Growing Up Poor
I never really put a lot of thought into how growing up poor (At least for the first ten years or twelve years of my life) affected my personality until now. I feel a lot of people don't quite understand how poor I was or what growing up REALLY poor is like.
Growing up in poverty is shit. Granted everyone knows that, but poverty is rarely rewarding and it ruins most people. If you're one of the harder working, lucky, individuals then you may find your background humbling, but that's unlikely. To most of us who have come from poverty into wealth, our backgrounds are just a burden and a tool.You see, being poor has a stigma. Everyone else with a basic level of perception can tell you're poor. You have an aura of being lower than them.
Let's discuss "normal" now. When you're poor as a child you cannot have everything the other children have. A car? Good luck. The newest games console? Those are for rich kids. Regular food? Going out for a meal? Trips to the cinema? Christmas presents? All for rich kids. A coat in the winter? Sometimes. New shoes when the soles of your old ones fall through? Perhaps, but you'll have to spend a few weeks with your feet getting wet in negative temperatures. Everybody sees this. The fact you are poor is clear. You are different, and everyone who isn't poor can tell. This is a major point, so I'm mentioning it again. The feeling that you are less, that you are worthless and that other people are looking down on your is very very real. When you're much younger it is a different story. The middle class/ working class kids don't understand why you're so poor. Why do you only have one parent? Where is your car? Why don't you have a PC? You don't have a maid? As a child you repeat the mantra "That's for rich people only", further cementing your differences.
Now the kind of people this attracts is not always the greatest, particularly when you start to come into money.Those gold diggers and gimme gimmes? They're the people us poor people also grow up with. The exact same people. They don't just do it to you. The second you show any level of wealth as a poor person they will be there as a "mate" or friend to suck it all away. You just got your welfare or benefits? Bam, they're around for a beer, or to go out, or something similar. It gets very petty very quickly and becomes a series of mind games to see who you can fuck over the most. Family, friends, colleagues, whatever. You get caught up in a game of people trying to take the most from each other while losing the least. Everyone will be very diligent about debt, tabs and claiming benefits, credit and the like, but will never remember their own debts.
Now, why I had to leave my home town to save my future. You say you must take a specific job or type of job? So must poor people. Why you ask? Crabs in a Bucket. If you aspire to be more than them they will either drag you down by peer pressure because of jealousy, or they will drain every penny you earn because they are vultures. Either way they will beat you down and force you back to their level. You must either be one of them, or not. You cannot be on their level while earning enough to be "normal".
So how has this affected my personality? As a kid I knew I couldn't ask for a lot of things, that it was too straining or hurtful to even attempt to ask for certain needs to be met. So now, now I struggle to get them met. Years of feeling inadequate and lesser and feeling trapped against doing anything about it, leaves me to easily feel that way now and struggle to realize that i'm not back in that place and that I can do things about it. I feel alienated against a lot of people I used to grow up with, feel alien that they wouldn't understand, I feel alien from my family, that not only could they not fathom my success, but that they couldn't understand why I needed to move so far away from them, that they are only selfishly looking to fulfill their own needs, and see me as being too selfish. I still on occasion attract those types that attempt to get anything from you, I've done a good job of keeping them out and recognizing them. But its an interesting part of my past that I don't typically acknowledge
Growing up in poverty is shit. Granted everyone knows that, but poverty is rarely rewarding and it ruins most people. If you're one of the harder working, lucky, individuals then you may find your background humbling, but that's unlikely. To most of us who have come from poverty into wealth, our backgrounds are just a burden and a tool.You see, being poor has a stigma. Everyone else with a basic level of perception can tell you're poor. You have an aura of being lower than them.
Let's discuss "normal" now. When you're poor as a child you cannot have everything the other children have. A car? Good luck. The newest games console? Those are for rich kids. Regular food? Going out for a meal? Trips to the cinema? Christmas presents? All for rich kids. A coat in the winter? Sometimes. New shoes when the soles of your old ones fall through? Perhaps, but you'll have to spend a few weeks with your feet getting wet in negative temperatures. Everybody sees this. The fact you are poor is clear. You are different, and everyone who isn't poor can tell. This is a major point, so I'm mentioning it again. The feeling that you are less, that you are worthless and that other people are looking down on your is very very real. When you're much younger it is a different story. The middle class/ working class kids don't understand why you're so poor. Why do you only have one parent? Where is your car? Why don't you have a PC? You don't have a maid? As a child you repeat the mantra "That's for rich people only", further cementing your differences.
Now the kind of people this attracts is not always the greatest, particularly when you start to come into money.Those gold diggers and gimme gimmes? They're the people us poor people also grow up with. The exact same people. They don't just do it to you. The second you show any level of wealth as a poor person they will be there as a "mate" or friend to suck it all away. You just got your welfare or benefits? Bam, they're around for a beer, or to go out, or something similar. It gets very petty very quickly and becomes a series of mind games to see who you can fuck over the most. Family, friends, colleagues, whatever. You get caught up in a game of people trying to take the most from each other while losing the least. Everyone will be very diligent about debt, tabs and claiming benefits, credit and the like, but will never remember their own debts.
Now, why I had to leave my home town to save my future. You say you must take a specific job or type of job? So must poor people. Why you ask? Crabs in a Bucket. If you aspire to be more than them they will either drag you down by peer pressure because of jealousy, or they will drain every penny you earn because they are vultures. Either way they will beat you down and force you back to their level. You must either be one of them, or not. You cannot be on their level while earning enough to be "normal".
So how has this affected my personality? As a kid I knew I couldn't ask for a lot of things, that it was too straining or hurtful to even attempt to ask for certain needs to be met. So now, now I struggle to get them met. Years of feeling inadequate and lesser and feeling trapped against doing anything about it, leaves me to easily feel that way now and struggle to realize that i'm not back in that place and that I can do things about it. I feel alienated against a lot of people I used to grow up with, feel alien that they wouldn't understand, I feel alien from my family, that not only could they not fathom my success, but that they couldn't understand why I needed to move so far away from them, that they are only selfishly looking to fulfill their own needs, and see me as being too selfish. I still on occasion attract those types that attempt to get anything from you, I've done a good job of keeping them out and recognizing them. But its an interesting part of my past that I don't typically acknowledge