Marked: Final Assessment
ZeldaQueen: And thus, we conclude our journey through Marked, the first of PC and Kristen Cast's very long and still ongoing vampire series. *cracks knuckles* Right, let's KO this baby
PLOT
Ah yes, the plot. One of the reasons my laptop's keyboard now has several dents in the shape of my head.
Let's start with the obvious - the plot was utterly cliche. The new "nice girl" goes to the new school, quickly gets a group of "geeky" friends who are her nakama and support her, the hottest guy there loves her for her personality, and the Mean Girl is jealous that she's new yet has everything. Cue the new girl defeating the Mean Girl with the Power of Love and Friendship.
Now that in and of itself is not a bad thing. There are many stories that can be boiled down to cliches and still manage to be entertaining. The trick is to rewrite them in a way that adds a unique twist to them. And this? It doesn't bother to do that. Instead, it reads almost exactly like a million high school chick flicks that came before, the kind that PC and Kristen talk about watching all of the time together.
Then, there is the matter of the pacing. In a well-written book, the plot ought to start with the exposition, continue through the rising action, peak at the climax, and spend just enough time going through falling action to tie up everything and reach the denouement. This plot? It moved forward at uneven intervals, like a drunk rabbit. I’m completely at a loss as to what the inciting incident is supposed to be, exactly. Is it Zoey being Marked in Chapter One? Being blessed by Nyx and being told to be her eyes and ears in Chapter Five? Given that the conflict is meant to be Zoey facing Aphrodite, I suppose the inciting incident is when Zoey finds out that Aphrodite possibly is hiding her visions and decides that something must be done about it. You know, in Chapter Nineteen. This implies that the first nineteen chapters ought to be exposition, laying out the groundwork for the world and the rules it follows, but we still get very little of that. Instead of working to give a clear idea of how vampires work in this world, the Cast ladies give us pointless details about the People of Faith and how much Zoey hates her family. Yes, I realize that those things are meant to add depth to the characters, but they shouldn’t push out details that are vital to the plot!
And the climax? It is set up in Chapter Twenty-Seven and goes through in Chapter Twenty-Eight. In other words, we get the climax one chapter from the end of the book, two chapters if you want to be generous. As a result, the falling action is rushed. There’s virtually no reflection on what happened and pretty much no negative consequences at all to be dealt with. Finally, the cherry on this sundae of fail is the sheer number of hanging plot threads left unresolved, just as set-up for sequels. Let's have a look at them all, shall we?
Too long, didn’t read? Shorthand version then - there’s only one other story I read that did exactly all that, frittering away chapters on pointless details while shoving the climax until the last possible minute and resolving everything in half a paragraph or so, all whilst leaving a bajillion plot threads hanging. That book was The Legend of Rah and the Muggles. And I assure you all, that is not a favorable comparison
CHARACTERS
Zoey Redbird - You know, Zoey really is a fascinating character. By that, I mean that it's fascinating how PC and Kristen Cast were so incapable of keeping her characterization consistent and the least bit likable.
To give credit where credit is due, the Cast ladies did seem to make an effort at the beginning of the book to establish some sort of personality with Zoey. Little details like her stuffed fish, her beloved car, her love of Star Wars, or her Monsters Inc toys all ideally would have acted as some form of insight into her character. I say "would have" because, while the Cast ladies tried to use those things to build up Zoey's character, it ultimately fell flat. From what I've gathered, they intended for Zoey to be a geeky girl who is a little awkward, in touch with her Cherokee heritage, and hurt from the abandonment of her parents.
Ultimately though, it all falls apart. Zoey's geeky side is very rarely actually called on, except when she makes very obvious asides to the audience to outright say things like "Yes, I'm such a dork, I like Star Wars!" or "How embarrassing, I still keep Monsters Inc toys!" It's a major violation of one of the cardinal rules of writing - show, don't tell.
