Arizona Trip
Arizona
I think this trip to Arizona was very important. Coming off the heels of Stef's breakup, unknown to me when planning this trip, it was important for us to be physically here for her at this time. It was unfortunate that Krystle couldn't make it, especially because another reason this trip was nice was because it gave us, or maybe just me, a break from relationship life, not that we need it, but time apart every now and then is nice, if not necessary. I'm very glad that we set a date, and we all made it happen.
Arizona is quite nice. It is quieter, and reminds me more like the north SFV, with drastic neighborhood variability between rundown areas and Woodland Hills-like areas, even with a huge spa resort towards the mountains. I can appreciate the remnants of the original terrain with cacti abound, of all sorts, and incorporations in foods. Though I would have been okay with staying in and talkiing the whole time, I'm happy that Stef took us exploring, eating unique foods to the area, even if it wasn't fancy, doing fun local activities like the Arizona State Fair, and going out of her way to make us feel at home--literally like we never left SoCal with the "beach house" rental. That is one of her charms--always going out of her way to make other comfortable.
We, too, had variability in our activities. One night we went to an upscale steakhouse, the next morning we were in a deserted area eating out of a converted market or gas station, and last night we were at a tapas restaurant then ended up at a club/lounge. I recall sitting across from the 3 of them, Rachel, Helen, and Stef, and thinking how cool it is that we are even friends, and that we continue to stay in touch and make efforts to see each other. Truly, I don't think we have much in common. The common factor would have been our majors, and even then, they 3 were in geophysics and I meandered through so many different classes and electives that I didn't even see them aside from a class or two. SO, as I was thinking about this I was very grateful, while it may be an unusual word to use, but that's the word that comes to mind, and that's the word that best reflects my actual feeling; grateful for their friendship and their welcoming me into their lives. I think back to my experiences with Rachel years past and am glad we went through that together, even if we don't speak on it. I'm glad we open up to each other, and I'm glad we are supportive of each other through our different life experiences and where each of us are in life.
Yesterday, unsurprisingly, I woke up late! I had a 10-hour sleep, while Rachel had a 12-hour sleep. I think that's the definition of R&R. I woke up to the sound of Helen and Stef talking in the living room. As soon as I showered, I joined in for the tail end of the conversation, which seemed comfortably liquid, with anyone of us able to join in. Helen, who is now a doctor (!), is still searching for her career path. That was very comforting to hear--that despite all her schoolings and devoted time to her research, even she is uncertain of what she wants to be when she grows up. Even they, with their multiple degrees, are still grappling with their resumes and "how to work for Google." Maybe through these similarities that we're comfortable sharing that we have commonalities! I think it is these in-person talks are very valuable and important and experiences that can't happen via text message, although I'm happy that we check into our group chat at least once a week, even if it's just sending a silly GIF.
I like talking time, especially in larger groups. I think one-on-one is great and preferable too, but having different opinions and points of view on a situation are more enlightening. When other groups convene and it's almost all joking, and games, and drinks, it's fun but it's not that meaningful to me. SO, I appreciated this weekend all the more.
We don't realize it, but we are creating memories. Thanks for the memories and a fun weekend!
--
Secret Haters
Now, for some secret hating. Sometimes with Jan, when I can tell he's stressed, we have secret hating or venting time. We said at the beginning of the year that we would curb it, but maybe it's helpful sometimes.
There is this girl, the daughter of one of my mom's friends, who I connected with before I went to UCLA to give me advice or mentorship. I don't recall her being helpful at all, but we remained social media friends. I noticed she goes through phases of types of posts: first it was lots of posts about her brother (a contestant on Top Chef Junior) and all the restaurants they went to, and all the dishes they cooked, then it was almost all photo seshes with a significant other photographer, then it was many many posts of IG-modeling in the guise of self-appreciation and fitness, which perhaps it all was true, and now it's of healthy eating and veganism. I don't think I minded any of it, to each their own, but one of today's posts was about living a chemical free life, except in the photo she posted along with this long caption, I could clearly see acrylic nails. I'm bothered when I see contradictions like so. Acrylic nails, and there's no way around it unless you only use green nail polish, are definitely chemicals, in terms of contact with skin, and breathability for both salonist and patron. SO, boo to people illustrating certain lifestyles when I know it's discrepant. This is not uncommon for me to see.
