Holly potter Spite Fics
ZeldaQueen: Well, let's start off 2011 by honoring some great reads! We've got a few spitefics here for Miss Holly Potter, and they all are going here. Many, many thanks to the authors, who are all brilliant!
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Author: lurkythespork
Background: From chapter 55 (part 2), in response to Holly's dismissive and bratty behavior when Sirius shows genuine concern for her well-being
Notes from author: No no no no no...
I have to stop reading in order to write this
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Her godfather gave a dismissive noise. "Those two are just being lazy. They aren't on the edge of a breakdown."
"And I am?" Holly couldn't help but demand, actually feeling the table and dishes rattle before she snapped her shields all the way up. "I'm not falling apart!"
Sirius stood up sharply, half-lunging over the table. "Don't," he half-barked, "raise your voice to me in my house."
Holly felt the bottom drop out of her stomach, a fear she hadn't even experienced facing Voldemort choking off any reply she might have made. She glanced at Remus, but Remus just sat calmly, watching her with an unwavering gaze.
"Holly, you will LOOK at me when I'm talking to you," Sirius went on, his voice just this side of a growl. Reluctantly, she turned to look at him, trembling all over.
"THANK you. Since trying to say it gently didn't work, I'll be blunt. You spend more time in bed than you do out. When you ARE awake, you stagger around like a drunken idiot. You don't respond. You don't even listen. You just. Don't. Care."
"But I--"
"No buts." Sirius slammed a fist down on the tabletop, and the dishes rattled again. "Now, you say you're not on drugs? Then shape up--or else I will have no choice but to take you myself to St. Mungo's for evaluation, maybe hospitalization. Are we clear?"
Holly could make no response; she was too stunned. She looked helplessly again at Remus, and yet again he looked back with that calm intensity.
Frustrated and hurt beyond helping, Holly burst into tears.
"FINALLY," Sirius said, sitting back down. "A genuine reaction..."
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Author: anakinnotvader
Background: From chapter 55 (part 3), in response to Holly's arrogance regarding the Order of the Phoenix and the Weasleys in general, as well as her idiotic trust in Riddle and the Suethor's attempts to drive Riddle out of character
Notes from author: Congratulations!! Here's your reward: a spitefic! I've never done one of these before, so I hope it's not too bad...
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Finally, Holly whispered to herself. The Order meeting had been as horrible as she could have imagined, and the Weasley brats had insisted on trying to talk to her, but she had managed to escape to her room. She mentally called to Tom, who obligingly emerged from his diary to greet her.
"Tom, you wouldn't believe how obnoxious Ginny has been," Holly began, narrowing her eyes at the mere memory of the redhead's behavior. "But of course, her pathetic little attempts at conversation don't interest me..."
Tom had the nerve to cut her off. "Your pathetic attempts at conversation, to borrow your own phrase, don't interest me either."
His eyes were cold, the friendly glint Holly had grown accustomed to completely gone. The tiny girl stared in shock, expression even more blank than usual.
"I should kill you right here and now, Holly Potter," he continued, his voice deep and harsh. "I should have done so in the graveyard, after the third task."
"Tom," the female Slytherin interjected, "What's the matter? You know that you had no control over what happened then. Voldemort was merely a mistake you made. There's no need to angst over what you've done, or to feel that you are the same person as that monster."
"Do I truly need to spell it out for you?" Tom spat, picking up Holly's wand and waving it in sharp patterns. The words TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE shimmered just long enough for Holly to perceive them before the letters rearranged themselves to read I AM LORD VOLDEMORT.
"I would have expected that even a child as stupid as you would have bothered to research the 'soul-splitting' excuse I gave. I suppose I might as well spell it out for you, then. I am a Horcrux, a piece of Voldemort's soul."
A smirk spread across Holly's face. "I'll tell Blaise," she announced smugly. "He said he'd destroy cities for me. He'll destroy you."