Zoey's love of her Cherokee heritage is, if possible, handled even more ham-fistedly. Almost every single time her Cherokee-ness is brought up, she promptly spouts a fountain of purple prose that doesn't fit her intended character at all. Eventually, it's leaned on so much that it comes across as more of "LOOK, SHE'S CHEROKEE, HOW SPECIAL!!!" than "she is a girl who is in touch with her ethnic roots". That isn't even going into the unfortunate implications that it's the Native Girl who is magical and knows the old legends and everything. A note to Ms and Ms Cast - positive discrimination is still discrimination nonetheless.
And then there's the other aspect to Zoey's character, one which I'm sure the Cast ladies had no intention of writing in. As the story goes on and Zoey starts to get more and more power and attention, she becomes downright sociopathic! After being in the vampire world for only a day or so, she decides to kick Aphrodite out of power because she obviously can do a better job. She continues to lie about her relationship with Heath, being furious with Kayla for dating him, yet saying to Stevie Rae and Erik, in no uncertain terms that she and Heath are over. She hides a number of things from Neferet and her friends. She doesn't feel the least bit sorry about threatening Kayla and outright admits that she doesn't feel sorry about Elliot's death, nor does she show much concern that he was being used as a snack bar by the Dark Daughters, which possibly led to said early, painful death. She also outright tells Erik that she feels bothered by the fact that he dated Aphrodite before her, despite him clearly having been hurt and abused in that relationship. She is quick to turn on people, even those who are supposed to be her friends and loved ones, for various slights which often have little to do with the situation at hand (Kayla's smoking of pot, Aphrodite's name choice, Elliot's coughing fit, etc).
In short, Zoey Redbird is a bitch. But it doesn't stop there, oh no. Because, for whatever reason, the Cast ladies were apparently incapable of keeping Zoey's character and voice consistent. There will be stretches of time when her voice and character is actually rather pleasant, if still bland, and other times when she moves into complete airhead territory, giggling about how hawt a boy is or how she wishes her boobies were bigger and still other times were she starts rhapsodizing about how spiritual everything is. These shifts in character are jarring, inconsistent, and just make her character even more baffling and unlikable. It doesn’t make her look complex, it makes her like she has some multiple-personality thing going on.
In short, I just find myself scratching my head, wondering what the hell the Casts had in mind when they wrote her
Erik Night - I have to admit, Erik surprised me. In the glut of Young Adult literature stuffed with Asshole Love Interests, he actually is a fairly decent guy. He doesn’t force his will on Zoey, he doesn’t belittle her, he doesn’t mock her, he doesn’t dictate who she can associate with, he doesn’t stalk or spy on her (to the best of our knowledge), he doesn’t continue to threaten or scare her, and he doesn’t drag her places she doesn’t want to go. (And I find it rather alarming that it’s a nice surprise that he doesn’t do those things)
Ultimately though, Erik does fall prey to exactly the same problem that every other character in this book has - he is flat as a piece of cardboard. Yes, he’s possibly the most likable character, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s given pretty much no personality beyond “hot, sensitive theater guy who is a closet geek”. However, like Zoey, the Cast ladies wrote in something with Erik that I'm sure wasn't intentional. In this case, it's regarding how everyone treats the poor guy. Yeah, that stereotypical description I gave him, how he was hot, involved with the theater, and a geek? Guess which of those three aspects we're constantly reminded of? All Zoey, Stevie Rae, the Twins, Damien, and everyone else in the school talk about is how good looking Erik is. His theater success is pretty much only there as an excuse for him to run into Zoey again and a reason for his popularity. His geekiness is virtually nonexistent and used only as a token way to show that he's a fun guy to be around. What makes that particularly infuriating is that continually describing him as "hot" doesn't give any sense of his character, but his life as a theater student and a geek could.
