[ And his whole excitement is dulled straight down at the heavy air that comes with the displayed words on his screen. Hoi, he had been happy to see his buddy on the network, more so on this day that he just so happened to find out from big mouthed gods was Giovanni's birthday.
But! He swallows down and turns on the feed regardless before glancing down at something wrapped on his lap.
Smile! ]
Ah hello Giovanni! I've actually had to deal with loss a lot back home... and the way I dealt with it was...
[ as it were, Flippy had already seen Giovanni without his glasses (which he currently was not wearing) and even if he looked a little worse for wear, he was at least comfortable enough (vaguely) to turn on the video feed when he sees the other smiling back at him.
his eyes fall to the package on the other's lap. that wasn't seriously a birthday present for him, right...? he had never gotten one, probably would have forgotten his birthday entirely if it weren't for the gods' reminder. ]
Hello...
[ cried... he had done enough of that already, hadn't he? back then, he cried all the time, to the point of being made fun of. he wouldn't do that anymore, even if it was a tempting thought. after all, old habits die hard. ]
Well, it didn't change the situation but sometimes one has to get the emotions out some how right? And... crying is usually the natural reaction to death I think...
Of course I didn't always have time to cry in some of the situations or else I'd die too.
But I did feel just a little better after. I think there some kind of psychological thing dealing with it! But I don't really understand it so I can't really give many details. I just like to think of emotions like a broken water facet. If you keep the dial shut while it's still going, eventually it'll burst and more terrible things could happen.
[ He leans in a little closer to the feed now. ]
I know the situation is bad but- ah... Are you okay...?
[ well, maybe he should have been more specific about "loss." it didn't really make sense to say that he was in mourning for both the death of his brothers and sisters, and for himself-- for Heine, the Heine that he once knew, for the he who existed before Heine had left, for Lilly, for the rest of them (they were all failures just as much as he) and for his mother and his duty that was out of his reach.
but how could you really be specific about things like that? he just didn't want the attention. his voice is soft when he replies, replies briskly: ]
Yes, I'm fine.
[ a little too quickly perhaps, but insubstantial. if what he said was correct, then eventually it would burst, but he couldn't accept that. ]
It won't fix things to cry over what can't be changed.
[ Though he's more than sure the blond isn't exactly 'fine'. The overtones to the text prior paled to the actual visual of Giovanni's face. He lofts a hand, rubbing it to the back of his neck in a slightly nervous gesture. ]
Maybe but... it's at least good to feel emotions than to block them out and become cold.
[ Emotions, his emotions were all that he felt could lock back that other self of his. He could feel sadness, regret, and relief. Things foreign to his 'problem'. In way, those emotions could very well be the only sense of self he has. ]
Uhmn, you know! You can talk to me if you need to get something off your chest ever! I won't judge you for it!
[ A pause. ] I mean if you are ever 'not' fine in the future anyway!
[ He wouldn't push the blond into talking about his problems. ]
[ for a moment he just stares back, eyes narrowing. talk to him... yeah, that was a possibility, he supposed. it was funny to hear him say things like it was good not block emotions out when he had been versed in the very opposite for as long as he could remember. there was a necessity towards being stoic and strong among his peers-- they lived their lives killing the next challenger, pitted in fights for the sake of scientific exploration. soldiers were faceless, after all. that became his identity.
but this place is different. he had to adapt. the thought made him desperately want to open up about the things he was troubled over, but at the same time, he felt an inability to do so. but there was one thing, one thing he could think of... ]
I-In that case.
[ how was he supposed to word it? the one thing he could think of that felt alright to say, not too intrusive, not too revealing-- ]
Heine... Heine... Heine... [ He tries to pull the name from his memory but apparently he comes up empty handed. Though in all actuality he did in fact speak with the albino before but hadn't left the conversation with a name, or even a face considering he had been replying to a set of text. ]
I've talked to a lot of people, some I don't know the names of but I can't say any of those I do know-- have that name...
