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Rags to Riches(#16) Recap 2
(This is my first recap, so please be gentle. Also, I hope whoever wrote the first recap for this won't be mad!)
We begin with BohoLivia and RogerSuddenlyPatman lounging about in the cafeteria(I think it's pretty abundantly clear by now that SVH's class schedules consist of only Chemistry, Math, English and Lunch, with incidental French sessions every once and again)commiserating about how old Roger's transformed from po' white trash into a millionaire overnight. This is evidenced by his new corduroy pants. Roger briefly recaps the sordid tale of how the deceased Paul Patman(brother of Henry, Bruce's father) cheated on his mean old wife and made plans to divorce her and marry Roger's then-knocked up mommy, but mercifully died before he could put that plan into action-- but NOT before leaving his entire fortune to Roger. Ka-ching!
Cut to Lila and Jessica gossiping about Roger. We are treated to the omgtwinssoalikesodifferent spiel while Jessica notices how cute Roger is in his new corduroys. The wheels begin to turn, and she wonders what it would be like to go to the upcoming party o' the Patmans with Patman lite, since Bruce dropped her like a bad habit. Upon seeing Liz, she accosts her and demands transport home. Todd, taking a break from trying to bore Liz to death, drops some mysterious hints about tragically deaf Regina Morrow, and then slinks off to study hall. Study Hall?
Bruce is snide to Roger on the ride home. But come on, it's Bruce. He probably leaned his head out the window on the way home, snarking at passerby, too. He reminds Roger that they've got rich people coming for dinner. Roger goes to change in his enormous room, and Bruce pops in to make fun of him(although to be fair, Bruce just never comes off as vicious as he's supposed to.)
They go downstairs to greet their guests, a dirty old man and a gold digger. Don't worry about impressing these walking cliches, Rog. Despite his Aunt Marie's cold warning to be on his best behavior, Rog manages to fumble his fork choice, be snubbed by the gold digger and then fling red wine on her, before escaping and emoing in his room.
Casa de Wakefield. Jessica does leg lifts. Todd calls Liz, with mysterious, peripheral Regina gossip. They make plans to spy. (WHY? She's their friend. Why don't they just ask what's up with her, rather than treating her like a criminal?)
The next morning, they eat breakfast and Jessica wears a shitty t-shirt. Liz drives the Fiat to school, picking up local hitchhiker BohoLivia. Liz is secretly glad Boholivia always looks like a freak so she doesn't look quite so dumpy. Boholivia winges about being nervous about an upcoming Patman cookout, and the girls go to class. Later, Todd convinces Liz to skip class(gasp!) so they can stalk Regina. Todd gets way too excited as they tailgate a bus through town and witness her putting on lipstick, then going into a glamorous(what?) building. Then, they run into Lila, who has also seen Regina(evidenced by her sly tone of voice), and Liz feeds her some bullshit about meeting her Dad downtown, rather than admitting that she's stalking her own friend. (I love how when Liz lies, it's called a "white lie", but Jessica also comes off looking satanic)
Roger is also downtown in the sporting goods store, where Mr. Patman is going all Daddy Warbucks on him. He gets a bunch of gear, and finally starts to realize that being stinking rich may not be a reason to go emo after all.
Saturday, cookout time. Mrs. Patman is found lounging by the pool in pink satin pajamas(seriously? Is she also Joan Rivers?), and Jessica immediately sets to the task of kissing her ass. Liz finds Boholivia, who is acting all red-headed stepchild off in the corner. Turns out she didn't get the bear-hug greeting she wanted from Mrs. Patman, and needs to whine about it. Liz, for some reason, is sure that the Patmans' opinions don't matter.
Jessica continues kissing Mrs. Patman's ass. They have a pretty creepy conversation in the breakfast room in which Mrs. Patman reveals she has nothing better to do than meddle in the affairs of her teenaged nephew, recommending that Jessica be Roger's date to the big formal party, meaning Jessica has a 2 week deadline by which she must ruin Boholivia's life. No prob.
Oh, and Lila and Carolina Pierce harass Regina about the old man she was seen with. Whatever. Todd, Enid and Liz extol tragically deaf Regina's virtues, and Todd insists they keep stalking her.
Lunch is served, and Boholivia wishes Jessica would teach her how to feed herself. The wheels turn, and Jessica cooks up a plan to give Olivia bad advice to edge her out. And eats a peach. She then suggests Boholivia take two plates of food, which she does, to her shame.