"You will do nothing of the sort," Tom replied coldly. "You have given me all your secrets, opened your heart to me. I control you now. Have none of your friends noticed what a sociopath you've become, precious Holly? Or do they turn a blind eye because you're the great, the famous, Holly Potter? Oh, I could do anything I like with you. Send you out to kill that Mudblood you already so despise. Have you throw your precious 'bondmate' off the Astronomy Tower. I've already used you, Potter. Yesterday, when you woke up at one and thought it was morning? Wouldn't you like to know where you really were that night? It wasn't asleep in bed as your idiotic godfather is all too willing to believe...."
Holly glared at him, eyes narrow and flashing as though she were ready to spit fire. No one had ever failed to be cowed by the threat of her anger. Tom ignored her.
"Yes, Potter, I can toy with you as much as I wish. But I won't. It's time for me to do what I should have done last summer in the graveyard, what I should have done as soon as you lost the Dursleys' blood protection." He pointed Holly's wand towards her.
"Avada Kedavra."
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Author: parrinoyed
Background: A response to Holly's general uselessness and her dependency on her "friends" to solve virtually of the problems she comes across
Notes from author: Hi!
So I wrote the spite fic I was telling you about, but thought I'd just send it to you in a message, because for some reason it didn't occur to me that I haven't read the books for, oh, six or seven years (when did it get so long?).
Anyway, I don't know what you want to do with it, but for what it's worth, I am sorry. Remember, I used Holly's universe and not Harry's. And please don't ask me what happened.
(Hope it's fun anyway :D)
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“Is it done?” Theo asked over the ongoing Exploding Snap tournament when Blaise finally returned from Hagrid’s cottage-thankfully alone.
Blaise just shot him a dirty look. “No.” He paused. “She’s right behind me.”
Gavin skidded back in his chair, until he caught Blaise smirkering. “Not nice.”
“Everything according to plan?” Tom said, raising an eyebrow and skimming a finger along the edge of the table while making his way toward Blaise. "I hope there weren't any problems."
"With that little bitch?" Blaise snorted. "How hard could you think it would be?"
"Considering what happened to my older self, better safe than sorry."
Millicent snorted, but quailed under Tom's sidelong look. Unlike Holly, they'd learned early of Tom's true nature when he wasn't pleased.
"Well, she's dead. Drowned her in the lake--and with Hagrid so distracted by the dragons, there weren't any problems in getting her to the forest."
"Good thing she was such a scrawny brat, though, or you'd never have made it even that far," Draco sneered.
Blaise glared back. "Maybe if you'd been on the ball, we could have been rid of her by now!"
"Oh, it's my fault is it?"
"Now, now boys, let's not fight," Luna said dreamily from her little corner.
"Indeed," Tom said, and stroked her hair. "At any rate she's been useful enough to put up with despite her irritating presence. Now we just need to keep things the way they are enough to get 'Holly' through the tasks without anyone realizing she's dad. At that point my true self will rise again."
"I thought you needed her blood though," Gavin said.
Tom's face was pleasantly blank when he looked at Gavin, who winced. "I had little trouble getting it from her. You must admit, she's wonderfully cooperative when you ask her nicely."
"And when she lusted after you." Theo sniggered into his sleeve, and even Tom chucked.
"It certainly helped. But the blood is safe. So long as it's in the vessel, Voldemort won't have any trouble accessing it when needed." Tom paused in the middle of the room, and the others tensed when they saw his hands clench, going white as though he were still corporeal.
"As. Long. As. Everything. Else. Continues. According. To PLAN!" He suddenly shrieked, sending his followers cowering.
Blaise was nodding from where he'd fallen to the floor near the couch. "Hagrid showed us the first task. It's dragons, we'll need to get the eggs."
"Dragons," Theo repeated with very wide eyes. "Honestly?"
Blaise shot him a dark look. "Yes." Then he looked to Tom. "One for each of the champions, and she'll have to use a wand, and nothing else."
Tom hmm'd. "What else do we have? One dragon for each champion, I assume. Are they all the same breed?"
"No, they're all different." Blaise frowned. "I definitely remember the Norweigian ridgeback, but I'm not sure of the others, but--"
"Never mind that," Tom said. "That's the worst anyway, regarding the breeds. I do hope you can tell us more than that, anyway."
"They're nesting," Blaise said quickly. "I overheard."
