Breaking Dawn: Chapter 11 - The Two Things At The Very Top Of My Things-I-Never-Want-To-Do List
ZeldaQueen: Time for another chapter already?
Projection Room Voices: The sooner you finish these, the sooner you'll be done.
ZeldaQueen: This job sucks sometimes.
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 11 - The Two Things At The Very Top Of My Things-I-Never-Want-To-Do List
ZeldaQueen: Hmm, let's see - Sam is literally forcing Jacob to join in a plan to kill Bella and her demon spawn. Wonder what those two things are? And considering how significant and moving Jacob's story is supposed to be, the title strikes me as a little...casual. Like the title of a Nick Sitcom episode or something.
Ah well, let's get started! We begin with Jacob lying on the ground as a wolf, with the rest of the pack being led by Sam to EX-TER-MI-NATE all of the Cullens to destroy Bella's developing baby. Jake is none too pleased with this, but is unable to do anything because Sam is the Alpha Wolf and Sam's word is law. The rest of the pack is also freaked out and worried about how many of them would die in the fight and what sacrifices would be made. Want to know a secret? None. And that's not going off of any letters from the future either. Meyer is just a typical Sue author who pulls whatever conveniently contrived escape routes out of her rear so that none of her precious protagonists will permanently suffer. Meyer dear, it's not good to have that sort of predictability in your writing. Harry Potter was interesting because everyone knew that Rowling could and would kill off any characters she needed too, even if she really liked them. We all know you won't.
Jake is forced to get up and move along with the pack and comments on how Paul and Quil and the younger wolves are ready for a fight while Leah is feeling maternal and doesn't want Seth to join in the battle. Seth apparently is ignoring her worries. Quil and Embry tell Jake to just go with the plan and stop resisting. He is forced to follow them and starts going on about how it is necessary for there to be an Alpha to make decisions and how it is absolutely impossible for any wolf to resist the Alpha and so there is positively no way, no how that Jacob can escape what he thinks is a bad decision on Sam's part.
Yeah.
Well, what do you know? Jake is still fussing about being forced to follow Sam's orders when...
And there it was-a thought I'd never, never wanted to have. But now, with my legs all tied up in strings, I recognized the exception with relief-more than relief, with a fierce joy.
No one could dispute the Alpha's decision-except for me.
I hadn't earned anything. But there were things that had been born in me, things that I'd left unclaimed.
I'd never wanted to lead the pack. I didn't want to do it now. I didn't want the responsibility for all our fates resting on my shoulders. Sam was better at that than I would ever be.
But he was wrong tonight.
And I had not been born to kneel to him.
The bonds fell off my body the second that I embraced my birthright.
ZeldaQueen: *sputters* What they - how did - That came out of nowhere! Seriously, when was the last time they mentioned that Jake was supposed to be Alpha *flips back*
Though the magic had-in the absence of a catalyst-skipped his generation, Billy was still a part of the power and the legend. It flowed straight through him. It flowed to his son, the heir to the magic, who had turned his back on it. That left Sam Uley to act as the chief of legends and magic now. . . .
ZeldaQueen: That was in Chapter Four. We get three sentences in Chapter Four to introduce this plot element. There's nothing else about Jacob pondering his birthright as Alpha, nothing about Bella thinking about it, nothing about Billy talking to Jacob about it, just whoop! Jake suddenly goes "Oh wait, loophole, I don't have to listen to you anymore!"
Which is another thing. Jacob went on before about how he hated being forced to do things. You mean to tell me that this particular instance is the first time he felt pushed to take his place as Alpha? To defend a whiny girl he's obsessed over? And how does this even work anyway? Sam got the position because Jacob passed on it. If Jacob accepts the birthright, doesn't that mean that he should take Sam's place, since Sam really has no right to the Alpha position otherwise? How does Jacob's power as an Alpha get activated? Is it like some kind of a light switch? Gah, I'd best move on before my head hurts too much...
So through an amazing butt pull, Jacob gains the power to control his own will and defy Sam. The rest of the wolves freak out at this because my god nothing like this has ever happened before! Erm, quick question: how is it that everyone has such little experience with the whole wolf shape shifting thing if it's been around for so long? Is this really the first time something like this has come up? Oh yes, and we get a lovely bit of dialogue here:
"This isn't about them, he snarled at me. This is about Bella. She has never been the one for you, she has never chosen you, but you continue to destroy your life for her!"
