Worst That Could Happen
Title: Worst That Could Happen
Author:zta_atsin
Rating: R [for adult themes, swears, and ANGST]
Length: 1,374
Characters: Brittany/Santana
Spoilers: "Power of Madonna" episode.
Summary: "What's the worst that could happen?" Brittany asked.
A/N: I don't usually write angst. I hope this is good and this came the quote I put as the summary. When Brittany said that I just had to write a fic about it. It was too good not to.
Santana never gave a fuck. She never cared about anyone besides herself and Brittany. Her reputation stood above all else, and nothing could stand in her way. She was determined to be on top in every sense of the phrase.
When Finn came around practically begging her to take his v-card, what was the worst that could happen? It was just going through the motions for Santana. She was so used to having sex with boys that it didn't really matter anymore. As long as she got dinner and got to go home to Brittany, Santana never gave a fuck.
So, now as she sat in her bathroom, she wondered if the universe finally decided to fuck her over. Once, one time, she had sex and it all went wrong. For once, she thought back to Quinn and wondered if the universe was mocking her for making fun of the blonde so much.
What was the worst that could happen? Brittany asked rhetorically. There was a pause and the blonde looked at Quinn. No offense, Quinn.
The little plus sign on the horrid white stick stared up at her. Fuckin' Finn. If it weren't so wretched, maybe Santana would find it amusing. If it weren't directed at her, Santana would find it amusing.
The only thoughts that ran through her mind still circled around herself and Brittany.
Santana wanted control; she wanted to be Queen Bee and Top Dog. She wanted to stay that way and push people around. She didn't want to have a TV drama life as a pregnant teenager. She declared that she would not be another statistic. Either way, Santana knew that if word got out, her reputation was as low as Quinn's.
She could not have that at any cost.
Yet, she thought of Brittany. What would Brittany think of her now? What would Brittany do now that she is pregnant? What would Brittany want her to do?
Her reputation seemed to come second best as she thought of her blonde sex-buddy. She couldn't understand why. All she wanted was a good life where she never gave a fuck. She wanted a life that would always end up with her on top and Brittany being there no matter what.
Santana wanted to blame Brittany so badly for this.
She was the one that had said, "What was the worse that could happen?"
The little plus sign still mocked her and she clenched onto the stick tightly. She thought of Brittany convincing her that having sex with Finn would help launch her reputation even higher up. She thought of how easily Brittany convinced her to just have sex with another boy.
Goddamnit. Santana looked at herself. Her mother and father always taught her to do the right thing. They taught her that if you want something, you have to get it yourself.
What was she to do now? How was she supposed to move on from this? How was she supposed to make this right?
She thought back to Brittany again. The ignorant girl who would always be there for her no matter what, what was she going to think of her now?
A slight knock sounded.
"S, how are you doing in there? You've been in there for awhile," Brittany's voice came through the bathroom door.
Santana had lost track of her thoughts for so long she had forgotten that Brittany was still over. The frown on her face deepened. Another knock followed when she couldn't respond.
"Are you okay?" Brittany sounded more concern than before.
Santana's mind screamed for Brittany to leave. She couldn't face the blonde girl with the stick in her hand. She wanted everything to just go away. She hated Finn. She hated sex [Yes, for once, she hated sex]. She hated life. She wanted to curl up and never show her face to anyone anymore.
The doorknob turned and Brittany peered inside. Santana instantly stood up and tried to hide the mocking, white stick. She had forgotten to lock the door as always.
"Are you okay?" Brittany repeated. She stepped forward and Santana reflexively stepped back. The blonde's heart broke slightly because her Santana never stepped back from her. She frowned.
Santana stepped back further. The dam of tears breaking slowly as she stared at her lover's heartbroken eyes. How could she still be here? She'll hate me when I tell her.
"Does it have to do with Finn?" Brittany instinctively asked. The Latina girl wished that Brittany hadn't said his name.
Her legs, which have always brought her to the top, crumbled beneath her and her bare knees touched the cold tiled floor. Santana had never felt the bottom in such a long time that she forgot how alone and cold it was.
She reached out for Brittany, who instantly grabbed for Santana.
For the first time, she begged. "Brittany, dont leave me." Santana let the dam break because there was no chance she was going to fight it. For the first time in a long time, she cried into Brittany's arms and begged for her to stay.
-------------------
Santana looked up at the ceiling as the paper crinkled underneath her. She had been waiting for what seems like forever. The cold instruments sitting next to her for the next set of events. She knew that in a matter of minutes, the thing [she refused to acknowledge it otherwise] would be out of her. After that, she won't have to face Quinn's life. She would be able to be on top. She would be able to leave Lima with Brittany.