"Extra vicious then." Tom wasn't watching Blaise anymore and began talking more to himself. "They'll probably be involving the eggs, or the dragons would have no reason to pay attention to the champions at all."
Millicent laughed. "Can you imagine trying to do this with Holly? She'd be frozen with terror! Oh, woe is me!" she cried, with a decent impression of Holly's whine.
Tom thinned his lip in a vague resemblance to a smile: more reptilian than ever they'd seen on his younger face. "Well, so long as the creature can hold up. Is is sophisticated enough, my dear; or will we need one of you in polyjuice?" He dropped his hand on Luna's shoulder.
Luna tilted her head toward him. She hummed nonsensically. "Oh, I don't know. Perhaps polyjuice is a good idea for the tasks, until we absolutely have to. After all, we don't want it damaged. It's much more fragile than people."
The other students glared at her, knowing that now that one of them would have to volunteer.
"Indeed," Tom said, stroking her hair again. He looked around the room. "How do you all feel about Luna's plan?"
Draco stood. "I can do it. It's just dragons, it can't be hard."
"And you're short enough not to be hampered by her size," Pansy murmured to Millicent, just barely over her breath, but in Tom's silence, it rang out.
Draco snapped out his wand, but Tom raised his hand. "Now, now, children. Girls, one shouldn't make fun of a friend willing to take risks for the cause. Especially when you haven't yet made any significant contributions yourself, yes?"
Millicent bit her lip, but nodded, and Pansy dropped head and curled away.
"Very good," Tom praised. "Now Luna, we will need this for classes tomorrow for testing. It will be ready, yes?"
"Oh yes," Luna said. "Blaise, do you have the strands?"
Blaise walked to her. "Yeah. I don't know why we need these instead of the rest we're using for the polyjuice."
"It's the freshness," she said, holding them up to the light. "Oh, good, you got plenty of scalp."
"So gross," Gavin said. Pansy smacked him on the back of the head.
Luna murmured a chant over Holly's hair, and attached it to the golem. Because they all knew it was Tom's show, she stepped back to let him complete the spell.
"Well," he said to them all when he finished, "We can activate it in the morning, send it off to class. Watch it carefully, so Luna or I can make any final corrections. Remember, it needs to participate in the third task."
Luna stared fondly at the creature, which looked no more sinister than a sleeping girl. "No one will be able to tell the difference."
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Author: zeldaqueen
Background: The Welcomed Death of Holly Potter
Notes from author: My Christmas gift to you. Enjoy!
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The room was empty, except for a single chair. Tied to that chair was one Holly Potter, former Head Sue of a very screwed-up alternate universe for the Harry Potter world. She was screwing up her face, which was supposed to be her way of trying to telepathically call for help, but instead made it look like she has digestive problems. The lights flickered on, to reveal that she was not alone - she was surrounded by a countless number of men and women of varying ages and backgrounds. And by God, were they all pissed off.
“Right,” said one woman, her voice flavored with a very slight Southern accent. “I’ve been waiting a long time for this. I call first dibs."
“No, I call first dibs,” said another woman, in the same accent.
“Hyde, you didn’t even spork her!”
“I don’t care, I call first dibs anyway, just to spite you.”
“Can we get on with this?” asked a third woman, this one sporting both red hair and a flamethrower. “I went to all the trouble to polish this thing, after all.”
“Who are you?” asked Holly, narrowing her eyes. “How dare you - ack!”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” said a twenty-year-old girl with brown hair. “Did that backhand to the face interrupt you? I do apologize, but after reading fifty million times about your narrowed eyes, seeing them in person just made me act on instincts.”
Holly began to smirk. “I don’t care, just as soon as I cont - that hurt!”
“I’m so very, very, sorry,” said the girl. “It’s just that your smirks infuriate me even more than your narrow eyes do. So really, there was no way to keep myself from pistol-whipping you with this whetstone I conveniently had in my pocket. Continue?”
“As I was saying,” said Holly, attempting her Mary Sue Death Glare, “Just as soon as I telepathically contact my Bond Mate Blaise, he’ll surely come to my rescue and kill you all.”
