and Jessica both think they should be president, and Lila lamely says that since she had the sleepover she should be president.
Kimberly proves that she's more sociopathic than Jessica, smiles, and says, "This is perfect. This is the perfect example of why I should be president of the Unicorns." She wants to be president so Lila and Jessica don't go to war again, and because she represents the way the Unicorns used to be. They decide to leave it up to Ellen, who starts shaking and refuses to make the call. Jessica tables the discussion.
The Angels are working on their math homework. They agree that they're lame, and Mandy decides it's a good time to talk about the future of the Angels. Mandy has a list of activities and parties, and the first idea she has is a movie character party. That's a horrible fucking idea. It only works in fictional situations, because I know that none of my friends in junior high would have participated. We tried to wear white tank tops and jeans to Christmas dance instead of formal dresses, for God's sake! Anyway, she also thinks that the girls should wear their Angels shirts to school once a week. Elizabeth finally suggests that she thinks they should take a vote about who's going to be president. Mandy wonders why they would take a vote..she was elected president, after all. Elizabeth points out that she was president of the Unicorns, and a new club could use a new president. They decide to discuss it later.
The Unicorns are reading magazines, and Kimberly complains that she's read them all. Lila gets huffy...how dare Kimberly imply that George Fowler didn't purchase enough magazines! Jessica tells her to relax, Kimberly's just rude sometimes. Mrs. Pervis tells Jessica that Liz is on the phone, and Jessica jumps up. Kimberly basically orders her not to talk to her sister, saying that they should establish rules about interacting with the Angels. Jessica tells Kimberly to take her rules and stuff them. Win!!! Elizabeth asks about her pink oxford shirt, which Jessica is wearing and has consequently ruined. She lies and says she doesn't know where it is. They play the same game they've been playing and hang up.
Alice comes in to the kitchen, and says that the doctor informed her the girls can go home now. All of the girls are like, "That's great!!! I mean, it's great we're not sick anymore, not great that we're leaving. Wish we could stay..." Maria practically leaps over the table to call her mom first. Elizabeth is excited because Jessica is on her way home.
Lila's cheerfully saying good-bye to the girls. Kimberly brings up the presidency again. They decide to talk about it later in the week. Lila also says she wants to go to the Center, and Jessica agrees. Kimberly tells them that she thought they weren't going to go to that stupid place with those bratty kids anymore. She also says that she wants them to be like they were last year, before they started doing stupid, immature things. The girls FINALLY stand up to her, and Jessica tells Kimberly that SHE'S the reason they're not with the Angels anymore. Kimberly is apalled. The girls all attack Kimberly, and newlyAwesome!Jessica says, "Let me interpret. I think what we're saying is that we were happy with the way things were before you got here. All you did by coming back to Sweet Valley was mess everything up." THEN, Kimberly asks if everyone agrees with her, and Jessica tells her that they all wish she'd never come back. Harsh. Kimberly starts crying and says that she's upset because the day care center was something the girls started doing while she was gone, and she wants them to be like the old Unicorns. She's all hysterical, and when Ned comes Jessica just kind of bolts. It's super bitchy, but also well-deserved.
Last chapter!!! Liz sees Jessica's hair and is upset that Jessica doesn't want to look like her anymore. They dance around each other for a minute, and then Jessica asks her to play a board game. After that they watch "Days of Turmoil" together. The girls stay home from school one more day, and go back on Wednesday.
The Unicorns are at the Unicorner, and Kimberly comes walking up. She's super nice to everyone, and it's kind of freaking them out. Evie comes over to the table to say hi, and to tell Lila that Ellie misses her at the Center. She also says that Oliver was asking about Jessica. The girls decide to go to the Center after school. Kimberly wants to go shopping, but Jessica firmly says that they're going to the Center. Ellen suggests that Kimberly go with them. She's really self-conscious and doesn't want the kids to not like her.
The Angels are eating lunch at the Angeliner. That is fucking queer. It sounds like a cruise ship. For people who are lame. Anyway, they're talking about how the Unicorns are making eye contact and being pleasant. Guess this won't end up like the Sharks and Jets after all. Sigh. Maria cautions them that she's learned to never trust a Unicorn.