It makes me wanna go get Taco Bell and post a picture with a similar caption. Also, I miss Taco Bell.
--
Re: Incompetency
It's been a little over 3 months at my job now. I know it's more than a job to me--I can see myself staying in this type of work in the long-term. I'm still not sure how to categorize it. Am I in grantwriting? I am. Am I in philanthropy? I am. Am I doing data analysis? Yes, but I'm not a data scientist. Do I manage projects? Yes.
Something new that I've been tasked with is to assist the Diversity, Inclusion, and Global Outreach 'department.' WE will aim to build out this department in the next 5 years. Currently, there is just 1 person, and we will have 1 fellow later this year. It is really cool to be involved with international work. I wanted to get into policy and law and perhaps this is my in. I'm learning a lot about laws and regulations, accredidations and logistics, and other nuances as it relates to international work. I hope to really see this department grow and to have a helping hand in it, as much as I'm able to contribute, and learn.
Learning, learning, learning. I don't think I'll ever have topics not to learn! There is so much to learn about, learn how to do. I have a calendar reminder once a month to seek learning opportunities, broadly kept. This month I've enrolled in a storytelling workshop (I think it'll really help for my grantwriting), and a data conference (I just want to see what metrics others are collecting, how they're measuring them, and how they're analyzing/sharing them). SO MUCH TO LEARN!
So, even if I'm incompetent, which I think I will always be, I'm accepting of the fact that I will just have to continuously figure out how to get that info, and figure out how to do things. I really do just have to believe in myself, and get over my bouts of imposter syndrome. It really helps that my colleagues are positive and motivating! These reinforcing factors, I'm sure there's some equation, like the Developmental Assets in Lifecourse Theory, are so important!
More to come.
--
Relationship
We don't write in our happy times. We are usually cooking, adventuring, or relaxing, and journalling time is just not in there. WELL, hopefully soon it will be part of Poop Posts (is that what I said before?), because I just ordered a toilet paper holder that is ALSO a cell phone/whatever holder!!! I am way too excited for this than I think anyone has been. So, on this plane ride home, this is one of the rare times I'm disconnecting from other tech and people, but connecting with my journal!
I think there's something to be said for how comfortable, and mature, but still fun, this relationship is. Stef relayed that she wished there were incidences of them just cooking together, chopping up veggies--something so simple yet so meaningful. I really enjoy our adventuring cooking time and taking shots and listening to music and being weird in the kitchen. ...something so easy.
I know this is something important, because when he mentions making me his power of attorney, asking if I would change my last name, how many kids he wants, I don't feel uncomfortable, and these are actually important topics. When I around other couples, I'm reminded of how cool this is that we don't have the same discomforts as others. I'm pretty lucky. I'm lucky he's been through it all, he'll know how to change a diaper already, he already owns a house, and knows how to manage his finances, etc. -- things that will be important that other couples may still have to deal with, which are major worries off my plate, leaving more time for just fun!
Just reiterating that things are swell. I'm glad he does not mind me taking these ladies trips, if I need me time, or family time, because if it were switched I know I'd be invited everywhere. Reiterating that we are thankful for each other and we make that clear. I last thanked him for always walking me to my car, driving me to work when I'm tired, making and packing me breakfast, cleaning up after me (I've only done laundry at his place once no joke and it was for my mom when she slept over one night), rubbing my back when I can't fall asleep when I know he's sleepy. SO NICE and caring and always puts me first.
I don't need to always post photos of us to know that what we share is important, though I do snap a lot and I think my nice phone is getting me tooo attached to social media so I need to tone it down (but I wont).
--
Upcoming Adventures
Last weekend: Solvang
This weekend: Arizona
Next weekend: Big Bear camping
Upcoming: New Jersey family trip
Then: Thanksgiving (yay Viendi returns)
After: Vegas
Forthcoming: Christmas
Next: Happy 2018!
--
On a final note, I'd like to emphasize, something that was said to me recently was: it's a process.
