Realism v. optimism.
I have what I think is a realistic outlook on the world. For example, it has been one of my great frustrations in grad school that no one takes me seriously regarding my problems with math. I tell people (professors, GSIs, friends) that I don't understand and I think I might fail the course, and they inevitably tell me that I'll be fine and I just need a better attitude. And then I fail the course. Naturally, I blame myself, but I do feel embittered toward professors and GSIs who, I think, could have done more to help me, but preferred to just tell me that I needed to think positively.
Thinking positively, I have always felt, is bullshit.
I listened to this episode of Radiolab last week, which is about deception, including self-deception. Apparently, studies show that people who can deceive themselves into believing that they are actually better at something, do better than people who judge themselves accurately. People who self-deceive are happier and less prone to depression than people who don't.
This blew my mind. It feels like lying - not to mention setting myself up for failure - to tell myself I am good at math and succeed when past performance has made it clear that none of the above is true. But maybe that's what I need?
~~~
I'm going to school today to study my calculus. I have been getting nothing done here, despite my good intentions. I expect that the reading room will be quite empty on the first day of summer.
Thinking positively, I have always felt, is bullshit.
I listened to this episode of Radiolab last week, which is about deception, including self-deception. Apparently, studies show that people who can deceive themselves into believing that they are actually better at something, do better than people who judge themselves accurately. People who self-deceive are happier and less prone to depression than people who don't.
This blew my mind. It feels like lying - not to mention setting myself up for failure - to tell myself I am good at math and succeed when past performance has made it clear that none of the above is true. But maybe that's what I need?
~~~
I'm going to school today to study my calculus. I have been getting nothing done here, despite my good intentions. I expect that the reading room will be quite empty on the first day of summer.