At the Center, all of the kids want to play duck-duck-goose. Kimberly pouts that she doesn't want to, and Ellie drags her over to the circle. I like to imagine Ellie as the little girl from "The Hand that Rocks the Cradle" or "Enough." Anyway, Ellie goes first, and guess who she picks? Kimberly sits there for a minute like a tool, then starts playing. She ends up getting her hair braided, and admits the Center isn't that bad. She mysteriously tells the girls that they'll be doing a "real" Unicorn activity soon. Spoooky.
Special thanks to
blue828 for filling me in on the end of the book!
Oh noes!!! The Unicorns and the Angels have German measles!! On the cover we have the lovely "QUARANTINE" sign, courtesy of the Sweet Valley Dept. of Health. Um, yeah, it's not the plague, people. I'm sure the CDC is overwhelmed with German measle outbreaks. Really, the doctor is the one who says they should be quarantined, but it's not mandated or anything. Moving on! I'm just guessing on who the peeps are...Kimberly at the left, reaching out for human contact. Lila in the satin robe, because she rolls like that. Ellen forlornly wishing she was in satin instead of flannel. And Jessica appears to be wearing a "BUSH" jersey...in the Clinton era!!! I never would've pegged her for a conservative.
So this is one of the many Unicorn books that is done in two POVs...Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield!! Very confusing, Francine. Anyway, we open with Jessica asking Mandy to sit with the Unicorns at lunch, even though she's an Angel. If you'd like to relive the fallout, you can find my recap of "Unicorns at War" here. Short version: Kimberly moved back, she's a bitch, she ran against Mary for student council, she cheated, Mary won, the Unicorns broke up, now there's another club called the Angels. So, here we are. Mandy says she doesn't want to sit with the girls if Kimberly's there, but Jessica convinces her that Kimberly wants to make up with her.
Jessica goes to sit down at the table, reflecting on her twinsisteromgwe'resoalikebutdifferent on the way. Ellen, Lila, and Kimberly are laughing at one of the lamest jokes ever.
"We've come up with the way the Angels would define trouble," Lila chimed in through her giggles.
"How's that?" I asked.
"Their idea of getting in trouble is having their library cards taken away for a week," Lila replied, cracking up again.
Lila is seriously suffering from hanging out with Kimberly. I guess lame is as contagious as German measles. Anyway, Jessica tries to change the subject by complimenting Kimberly's sweater, and Kimberly says that her mom is taking her shopping that afternoon. She's getting a new outfit to cheer her up after the election (clearly her mother has no clue that her daughter's a lying skank). Kimberly also says that she would be president of the student council if it weren't for that goody-goody Mandy Miller, and that everyone thinks Mandy's such a saint just because she was sick. WITH CANCER, YOU BITCH. Jessica tells her to STFU, and Lila says to relax because she was just kidding.
Guess who walks up at this exact time? Mandy! She says that she was waiting on her lasagna, and they must have had to fly back to Italy to get a new batch. Then Kimberly tells her to fly there with them. And Mandy thinks that Jessica was just playing a prank on her, so she goes back to sit with the Angels. Kimberly has decided that the girls shouldn't associate with Angels, and Ellen totally agrees. Because she's a sheep. Jessica has her reservations, but then she looks over at the Angels table. Elizabeth is passing out pink t-shirts that say "Angels" on the back, with the girls' names on the front. So Jessica decides to forget the Angels, and toasts the Unicorns with her carton of milk.
Next chapter is Elizabeth's POV. She asks the other Angels if they want to wear their shirts to the sleepover at Casa Wakefield tonight. It's a great idea!!! Mary wants a picture of the girls wearing the shirts. Woohooo! Elizabeth decides that tonight is the perfect time to announce that she wants to be president of the Angels. She wants to start volunteering at a soup kitchen (in addition to the day-care center), and start a book club. I know the Unicorns were shallow, but did the Angels have to abandon all sense of fun? Lame.
