Opinion

[zianuray]

So am I the only one who believes that if someone is having a party, they will let you know if they want you there?

Three different people have asked "Hey, are you going to X's party tomorrow night?" 
me:  "No"
them:"Well whyever NOT?"
me:  "Wasn't invited."
them:  "So?  Come anyway!"

EXCUSE ME?!?!?!

I was taught LONG ago that invading someone's home

Comments

[moonminx]

you should ask them if they would go to a party they weren't invited to.

i would feel awkward and rude going to something I wasn't invited to. Likewise it puts the host/ess in an awkward position.

How could they even ask you to crash a party?

[torakiyoshi]

If I had made that faux pas of asking someone who hadn't been invited, I would then ask the host (out of the presence of the third party) if it was all right that I bring them.

[torakiyoshi]

Just realized that doesn't help you very much. If they insist that you should come, tell them they need to ask the host of their own volition to do so, and make it clear it's because THEY want you there, not because YOU want to be there.

[luckystar37]

I'm with you - if the host wants you there, you'll get at least talked to. And not in a condescending pitty way... in a "oh your invite DID get lost in the mail, please know you are welcome!" way.

WHAT WHAT WHAT to your daughter! I can understand them going even though they know you aren't, but I can't understand being so close and not stopping in.

The people who are acting weird just don't know HOW to act in what they see as a socially uncomfortable situation and is really just a situation which they are making uncomfortable with how they are acting. :/

[ladybarnard]

Geeze, this is kind of a tough one. In that situation, I usually answer such questions with, "I have other plans that night." That way, the asker doesn't get embarassed and I keep my pride! When it's a situation where I know the host and a third party has invited me, I sometimes call the host and just say, "You know, such and such invited me to your party and I feel kind of weird showing up without running it by you first." {{{hugs}}}

[apocalypticbob]

Ettiquette, of course, says that you never attend a party you weren't invited to, unless it is specifically an open house party.

If you truly wanted to go to said party, and were looking for a way to know if you were intended to be invited or not, the easy, sneaky way to do so would be call or e-mail the host and invite THEM to do something that evening. If you are invited, they will obviously remind you of the party. If you aren't, they will simply say they have plans. It is always possible there was an oversight, and this gives them the opportunity to correct it. If they don't, perhaps they planned it as a smaller, intimate gathering, and you will feel much better about not crashing it. Nothing worse for the hostess who has eight steaks than for one of the guests to bring a ninth. If it isn't an intimate gathering, and it wasn't an oversight...well, then you are given the eye opening gift of a chance to re-evaluate that friendship.

*hugs*