“Right. Blaise,” said the Southern-accented girl. “The guy who offered to burn cities for you, and who you cheerfully told you’d take up on that offer. I’m so going to summon Castiel’s divine wrath on your scrawny ass for that one.”
“As for the contacting,” said the brown-haired girl, “don’t even bother. You can’t reach him.”
“What?!?” shrieked Holly. “Why?”
“Dear lord, you are codependent, aren’t you?” asked the brown-haired girl. “Well for starters, he’s dead. OH, DON’T PULL THAT, YOU BITCH!” she added, as she saw tears well up in Holly’s eyes. “Your Mary Sue tricks won’t work here. We pulled you to the Realm of Literacy, which caused that flimsy make-believe world you created to disappear and everyone in it to vaporize, Blaise included. Now, you’re going to pay for your crimes against the Literary World and the fandom of Harry Potter.”
“Oh, really?” asked Holly, horrible sarcasm riddling her voice. “Such as?”
“Ron? Would you read off of the list?”
Ron Weasley stepped into the light, a list at hand. Holly began to narrow her eyes for another Death Glare, but he cut her off with a look of his own. He glanced back to the list. "Right," he said. "Holly Potter has been captured and sentenced to death for the crimes of impersonating and replacing the main canon character in a cliched fanfiction mold, making extensive use of non-canon powers which were used to overshadow and replace very similar canon ones, claiming foresight by virtue of having read ahead, demonization of characters you don't like, glorifying characters you do like, which includes making flimsy excuses for their inexcusable behavior, sociopathic tendencies, lack of characterization, overuse of purple prose, and general uselessness and idiocy." He rolled up the list and then glanced up at her again. "Oh yeah, on a more personal note, I know you hate me. I don't care. Honestly, I'm used to it by now. But you made my sister into a spineless baby who you laughed at and you were a bitch to Hermione when she was nice to you. So..."
Holly gave a shriek of pain and fury as Ron punched her square in the face. There was a burst of applause from the group of people.
"Damn," whistled a woman in a blond wig and nice dress. "That's going to break her nose worse than Dumbledore's."
“How are we going to finish her off?” asked a guy with a light saber.
"I suggest death by an enraged Ariana Dumbledore," said the blond-wigged girl.
“Okay, okay,” said a twenty-year-old girl with brown hair. “We all know that Sues are ridiculously long-lasting. Everyone can have a shot. Mervin gets a turn first, then Guardian_Song and then Ket. After all, they put up with her first. After that, we can form a nice, orderly line. Lurking Runcible, you get first swing after them and we'll go from there."
A charmingly peculiar fish-like being in a stylish top hat smiled, revealing a set of very charming teeth. It glanced at the Sue and its smile suddenly became far less charming. "It would be my pleasure"
One hour later, everyone had let off their steam and Shaolina was finishing whaling on the Sue with a parasol. "And this is for thinking you could speak Spanish!" she shouted as she gave the final blow.
With that, the spell of the Mary Sue was lifted. As she began to scream, a million cracks began to run down her body. Like an ancient china doll, brittle flakes began to chip off. She attempted to throw herself forward, forgetting that she was still tied to the chair. She quickly overbalanced and fell sideways to the floor. Upon impact with the ground, she broke into a million sparkly little pieces.
There was a moment of silence as the crowd stared at the glittery pile. Finally, "The janitor can take it from here," said the brown-haired girl. "Let's go watch A Christmas Story."
And the crowd dispensed, cheered in the knowledge that the fandom was that much less angsty.
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Back to: Chapter 55: Child Of Destiny (Part 3)
Return to: Table of Contents
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Author: lurkythespork
Background: From chapter 55 (part 2), in response to Holly's dismissive and bratty behavior when Sirius shows genuine concern for her well-being
Notes from author: No no no no no...
I have to stop reading in order to write this
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Her godfather gave a dismissive noise. "Those two are just being lazy. They aren't on the edge of a breakdown."
"And I am?" Holly couldn't help but demand, actually feeling the table and dishes rattle before she snapped her shields all the way up. "I'm not falling apart!"
Sirius stood up sharply, half-lunging over the table. "Don't," he half-barked, "raise your voice to me in my house."