That aside, there's the treatment of Erik. Yeah, flat as he is, he's a nice guy who sounds fun to be around. And his entire purpose of the story is pretty much to be a pretty piece of meat and be appraised and drooled over by girls. We are told that he used to be with Aphrodite, who tried to force sex out of him and made life miserable for him. It's fairly obvious that this is normal for the Dark Daughters to do to the Dark Sons. Now like I said above, it's clear the Cast ladies were going for some "Sixteen Candles"-esque routine, where Erik falls for Zoey, who is clean, kind, and loves him as a person and not for sex. The trouble with that is that all Zoey thinks about is how hot he is! She never gushes about his personality, she never bonds with him over their alleged shared geekiness, none of that! And it moves right into full-on squicky territory when he is very open with her and tries to tell her how happy he is with her, with a relationship that wasn't just based on physical things, and all she does is go on about how he dared date Aphrodite before her.
In short, Erik is the most likable character there, and mostly it's in ways that weren't even intended
Aphrodite - Okay, so she's supposed to be the Bad Guy of the book. She's supposed to be the Mean Girl, the Scary Sue, the source of all of the conflict.
She, like everyone else, is flatter than a piece of cardboard. Really, that's all I can say about her. She isn't sneaky, she isn't subtle, she isn't manipulative, she doesn't even come up with good insults half of the time. The only thing she does that's remotely good hazing is the blood in the wine trick, and even that fails, because there's no follow-up. She continues to threaten to see to it that Zoey's life is made a living hell, but she doesn't do anything. As such, it's impossible to take her seriously as a villain.
Now given the prophecy, I think the Cast ladies were trying to imply that there's more to Aphrodite than we see. That via her visions, she's privy to some horrible knowledge, which is tormenting her. If that's the case, kudos to the Cast ladies. Why the hell didn't they bother to include that in more than two points in the story?
Zoey's Friends - I'm not even separating these people, because they have very little going on. I swear to God, they all pretty much just congealed into one big blob of bad writing.
Really, this could be summed up in three words: They are stereotypes. Really, they are. Stevie Rae is the childishly loyal, friendly hillbilly chick. Damien is the kind token gay guy who has nary a friend in the world besides these other putzes. The Twins are the hot girls who are supposed to be seen as the Good Side of the stereotypical "Mean Girls", but just come across as just as bad. These people are just accessories. There is no purpose to them at all. They immediately latch on to Zoey literally the first time they meet her and don't have a life outside of her after that. When it looks like she'll be High Priestess, they just smile and nod and in no way contradict her or point out that she might be suffering from delusions of grandeur. In fact, they pretty much go from being friends to flat-out minions.
Also like Zoey, these people are also horribly unpleasant to read about. They try to force Zoey and Erik together because Erik is hot, paying no heed to the fact that there's little evidence that he and Zoey really love each other. They ask Zoey about her Mark, even though it's something personal. They are, in short, nasty. But there's one more thing about them that makes their characterization even worse to read. To a degree, they sound like Bella's human friends in Twilight - shallow, nasty, and stereotypical. Here, however, these people are supposed to be her bestest friends ever. They're supposed to be her nakama. The ones who complete her ritual circle and who trust and support her. We're supposed to look at them with Zoey and get lessons on the power of friendship. And yet, despite all of that, the Casts give them virtually no personality or traits at all. Nothing to say to that, except epic fail
Everyone Else - Yes, everyone else. Everyone else serves no purpose at all. Zoey's entire family? Plays virtually no part besides being an excuse for her to angst. Kayla and Heath? Pretty much the same (although Heath gets off slightly lighter, with charming characterizations like "perpetually drunk", "clingy ex", "cute", and "invokes bloodlust in Zoey"). Grandma Redbird? Someone for Zoey to go crying to when the plot needs advanced, otherwise she's forgotten. The teachers at the school? Nothing. They don't even serve as teaching a Chekov's Skill! The People of Faith? Complete nonentities. And like with Zoey's friends, we're supposed to believe that these people all play important roles in Zoey's life. We're supposed to feel sorry that her mom has abandoned her in favor of her stepfather. We're supposed to be angry at Kayla for abandoning her best friend. But we don't, because we don't know them!