They were hard words, but true words. I sucked in a big gulp of air, breathing them in.
ZeldaQueen: Tell him, Sam! Smack him upside the head if he doesn't get it! Because he's spent the past two books or so crying over Bella and won't shut up about it! Well, Jacob gets over the terrible pain of those words and declares that he won't let Sam lead a suicidal attack against innocent people.
Innocent? INNOCENT? Sure Jacob, innocent. Read Mrs. Hyde's Midnight Sun sporkings, where we see Edward contemplating genocide on Jacob's tribe or Esme being glad that Bella will die or be forcibly vamped or Jasper and Rosalie considering killing Bella to save their own rears, and many, many other things. Yes, I guess Jake wouldn't know about most of those things if you want to be nitpicky, but it still made me snort loudly and now I need a Kleenex.
Jacob goes running off to warn the Cullens and apparently only Leah has a chance of catching him, so the rest of the wolves...stay behind and howl. Really? They're not going to even try to catch him? Ah well, I guess the story needs to move on somehow.
As he runs, Jake starts going on and on about how the day started off normal and now he's been cut off from the pack and is going to protect his hated enemies the vampires and has turned his back on his friends, etc. He hears someone running up behind him and figures that it's Leah and "Leah wouldn't be able to stop me alone."
Excuse me?
Well, Jake is surprised to hear that the wolf chasing him is all enthusiastic and given that there has been literally only one other wolf in this book who's shown any signs of supporting the Cullens, no prizes are being given for guessing the newcomer's name.
Yep, Seth comes bounding up, all happy and ready to help Jake out. Jacob freaks out at this and starts mentally yelling at him to go back to Sam's pack. Seth refuses because he's sweet and optimistic and points out that they can no longer hear the thoughts of the rest of the pack - only each other. This must mean that they've formed a new pack! Horray! Seth figures that it's because there are enough wolves for two packs, which raises yet another question in my mind: we get that wolves transform for vampire threats - hence why they show up when Victoria is running around the area - and my letter from the future indicates that the more vampires are in the area, the more new wolves will transform. We have word here that several new wolves have transformed, but there have been no new vampire threats! The only vampires in the area are the Cullens who I can only assume don't register as "threats" since they've been hanging around for several decades without triggering the wolf outbreak. Victoria, James, and Laurent are dead and the Volturi aren't around. Nor are there any non-vegetarian vampires in the area. SO WHY THE FLIP ARE THERE MORE KIDS TURNING INTO WOLVES?
Bah. Well, stepping carefully around the plot holes, Seth takes the spot as second in command in Jacob's pack and they go running up to the Cullen household while mentally calling for Edward. Seth is adorably sweet at this time and Jake's tired grumpiness kind of bounces well off of that. Yes, I'm enjoying what I've got for as long as I'm getting it. I know it won't last long.
Edward eventually hears them and comes running out to learn about Sam's potential attack. In a moment of rather silly oversight, he just shouts out "They want to kill Bella?" which leads to Emmett and Jasper to overhear and nearly attack Jake and Seth. Edward quickly gets everything sorted goes off to find Carlisle and Esme while the wolves go run the perimeter of the house to keep an eye on things. Seth runs off to check on stuff and Alice makes a brief and rather useless cameo to lean up against Jasper and ask what's going on. Edward explains everything while reading Jacob's mind and going on about how he owes him his gratitude and Jacob goes on about how he's doing it for Bella and I'm really bored and want this chapter to be over. Is it over? No it isn't. Curses.
Oh, and Jake mentions that Edward explains things in "clipped, emotionless sentences" So he's just talking normally then?
Carlisle and Esme show up and get updated and we get some prose about how Carlisle's a nice guy. I have to agree with that, although if you're comparing him to his family, that's not setting the bar too high.
And then...we somehow move from Carlisle to talking about how Jacob is worried about Bella dying. Huh. Guess we can't go for too long without that, lest we forget about Meyer's pet character.