After lunch(and I think it's adorable that ghostwriter makes a point to note that everyone waits the "proper interval after lunch" before swimming), Jessica make Liv look like a tard in a diving contest. Bruce leers at Jessica, suggests tennis, and Jess takes this as a golden opportunity to make a fool out of Boholivia. They make plans to play tennis on Tuesday, and Jessica has a self-congratulatory moment. I should keep a running tally of how many of these occur throughout the book.
Back at the Wakefield's, Jess and Liz are watching John Travolta on their "brand new videocassette recorder" that their father has "installed". Wouldn't installation for a VCR mean...."plugged in"? Of course, having a VCR must have been a huge deal back then. Proud day at the Wakefield's. Liv calls, and Elizabeth confronts Jessica about their sudden friendship. Jessica calls her out on her self-righteousness(yes!), and creates a story about Lila still being after Roger. Liz, for some reason, believes the incredibly transparent story(for all their supposed intuitive powers, they really don't know each other AT ALL).
Monday. Lila and Caroline meet Regina's old man at the school. It is suspicious. And really, it kind of is. Regina's pretty rude and dumb to not clear up the confusion when they're all standing there by introducing him, but whatever. This is a pretty dumb B plot.
Jessica and Boholivia meet at the mall to buy tennis clothes. Olivia's both poor and awkward, so she doesn't buy anything.
Tuesday. The tennis pairs meet up. Boholivia gets a running start on being a passive-aggressive bitch about Roger's wealth. She wet blankets when it's time to play, suggesting that they "warm up"(is she also sixty?). Liv plays horribly, and gets upset when Roger tries to help her out(I guess I might too, though.) Jessica acts all angel of mercy, defending her and suggesting that she get the hard shots. Jessica kicks all kinds of ass in the second game, and Roger lazily begins to enjoy himself. Third game, Jessica starts to switch it up on her, and because Liv's a total clod, she face plants and cries. Jessica has a self-congratulatory moment and drives her home.
B Plot: Regina is concerned people are talking about her. Liz agrees to go to her house after school to talk it out. When they do, Liz encounters Regina's creepy brother Nicholas. We get a brief recap on the plot of Deceptions, then Regina lies to her brother about the purpose of the visit(why? Why is everyone in this town a filthy liar for no good reason?). Regina tells Liz the story about how her old man is actually her pimp modeling agent, and that she was discovered. She's going to appear on the cover of Ingenue magazine!!!11 Regina begs her to keep it a secret, and Liz feels uneasy about lying to Todd(oh really?).
At school the next day, Boholivia is pouting. When Liz caves and gives her the attention she's crying out for, the following conversation ensues:
Olivia: Tell me the truth, Liz. Do I dress strangely?
Elizabeth: What are you talking about?
Olivia:No, I mean it Liz. Take a look at me. Do I dress like a freak?
Liz: Now that I'm looking at you, yes.
Well, it was sort of like that. And from the description of Boholivia's outfit(oversized army pants, sandals and a bright yellow t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up, with her "usual" bandana tied around her forehead) I'd say the term "freak" was dead on.
We later find Jess at Boholivia's house, where she ridicules the homemade dress her new pal made for the big party. For some reason, Liv trusts her opinion, but nonetheless throws her out of her house. Deciding that she'll make a complete fool of Roger(correct!) if she goes to the big party with him, she realizes the relationship is doomed to fail and cries.
Patman Estate. Roger is summoned by his Aunt, who criticizes essentially aspect of his being. She points out that Boholivia fails at life, and after half-heartedly defending her, Roger does a 180 and vows that he'll give up anything to make the Patmans proud. This means you, Liv.
At school the next day, Lila overhears Liz and tragically modeling Regina whispering about another meeting with her pimp agent. She decides to take up the art of stalking Regina, too. She tails them to the modeling agency, where she discover that Regina's going to be in the magazine! Gasp! She quickly crafts a plan to steal tragically modeling Regina's thunder and become the covergirl.
Back at school, Boholivia tries to back out of going to the dance with Roger, who accuses her(correctly) of being selfish. She completely flips out, bitches all over the place, and suggests he find someone more suited to his new life. Wisely, Roger takes her advice, thanks her, and drives home(basically). Also, something about losing his best friend.
Casa de Wakefield. Jessica absorbs cancer from the sun, and Liz informs her that Olivia and Roger have broken up. Jess rushes inside under the pretense of calling to console Boholivia, and Liz feels bad about judging her twin(maybe for the first time ever).
In reality, Jessica has scurried over to the Patman house. She cons him into inviting her to be his date to his party, and Jessica congratulates herself(x3).
B Plot. Lila arrives at the modeling agency, spackled with makeup. He dismisses her "flat" face and raves about Regina's beauty. Furious, Lila rushes out.