[ His shoulders slump, posture slouching as he feels a slight weight of uselessness weigh over him. ]
[ And those statements seems to come right out of left field to the soldier. Brothers-- wanting to kill each other...?! That just didn't make sense to someone who came from a pretty (though morbid) step-ford world. ]
[ he said he wouldn't judge him, right? let him get something off his chest? well, this was that. a big, crooked smile bitterly pulls at his lips. ]
He's the disgrace of the family. A black sheep and a traitor. The wrongs can't be made right, so the only solution is to take him out.
[ notice he doesn't mention Heine's reasons. they're totally irrelevant. and it's more or less true to him -- though there are specifics involved -- but he figures this is the best explanation for someone on the outside. ]
but it may as well have been Giovanni's own fault through someone else's perspective. it was all very subjective. and the feelings he had long abandoned in favor of duty, though they emerged on occasion to taunt him (ironic, just like the way he taunted Heine about the things he'd done), were all but buried. or so he'd like to think. but all it takes to make a scab start bleeding is one little prick in just the right spot-- and Giovanni's eyes widen with Flippy's question, uncertain. ]
Nothing would change. But it's my hope that I'd find closure of some kind. It's my duty to Mother to make sure he's taken out, even if she doesn't directly order it of me.
[ it was he who was obsessed, and he was completely aware of that. ]
[ He turns the thought over in his mind. Was that something he too lacked? Could that be the fuel to his deranged mental state? It was... a strange thought that never had occurred to him until now. Could closure bring a relief?
No. His relief only came fleeting when he had literally killed that self of his within his nightmares. Too bad it never stuck after he had been hit by that truck. . . ]
A-ahem? Oh! Yeah of course! Don't feel the need to hesitate!
[ he's mostly smiling because he feels stupid and wants to make it seem like he doesn't much care. and it's relatively simple, but if he's asking at all, there must be a reason for him to care in the first place. ]
[ W-wow! That was really putting him on the spot all of a sudden!! He hesitates a little, eyes sweeping around the area outside the little screen Giovanni is looking out from. ]
Ahm...! I think you're... kind of interesting! I mean, I can't just make a decision right off the bat! Maybe after a little while longer... but, I'd--
-like to consider you a nice sort of guy, who does what he has to! At least you seem really ambitious. . .
[ no need to be so nervous. he's only curious. after all, Flippy did always seem to go out of his way to be kind to him, which was something he was pretty unfamiliar with, though he could easily just be that kind of person and not regard Giovanni as anything special. he wouldn't be offended either way. just curious (hopeful). ]
I see. Thank you. It was a bit of the blue, so I apologize as well.
[ and because he'd asked, it only seemed fair to give some sort of duplicate response. ]
As for me, I've found your company relatively pleasant. -that's why I asked.
But! He swallows down and turns on the feed regardless before glancing down at something wrapped on his lap.
Smile! ]
Ah hello Giovanni! I've actually had to deal with loss a lot back home... and the way I dealt with it was...
Well, I cried.
Reply
his eyes fall to the package on the other's lap. that wasn't seriously a birthday present for him, right...? he had never gotten one, probably would have forgotten his birthday entirely if it weren't for the gods' reminder. ]
Hello...
[ cried... he had done enough of that already, hadn't he? back then, he cried all the time, to the point of being made fun of. he wouldn't do that anymore, even if it was a tempting thought. after all, old habits die hard. ]
Did that help you?
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Of course I didn't always have time to cry in some of the situations or else I'd die too.
But I did feel just a little better after. I think there some kind of psychological thing dealing with it! But I don't really understand it so I can't really give many details. I just like to think of emotions like a broken water facet. If you keep the dial shut while it's still going, eventually it'll burst and more terrible things could happen.
[ He leans in a little closer to the feed now. ]
I know the situation is bad but- ah... Are you okay...?
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but how could you really be specific about things like that? he just didn't want the attention. his voice is soft when he replies, replies briskly: ]
Yes, I'm fine.
[ a little too quickly perhaps, but insubstantial. if what he said was correct, then eventually it would burst, but he couldn't accept that. ]
It won't fix things to cry over what can't be changed.
Reply
[ Though he's more than sure the blond isn't exactly 'fine'. The overtones to the text prior paled to the actual visual of Giovanni's face.