WRITING STYLE
As I noted about Zoey's character, the Cast ladies are apparently incapable of picking a voice for the narrator and sticking to it. We swing from purple-prose descriptions to childish things like "horse poopie" or "boobies". You can't have it both ways Cast ladies - pick a voice and stick with it. I'm sure that a lot of people are tempted to blame Kristen for most of this. She has been very open in interviews about how she was the one who rewrite what her mother came up with, trying to make it sound like it came from a teenager. Still, PC Cast is a professional writer. "Teen"-sounding or not, she should know how to keep the narrator's voice consistent.
Also, there's the little problem of the timeline. Or rather, there's the problem of the little timeline. This story took place over about four days. Really. Now I know that it's possible for stories to go on without requiring a vast amount of time to pass, but this is just ridiculous. We're supposed to believe that within four days, Zoey has sufficiently adjusted to being Marked, settled in to a new school, come to terms with the fact that her family no longer wants her, come to terms with the fact that she could drop over dead at any point in time, settled into her classes, mastered her Sue-powers, snared a hot boyfriend, and become best friends with her little group, to the point at which one spat is the end of the world for her. To top it all off, there is no reason for it all to be so cramped. There is no deadline they have to work by. The Cast ladies could easily have set the story to take place in the early months so there was more time to build the world (and dear lord, does it need building).
Final Thoughts
What is there to say? This entire thing was God damned empty! It read like the worst sort of fanfiction, where the author has zero sense of scale, pacing, or characterization, placing all of the emphasis on the wrong things.
ZeldaQueen: And that's it for Marked. Good riddance! *spits* Don't get too cozy, folks. We still have a shitload of sequels to dig our way through. And in our next one...we're gonna get Betrayed
Onward to: Spite Fics
Back to: Blurb
Back to: Table of Contents
PLOT
Ah yes, the plot. One of the reasons my laptop's keyboard now has several dents in the shape of my head.
Let's start with the obvious - the plot was utterly cliche. The new "nice girl" goes to the new school, quickly gets a group of "geeky" friends who are her nakama and support her, the hottest guy there loves her for her personality, and the Mean Girl is jealous that she's new yet has everything. Cue the new girl defeating the Mean Girl with the Power of Love and Friendship.
Now that in and of itself is not a bad thing. There are many stories that can be boiled down to cliches and still manage to be entertaining. The trick is to rewrite them in a way that adds a unique twist to them. And this? It doesn't bother to do that. Instead, it reads almost exactly like a million high school chick flicks that came before, the kind that PC and Kristen talk about watching all of the time together.
Then, there is the matter of the pacing. In a well-written book, the plot ought to start with the exposition, continue through the rising action, peak at the climax, and spend just enough time going through falling action to tie up everything and reach the denouement. This plot? It moved forward at uneven intervals, like a drunk rabbit. I’m completely at a loss as to what the inciting incident is supposed to be, exactly. Is it Zoey being Marked in Chapter One? Being blessed by Nyx and being told to be her eyes and ears in Chapter Five? Given that the conflict is meant to be Zoey facing Aphrodite, I suppose the inciting incident is when Zoey finds out that Aphrodite possibly is hiding her visions and decides that something must be done about it. You know, in Chapter Nineteen. This implies that the first nineteen chapters ought to be exposition, laying out the groundwork for the world and the rules it follows, but we still get very little of that. Instead of working to give a clear idea of how vampires work in this world, the Cast ladies give us pointless details about the People of Faith and how much Zoey hates her family. Yes, I realize that those things are meant to add depth to the characters, but they shouldn’t push out details that are vital to the plot!
And the climax? It is set up in Chapter Twenty-Seven and goes through in Chapter Twenty-Eight. In other words, we get the climax one chapter from the end of the book, two chapters if you want to be generous. As a result, the falling action is rushed. There’s virtually no reflection on what happened and pretty much no negative consequences at all to be dealt with. Finally, the cherry on this sundae of fail is the sheer number of hanging plot threads left unresolved, just as set-up for sequels. Let's have a look at them all, shall we?