--------------------
When she returned back home, she saw Brittany sitting in her room, patiently waiting for her. Luckily, Santana's parents had gone back to Puerto Rico for the month and vacation had started. She was early enough along that no one had to know. No one would ever know besides her.
She was tired and ready to collapse at any point. Santana felt a hole in her heart as she stared at Brittany. She dropped her bags on the ground.
"Is she gone?" the blonde simply asked.
Santana crawled onto her bed quietly and laid down looking up at the ceiling. "Yeah, it is gone."
When it happened, all Santana could think of was how cold the instruments were. She cursed. After a moment, [even though it was stupid] she thought she felt its heart beat. She knew it was alive.
Like Brittany somehow knew, Santana knew the little thing was going to be a girl.
Why? Why doesn't it feel like I did the right thing?
The bed dipped slightly and Santana was joined by the blonde. Brittany curled up against Santana and laced their fingers together. The warmth only lasting a minute before Santana felt the emptiness inside of her.
The barren feeling overwhelmed her that she didn't even realized the tears were streaming down her face until Brittany's warm and gentle fingers brushed them aside.
The fatigue brought on by her loss forced her to shut her eyes. The darkness enveloped her and the only thing that kept her awake was Brittany's warm hand holding onto hers. Inside she was shaking her empty shell but Brittany sat up and placed her in her arms.
"Never again," Santana whispered. She felt Brittany caress her.
"I know; I am still here," the blonde whispered.
"I love you, Brittany."
"I love you, Santana."
"I am so sorry."
"One day, it will be okay."
"I didn't mean to."
"And no one ever needs to know."
Santana enveloped herself in Brittany's warmth, trying not to fall into the darkness. She felt mentally and physically exhausted. She had lost more than just blood, she lost her daughter.
What was the worst that could happen? Santana reflected.
"B..."
"Hmm?"
"I am a killer."
"...."
Santana buried herself further into Brittany, if only to let herself lie.
"You are not a killer." Brittany stated with conviction. "You are my Santana."
Again, Santana repeated only to save herself.
"I am a killer."
"My Santana is no killer."
"I'm okay, Brittany," she whispered as she held the blonde tighter. Even if it was a lie, she repeated it. "I'm okay." Again. "I'm okay." Again. "I'm okay." And again. "I'm okay."
Author:zta_atsin
Rating: R [for adult themes, swears, and ANGST]
Length: 1,374
Characters: Brittany/Santana
Spoilers: "Power of Madonna" episode.
Summary: "What's the worst that could happen?" Brittany asked.
A/N: I don't usually write angst. I hope this is good and this came the quote I put as the summary. When Brittany said that I just had to write a fic about it. It was too good not to.
Santana never gave a fuck. She never cared about anyone besides herself and Brittany. Her reputation stood above all else, and nothing could stand in her way. She was determined to be on top in every sense of the phrase.
When Finn came around practically begging her to take his v-card, what was the worst that could happen? It was just going through the motions for Santana. She was so used to having sex with boys that it didn't really matter anymore. As long as she got dinner and got to go home to Brittany, Santana never gave a fuck.
So, now as she sat in her bathroom, she wondered if the universe finally decided to fuck her over. Once, one time, she had sex and it all went wrong. For once, she thought back to Quinn and wondered if the universe was mocking her for making fun of the blonde so much.
What was the worst that could happen? Brittany asked rhetorically. There was a pause and the blonde looked at Quinn. No offense, Quinn.
The little plus sign on the horrid white stick stared up at her. Fuckin' Finn. If it weren't so wretched, maybe Santana would find it amusing. If it weren't directed at her, Santana would find it amusing.
The only thoughts that ran through her mind still circled around herself and Brittany.
Santana wanted control; she wanted to be Queen Bee and Top Dog. She wanted to stay that way and push people around. She didn't want to have a TV drama life as a pregnant teenager. She declared that she would not be another statistic. Either way, Santana knew that if word got out, her reputation was as low as Quinn's.
She could not have that at any cost.
Yet, she thought of Brittany. What would Brittany think of her now? What would Brittany do now that she is pregnant? What would Brittany want her to do?
Her reputation seemed to come second best as she thought of her blonde sex-buddy. She couldn't understand why. All she wanted was a good life where she never gave a fuck. She wanted a life that would always end up with her on top and Brittany being there no matter what.
Santana wanted to blame Brittany so badly for this.
She was the one that had said, "What was the worse that could happen?"
The little plus sign still mocked her and she clenched onto the stick tightly. She thought of Brittany convincing her that having sex with Finn would help launch her reputation even higher up. She thought of how easily Brittany convinced her to just have sex with another boy.
