(no subject)
I remembered this so wanted to note it...
Years ago, Eric's mom was remodeling, as she did every few years, and asked when was the last time we did, when did we do our roof, what we had in our kitchen. I didn't think anything of it and all of that was new and foreign and unimportant to me. Now, as I've been involved with my house, and as my worldview continues to expand, I think how that was an absurd question to ask me. We didn't really buy our house, but bought it from my uncle. My parents had to build up their jobs over the years to even be at a point of affording things like...a new car to get to work. There was a year where we bought big things, to us, like a couch set. A complete, or big remodels, would have totally been out of the realm of natural thought for us. Replace our roof? What it leaking? I don't think we had $10 grand...$20 grand... Any grand to spare. My parents were paying for tuition for our schools because of a fear of safety and as an investment into the future. Once I was in a university, UCLA at that, we were paying A LOT for me to be close to school for my academics but really for me to go through "the college experience." Our debts grew and grew and grew. I think... She didn't mean any harm and was just making conversation, but when I think back...a person who had the privilege of being a stay-at-home mom, yes a true job of its own, but that coupled with the privilege and position to be able to swap out cosmetic nice-to-haves like a working dining table, a working roof, a new kitchen, etc. and then to ask me particularly -- who comes from a family whose generation literally started in the 1980s and hadn't even built up any generational wealth yet because of fleeing "home" -- was probably, in post current times, ignorant and unconscious. I probably wouldn't even say anything knowing all that I know now. And maybe that's the bigger issue.
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I am a co-chair of the Asian Pacific Islander employee resource group at work. I didn't think it was a big deal. TBH, my coworker and I wanted to chair this as another leadership position for our resumes. We prepared a communication (email) for all staff, even before all these other organizations put those out, and it took Thursday to Friday to perfect, and I finally sent it Friday evening. It was already very emotional and I was writing the message. It all hit me how big a deal this is. We volunteered to be these leaders and we're doing this for 500+ staff (and thousands during normal times). The CEO last week, said "Chinese New Year," to which I thought "but I celebrate it too and I'm not Chinese...". But I didn't say anything. My coworker did, though! And I know now also how important it is for us to say these things. I believe I crafted the message from my heart and I say it was emotional because of the way I wrote it, as I was reading these articles about anti-Asian sentiment. And I know, we all know, this is nothing new. And this is not nearly what others have experienced and continue to experience.
We were looking at a house, which we've been doing every week, and at the end, we usually debrief with the agent. We talked about how close the house is to my mom's house, which was a negative to me for investment reasons, but a plus to her for familial reasons. When she said, "you're lucky to have you mom, and to be so close... Just count your blessings," I cried. It wasn't sad, because she is still here, and it wasn't happy either. I'm sad because of COVID I don't get to hang out with my mom so much. Usually I would stay home a few days, stay at Jan's, and just bounce between place to place, but now it's months and it's worrying if I'm bringing or getting it, and it's just different. It was all in all an emotional day, or few days, or 13 months.