Speaking of which, Meyer apparently remembered that Bella's supposed to be dying of demon spawn, so we get Jacob peeking in through the window - I'm noticing a pattern in the author's taste in Good Men - to see most of the Cullens gathered around Bella. Bella is still, of course, pale and weak and dying and isn't she the epitome of maternal strength? Rosalie is still hovering and being protective, although she apparently let Carlisle hook Bella up to an IV to help Miss Sue sleep. Which raises more questions, since the fetus seems to be wreaking havoc on her body and we heard in Eclipse about how there was issues with giving Jake morphine. Ah well. Jake sees that Bella is unmistakably getting worse and goes running off.
And I think there is a good possibility that Bella has reached a new level of suck as a protagonist. This has got to be the most useless she's been in any of the books, and that's really saying something. I mean seriously, it's been *scans* ten chapters and what has she done? Alice dresses her up like a doll, she marries Edward, gets him to sleep with her, and has spent the last three chapters being virtually nonexistent while we the audience get treated to everyone angsting about her condition. And that's another thing - while the other three books undoubtedly focused heavily on Bella and used Excuse Plots to fill stuff up, the hastily-whipped-up conflict still had some effect on the rest of Forks. James, Victoria, and the newborns all were attacking and eating people and even if Edward and Jacob and Co were only really focusing on the issue to save Bella, they were still helping other people who were in danger.
In this book though, the entire conflict thus far has been Bella Swan. That's right, there is no conflict that has any real connection to the rest of Forks, not in the slightest. It all revolves around her while she isn't even doing anything. She's just lying on the coach moaning and dreaming about her sparkly baby while Rosalie and Esme wait on her hand and foot and Edward and Jacob cry about her death (which we all know won't happen). The wolf pack is arguing and splitting up because of Bella and her freaky fetus. This note from the future is warning me that the conflict for Act Two is showing up just because of the baby. Nothing at all even pretending to be outside of Bella Swan.
And you know what?
ZeldaQueen: God that was boring!
Projection Room Voices: Well, only seven more chapters in this section.
ZeldaQueen: And I'm supposed to be comforted by that?!? Bah! *leaves to take a nap*
Onward to: Chapter 12: Some People Just Don't Grasp The Concept Of "Unwelcome"
Back to: Chapter 10 - Why Didn't I Just Walk Away? Oh Right, Because I'm An Idiot.
Return to: Table of Contents
Projection Room Voices: The sooner you finish these, the sooner you'll be done.
ZeldaQueen: This job sucks sometimes.
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 11 - The Two Things At The Very Top Of My Things-I-Never-Want-To-Do List
ZeldaQueen: Hmm, let's see - Sam is literally forcing Jacob to join in a plan to kill Bella and her demon spawn. Wonder what those two things are? And considering how significant and moving Jacob's story is supposed to be, the title strikes me as a little...casual. Like the title of a Nick Sitcom episode or something.
Ah well, let's get started! We begin with Jacob lying on the ground as a wolf, with the rest of the pack being led by Sam to EX-TER-MI-NATE all of the Cullens to destroy Bella's developing baby. Jake is none too pleased with this, but is unable to do anything because Sam is the Alpha Wolf and Sam's word is law. The rest of the pack is also freaked out and worried about how many of them would die in the fight and what sacrifices would be made. Want to know a secret? None. And that's not going off of any letters from the future either. Meyer is just a typical Sue author who pulls whatever conveniently contrived escape routes out of her rear so that none of her precious protagonists will permanently suffer. Meyer dear, it's not good to have that sort of predictability in your writing. Harry Potter was interesting because everyone knew that Rowling could and would kill off any characters she needed too, even if she really liked them. We all know you won't.
Jake is forced to get up and move along with the pack and comments on how Paul and Quil and the younger wolves are ready for a fight while Leah is feeling maternal and doesn't want Seth to join in the battle. Seth apparently is ignoring her worries. Quil and Embry tell Jake to just go with the plan and stop resisting. He is forced to follow them and starts going on about how it is necessary for there to be an Alpha to make decisions and how it is absolutely impossible for any wolf to resist the Alpha and so there is positively no way, no how that Jacob can escape what he thinks is a bad decision on Sam's part.
Yeah.
Well, what do you know? Jake is still fussing about being forced to follow Sam's orders when...
And there it was-a thought I'd never, never wanted to have. But now, with my legs all tied up in strings, I recognized the exception with relief-more than relief, with a fierce joy.