Goddamnit. Santana looked at herself. Her mother and father always taught her to do the right thing. They taught her that if you want something, you have to get it yourself.
What was she to do now? How was she supposed to move on from this? How was she supposed to make this right?
She thought back to Brittany again. The ignorant girl who would always be there for her no matter what, what was she going to think of her now?
A slight knock sounded.
"S, how are you doing in there? You've been in there for awhile," Brittany's voice came through the bathroom door.
Santana had lost track of her thoughts for so long she had forgotten that Brittany was still over. The frown on her face deepened. Another knock followed when she couldn't respond.
"Are you okay?" Brittany sounded more concern than before.
Santana's mind screamed for Brittany to leave. She couldn't face the blonde girl with the stick in her hand. She wanted everything to just go away. She hated Finn. She hated sex [Yes, for once, she hated sex]. She hated life. She wanted to curl up and never show her face to anyone anymore.
The doorknob turned and Brittany peered inside. Santana instantly stood up and tried to hide the mocking, white stick. She had forgotten to lock the door as always.
"Are you okay?" Brittany repeated. She stepped forward and Santana reflexively stepped back. The blonde's heart broke slightly because her Santana never stepped back from her. She frowned.
Santana stepped back further. The dam of tears breaking slowly as she stared at her lover's heartbroken eyes. How could she still be here? She'll hate me when I tell her.
"Does it have to do with Finn?" Brittany instinctively asked. The Latina girl wished that Brittany hadn't said his name.
Her legs, which have always brought her to the top, crumbled beneath her and her bare knees touched the cold tiled floor. Santana had never felt the bottom in such a long time that she forgot how alone and cold it was.
She reached out for Brittany, who instantly grabbed for Santana.
For the first time, she begged. "Brittany, dont leave me." Santana let the dam break because there was no chance she was going to fight it. For the first time in a long time, she cried into Brittany's arms and begged for her to stay.
-------------------
Santana looked up at the ceiling as the paper crinkled underneath her. She had been waiting for what seems like forever. The cold instruments sitting next to her for the next set of events. She knew that in a matter of minutes, the thing [she refused to acknowledge it otherwise] would be out of her. After that, she won't have to face Quinn's life. She would be able to be on top. She would be able to leave Lima with Brittany.
--------------------
When she returned back home, she saw Brittany sitting in her room, patiently waiting for her. Luckily, Santana's parents had gone back to Puerto Rico for the month and vacation had started. She was early enough along that no one had to know. No one would ever know besides her.
She was tired and ready to collapse at any point. Santana felt a hole in her heart as she stared at Brittany. She dropped her bags on the ground.
"Is she gone?" the blonde simply asked.
Santana crawled onto her bed quietly and laid down looking up at the ceiling. "Yeah, it is gone."
When it happened, all Santana could think of was how cold the instruments were. She cursed. After a moment, [even though it was stupid] she thought she felt its heart beat. She knew it was alive.
Like Brittany somehow knew, Santana knew the little thing was going to be a girl.
Why? Why doesn't it feel like I did the right thing?
The bed dipped slightly and Santana was joined by the blonde. Brittany curled up against Santana and laced their fingers together. The warmth only lasting a minute before Santana felt the emptiness inside of her.
The barren feeling overwhelmed her that she didn't even realized the tears were streaming down her face until Brittany's warm and gentle fingers brushed them aside.
The fatigue brought on by her loss forced her to shut her eyes. The darkness enveloped her and the only thing that kept her awake was Brittany's warm hand holding onto hers. Inside she was shaking her empty shell but Brittany sat up and placed her in her arms.
"Never again," Santana whispered. She felt Brittany caress her.
"I know; I am still here," the blonde whispered.
"I love you, Brittany."
"I love you, Santana."
"I am so sorry."
"One day, it will be okay."
"I didn't mean to."
"And no one ever needs to know."
Santana enveloped herself in Brittany's warmth, trying not to fall into the darkness. She felt mentally and physically exhausted. She had lost more than just blood, she lost her daughter.
What was the worst that could happen? Santana reflected.
"B..."
"Hmm?"
"I am a killer."
"...."
Santana buried herself further into Brittany, if only to let herself lie.
"You are not a killer." Brittany stated with conviction. "You are my Santana."
Again, Santana repeated only to save herself.
"I am a killer."
"My Santana is no killer."
"I'm okay, Brittany," she whispered as she held the blonde tighter. Even if it was a lie, she repeated it. "I'm okay." Again. "I'm okay." Again. "I'm okay." And again. "I'm okay."