- The red-eyed ghosts
- Aphrodite's prophecy, which clearly ties in to said red-eyed ghosts
- The erm, implication that Neferet is Not Good
- The higher purpose to Nyx blessing Zoey and encouraging her to be the High Priestess-in-Training
- Zoey's family situation
- Zoey's relationship with Heath, along with the fact that she might have accidentally caused him to imprint on her
Too long, didn’t read? Shorthand version then - there’s only one other story I read that did exactly all that, frittering away chapters on pointless details while shoving the climax until the last possible minute and resolving everything in half a paragraph or so, all whilst leaving a bajillion plot threads hanging. That book was The Legend of Rah and the Muggles. And I assure you all, that is not a favorable comparison
CHARACTERS
Zoey Redbird - You know, Zoey really is a fascinating character. By that, I mean that it's fascinating how PC and Kristen Cast were so incapable of keeping her characterization consistent and the least bit likable.
To give credit where credit is due, the Cast ladies did seem to make an effort at the beginning of the book to establish some sort of personality with Zoey. Little details like her stuffed fish, her beloved car, her love of Star Wars, or her Monsters Inc toys all ideally would have acted as some form of insight into her character. I say "would have" because, while the Cast ladies tried to use those things to build up Zoey's character, it ultimately fell flat. From what I've gathered, they intended for Zoey to be a geeky girl who is a little awkward, in touch with her Cherokee heritage, and hurt from the abandonment of her parents.
Ultimately though, it all falls apart. Zoey's geeky side is very rarely actually called on, except when she makes very obvious asides to the audience to outright say things like "Yes, I'm such a dork, I like Star Wars!" or "How embarrassing, I still keep Monsters Inc toys!" It's a major violation of one of the cardinal rules of writing - show, don't tell.
Zoey's love of her Cherokee heritage is, if possible, handled even more ham-fistedly. Almost every single time her Cherokee-ness is brought up, she promptly spouts a fountain of purple prose that doesn't fit her intended character at all. Eventually, it's leaned on so much that it comes across as more of "LOOK, SHE'S CHEROKEE, HOW SPECIAL!!!" than "she is a girl who is in touch with her ethnic roots". That isn't even going into the unfortunate implications that it's the Native Girl who is magical and knows the old legends and everything. A note to Ms and Ms Cast - positive discrimination is still discrimination nonetheless.
And then there's the other aspect to Zoey's character, one which I'm sure the Cast ladies had no intention of writing in. As the story goes on and Zoey starts to get more and more power and attention, she becomes downright sociopathic! After being in the vampire world for only a day or so, she decides to kick Aphrodite out of power because she obviously can do a better job. She continues to lie about her relationship with Heath, being furious with Kayla for dating him, yet saying to Stevie Rae and Erik, in no uncertain terms that she and Heath are over. She hides a number of things from Neferet and her friends. She doesn't feel the least bit sorry about threatening Kayla and outright admits that she doesn't feel sorry about Elliot's death, nor does she show much concern that he was being used as a snack bar by the Dark Daughters, which possibly led to said early, painful death. She also outright tells Erik that she feels bothered by the fact that he dated Aphrodite before her, despite him clearly having been hurt and abused in that relationship. She is quick to turn on people, even those who are supposed to be her friends and loved ones, for various slights which often have little to do with the situation at hand (Kayla's smoking of pot, Aphrodite's name choice, Elliot's coughing fit, etc).
In short, Zoey Redbird is a bitch. But it doesn't stop there, oh no. Because, for whatever reason, the Cast ladies were apparently incapable of keeping Zoey's character and voice consistent. There will be stretches of time when her voice and character is actually rather pleasant, if still bland, and other times when she moves into complete airhead territory, giggling about how hawt a boy is or how she wishes her boobies were bigger and still other times were she starts rhapsodizing about how spiritual everything is. These shifts in character are jarring, inconsistent, and just make her character even more baffling and unlikable. It doesn’t make her look complex, it makes her like she has some multiple-personality thing going on.