Holly felt the bottom drop out of her stomach, a fear she hadn't even experienced facing Voldemort choking off any reply she might have made. She glanced at Remus, but Remus just sat calmly, watching her with an unwavering gaze.
"Holly, you will LOOK at me when I'm talking to you," Sirius went on, his voice just this side of a growl. Reluctantly, she turned to look at him, trembling all over.
"THANK you. Since trying to say it gently didn't work, I'll be blunt. You spend more time in bed than you do out. When you ARE awake, you stagger around like a drunken idiot. You don't respond. You don't even listen. You just. Don't. Care."
"But I--"
"No buts." Sirius slammed a fist down on the tabletop, and the dishes rattled again. "Now, you say you're not on drugs? Then shape up--or else I will have no choice but to take you myself to St. Mungo's for evaluation, maybe hospitalization. Are we clear?"
Holly could make no response; she was too stunned. She looked helplessly again at Remus, and yet again he looked back with that calm intensity.
Frustrated and hurt beyond helping, Holly burst into tears.
"FINALLY," Sirius said, sitting back down. "A genuine reaction..."
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Author: anakinnotvader
Background: From chapter 55 (part 3), in response to Holly's arrogance regarding the Order of the Phoenix and the Weasleys in general, as well as her idiotic trust in Riddle and the Suethor's attempts to drive Riddle out of character
Notes from author: Congratulations!! Here's your reward: a spitefic! I've never done one of these before, so I hope it's not too bad...
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Finally, Holly whispered to herself. The Order meeting had been as horrible as she could have imagined, and the Weasley brats had insisted on trying to talk to her, but she had managed to escape to her room. She mentally called to Tom, who obligingly emerged from his diary to greet her.
"Tom, you wouldn't believe how obnoxious Ginny has been," Holly began, narrowing her eyes at the mere memory of the redhead's behavior. "But of course, her pathetic little attempts at conversation don't interest me..."
Tom had the nerve to cut her off. "Your pathetic attempts at conversation, to borrow your own phrase, don't interest me either."
His eyes were cold, the friendly glint Holly had grown accustomed to completely gone. The tiny girl stared in shock, expression even more blank than usual.
"I should kill you right here and now, Holly Potter," he continued, his voice deep and harsh. "I should have done so in the graveyard, after the third task."
"Tom," the female Slytherin interjected, "What's the matter? You know that you had no control over what happened then. Voldemort was merely a mistake you made. There's no need to angst over what you've done, or to feel that you are the same person as that monster."
"Do I truly need to spell it out for you?" Tom spat, picking up Holly's wand and waving it in sharp patterns. The words TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE shimmered just long enough for Holly to perceive them before the letters rearranged themselves to read I AM LORD VOLDEMORT.
"I would have expected that even a child as stupid as you would have bothered to research the 'soul-splitting' excuse I gave. I suppose I might as well spell it out for you, then. I am a Horcrux, a piece of Voldemort's soul."
A smirk spread across Holly's face. "I'll tell Blaise," she announced smugly. "He said he'd destroy cities for me. He'll destroy you."
"You will do nothing of the sort," Tom replied coldly. "You have given me all your secrets, opened your heart to me. I control you now. Have none of your friends noticed what a sociopath you've become, precious Holly? Or do they turn a blind eye because you're the great, the famous, Holly Potter? Oh, I could do anything I like with you. Send you out to kill that Mudblood you already so despise. Have you throw your precious 'bondmate' off the Astronomy Tower. I've already used you, Potter. Yesterday, when you woke up at one and thought it was morning? Wouldn't you like to know where you really were that night? It wasn't asleep in bed as your idiotic godfather is all too willing to believe...."
Holly glared at him, eyes narrow and flashing as though she were ready to spit fire. No one had ever failed to be cowed by the threat of her anger. Tom ignored her.
"Yes, Potter, I can toy with you as much as I wish. But I won't. It's time for me to do what I should have done last summer in the graveyard, what I should have done as soon as you lost the Dursleys' blood protection." He pointed Holly's wand towards her.
"Avada Kedavra."
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Author: parrinoyed
Background: A response to Holly's general uselessness and her dependency on her "friends" to solve virtually of the problems she comes across
Notes from author: Hi!
