Fic: All Go Away 3/3
You know the deal.
All done. And another started. I may be crazy....
3. Come on, tell me
In this place it seems like such a shame
Though it all looks different now
I know it’s still the same
Everywhere I look you are all I see
Just a fading fucking reminder
Of the way things used to be
Come on, tell me
You make this all go away
Nikki watched as Helen came into cellblock the next morning; her skirt moved against her legs as she greeted a few inmates and exchanged pleasantries but Nikki knew why she had come. Her path through the post-breakfast throng might have looked random, but she made her way through to the stairs with a minimum of delays and walked determinedly up to where Nikki was leaning over the rails, watching.
“Nikki, can I have a word?”
Nikki sigh, inclined her head, and ushered the Scot into her cell, shutting the door behind. She knew, with a feeling of resignation, what Helen wanted to see her about.
“Nikki, I…”
“Oh, wait, let’s let me have a go, shall we?” Nikki interrupted. “In the harsh light of day, you’ve realized that you’ve made a mistake, that what we feel is too strong, and that you are going to walk away before it goes any further. Have I just about summed it up for you, Miss? Was that what you were going to say? Because really, you needn’t bother; I’ve heard it all before.”
Nikki spun away to face the window, her hands fumbling with a pack of fags. She had spent an exhausting night dreading the morn, running through all the possible conversations in her head and always, always, coming back to this one.
“Well…” Helen began, and Nikki squeezed her eyes shut to forestall the tears that already threatened, “pretty much… except for the part where I tell you I love you and the part where I explain that I tried walking away and getting on with my life but it wasn’t working.”
She sighed and stepped close enough to lay her hand on Nikki’s arm. “I don’t know how to make this work, not with us on different sides of the battle, so to speak, but… I can’t deny how I feel about you and I can’t go on without you.”
The world tilted on its axis for a split second. “What?”
“You heard.”
Tears choked Nikki’s throat, making speech difficult. “Do you mean that? This isn’t just some dream I’m having?”
“I want this, I want you.” Helen slid an arm around Nikki’s waist and stood on tiptoe to press a kiss to her neck. “But I want you outside of these walls. I want to fall asleep making love to you at night and wake beside you in the morning.”
Nikki shuddered at the images in her mind’s eye. “What if I don’t get out? What if my appeal…” she couldn’t even speak the words aloud.
“Then I’ll wait, years if I have to.”
Nikki turned in the embrace. “Really?” She was the throwaway kid, whose parents hadn’t wanted anything to do with her once she had discovered her sexual orientation and whose lover had set her aside once the years had begun to rack up.
“Really. You know how stubborn I can be,” Helen joked before turning serious again. “You make all the bad stuff go away. I can’t be without you.”
Nikki leaned into Helen’s hand. “You won’t be, I promise."
All done. And another started. I may be crazy....
3. Come on, tell me
In this place it seems like such a shame
Though it all looks different now
I know it’s still the same
Everywhere I look you are all I see
Just a fading fucking reminder
Of the way things used to be
Come on, tell me
You make this all go away
Nikki watched as Helen came into cellblock the next morning; her skirt moved against her legs as she greeted a few inmates and exchanged pleasantries but Nikki knew why she had come. Her path through the post-breakfast throng might have looked random, but she made her way through to the stairs with a minimum of delays and walked determinedly up to where Nikki was leaning over the rails, watching.
“Nikki, can I have a word?”
Nikki sigh, inclined her head, and ushered the Scot into her cell, shutting the door behind. She knew, with a feeling of resignation, what Helen wanted to see her about.
“Nikki, I…”
“Oh, wait, let’s let me have a go, shall we?” Nikki interrupted. “In the harsh light of day, you’ve realized that you’ve made a mistake, that what we feel is too strong, and that you are going to walk away before it goes any further. Have I just about summed it up for you, Miss? Was that what you were going to say? Because really, you needn’t bother; I’ve heard it all before.”
Nikki spun away to face the window, her hands fumbling with a pack of fags. She had spent an exhausting night dreading the morn, running through all the possible conversations in her head and always, always, coming back to this one.
“Well…” Helen began, and Nikki squeezed her eyes shut to forestall the tears that already threatened, “pretty much… except for the part where I tell you I love you and the part where I explain that I tried walking away and getting on with my life but it wasn’t working.”
She sighed and stepped close enough to lay her hand on Nikki’s arm. “I don’t know how to make this work, not with us on different sides of the battle, so to speak, but… I can’t deny how I feel about you and I can’t go on without you.”
The world tilted on its axis for a split second. “What?”
“You heard.”
Tears choked Nikki’s throat, making speech difficult. “Do you mean that? This isn’t just some dream I’m having?”
“I want this, I want you.” Helen slid an arm around Nikki’s waist and stood on tiptoe to press a kiss to her neck. “But I want you outside of these walls. I want to fall asleep making love to you at night and wake beside you in the morning.”
Nikki shuddered at the images in her mind’s eye. “What if I don’t get out? What if my appeal…” she couldn’t even speak the words aloud.
“Then I’ll wait, years if I have to.”
Nikki turned in the embrace. “Really?” She was the throwaway kid, whose parents hadn’t wanted anything to do with her once she had discovered her sexual orientation and whose lover had set her aside once the years had begun to rack up.
“Really. You know how stubborn I can be,” Helen joked before turning serious again. “You make all the bad stuff go away. I can’t be without you.”
Nikki leaned into Helen’s hand. “You won’t be, I promise."