Mandy asks if Jessica will be at the slumber party, and Elizabeth says she hasn't talked to her. So this ginormous sleepover is being planned, and her parents and brother haven't even mentioned it in front of her sister? Implausible! This leads into a debate of whether or not Jessica is a thief like Kimberly. Evie and Maria quickly change the subject to the slumber party, and Mary announces that she wants to go over student council ideas. Girls gone wild, indeed. Elizabeth then suggests a play reading of "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof." Isn't that a little mature for the kidlets? I don't know. Anyway, Mary says that since Jessica won't be there, they can all take turns reading the lead!
We switch to Jessica's POV. Lila comes back from getting frozen yogurt (they were out of cappuccino, oh noes!!!), and announces that the Angels are having a sleepover. Lila decides that she'll have one at her house that same night. Guess who wants to propose that she become the new president of the Unicorns? She has a dimple in her left cheek, eyes the color of the Pacific ocean, and a precocious nature. Lila wants to stop at the day care center first to see Ellie, and Jessica wants to drop off a book about trains she got for Oliver. Kimberly mocks the girls for wanting to do something positive instead of just thinking about boys. Ellen and Lila quickly decide that it's not something they're interested in, and Jessica caves. Awesome.
The Angels go to the Center after school, and Oliver and Ellie miss Jessica and Lila. The Angels are appalled at the selfish antics of the Unicorns. At the same time, the Unicorns are at Casey's eating huge hot fudge sundaes. Kimberly tells Ellen to be careful...she doesn't want to get fat. What a bitch. Kimberly's totally Regina George, only not as hot. Ellen says that she's going to bring a dead-sea mineral mask for all the girls to use. Lila goes on a tangent about how great they are for the skin...as long as they're not cheap. Ellen's quick to say that her mom isn't cheap. LOLZ. Rick Hunter (so dreamy!) walks up and tells the girls that he hopes they wash the mask off before tomorrow night, because he's having the most major, exclusive party of the year!!! OMFG!!!! While Jessica's walking home, Rick rolls up on her on his bicycle and asks her to invite the Angels. Jessica is horrified...she's not inviting those geeky goody-goodies!!
Jessica walks into her house to see Steven, Elizabeth, and Alice unpacking a bunch of food. She grabs a cookie and asks what's up with the snackage. Steven's all, "Didn't you know that Elizabeth and her friends are going to eat a bunch of food and get fat at a sleepover tonight?" Jessica tosses her cookie (HA) in the sink, and is hella pissed that Elizabeth's having a sleepover at HER house with HER (former) friends. And she didn't even invite her!! That is a little bitchy, Liz. This leads into a Liz vs. Jess, Unicorns vs. Angels debate. Alice actually parents, and tells the girls to make nice or she'll cancel the party.
After the girls fake a truce, Jessica goes into Elizabeth's room. She proposes a for-reals truce (which is still fake), and Elizabeth agrees. Jessica then asks to borrow something for the party tomorrow, and when Liz is like, "What with the party, the who?" So Jess tells her that it's Rick's party...the most exclusive of the year!! Surely you were invited, Liz? Liz gets pissed and throws Jess out of her room.
The doorbell rings, and Jessica thinks it's Kimberly. She opens the door to see a whole band of Angels in their t-shirts!! Jessica makes some lame comments about them being Girl Scouts and playing pin the tail on the donkey, and Mandy tells her that:
1. She's lame, and her jokes aren't funny.
2. She's being mean, and everyone else is as uncomfortable as she is.
A wise sage, that Mandy. Jessica tells them to have fun at their crappy sleepover, because she'll be at Lila's fabulous mansion (did she just call her own house crappy? But it has a Spanish-tiled kitchen!!!). Kimberly shows up and her and Jessica start talking about Rick's party. Mandy gets upset because Rick's her ex-boyfriend, but the other Angels tell her it's probably not true. "After all," says Mary, "these are the Unicorns. Known liars and thieves." Wicked burn, Mary!!
