Comments | zingerella: Etiquette Questions

zingerella

Etiquette Questions

Jan 31, 2006 15:32

Points and questions for discussion:

1) It is at best impolite to date or sleep with your good friends' exes.

( Common teen-mag wisdom says )

morals vs manners, relationships, poly, wholesome little trollop, general life advice, getting the details right, etiquette, sane_safe_consensual_etc, navel gazing, appeals to the hivemind

Comments 3

human_loser February 1 2006, 01:58:49 UTC

In these situations, I think whether or not one *should* depends largely on the situation, the particular friendship, the particular dynamics...I'm not a big fan of absolutes, so it's hard for me to nail anything like that down to "always" or "never". Generally speaking, it's probably a dodgy thing, but it depends on the emotional..."maturity" isn't the right word..."dexterity", maybe?...of those involved ( ... )

zingerella February 1 2006, 05:01:26 UTC

In general, in friendships and in relationships, and in just about any interaction, I favour honesty and full disclosure. If you don't feel that you can talk about something, then you probably need to look at why -- are you ashamed? afraid? breaking a rule?

So, I think a better guideline for the dating friends' sweeties/exes is "If you can't tell your friend you're doing it, you might want to think twice before you do."

In general in relationships, too, if I find myself doing something and not wanting to tell my sweetie about it, I need to look at why I don't want to tell him and why I'm still doing the thing. At this point I should probably stop.

I'm not perfect, and I don't always abide by my own guidelines as well as I should.

The voting thing...yeah...my step mom, who does not share any of my political views, asked me point blank at dinner one night who I was voting for -- knowing full well that she wasn't going to approve of my answer. It felt like she was looking for a bone of contention, and made me very uncomfortable.

(The comment has been removed)

zingerella February 1 2006, 15:32:41 UTC

Also, in our culture, romantic relationships are considered to trump friendships every time....So true. So wrong, I think. I've had many romances and one marriage come and go, and the same people have bolstered me, made me tea, and brought me tissues through all of them. It's weird that our society sees my relationship with them as something that should, somehow, be less valuable to me than my relationship with whomever I'm sharing a bed with ( ... )