Patman House. Roger is lurking around in his Uncle's closet, when he overhears his Aunt on the phone about how Jessica came between Roger and his drippy girlfriend. Apparently, Mrs. Patman approves of this. Solid. Roger is pissed, and slams some doors to demonstrate this.
(I would like to take a minute and point out that Jessica didn't really do much wrong at all. She gave Olivia vague but not altogether bad advice(ex. "be yourself, have fun"), that just happened to backfire, maybe because Olivia really does suck at life. Further, Olivia was the one who didn't have enough confidence to grow a pair and act like a normal person, rather than cry every chance she got. She made an idiot of herself all on her own-- Jessica just enabled her.)
Roger calls Jessica and invites himself over. He confesses that he can't take Jessica to the dance because he remembered that she's a bitch, and wants her to help him apologize to Boholivia. Jessica balks, but Liz, angel of light and mercy agrees to go. Jessica finds a new date before they're out the door. Awesome.
Roger frets about Olivia rejecting him, because that would(inexplicably) be a bad thing. Boholivia emerges, dressed freakier than ever, but Liz mistakenly thinks she looks like a princess. They have a quick rap session about self esteem and being yourself, oh, and hating Jessica. They realize that it's essentially their own fault that she succeeded. Liv shows Elizabeth that heinous dress she made, but unlike her sister, Liz doesn't have the heart to laugh in her friend's face. Instead, she lies like a dog and tells Boholivia to wear it.
At the Wakefield house, Liz has plans to bawl her sister out, but not before Jess confronts her about the Regina scandal. Not to be distracted, Liz tries to get her to fess up. Jessica points out the obvious: if stupid Olivia weren't so stupid insecure, nothing Jessica could have said would've made any difference. Then, she uses some softcore manipulation, and Liz is no longer upset with her.
Party time!
There is dancing. Roger is a little snide to Jessica, who ignores him and dances with Neil. Then, he is proud(really?) to introduce Boholivia to the gold digger and her husband. Auntie Patman starts bitching about this, and Mr. Patman calls gold digger an old cow. Cut to the ladies' room, where the girls fuss about Regina's pictures and Caroline Pierce exhibits a creepy love letter and acts sketchy. For some reason, people care about her mysterious boyfriend, and the party rocks on.
(This is my first recap, so please be gentle. Also, I hope whoever wrote the first recap for this won't be mad!)
We begin with BohoLivia and RogerSuddenlyPatman lounging about in the cafeteria(I think it's pretty abundantly clear by now that SVH's class schedules consist of only Chemistry, Math, English and Lunch, with incidental French sessions every once and again)commiserating about how old Roger's transformed from po' white trash into a millionaire overnight. This is evidenced by his new corduroy pants. Roger briefly recaps the sordid tale of how the deceased Paul Patman(brother of Henry, Bruce's father) cheated on his mean old wife and made plans to divorce her and marry Roger's then-knocked up mommy, but mercifully died before he could put that plan into action-- but NOT before leaving his entire fortune to Roger. Ka-ching!
Cut to Lila and Jessica gossiping about Roger. We are treated to the omgtwinssoalikesodifferent spiel while Jessica notices how cute Roger is in his new corduroys. The wheels begin to turn, and she wonders what it would be like to go to the upcoming party o' the Patmans with Patman lite, since Bruce dropped her like a bad habit. Upon seeing Liz, she accosts her and demands transport home. Todd, taking a break from trying to bore Liz to death, drops some mysterious hints about tragically deaf Regina Morrow, and then slinks off to study hall. Study Hall?
Bruce is snide to Roger on the ride home. But come on, it's Bruce. He probably leaned his head out the window on the way home, snarking at passerby, too. He reminds Roger that they've got rich people coming for dinner. Roger goes to change in his enormous room, and Bruce pops in to make fun of him(although to be fair, Bruce just never comes off as vicious as he's supposed to.)
They go downstairs to greet their guests, a dirty old man and a gold digger. Don't worry about impressing these walking cliches, Rog. Despite his Aunt Marie's cold warning to be on his best behavior, Rog manages to fumble his fork choice, be snubbed by the gold digger and then fling red wine on her, before escaping and emoing in his room.
Casa de Wakefield. Jessica does leg lifts. Todd calls Liz, with mysterious, peripheral Regina gossip. They make plans to spy. (WHY? She's their friend. Why don't they just ask what's up with her, rather than treating her like a criminal?)