After Jess and Kimberly leave, the girls talk about Rick's party. Mandy doesn't think it's true, but Evie says she was shopping at Verve and heard Kimberly talking to her mom about it. Why is Evie always the one who hears this valuable information? She was the one who heard about Ellen ratting out the Unicorns for sneaking out to lunch in #6. Elizabeth points out that the girls wouldn't want to be at a party with the Unicorns anyway, and then decides it's time to read the play. Mandy wants to read the Elizabeth Taylor part, and Elizabeth says that she can, if she uses a strong southern accent. She also says it's a juicy part. She's such a freak.
Next we go to Lila's awesome party. Lila does an imitation of Maria walking, and Jessica cracks up. Then Kimberly does an impersonation of Elizabeth, and Jess gets kind of pissed. She changes the subject, and Kimberly says that she must have hit a soft spot. Jessica thinks that no one has a right to make fun of her sister but her. She even starts to feel guilty about not telling Liz she was invited to the party!
The Angels are playing light as a feather, stiff as a board with Maria. Elizabeth is wondering what the Unicorns are doing, and Evie tells her that it's time to count to three and levitate Maria. Yeah, they couldn't lift her up at all. There's a lot of talk about girls being fat in this book. I'm surprised that there's no ana issues later on. Anyway, turns out Maria fell asleep. The other girls are really tired, too. Then they look at the clock and see that it's only 9:30. Mary says that if Jessica was there, they'd be having a dance contest right now. Evie says, "Well, good thing she's not here, or we'd really be exhausted." That's right, Christy. Keep telling yourself that.
Speaking of the A Group, they're laying in sleeping bags, talking about how much fun Rick's party is going to be. They're talking about what boys are going to be there, and Lila says she can't find a thing to wear in her closet. This leads to a fight between Jessica and Lila about how many clothes Lila has, and that even though she owns everything, that doesn't mean she has something to wear! Kimberly tells them to drop it, and Jessica says it's wearing her out. This leads to a conversation eerily similar to the Angels discussion about Jessica. Lila wishes that Mary was there to tell a ghost story. Kimberly says that not only is she great at telling ghost stories, she's better than Mary!! I'm just going to have to transcribe this whole thing even though it's long.
"Once there was this girl who lived in Sweet Valley," Kimberly started.
"She can't live in Sweet Valley," Lila said.
"Why not?" Kimberly asked.
"Because that's stupid," I told her.
"Fine. Once there was a girl who lived in New York City," Kimberly continued. "She was very rich and lived in a penthouse apartment that overlooked the whole city."
"What was her name?" I asked.
"Uh...Stephanie," Kimberly said. "Anyway, one day Stephanie was all alone in the penthouse when she heard a noise at the window."
"What kind of noise?" Lila asked.
Kimberly sighed. "A tapping noise," she said impatiently. "Now, would you guys stop interrupting me?"
And it goes on like this for another paragraph until Jessica falls asleep. I love when the girls realize Kimberly is full of shit and not made of awesome.
Now we get to the outbreak portion of the story. Elizabeth wakes up, exhausted and with a sore throat. All of the girls look at each other and see that they have red spots all over their faces. Maria thinks it's chicken pox, which is the logical explanation, until they realize that most of them have already had the pox. Alice comes into the bathroom, takes one look at them, and diagnoses it as German measels. Really? I had never heard of German measles before this book.
loveisrevenge linked to a Wikipedia article in my Unicorns at War recap. Click at your own risk. The pictures are nasty, yo. And it looks like chicken pox to me.
Anyway, the Unicorns go through the same thing, with Kimberly telling Jessica that she has terrible acne and might not want to go to Rick's party.
Back at Casa Wakefield, Alice tells all the girls that the Unicorns have German measles, too. The Angels are disturbingly happy about this. It seems that some of the kids from the Center had it, and that's where the girls got infected. The doctor says that the girls can't be around other people for a few days, and they all have to stay together so they don't infect their other siblings. That means the slumber party is going to turn into a marathon sleepover!!! Squeee!!! Ned says that he'll go rent movies for the girls. Awww, I love how parental the Wakefields are in this one book.
