Oh good heavens.
When I was 7 or 8 I had trouble sleeping because I was sure that at any minute I might wake up and find that I was actually a baby, or an old person, and my life was not mine at all. I've been having the same feeling lately; not at bedtime, but almost all the time. Tonight I even had a premonition that I would die tomorrow...get hit by a car or something, I don't know. It's...unsettling, to say the least. It's a chicken and egg thing: am I having a hard time connecting to people and feeling lonely because I'm subconsciously sure of my life's falsehood, or am I sure of its falsehood because I'm having a hard time connecting to people, and feeling lonely. Rational Me is sure it must be the latter, but Hormonal Bullshit Mentally Unbalanced Me is throwing a hissy-fit.
Jon says it's because everything else is so good that I don't have anything to worry about except it all being taken away. That might be true also.
Fuck.
I should probably talk to my therapist about it. That at least would be more constructive than moping around and crying in the bathtub.
Jon says it's because everything else is so good that I don't have anything to worry about except it all being taken away. That might be true also.
Fuck.
I should probably talk to my therapist about it. That at least would be more constructive than moping around and crying in the bathtub.