The next morning, they eat breakfast and Jessica wears a shitty t-shirt. Liz drives the Fiat to school, picking up local hitchhiker BohoLivia. Liz is secretly glad Boholivia always looks like a freak so she doesn't look quite so dumpy. Boholivia winges about being nervous about an upcoming Patman cookout, and the girls go to class. Later, Todd convinces Liz to skip class(gasp!) so they can stalk Regina. Todd gets way too excited as they tailgate a bus through town and witness her putting on lipstick, then going into a glamorous(what?) building. Then, they run into Lila, who has also seen Regina(evidenced by her sly tone of voice), and Liz feeds her some bullshit about meeting her Dad downtown, rather than admitting that she's stalking her own friend. (I love how when Liz lies, it's called a "white lie", but Jessica also comes off looking satanic)
Roger is also downtown in the sporting goods store, where Mr. Patman is going all Daddy Warbucks on him. He gets a bunch of gear, and finally starts to realize that being stinking rich may not be a reason to go emo after all.
Saturday, cookout time. Mrs. Patman is found lounging by the pool in pink satin pajamas(seriously? Is she also Joan Rivers?), and Jessica immediately sets to the task of kissing her ass. Liz finds Boholivia, who is acting all red-headed stepchild off in the corner. Turns out she didn't get the bear-hug greeting she wanted from Mrs. Patman, and needs to whine about it. Liz, for some reason, is sure that the Patmans' opinions don't matter.
Jessica continues kissing Mrs. Patman's ass. They have a pretty creepy conversation in the breakfast room in which Mrs. Patman reveals she has nothing better to do than meddle in the affairs of her teenaged nephew, recommending that Jessica be Roger's date to the big formal party, meaning Jessica has a 2 week deadline by which she must ruin Boholivia's life. No prob.
Oh, and Lila and Carolina Pierce harass Regina about the old man she was seen with. Whatever. Todd, Enid and Liz extol tragically deaf Regina's virtues, and Todd insists they keep stalking her.
Lunch is served, and Boholivia wishes Jessica would teach her how to feed herself. The wheels turn, and Jessica cooks up a plan to give Olivia bad advice to edge her out. And eats a peach. She then suggests Boholivia take two plates of food, which she does, to her shame.
After lunch(and I think it's adorable that ghostwriter makes a point to note that everyone waits the "proper interval after lunch" before swimming), Jessica make Liv look like a tard in a diving contest. Bruce leers at Jessica, suggests tennis, and Jess takes this as a golden opportunity to make a fool out of Boholivia. They make plans to play tennis on Tuesday, and Jessica has a self-congratulatory moment. I should keep a running tally of how many of these occur throughout the book.
Back at the Wakefield's, Jess and Liz are watching John Travolta on their "brand new videocassette recorder" that their father has "installed". Wouldn't installation for a VCR mean...."plugged in"? Of course, having a VCR must have been a huge deal back then. Proud day at the Wakefield's. Liv calls, and Elizabeth confronts Jessica about their sudden friendship. Jessica calls her out on her self-righteousness(yes!), and creates a story about Lila still being after Roger. Liz, for some reason, believes the incredibly transparent story(for all their supposed intuitive powers, they really don't know each other AT ALL).
Monday. Lila and Caroline meet Regina's old man at the school. It is suspicious. And really, it kind of is. Regina's pretty rude and dumb to not clear up the confusion when they're all standing there by introducing him, but whatever. This is a pretty dumb B plot.
Jessica and Boholivia meet at the mall to buy tennis clothes. Olivia's both poor and awkward, so she doesn't buy anything.
Tuesday. The tennis pairs meet up. Boholivia gets a running start on being a passive-aggressive bitch about Roger's wealth. She wet blankets when it's time to play, suggesting that they "warm up"(is she also sixty?). Liv plays horribly, and gets upset when Roger tries to help her out(I guess I might too, though.) Jessica acts all angel of mercy, defending her and suggesting that she get the hard shots. Jessica kicks all kinds of ass in the second game, and Roger lazily begins to enjoy himself. Third game, Jessica starts to switch it up on her, and because Liv's a total clod, she face plants and cries. Jessica has a self-congratulatory moment and drives her home.
B Plot: Regina is concerned people are talking about her. Liz agrees to go to her house after school to talk it out. When they do, Liz encounters Regina's creepy brother Nicholas. We get a brief recap on the plot of Deceptions, then Regina lies to her brother about the purpose of the visit(why? Why is everyone in this town a filthy liar for no good reason?). Regina tells Liz the story about how her old man is actually her pimp modeling agent, and that she was discovered. She's going to appear on the cover of Ingenue magazine!!!11 Regina begs her to keep it a secret, and Liz feels uneasy about lying to Todd(oh really?).