Over at the Fowler's, George is giving the girls the same news. They are less excited than the Angels, since it means they have to miss Rick's party. Mr. Fowler tells the girls there is no way they can go to the party. He also tells them that the girls got it from the kids at the Center, so Lila deduces that Jessica got it from Elizabeth. Mr. Fowler then tells Jess that she can go home if she wants to, and the other girls flip out. Why would she want to punish herself by hanging out with the Angels? The girls debate about what to do, and they finally decide to do makeovers.
At the Wakefield's, the girls figure out that the Unicorns won't be able to go to Rick's party, and celebrate their misfortune with a hearty chuckle. Later on, Elizabeth is going to get a board game and overhears Steven on the phone telling Jessica that there's something he can't do, because he's not in the mood to ruin Elizabeth's party. Liz demands to know what Jessica asked him to do. She asked him to put bugs in the Angels' sleeping bags when the girls won't looking. For fuck's sake, Diane!!! This is the same Jessica Wakefield who goes on to invent Daniella Fromage and Magenta Galaxy! How embarrassing.
Elizabeth reports back to the other girls, and Mandy makes a wistful comment about how the Unicorns really know how to get back at people. Mary says it sounds like she misses the Unicorns, and Mandy insists that she doesn't. The girls then decide to get back at Jessica & Co. Their first idea is to deliver gross food to Lila's house, but they decide that since Lila's so rich, she'll pay for it and not care. Then Elizabeth suggests crank calling them. She offers up the old "Is Mr. Wall there? Is Mrs. Wall there? Then what's holding up your house?" and the standby "Is your refrigerator running?" LAME. Then Maria goes for the win and tells Elizabeth to call Ken Matthews, pretending to be Jessica. Then she's going to invite him and his friends to go over to Lila's for an impromptu pool party. That is pretty clever, I have to say.
At the fabulous Lila Fowler's, the girls are lounging outside and tanning. Mr. Fowler comes out and he is supa' pissed. He informs her that Ken Matthews and some other young men came over because they received an invitation to come over for a pool party. The girls insist they didn't call the boys, and Mr. Fowler says that the girls need to remember that this isn't a party, and he will force them to stay in bed all day if they have to. What the hell is going on? All of the parents in Sweet Valley are acting like adults!! Jessica asks what Mr. Fowler told the boys, and he just told them the girls were sick, not that they were covered in spots. Then George makes the girls come inside so they don't get overheated.
The girls start trying to figure out who called Ken. After accusing each other, they cleverly deduce that it must have been those crafty Angels! The girls all agree that it was a pretty cool prank for nerds like the Angels to pull off. Lila says that she hopes her dad wasn't mean to the boys, and Jessica says that Lila's dad is anything but mean. He was just mad because he thought Lila disobeyed him, and he didn't tell the boys that the girls had spots on their faces. Kimberly tells her that she sounds more like Elizabeth than Jessica. Jessica wants to push Kimberly in the pool (sooo close to a pool push!!!), but instead she just tells her that Elizabeth might be an Angel, but she's still her sister. She also says that there's nothing wrong with seeing the good side in someone, and that happens to be one of Elizabeth's best qualities. Kimberly tells Jessica that it sounds like she misses her twin. Why is that such a BFD?? Jessica pretends that she doesn't miss Elizabeth, but even if she did, it's none of Kimberly's business!!!
The Angels are playing Monopoly, and Elizabeth can buy Park Place. Mary tells her that it's great, and if she can get the Boardwalk, she'll be in good shape. Elizabeth tells the girls that she's never played like this before. Jessica was always super competitive, and she always stole money from the bank. Mary thinks that is SOOO rude, and it must be a relief not to have to worry about people cheating. Then Maria says that it's such typical Unicorn behavior, because they have it in them to steal and cheat. Then Elizabeth says that she wouldn't necessarily call Jessica a cheater. Does she miss Jessica? Of course not!
