NEW VID! 'The Toll' [SPN, Dean S6 POV on Lisa, Ben, Sam]

[zimshan]

Remember when I was trying not to be emotionally invested in this show anymore? For the record, I blame this on every tidbit we've gotten over the last month about what we can expect from S7. This little vidbunny got its claws into me and would not let go until it was finished...

’THE TOLL‘
Dean Winchester [S6]
Vidder: zimshan
Length: 03:49
Characters:

Comments

[philomel]

It's as if the show has no idea why he's with Lisa other than how she has a kid that he'd kinda like to imagine is his.

I think that's pretty much the only (or main) reason Dean was with Lisa. For a brief moment he thought Ben might be his kid, and that spawned a fantasy in his head of normal life. And we all know that, of all the fantastical things on SPN, "normal" is the biggest fantasy of all.

Wonderful vid! Loved the progression of it, the way the momentum builds toward the end when Sam emerges as the dominant presence in Dean's life.

[zimshan]

For a brief moment he thought Ben might be his kid, and that spawned a fantasy in his head of normal life.

Yup, and it's so easy to see too. It kept breaking my heart to remember that Lisa was in his life for a year and that was the longest length of contact Dean of plus 30 years had ever had with a woman. Starved for it mostly because it was impossible for him to have. Sometimes I think Dean's mind had been stalled on the wounds of What Is for years. He just transferred that over to Lisa. 'Let It Bleed' succinctly lanced those wounds, with a hope to heal over cleanly this time. (Or as much as a Winchester could expect, haha

[dev_earl]

You? Are a GENIUS. ♥

I wrote two fics with Dean erasing Sam's memories of him so it goes without saying that I love the idea of that, no matter how heartbreaking. This was angsty but somehow so hopeful at the end. I just - how do you do it?

[zimshan]

Haha, I do believe you are giving me wayyyy too much credit. The thought hadn't crossed my mind it could be interpreted that way until you mentioned it! *g*

I know the mindwipe for Lisa & Ben was a sore point for many, I loved it for the horribly messy choice that it was. But I don't think even I could wash down the idea that Dean would ever erase SAM's memories! That brings them to a whole new level of heartbreakingness! And now that my head's thinking about it, I'm gonna have to go and track those fics down. ;)

But I'm super happy to hear you thought it balanced the angst and hopefulness. That was my aim! Because it is my favorite Winchester flavor. Two scoops. In a cone. :)

[dev_earl]

EEK. I meant to say I love the idea of Dean erasing Ben and Lisa's memories - which is what I gathered from your video. But, yeah, I sorta love the idea of him erasing Sam's, too, because I love hurting the boys that way. :P

Don't worry, I keep my favorite fics close by, so. ;)

Please Remind Me, Do Remember and another piece inspired by the two, sort of a remix: Fata Morgana (The Price of My Soul).

...wow. Apparently I really love the idea. :|

[ash48]

Hey! Yay

[zimshan]

It true about Lisa - she never really had her own story (which I hadn't really considered till now).

Yea, I found it rather startling once I saw it, because I had really liked her since the premiere. But I haven't had such a hard time getting an interesting shot of a character since Cassie for 'Roller'. Cindy Sampson really had purely a talking role, and with the audio taken away, literally one of the least action filled female character of the show. So yea, I had to include those conception notes because I really did set out to do a Lisa vid! But her role was so underutilized, I think that arena is more suited for fic writers...

And makes clear the reasons why he made the decision to have himself removed from their memory.Glad you thought so! I know it was very contentious, and I'm not dismissing that it wasn't messy as hell, but in the context of how they set up Lisa and Ben and Dean all along, it just made so much sense. (And really, what isn't messy in this show?) I had no room to include it, but at one point when I was working

[counteragent]

Hey my buddy! I really loved this! Especially the Dean/Lisa parts, because they were actually really, really poignant, and in many ways more convincing than they were on TV.

I LOVED THE PART WHERE making Ben shoot was like throwing him into a wall. Deliciously shiveringly good. I got chills!!!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

And although Sam was a little bit The Other Woman, your maintenance of the framing device that Dean was reflecting on the loss of Ben and Lisa made me believe that he was thinking of it all in context, and of all that he's lost everywhere.

Sniffle.

[zimshan]

Hey there, you busy film-maker you! You're newsletters have been making me all XDDDDDDDD

But yay! So happy you could enjoy this! Dean Winchester's face and some BRMC chords pretty much strike the poignancy all on their own, but it's great that you found it effective.

And chillss!! There was a time when that whole making Ben shoot=throwing him into a wall section was all 'WHAT AM I DOING', so I'm thrilled that translated in final form for you.

And sooo glad you found the 'Dean thinking in context' came through. I actually did worry Sam was too much The Other Woman. Even if its totally purely canon's own fault! But yea, LiB really brought back the totality of the loss of these guys to me in spades, so extrapolating that out was a pretty additive exercise. Spreading the emotional sniffles around, that's my aim! ;)

Thanks so much for watching!

[galwithglasses]

This is really good work. You pretty much wrapped up last season right there. So much grief for people who tried so hard to be something good for each other. That whole scene where Dean says goodbye just tears me up. The song is a perfect choice especially when they get to the part about "with a cause there's a cure for the soul."

[zimshan]

I'll be honest, that "I'm the guy who hit you, I just lost control for a second". TOTALLY the whole reason this vid exists. That line just kills me and stuck with me like hell and makes me OH DEAN all over the place.

I found it alittle funny to regard this as a S6 wrap up vid because it's 95% 'Let It Bleed' clips, but it's interesting it worked for you like that too. Rarely have I worked with a song that was just so straightforwardly perfect for the source, so that was a natural blessing of the project. But that "cause there's a cure for the soul" line was the most problematic spot and was tweaked and tweaked until the last second, so it's relieving to hear you found the final version of it effective.

So much grief for people who tried so hard to be something good for each other.
What a beautifully hurty way to describe it! And really, that's pretty much the whole show in a nutshell, isn't it? :)

Thanks so much for your kind words. Glad to hear this worked for you!