No one could dispute the Alpha's decision-except for me.
I hadn't earned anything. But there were things that had been born in me, things that I'd left unclaimed.
I'd never wanted to lead the pack. I didn't want to do it now. I didn't want the responsibility for all our fates resting on my shoulders. Sam was better at that than I would ever be.
But he was wrong tonight.
And I had not been born to kneel to him.
The bonds fell off my body the second that I embraced my birthright.
ZeldaQueen: *sputters* What they - how did - That came out of nowhere! Seriously, when was the last time they mentioned that Jake was supposed to be Alpha *flips back*
Though the magic had-in the absence of a catalyst-skipped his generation, Billy was still a part of the power and the legend. It flowed straight through him. It flowed to his son, the heir to the magic, who had turned his back on it. That left Sam Uley to act as the chief of legends and magic now. . . .
ZeldaQueen: That was in Chapter Four. We get three sentences in Chapter Four to introduce this plot element. There's nothing else about Jacob pondering his birthright as Alpha, nothing about Bella thinking about it, nothing about Billy talking to Jacob about it, just whoop! Jake suddenly goes "Oh wait, loophole, I don't have to listen to you anymore!"
Which is another thing. Jacob went on before about how he hated being forced to do things. You mean to tell me that this particular instance is the first time he felt pushed to take his place as Alpha? To defend a whiny girl he's obsessed over? And how does this even work anyway? Sam got the position because Jacob passed on it. If Jacob accepts the birthright, doesn't that mean that he should take Sam's place, since Sam really has no right to the Alpha position otherwise? How does Jacob's power as an Alpha get activated? Is it like some kind of a light switch? Gah, I'd best move on before my head hurts too much...
So through an amazing butt pull, Jacob gains the power to control his own will and defy Sam. The rest of the wolves freak out at this because my god nothing like this has ever happened before! Erm, quick question: how is it that everyone has such little experience with the whole wolf shape shifting thing if it's been around for so long? Is this really the first time something like this has come up? Oh yes, and we get a lovely bit of dialogue here:
"This isn't about them, he snarled at me. This is about Bella. She has never been the one for you, she has never chosen you, but you continue to destroy your life for her!"
They were hard words, but true words. I sucked in a big gulp of air, breathing them in.
ZeldaQueen: Tell him, Sam! Smack him upside the head if he doesn't get it! Because he's spent the past two books or so crying over Bella and won't shut up about it! Well, Jacob gets over the terrible pain of those words and declares that he won't let Sam lead a suicidal attack against innocent people.
Innocent? INNOCENT? Sure Jacob, innocent. Read Mrs. Hyde's Midnight Sun sporkings, where we see Edward contemplating genocide on Jacob's tribe or Esme being glad that Bella will die or be forcibly vamped or Jasper and Rosalie considering killing Bella to save their own rears, and many, many other things. Yes, I guess Jake wouldn't know about most of those things if you want to be nitpicky, but it still made me snort loudly and now I need a Kleenex.
Jacob goes running off to warn the Cullens and apparently only Leah has a chance of catching him, so the rest of the wolves...stay behind and howl. Really? They're not going to even try to catch him? Ah well, I guess the story needs to move on somehow.
As he runs, Jake starts going on and on about how the day started off normal and now he's been cut off from the pack and is going to protect his hated enemies the vampires and has turned his back on his friends, etc. He hears someone running up behind him and figures that it's Leah and "Leah wouldn't be able to stop me alone."
Excuse me?
Well, Jake is surprised to hear that the wolf chasing him is all enthusiastic and given that there has been literally only one other wolf in this book who's shown any signs of supporting the Cullens, no prizes are being given for guessing the newcomer's name.
Yep, Seth comes bounding up, all happy and ready to help Jake out. Jacob freaks out at this and starts mentally yelling at him to go back to Sam's pack. Seth refuses because he's sweet and optimistic and points out that they can no longer hear the thoughts of the rest of the pack - only each other. This must mean that they've formed a new pack! Horray! Seth figures that it's because there are enough wolves for two packs, which raises yet another question in my mind: we get that wolves transform for vampire threats - hence why they show up when Victoria is running around the area - and my letter from the future indicates that the more vampires are in the area, the more new wolves will transform. We have word here that several new wolves have transformed, but there have been no new vampire threats! The only vampires in the area are the Cullens who I can only assume don't register as "threats" since they've been hanging around for several decades without triggering the wolf outbreak. Victoria, James, and Laurent are dead and the Volturi aren't around. Nor are there any non-vegetarian vampires in the area. SO WHY THE FLIP ARE THERE MORE KIDS TURNING INTO WOLVES?
