The Depths of the Clouds
Wachowski films always leave me with the same feeling. Utter tears, and as though my heart is being broken open from the inside out. Watching Cloud Atlas today, reminded me of these revelations, and in their own way, caused me to remember the feelings or considerations I've had over my own life.
One of the overarching themes of Cloud Atlas, was that we continually run into the same people over and over again throughout our series of lives that we live. Now the Wachowskis are no foreigner's to buddhist or hindu themes, however it brought back feelings of a few things. There are some people in my life that I've had a hard time letting go of, that I just keep ending up in contact with over and over again throughout the years, now what if that was true for the future lives, what if I've never actually been able to remove them from myself what if, we've been in continual contact not just for this life but for ever life before it, or after it. Should I even try to escape those people that I've attempted to? I suppose I have to, I have to hope for a better future. But I think it was put best towards the end of the film, "Death is a door, and I can think of no more beautiful future than opening a door and finding him waiting on the other side of it" I couldn't have thought about it in a more beautiful thought.
Another one of the themes that leaves me again, shaking at my core, is the theme that whatever crimes or generosity we commit in this life, gets carried on into the next. As all of us here know I have a torrid painful past, and I think I spent a lot of my life considering what I'd done to deserve it. It took a lot of people telling me that it wasn't what I did, I wasn't the cause of all of the abuse. Which, I believed, but there is always that consideration, if past lives do exist, what the fuck did I do back then.
And lastly, there is the theme of love. As with most romance, there is the belief that love is transcendant. Which brings my thoughts back to J. Recently we celebrated our one year anniversary, It is nights like tonight when I realize that I love him much more deeply than I let on. Much more deeply than I dare whisper or say aloud, or think in my conscious mind. Thoughts that sometimes worry me because I have been so wrong before. Because my heart has been damaged before. But on nights like tonight when all I can do is think of how incredible it is to wake up and see his face in the morning and realize it wasn't a dream. How much comfort there is in just hearing his heart beat. And how many times I come to the conclusion I'll never be able to kiss him enough, I'll never be able to convey the amount of passion or desire I feel for him in merely words or kisses alone. My love for him is there, and real, and deep, and I'm unsure of how much longer I can hide from it.
One of the overarching themes of Cloud Atlas, was that we continually run into the same people over and over again throughout our series of lives that we live. Now the Wachowskis are no foreigner's to buddhist or hindu themes, however it brought back feelings of a few things. There are some people in my life that I've had a hard time letting go of, that I just keep ending up in contact with over and over again throughout the years, now what if that was true for the future lives, what if I've never actually been able to remove them from myself what if, we've been in continual contact not just for this life but for ever life before it, or after it. Should I even try to escape those people that I've attempted to? I suppose I have to, I have to hope for a better future. But I think it was put best towards the end of the film, "Death is a door, and I can think of no more beautiful future than opening a door and finding him waiting on the other side of it" I couldn't have thought about it in a more beautiful thought.
Another one of the themes that leaves me again, shaking at my core, is the theme that whatever crimes or generosity we commit in this life, gets carried on into the next. As all of us here know I have a torrid painful past, and I think I spent a lot of my life considering what I'd done to deserve it. It took a lot of people telling me that it wasn't what I did, I wasn't the cause of all of the abuse. Which, I believed, but there is always that consideration, if past lives do exist, what the fuck did I do back then.
And lastly, there is the theme of love. As with most romance, there is the belief that love is transcendant. Which brings my thoughts back to J. Recently we celebrated our one year anniversary, It is nights like tonight when I realize that I love him much more deeply than I let on. Much more deeply than I dare whisper or say aloud, or think in my conscious mind. Thoughts that sometimes worry me because I have been so wrong before. Because my heart has been damaged before. But on nights like tonight when all I can do is think of how incredible it is to wake up and see his face in the morning and realize it wasn't a dream. How much comfort there is in just hearing his heart beat. And how many times I come to the conclusion I'll never be able to kiss him enough, I'll never be able to convey the amount of passion or desire I feel for him in merely words or kisses alone. My love for him is there, and real, and deep, and I'm unsure of how much longer I can hide from it.