At school the next day, Boholivia is pouting. When Liz caves and gives her the attention she's crying out for, the following conversation ensues:
Olivia: Tell me the truth, Liz. Do I dress strangely?
Elizabeth: What are you talking about?
Olivia:No, I mean it Liz. Take a look at me. Do I dress like a freak?
Liz: Now that I'm looking at you, yes.
Well, it was sort of like that. And from the description of Boholivia's outfit(oversized army pants, sandals and a bright yellow t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up, with her "usual" bandana tied around her forehead) I'd say the term "freak" was dead on.
We later find Jess at Boholivia's house, where she ridicules the homemade dress her new pal made for the big party. For some reason, Liv trusts her opinion, but nonetheless throws her out of her house. Deciding that she'll make a complete fool of Roger(correct!) if she goes to the big party with him, she realizes the relationship is doomed to fail and cries.
Patman Estate. Roger is summoned by his Aunt, who criticizes essentially aspect of his being. She points out that Boholivia fails at life, and after half-heartedly defending her, Roger does a 180 and vows that he'll give up anything to make the Patmans proud. This means you, Liv.
At school the next day, Lila overhears Liz and tragically modeling Regina whispering about another meeting with her pimp agent. She decides to take up the art of stalking Regina, too. She tails them to the modeling agency, where she discover that Regina's going to be in the magazine! Gasp! She quickly crafts a plan to steal tragically modeling Regina's thunder and become the covergirl.
Back at school, Boholivia tries to back out of going to the dance with Roger, who accuses her(correctly) of being selfish. She completely flips out, bitches all over the place, and suggests he find someone more suited to his new life. Wisely, Roger takes her advice, thanks her, and drives home(basically). Also, something about losing his best friend.
Casa de Wakefield. Jessica absorbs cancer from the sun, and Liz informs her that Olivia and Roger have broken up. Jess rushes inside under the pretense of calling to console Boholivia, and Liz feels bad about judging her twin(maybe for the first time ever).
In reality, Jessica has scurried over to the Patman house. She cons him into inviting her to be his date to his party, and Jessica congratulates herself(x3).
B Plot. Lila arrives at the modeling agency, spackled with makeup. He dismisses her "flat" face and raves about Regina's beauty. Furious, Lila rushes out.
Patman House. Roger is lurking around in his Uncle's closet, when he overhears his Aunt on the phone about how Jessica came between Roger and his drippy girlfriend. Apparently, Mrs. Patman approves of this. Solid. Roger is pissed, and slams some doors to demonstrate this.
(I would like to take a minute and point out that Jessica didn't really do much wrong at all. She gave Olivia vague but not altogether bad advice(ex. "be yourself, have fun"), that just happened to backfire, maybe because Olivia really does suck at life. Further, Olivia was the one who didn't have enough confidence to grow a pair and act like a normal person, rather than cry every chance she got. She made an idiot of herself all on her own-- Jessica just enabled her.)
Roger calls Jessica and invites himself over. He confesses that he can't take Jessica to the dance because he remembered that she's a bitch, and wants her to help him apologize to Boholivia. Jessica balks, but Liz, angel of light and mercy agrees to go. Jessica finds a new date before they're out the door. Awesome.
Roger frets about Olivia rejecting him, because that would(inexplicably) be a bad thing. Boholivia emerges, dressed freakier than ever, but Liz mistakenly thinks she looks like a princess. They have a quick rap session about self esteem and being yourself, oh, and hating Jessica. They realize that it's essentially their own fault that she succeeded. Liv shows Elizabeth that heinous dress she made, but unlike her sister, Liz doesn't have the heart to laugh in her friend's face. Instead, she lies like a dog and tells Boholivia to wear it.
At the Wakefield house, Liz has plans to bawl her sister out, but not before Jess confronts her about the Regina scandal. Not to be distracted, Liz tries to get her to fess up. Jessica points out the obvious: if stupid Olivia weren't so stupid insecure, nothing Jessica could have said would've made any difference. Then, she uses some softcore manipulation, and Liz is no longer upset with her.
Party time!
There is dancing. Roger is a little snide to Jessica, who ignores him and dances with Neil. Then, he is proud(really?) to introduce Boholivia to the gold digger and her husband. Auntie Patman starts bitching about this, and Mr. Patman calls gold digger an old cow. Cut to the ladies' room, where the girls fuss about Regina's pictures and Caroline Pierce exhibits a creepy love letter and acts sketchy. For some reason, people care about her mysterious boyfriend, and the party rocks on.