I think this trip to Arizona was very important. Coming off the heels of Stef's breakup, unknown to me when planning this trip, it was important for us to be physically here for her at this time. It was unfortunate that Krystle couldn't make it, especially because another reason this trip was nice was because it gave us, or maybe just me, a break from relationship life, not that we need it, but time apart every now and then is nice, if not necessary. I'm very glad that we set a date, and we all made it happen.
Arizona is quite nice. It is quieter, and reminds me more like the north SFV, with drastic neighborhood variability between rundown areas and Woodland Hills-like areas, even with a huge spa resort towards the mountains. I can appreciate the remnants of the original terrain with cacti abound, of all sorts, and incorporations in foods. Though I would have been okay with staying in and talkiing the whole time, I'm happy that Stef took us exploring, eating unique foods to the area, even if it wasn't fancy, doing fun local activities like the Arizona State Fair, and going out of her way to make us feel at home--literally like we never left SoCal with the "beach house" rental. That is one of her charms--always going out of her way to make other comfortable.
We, too, had variability in our activities. One night we went to an upscale steakhouse, the next morning we were in a deserted area eating out of a converted market or gas station, and last night we were at a tapas restaurant then ended up at a club/lounge. I recall sitting across from the 3 of them, Rachel, Helen, and Stef, and thinking how cool it is that we are even friends, and that we continue to stay in touch and make efforts to see each other. Truly, I don't think we have much in common. The common factor would have been our majors, and even then, they 3 were in geophysics and I meandered through so many different classes and electives that I didn't even see them aside from a class or two. SO, as I was thinking about this I was very grateful, while it may be an unusual word to use, but that's the word that comes to mind, and that's the word that best reflects my actual feeling; grateful for their friendship and their welcoming me into their lives. I think back to my experiences with Rachel years past and am glad we went through that together, even if we don't speak on it. I'm glad we open up to each other, and I'm glad we are supportive of each other through our different life experiences and where each of us are in life.
Yesterday, unsurprisingly, I woke up late! I had a 10-hour sleep, while Rachel had a 12-hour sleep. I think that's the definition of R&R. I woke up to the sound of Helen and Stef talking in the living room. As soon as I showered, I joined in for the tail end of the conversation, which seemed comfortably liquid, with anyone of us able to join in. Helen, who is now a doctor (!), is still searching for her career path. That was very comforting to hear--that despite all her schoolings and devoted time to her research, even she is uncertain of what she wants to be when she grows up. Even they, with their multiple degrees, are still grappling with their resumes and "how to work for Google." Maybe through these similarities that we're comfortable sharing that we have commonalities! I think it is these in-person talks are very valuable and important and experiences that can't happen via text message, although I'm happy that we check into our group chat at least once a week, even if it's just sending a silly GIF.
I like talking time, especially in larger groups. I think one-on-one is great and preferable too, but having different opinions and points of view on a situation are more enlightening. When other groups convene and it's almost all joking, and games, and drinks, it's fun but it's not that meaningful to me. SO, I appreciated this weekend all the more.
We don't realize it, but we are creating memories. Thanks for the memories and a fun weekend!
--
Secret Haters
Now, for some secret hating. Sometimes with Jan, when I can tell he's stressed, we have secret hating or venting time. We said at the beginning of the year that we would curb it, but maybe it's helpful sometimes.
There is this girl, the daughter of one of my mom's friends, who I connected with before I went to UCLA to give me advice or mentorship. I don't recall her being helpful at all, but we remained social media friends. I noticed she goes through phases of types of posts: first it was lots of posts about her brother (a contestant on Top Chef Junior) and all the restaurants they went to, and all the dishes they cooked, then it was almost all photo seshes with a significant other photographer, then it was many many posts of IG-modeling in the guise of self-appreciation and fitness, which perhaps it all was true, and now it's of healthy eating and veganism. I don't think I minded any of it, to each their own, but one of today's posts was about living a chemical free life, except in the photo she posted along with this long caption, I could clearly see acrylic nails. I'm bothered when I see contradictions like so. Acrylic nails, and there's no way around it unless you only use green nail polish, are definitely chemicals, in terms of contact with skin, and breathability for both salonist and patron. SO, boo to people illustrating certain lifestyles when I know it's discrepant. This is not uncommon for me to see.