So I wrote the spite fic I was telling you about, but thought I'd just send it to you in a message, because for some reason it didn't occur to me that I haven't read the books for, oh, six or seven years (when did it get so long?).
Anyway, I don't know what you want to do with it, but for what it's worth, I am sorry. Remember, I used Holly's universe and not Harry's. And please don't ask me what happened.
(Hope it's fun anyway :D)
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“Is it done?” Theo asked over the ongoing Exploding Snap tournament when Blaise finally returned from Hagrid’s cottage-thankfully alone.
Blaise just shot him a dirty look. “No.” He paused. “She’s right behind me.”
Gavin skidded back in his chair, until he caught Blaise smirkering. “Not nice.”
“Everything according to plan?” Tom said, raising an eyebrow and skimming a finger along the edge of the table while making his way toward Blaise. "I hope there weren't any problems."
"With that little bitch?" Blaise snorted. "How hard could you think it would be?"
"Considering what happened to my older self, better safe than sorry."
Millicent snorted, but quailed under Tom's sidelong look. Unlike Holly, they'd learned early of Tom's true nature when he wasn't pleased.
"Well, she's dead. Drowned her in the lake--and with Hagrid so distracted by the dragons, there weren't any problems in getting her to the forest."
"Good thing she was such a scrawny brat, though, or you'd never have made it even that far," Draco sneered.
Blaise glared back. "Maybe if you'd been on the ball, we could have been rid of her by now!"
"Oh, it's my fault is it?"
"Now, now boys, let's not fight," Luna said dreamily from her little corner.
"Indeed," Tom said, and stroked her hair. "At any rate she's been useful enough to put up with despite her irritating presence. Now we just need to keep things the way they are enough to get 'Holly' through the tasks without anyone realizing she's dad. At that point my true self will rise again."
"I thought you needed her blood though," Gavin said.
Tom's face was pleasantly blank when he looked at Gavin, who winced. "I had little trouble getting it from her. You must admit, she's wonderfully cooperative when you ask her nicely."
"And when she lusted after you." Theo sniggered into his sleeve, and even Tom chucked.
"It certainly helped. But the blood is safe. So long as it's in the vessel, Voldemort won't have any trouble accessing it when needed." Tom paused in the middle of the room, and the others tensed when they saw his hands clench, going white as though he were still corporeal.
"As. Long. As. Everything. Else. Continues. According. To PLAN!" He suddenly shrieked, sending his followers cowering.
Blaise was nodding from where he'd fallen to the floor near the couch. "Hagrid showed us the first task. It's dragons, we'll need to get the eggs."
"Dragons," Theo repeated with very wide eyes. "Honestly?"
Blaise shot him a dark look. "Yes." Then he looked to Tom. "One for each of the champions, and she'll have to use a wand, and nothing else."
Tom hmm'd. "What else do we have? One dragon for each champion, I assume. Are they all the same breed?"
"No, they're all different." Blaise frowned. "I definitely remember the Norweigian ridgeback, but I'm not sure of the others, but--"
"Never mind that," Tom said. "That's the worst anyway, regarding the breeds. I do hope you can tell us more than that, anyway."
"They're nesting," Blaise said quickly. "I overheard."
"Extra vicious then." Tom wasn't watching Blaise anymore and began talking more to himself. "They'll probably be involving the eggs, or the dragons would have no reason to pay attention to the champions at all."
Millicent laughed. "Can you imagine trying to do this with Holly? She'd be frozen with terror! Oh, woe is me!" she cried, with a decent impression of Holly's whine.
Tom thinned his lip in a vague resemblance to a smile: more reptilian than ever they'd seen on his younger face. "Well, so long as the creature can hold up. Is is sophisticated enough, my dear; or will we need one of you in polyjuice?" He dropped his hand on Luna's shoulder.
Luna tilted her head toward him. She hummed nonsensically. "Oh, I don't know. Perhaps polyjuice is a good idea for the tasks, until we absolutely have to. After all, we don't want it damaged. It's much more fragile than people."
The other students glared at her, knowing that now that one of them would have to volunteer.
