Code Monkey, Jonathan Coulton

[bryant]

Lyrics.



>GET UP

You get out of bed.

>GET COFFEE

Taken.

>GO TO JOB

You drive to work, in a surly haze of geek crankiness.

Job
You are at your job. Your cubicle lies to the south. The front door is north of here. There is a meeting room to the west. There is a receptionist here, talking on the telephone. She looks busy.

There is a soda machine here.

There is a snack machine here.

>EXAMINE SNACK

It is fully stocked with everything but Fritos. You've eaten all of those. You like them.

>W

You go into the meeting room.

Meeting Room
You are in a dull, nondescript meeting room. There is bad interview code on the whiteboard. Your manager Rob is here.

>EXAMINE ROB

Bo-ring.

Rob says "You're very diligent, but your output stinks."

>LISTEN ATTENTIVELY

You can't do that.

>PRETEND TO LISTEN ATTENTIVELY

You pretend to care.

Rob says, "Your code isn't 'functional' or 'elegant.'"

>TELL ROB, WRITE GOD DAMNED LOGIN PAGE YOURSELF

You aren't crazy.