In short, I just find myself scratching my head, wondering what the hell the Casts had in mind when they wrote her
Erik Night - I have to admit, Erik surprised me. In the glut of Young Adult literature stuffed with Asshole Love Interests, he actually is a fairly decent guy. He doesn’t force his will on Zoey, he doesn’t belittle her, he doesn’t mock her, he doesn’t dictate who she can associate with, he doesn’t stalk or spy on her (to the best of our knowledge), he doesn’t continue to threaten or scare her, and he doesn’t drag her places she doesn’t want to go. (And I find it rather alarming that it’s a nice surprise that he doesn’t do those things)
Ultimately though, Erik does fall prey to exactly the same problem that every other character in this book has - he is flat as a piece of cardboard. Yes, he’s possibly the most likable character, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s given pretty much no personality beyond “hot, sensitive theater guy who is a closet geek”. However, like Zoey, the Cast ladies wrote in something with Erik that I'm sure wasn't intentional. In this case, it's regarding how everyone treats the poor guy. Yeah, that stereotypical description I gave him, how he was hot, involved with the theater, and a geek? Guess which of those three aspects we're constantly reminded of? All Zoey, Stevie Rae, the Twins, Damien, and everyone else in the school talk about is how good looking Erik is. His theater success is pretty much only there as an excuse for him to run into Zoey again and a reason for his popularity. His geekiness is virtually nonexistent and used only as a token way to show that he's a fun guy to be around. What makes that particularly infuriating is that continually describing him as "hot" doesn't give any sense of his character, but his life as a theater student and a geek could.
That aside, there's the treatment of Erik. Yeah, flat as he is, he's a nice guy who sounds fun to be around. And his entire purpose of the story is pretty much to be a pretty piece of meat and be appraised and drooled over by girls. We are told that he used to be with Aphrodite, who tried to force sex out of him and made life miserable for him. It's fairly obvious that this is normal for the Dark Daughters to do to the Dark Sons. Now like I said above, it's clear the Cast ladies were going for some "Sixteen Candles"-esque routine, where Erik falls for Zoey, who is clean, kind, and loves him as a person and not for sex. The trouble with that is that all Zoey thinks about is how hot he is! She never gushes about his personality, she never bonds with him over their alleged shared geekiness, none of that! And it moves right into full-on squicky territory when he is very open with her and tries to tell her how happy he is with her, with a relationship that wasn't just based on physical things, and all she does is go on about how he dared date Aphrodite before her.
In short, Erik is the most likable character there, and mostly it's in ways that weren't even intended
Aphrodite - Okay, so she's supposed to be the Bad Guy of the book. She's supposed to be the Mean Girl, the Scary Sue, the source of all of the conflict.
She, like everyone else, is flatter than a piece of cardboard. Really, that's all I can say about her. She isn't sneaky, she isn't subtle, she isn't manipulative, she doesn't even come up with good insults half of the time. The only thing she does that's remotely good hazing is the blood in the wine trick, and even that fails, because there's no follow-up. She continues to threaten to see to it that Zoey's life is made a living hell, but she doesn't do anything. As such, it's impossible to take her seriously as a villain.
Now given the prophecy, I think the Cast ladies were trying to imply that there's more to Aphrodite than we see. That via her visions, she's privy to some horrible knowledge, which is tormenting her. If that's the case, kudos to the Cast ladies. Why the hell didn't they bother to include that in more than two points in the story?
Zoey's Friends - I'm not even separating these people, because they have very little going on. I swear to God, they all pretty much just congealed into one big blob of bad writing.