Bah. Well, stepping carefully around the plot holes, Seth takes the spot as second in command in Jacob's pack and they go running up to the Cullen household while mentally calling for Edward. Seth is adorably sweet at this time and Jake's tired grumpiness kind of bounces well off of that. Yes, I'm enjoying what I've got for as long as I'm getting it. I know it won't last long.
Edward eventually hears them and comes running out to learn about Sam's potential attack. In a moment of rather silly oversight, he just shouts out "They want to kill Bella?" which leads to Emmett and Jasper to overhear and nearly attack Jake and Seth. Edward quickly gets everything sorted goes off to find Carlisle and Esme while the wolves go run the perimeter of the house to keep an eye on things. Seth runs off to check on stuff and Alice makes a brief and rather useless cameo to lean up against Jasper and ask what's going on. Edward explains everything while reading Jacob's mind and going on about how he owes him his gratitude and Jacob goes on about how he's doing it for Bella and I'm really bored and want this chapter to be over. Is it over? No it isn't. Curses.
Oh, and Jake mentions that Edward explains things in "clipped, emotionless sentences" So he's just talking normally then?
Carlisle and Esme show up and get updated and we get some prose about how Carlisle's a nice guy. I have to agree with that, although if you're comparing him to his family, that's not setting the bar too high.
And then...we somehow move from Carlisle to talking about how Jacob is worried about Bella dying. Huh. Guess we can't go for too long without that, lest we forget about Meyer's pet character.
Speaking of which, Meyer apparently remembered that Bella's supposed to be dying of demon spawn, so we get Jacob peeking in through the window - I'm noticing a pattern in the author's taste in Good Men - to see most of the Cullens gathered around Bella. Bella is still, of course, pale and weak and dying and isn't she the epitome of maternal strength? Rosalie is still hovering and being protective, although she apparently let Carlisle hook Bella up to an IV to help Miss Sue sleep. Which raises more questions, since the fetus seems to be wreaking havoc on her body and we heard in Eclipse about how there was issues with giving Jake morphine. Ah well. Jake sees that Bella is unmistakably getting worse and goes running off.
And I think there is a good possibility that Bella has reached a new level of suck as a protagonist. This has got to be the most useless she's been in any of the books, and that's really saying something. I mean seriously, it's been *scans* ten chapters and what has she done? Alice dresses her up like a doll, she marries Edward, gets him to sleep with her, and has spent the last three chapters being virtually nonexistent while we the audience get treated to everyone angsting about her condition. And that's another thing - while the other three books undoubtedly focused heavily on Bella and used Excuse Plots to fill stuff up, the hastily-whipped-up conflict still had some effect on the rest of Forks. James, Victoria, and the newborns all were attacking and eating people and even if Edward and Jacob and Co were only really focusing on the issue to save Bella, they were still helping other people who were in danger.
In this book though, the entire conflict thus far has been Bella Swan. That's right, there is no conflict that has any real connection to the rest of Forks, not in the slightest. It all revolves around her while she isn't even doing anything. She's just lying on the coach moaning and dreaming about her sparkly baby while Rosalie and Esme wait on her hand and foot and Edward and Jacob cry about her death (which we all know won't happen). The wolf pack is arguing and splitting up because of Bella and her freaky fetus. This note from the future is warning me that the conflict for Act Two is showing up just because of the baby. Nothing at all even pretending to be outside of Bella Swan.
And you know what?
ZeldaQueen: God that was boring!
Projection Room Voices: Well, only seven more chapters in this section.
ZeldaQueen: And I'm supposed to be comforted by that?!? Bah! *leaves to take a nap*
Onward to: Chapter 12: Some People Just Don't Grasp The Concept Of "Unwelcome"
Back to: Chapter 10 - Why Didn't I Just Walk Away? Oh Right, Because I'm An Idiot.
Return to: Table of Contents