It makes me wanna go get Taco Bell and post a picture with a similar caption. Also, I miss Taco Bell.
--
Re: Incompetency
It's been a little over 3 months at my job now. I know it's more than a job to me--I can see myself staying in this type of work in the long-term. I'm still not sure how to categorize it. Am I in grantwriting? I am. Am I in philanthropy? I am. Am I doing data analysis? Yes, but I'm not a data scientist. Do I manage projects? Yes.
Something new that I've been tasked with is to assist the Diversity, Inclusion, and Global Outreach 'department.' WE will aim to build out this department in the next 5 years. Currently, there is just 1 person, and we will have 1 fellow later this year. It is really cool to be involved with international work. I wanted to get into policy and law and perhaps this is my in. I'm learning a lot about laws and regulations, accredidations and logistics, and other nuances as it relates to international work. I hope to really see this department grow and to have a helping hand in it, as much as I'm able to contribute, and learn.
Learning, learning, learning. I don't think I'll ever have topics not to learn! There is so much to learn about, learn how to do. I have a calendar reminder once a month to seek learning opportunities, broadly kept. This month I've enrolled in a storytelling workshop (I think it'll really help for my grantwriting), and a data conference (I just want to see what metrics others are collecting, how they're measuring them, and how they're analyzing/sharing them). SO MUCH TO LEARN!
So, even if I'm incompetent, which I think I will always be, I'm accepting of the fact that I will just have to continuously figure out how to get that info, and figure out how to do things. I really do just have to believe in myself, and get over my bouts of imposter syndrome. It really helps that my colleagues are positive and motivating! These reinforcing factors, I'm sure there's some equation, like the Developmental Assets in Lifecourse Theory, are so important!
More to come.
--
Relationship
We don't write in our happy times. We are usually cooking, adventuring, or relaxing, and journalling time is just not in there. WELL, hopefully soon it will be part of Poop Posts (is that what I said before?), because I just ordered a toilet paper holder that is ALSO a cell phone/whatever holder!!! I am way too excited for this than I think anyone has been. So, on this plane ride home, this is one of the rare times I'm disconnecting from other tech and people, but connecting with my journal!
I think there's something to be said for how comfortable, and mature, but still fun, this relationship is. Stef relayed that she wished there were incidences of them just cooking together, chopping up veggies--something so simple yet so meaningful. I really enjoy our adventuring cooking time and taking shots and listening to music and being weird in the kitchen. ...something so easy.
I know this is something important, because when he mentions making me his power of attorney, asking if I would change my last name, how many kids he wants, I don't feel uncomfortable, and these are actually important topics. When I around other couples, I'm reminded of how cool this is that we don't have the same discomforts as others. I'm pretty lucky. I'm lucky he's been through it all, he'll know how to change a diaper already, he already owns a house, and knows how to manage his finances, etc. -- things that will be important that other couples may still have to deal with, which are major worries off my plate, leaving more time for just fun!
Just reiterating that things are swell. I'm glad he does not mind me taking these ladies trips, if I need me time, or family time, because if it were switched I know I'd be invited everywhere. Reiterating that we are thankful for each other and we make that clear. I last thanked him for always walking me to my car, driving me to work when I'm tired, making and packing me breakfast, cleaning up after me (I've only done laundry at his place once no joke and it was for my mom when she slept over one night), rubbing my back when I can't fall asleep when I know he's sleepy. SO NICE and caring and always puts me first.
I don't need to always post photos of us to know that what we share is important, though I do snap a lot and I think my nice phone is getting me tooo attached to social media so I need to tone it down (but I wont).
--
Upcoming Adventures
Last weekend: Solvang
This weekend: Arizona
Next weekend: Big Bear camping
Upcoming: New Jersey family trip
Then: Thanksgiving (yay Viendi returns)
After: Vegas
Forthcoming: Christmas
Next: Happy 2018!
--
On a final note, I'd like to emphasize, something that was said to me recently was: it's a process.