Back at the Fowler's, they're doing makeovers (skip to 8:00 in). Ellen is giving the girls new hairdos. Lila's hair is in two braids, and Jessica thinks she looks like a little girl. Ellen tells her that if she read fashion magazines, she'd know that braids are totally in. Jessica says that she does read the magazines, she just thinks the models look like little girls, too. Lila says that Jessica has no fashion sense, and Jessica says she has the best fashion sense in school after Mandy. This is about the 10th time she's mentioned Mandy's fashion sense, and Kimberly's had enough. She tells Jessica it's time for her to make a radical change to differentiate herself from Elizabeth. Um, Kimberly? They do differentiate themselves. Jessica's hair is down, and Elizabeth wears it in a ponytail or barrettes. Keep up!
Lila reaches under her sink and busts out a home perm kit. This was 1995, the middle-end of grunge. There were no perms to be had!! Apparently it will wash out in ten perms. What is with the magical short-term hair care products in Sweet Valley? I used to get spiral perms (shut up, I was ten), and my hair held the curl until I was in high school! Maybe these are just super powerful sponge rollers. Jessica says that she likes looking like Elizabeth, it's one of the things that makes them so close. Kimberly corrects her and says, "Don't you mean were so close?" Lila is appalled that Jessica isn't mad at Elizabeth for having a slumber party at her own house and not inviting her. Kimberly thinks that Liz only had it at the Wakefield's house to hurt Jessica's feelings. That does seem a little hurtful. Jessica agrees to the perm, and thinks she looks like Shirley Temple.
Jessica says that she looks like a poodle, and Kimberly says that she loves poodles. Jessica almost throws her brush at Kimberly's face. Enough of the almosts, Jessica. I want some action!! Lila says she's making a big deal, and it's only hair. Jessica tells Lila that she's the most conceited person when it comes to her hair. Lila tells Jessica not to be bitter just because her hair looks ridiculous. No one is happy. Especially me.
The Unicorns are bored bored bored. Lila hypothesizes that the only reason they don't feel like doing anything is because they've been lying (isn't it laying?) around all day. She has an idea...her dad's going on a business trip that night, and they're going to sneak out to Rick's party! Jessica thinks this is a horrible idea, and Jessica has just gained 2 smart points from me. She's remarkably likeable in this book (minus the bugs in the sleeping bags thing). Jessica doesn't want to give the other kids measles, Kimberly thinks she sounds like Elizabeth, Ellen says, "Baaaahhhh!!!" Jessica points out that they look like the "before" in an acne commercial, and Lila dismissively says that they can just cover it with make-up. This will end well. Jessica finally agrees to go if they can cover their spots.
At the Wakefield's, Elizabeth has decided that the girls should cook dinner. Mandy is asking Elizabeth if she wants her to cut the tomatoes into little cubes. Elizabeth likes the tomatoes in slices, but Mary says they're much prettier in cubes. Then she takes the knife and starts slicing Elizabeth's perfectly cut slices into cubes. Bitch. Maria asks how long to cook the pasta. Elizabeth suggests ten minutes, and Mandy argues that it should be fifteen. Elizabeth points out that it will be mushy if they cook it that long, and Mandy says it will be hard if they cook it for ten. Um, Mandy, it's al dente, okay? Evie finally suggests twelve and a half minutes. Then Mandy commands Mary to start on the onions when she's done with the mushrooms. Elizabeth is pouring olive oil in the skillet, and Mandy tells her it's way too much...they just want to saute the veggies. Elizabeth finally tells Mandy that since she's the expert, so she can do it herself. Oblivious Mandy thinks it's a great idea, and she tells Elizabeth to go help Evie with the basil.
Nobody pushes Elizabeth Wakefield around the in the kitchen!!! Mandy then suggests that the Angels have a bake sale. Elizabeth asks what they would do with the money raised, and Mandy suggests giving it to a few charities and the day-care center. How much do they think bake sales raise? I mean, I know every little bit helps, but do you think these charities are going to be all, "Ooooh, five dollars!!! You really ARE Angels!!!"?? Mary and Elizabeth tell her that it's a great idea (no, it's actually pretty crappy and subpar), and Mandy takes a bow and says, "They don't call me club president for nothing." Elizabeth is pissed that Mandy would be so presumptuous as to assume that she's president of the Angels. That is a little arrogant.