He lofts a hand, rubbing it to the back of his neck in a slightly nervous gesture. ]
Maybe but... it's at least good to feel emotions than to block them out and become cold.
[ Emotions, his emotions were all that he felt could lock back that other self of his. He could feel sadness, regret, and relief. Things foreign to his 'problem'. In way, those emotions could very well be the only sense of self he has. ]
Uhmn, you know! You can talk to me if you need to get something off your chest ever! I won't judge you for it!
[ A pause. ]
I mean if you are ever 'not' fine in the future anyway!
[ He wouldn't push the blond into talking about his problems. ]
Reply
but this place is different. he had to adapt. the thought made him desperately want to open up about the things he was troubled over, but at the same time, he felt an inability to do so. but there was one thing, one thing he could think of... ]
I-In that case.
[ how was he supposed to word it? the one thing he could think of that felt alright to say, not too intrusive, not too revealing-- ]
Have you observed or spoken to a man named Heine?
Reply
[ He tries to pull the name from his memory but apparently he comes up empty handed. Though in all actuality he did in fact speak with the albino before but hadn't left the conversation with a name, or even a face considering he had been replying to a set of text. ]
I've talked to a lot of people, some I don't know the names of but I can't say any of those I do know-- have that name...
[ His shoulders slump, posture slouching as he feels a slight weight of uselessness weigh over him. ]
Is he a friend of yours?
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He's my brother. [ in a sense.
and to make things clear here... ]
It's my intent to kill him and I assure you that the sentiment is returned.
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W-why?
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He's the disgrace of the family. A black sheep and a traitor. The wrongs can't be made right, so the only solution is to take him out.
[ notice he doesn't mention Heine's reasons. they're totally irrelevant. and it's more or less true to him -- though there are specifics involved -- but he figures this is the best explanation for someone on the outside. ]
Reply
...Really hurt you.
[ Because in his little mind, family is really important, even if he doesn't have any of his own. ]
Are you sure that's the only way? You know... back where I am from death, much like it is here, isn't permanent... but I've been told it is elsewhere.
Even if it's impossible to actually ...kill your bother- if it was possible... What would you do after he's gone?
Reply
[ he did.
but it may as well have been Giovanni's own fault through someone else's perspective. it was all very subjective. and the feelings he had long abandoned in favor of duty, though they emerged on occasion to taunt him (ironic, just like the way he taunted Heine about the things he'd done), were all but buried. or so he'd like to think. but all it takes to make a scab start bleeding is one little prick in just the right spot-- and Giovanni's eyes widen with Flippy's question, uncertain. ]
Nothing would change. But it's my hope that I'd find closure of some kind. It's my duty to Mother to make sure he's taken out, even if she doesn't directly order it of me.
[ it was he who was obsessed, and he was completely aware of that. ]
May I ask you something?
Reply
[ He turns the thought over in his mind. Was that something he too lacked? Could that be the fuel to his deranged mental state? It was... a strange thought that never had occurred to him until now. Could closure bring a relief?
No. His relief only came fleeting when he had literally killed that self of his within his nightmares. Too bad it never stuck after he had been hit by that truck. . . ]
A-ahem? Oh! Yeah of course! Don't feel the need to hesitate!
Reply
[ he's mostly smiling because he feels stupid and wants to make it seem like he doesn't much care. and it's relatively simple, but if he's asking at all, there must be a reason for him to care in the first place. ]
Reply
[ W-wow! That was really putting him on the spot all of a sudden!! He hesitates a little, eyes sweeping around the area outside the little screen Giovanni is looking out from. ]
Ahm...! I think you're... kind of interesting! I mean, I can't just make a decision right off the bat!
Maybe after a little while longer... but, I'd--
-like to consider you a nice sort of guy, who does what he has to! At least you seem really ambitious. . .
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I see. Thank you. It was a bit of the blue, so I apologize as well.
[ and because he'd asked, it only seemed fair to give some sort of duplicate response. ]
As for me, I've found your company relatively pleasant. -that's why I asked.
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