Inaccessible: Chapter One: V12

[zelroid]

Yes, this is seriously the 12th version of this chapter. I have been working on this story for years (since about 2004) and it's gone through many different first chapters. I have no doubt in my mind that this will get revised again sometime in the future, until then here is the current version. And as a warning there is gore.

So if you're ready for

Comments

[sagestoys]

/thing crawling under his arm

/maybe zombies

YES THIS IS THE SEQUEL TO DEAD AND DEADER I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED

Seriously though, this is pretty damn good. Only problem I have is with the grammar in this sentence: "...AND collapsing into his king sized bed he snuggled against his comforter, AND not even bothering to crawl under the covers he gave in AND let sleep consume him."

Too many ands. That's kind of nitpicky, I know, but it's really my only problem with this.

[zelroid]

Actually I was starting to wonder if that was a run-on. Mom was screaming at me about nothing when I was writing that bit, so I'm surprised it's not more fucked up.

[sagestoys]

Oh god, nagging was probably the cause.

Always write in a nag-free zone! >:3