Lila is doing Jessica's make-up, and Jessica is super crabby. She feels crammed in Lila's bathroom, and Lila is insulted. Her bathroom is bigger than the Blue Banana!! Ellen thinks that Jessica's just in a bad mood and she's taking it out on Lila's bathroom. I think Ellen should ride the short bus to school. Jessica comments that Mandy's an expert makeup artist, and Kimberly thinks Jessica keeps bringing up Mandy to annoy her. Jessica looks in the mirror, and her face is completely orange, and her spots totally stick out. Jessica refuses to go to the party, even though the other girls think she looks fine. Jessica decides to call home.
Elizabeth is not a happy camper. Her parents are concerned that she's overextending herself by having her friends over. Elizabeth is having a great time...it's fucking great, so back off, Alice!!! Ned tells her that Jessica called, and said to be sure to tell Elizabeth that she's having a great time at her party, and she hopes Elizabeth's having as much fun as she is.
Over at the Fowler's, George has made the best parenting decision he'll make in all 7 Sweet Valley series. He's staying home from his business trip. The girls try to convince him that they're fine, and he really should go on his trip. He tells Lila not to be brave, he already went out and rented the girls more movies for the night. He tells them to take the make-up off because it's probably not good for their measles. The girls are all upset, except Jessica, who's happy to have more movies to watch.
The Angels are not having fun. They're bored...too bored to even read a story out loud!!! Oh noes!! Mary and Mandy suggest playing an old Unicorn game...the truth circle. They go around and say one bad and one good thing about each other. This is a capital plan! I know that I love hearing terrible things about myself from my best friends. The girls all draw names out of a hat. Mandy's first, and she has Maria. She tells Maria that she's really smart and honest, which is good, but she can be too honest and come across as rude. Maria is not happy. She goes up to Elizabeth's room. Mandy thinks Maria's too sensitive. Evie's up next, and she has Mandy. Evie thinks that Mandy's cheerful and energetic. She also thinks Mandy can be bossy. Mandy disagrees. She asks the other girls if they think she's bossy, and no one wants to answer her. Elizabeth finally says she's been bossier than usual lately, and cites the cooking incident as an example. Mandy's pissed, and that's the end of the game.
Elizabeth wakes up in her bedroom the next morning. I don't blame her, if I was sick I sure as hell wouldn't want to sleep on the floor at my own house. Anyway, Jessica calls and they each lie about how much fun they're having. Jessica comes up with some lame excuse that she thinks she left her curling iron on. They get a little pissy with each other about the pranks they tried to pull off, and then they hang up.
Elizabeth goes downstairs, and the girls are all "excited" that they get to spend another day together. Everyone apologizes about the truth game, and they're all kissing each other's asses. They agree to never play the game again. Mandy suggests the girls talk about the future of the Angels. Elizabeth starts to speak up, and then suggests eating breakfast instead.
Jessica is on the hunt for a jelly donut, and instead settles for chocolate. She notices that Lila is finishing her jelly donut, and she is not happy about it. The girls decide to play truth or dare, and Jessica dares Ellen to call Rick Hunter, and tell him that she's Mandy and she's not over their breakup. I remember thinking this was really mean when I was younger, but Mandy's such a bitch in this book that I kind of feel ambivalent about it. Ellen totally fucks it up, but the girls pretend she sounded just like Mandy. Lila goes next and picks truth. Kimberly asks her who she thinks should be president of the Unicorns. Lila and Jessica both think they should be president, and Lila lamely says that since she had the sleepover she should be president.
Kimberly proves that she's more sociopathic than Jessica, smiles, and says, "This is perfect. This is the perfect example of why I should be president of the Unicorns." She wants to be president so Lila and Jessica don't go to war again, and because she represents the way the Unicorns used to be. They decide to leave it up to Ellen, who starts shaking and refuses to make the call. Jessica tables the discussion.