Really, this could be summed up in three words: They are stereotypes. Really, they are. Stevie Rae is the childishly loyal, friendly hillbilly chick. Damien is the kind token gay guy who has nary a friend in the world besides these other putzes. The Twins are the hot girls who are supposed to be seen as the Good Side of the stereotypical "Mean Girls", but just come across as just as bad. These people are just accessories. There is no purpose to them at all. They immediately latch on to Zoey literally the first time they meet her and don't have a life outside of her after that. When it looks like she'll be High Priestess, they just smile and nod and in no way contradict her or point out that she might be suffering from delusions of grandeur. In fact, they pretty much go from being friends to flat-out minions.
Also like Zoey, these people are also horribly unpleasant to read about. They try to force Zoey and Erik together because Erik is hot, paying no heed to the fact that there's little evidence that he and Zoey really love each other. They ask Zoey about her Mark, even though it's something personal. They are, in short, nasty. But there's one more thing about them that makes their characterization even worse to read. To a degree, they sound like Bella's human friends in Twilight - shallow, nasty, and stereotypical. Here, however, these people are supposed to be her bestest friends ever. They're supposed to be her nakama. The ones who complete her ritual circle and who trust and support her. We're supposed to look at them with Zoey and get lessons on the power of friendship. And yet, despite all of that, the Casts give them virtually no personality or traits at all. Nothing to say to that, except epic fail
Everyone Else - Yes, everyone else. Everyone else serves no purpose at all. Zoey's entire family? Plays virtually no part besides being an excuse for her to angst. Kayla and Heath? Pretty much the same (although Heath gets off slightly lighter, with charming characterizations like "perpetually drunk", "clingy ex", "cute", and "invokes bloodlust in Zoey"). Grandma Redbird? Someone for Zoey to go crying to when the plot needs advanced, otherwise she's forgotten. The teachers at the school? Nothing. They don't even serve as teaching a Chekov's Skill! The People of Faith? Complete nonentities. And like with Zoey's friends, we're supposed to believe that these people all play important roles in Zoey's life. We're supposed to feel sorry that her mom has abandoned her in favor of her stepfather. We're supposed to be angry at Kayla for abandoning her best friend. But we don't, because we don't know them!
WRITING STYLE
As I noted about Zoey's character, the Cast ladies are apparently incapable of picking a voice for the narrator and sticking to it. We swing from purple-prose descriptions to childish things like "horse poopie" or "boobies". You can't have it both ways Cast ladies - pick a voice and stick with it. I'm sure that a lot of people are tempted to blame Kristen for most of this. She has been very open in interviews about how she was the one who rewrite what her mother came up with, trying to make it sound like it came from a teenager. Still, PC Cast is a professional writer. "Teen"-sounding or not, she should know how to keep the narrator's voice consistent.
Also, there's the little problem of the timeline. Or rather, there's the problem of the little timeline. This story took place over about four days. Really. Now I know that it's possible for stories to go on without requiring a vast amount of time to pass, but this is just ridiculous. We're supposed to believe that within four days, Zoey has sufficiently adjusted to being Marked, settled in to a new school, come to terms with the fact that her family no longer wants her, come to terms with the fact that she could drop over dead at any point in time, settled into her classes, mastered her Sue-powers, snared a hot boyfriend, and become best friends with her little group, to the point at which one spat is the end of the world for her. To top it all off, there is no reason for it all to be so cramped. There is no deadline they have to work by. The Cast ladies could easily have set the story to take place in the early months so there was more time to build the world (and dear lord, does it need building).
Final Thoughts
What is there to say? This entire thing was God damned empty! It read like the worst sort of fanfiction, where the author has zero sense of scale, pacing, or characterization, placing all of the emphasis on the wrong things.
ZeldaQueen: And that's it for Marked. Good riddance! *spits* Don't get too cozy, folks. We still have a shitload of sequels to dig our way through. And in our next one...we're gonna get Betrayed
Onward to: Spite Fics
Back to: Blurb
Back to: Table of Contents