The Angels are working on their math homework. They agree that they're lame, and Mandy decides it's a good time to talk about the future of the Angels. Mandy has a list of activities and parties, and the first idea she has is a movie character party. That's a horrible fucking idea. It only works in fictional situations, because I know that none of my friends in junior high would have participated. We tried to wear white tank tops and jeans to Christmas dance instead of formal dresses, for God's sake! Anyway, she also thinks that the girls should wear their Angels shirts to school once a week. Elizabeth finally suggests that she thinks they should take a vote about who's going to be president. Mandy wonders why they would take a vote..she was elected president, after all. Elizabeth points out that she was president of the Unicorns, and a new club could use a new president. They decide to discuss it later.
The Unicorns are reading magazines, and Kimberly complains that she's read them all. Lila gets huffy...how dare Kimberly imply that George Fowler didn't purchase enough magazines! Jessica tells her to relax, Kimberly's just rude sometimes. Mrs. Pervis tells Jessica that Liz is on the phone, and Jessica jumps up. Kimberly basically orders her not to talk to her sister, saying that they should establish rules about interacting with the Angels. Jessica tells Kimberly to take her rules and stuff them. Win!!! Elizabeth asks about her pink oxford shirt, which Jessica is wearing and has consequently ruined. She lies and says she doesn't know where it is. They play the same game they've been playing and hang up.
Alice comes in to the kitchen, and says that the doctor informed her the girls can go home now. All of the girls are like, "That's great!!! I mean, it's great we're not sick anymore, not great that we're leaving. Wish we could stay..." Maria practically leaps over the table to call her mom first. Elizabeth is excited because Jessica is on her way home.
Lila's cheerfully saying good-bye to the girls. Kimberly brings up the presidency again. They decide to talk about it later in the week. Lila also says she wants to go to the Center, and Jessica agrees. Kimberly tells them that she thought they weren't going to go to that stupid place with those bratty kids anymore. She also says that she wants them to be like they were last year, before they started doing stupid, immature things. The girls FINALLY stand up to her, and Jessica tells Kimberly that SHE'S the reason they're not with the Angels anymore. Kimberly is apalled. The girls all attack Kimberly, and newlyAwesome!Jessica says, "Let me interpret. I think what we're saying is that we were happy with the way things were before you got here. All you did by coming back to Sweet Valley was mess everything up." THEN, Kimberly asks if everyone agrees with her, and Jessica tells her that they all wish she'd never come back. Harsh. Kimberly starts crying and says that she's upset because the day care center was something the girls started doing while she was gone, and she wants them to be like the old Unicorns. She's all hysterical, and when Ned comes Jessica just kind of bolts. It's super bitchy, but also well-deserved.
Last chapter!!! Liz sees Jessica's hair and is upset that Jessica doesn't want to look like her anymore. They dance around each other for a minute, and then Jessica asks her to play a board game. After that they watch "Days of Turmoil" together. The girls stay home from school one more day, and go back on Wednesday.
The Unicorns are at the Unicorner, and Kimberly comes walking up. She's super nice to everyone, and it's kind of freaking them out. Evie comes over to the table to say hi, and to tell Lila that Ellie misses her at the Center. She also says that Oliver was asking about Jessica. The girls decide to go to the Center after school. Kimberly wants to go shopping, but Jessica firmly says that they're going to the Center. Ellen suggests that Kimberly go with them. She's really self-conscious and doesn't want the kids to not like her.
The Angels are eating lunch at the Angeliner. That is fucking queer. It sounds like a cruise ship. For people who are lame. Anyway, they're talking about how the Unicorns are making eye contact and being pleasant. Guess this won't end up like the Sharks and Jets after all. Sigh. Maria cautions them that she's learned to never trust a Unicorn.
At the Center, all of the kids want to play duck-duck-goose. Kimberly pouts that she doesn't want to, and Ellie drags her over to the circle. I like to imagine Ellie as the little girl from "The Hand that Rocks the Cradle" or "Enough." Anyway, Ellie goes first, and guess who she picks? Kimberly sits there for a minute like a tool, then starts playing. She ends up getting her hair braided, and admits the Center isn't that bad. She mysteriously tells the girls that they'll be doing a "real" Unicorn activity soon. Spoooky.
Special thanks to
blue828 for filling me in on the end of the book!