"Indeed," Tom said, stroking her hair again. He looked around the room. "How do you all feel about Luna's plan?"
Draco stood. "I can do it. It's just dragons, it can't be hard."
"And you're short enough not to be hampered by her size," Pansy murmured to Millicent, just barely over her breath, but in Tom's silence, it rang out.
Draco snapped out his wand, but Tom raised his hand. "Now, now, children. Girls, one shouldn't make fun of a friend willing to take risks for the cause. Especially when you haven't yet made any significant contributions yourself, yes?"
Millicent bit her lip, but nodded, and Pansy dropped head and curled away.
"Very good," Tom praised. "Now Luna, we will need this for classes tomorrow for testing. It will be ready, yes?"
"Oh yes," Luna said. "Blaise, do you have the strands?"
Blaise walked to her. "Yeah. I don't know why we need these instead of the rest we're using for the polyjuice."
"It's the freshness," she said, holding them up to the light. "Oh, good, you got plenty of scalp."
"So gross," Gavin said. Pansy smacked him on the back of the head.
Luna murmured a chant over Holly's hair, and attached it to the golem. Because they all knew it was Tom's show, she stepped back to let him complete the spell.
"Well," he said to them all when he finished, "We can activate it in the morning, send it off to class. Watch it carefully, so Luna or I can make any final corrections. Remember, it needs to participate in the third task."
Luna stared fondly at the creature, which looked no more sinister than a sleeping girl. "No one will be able to tell the difference."
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Author: zeldaqueen
Background: The Welcomed Death of Holly Potter
Notes from author: My Christmas gift to you. Enjoy!
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The room was empty, except for a single chair. Tied to that chair was one Holly Potter, former Head Sue of a very screwed-up alternate universe for the Harry Potter world. She was screwing up her face, which was supposed to be her way of trying to telepathically call for help, but instead made it look like she has digestive problems. The lights flickered on, to reveal that she was not alone - she was surrounded by a countless number of men and women of varying ages and backgrounds. And by God, were they all pissed off.
“Right,” said one woman, her voice flavored with a very slight Southern accent. “I’ve been waiting a long time for this. I call first dibs."
“No, I call first dibs,” said another woman, in the same accent.
“Hyde, you didn’t even spork her!”
“I don’t care, I call first dibs anyway, just to spite you.”
“Can we get on with this?” asked a third woman, this one sporting both red hair and a flamethrower. “I went to all the trouble to polish this thing, after all.”
“Who are you?” asked Holly, narrowing her eyes. “How dare you - ack!”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” said a twenty-year-old girl with brown hair. “Did that backhand to the face interrupt you? I do apologize, but after reading fifty million times about your narrowed eyes, seeing them in person just made me act on instincts.”
Holly began to smirk. “I don’t care, just as soon as I cont - that hurt!”
“I’m so very, very, sorry,” said the girl. “It’s just that your smirks infuriate me even more than your narrow eyes do. So really, there was no way to keep myself from pistol-whipping you with this whetstone I conveniently had in my pocket. Continue?”
“As I was saying,” said Holly, attempting her Mary Sue Death Glare, “Just as soon as I telepathically contact my Bond Mate Blaise, he’ll surely come to my rescue and kill you all.”
“Right. Blaise,” said the Southern-accented girl. “The guy who offered to burn cities for you, and who you cheerfully told you’d take up on that offer. I’m so going to summon Castiel’s divine wrath on your scrawny ass for that one.”
“As for the contacting,” said the brown-haired girl, “don’t even bother. You can’t reach him.”
“What?!?” shrieked Holly. “Why?”
“Dear lord, you are codependent, aren’t you?” asked the brown-haired girl. “Well for starters, he’s dead. OH, DON’T PULL THAT, YOU BITCH!” she added, as she saw tears well up in Holly’s eyes. “Your Mary Sue tricks won’t work here. We pulled you to the Realm of Literacy, which caused that flimsy make-believe world you created to disappear and everyone in it to vaporize, Blaise included. Now, you’re going to pay for your crimes against the Literary World and the fandom of Harry Potter.”
“Oh, really?” asked Holly, horrible sarcasm riddling her voice. “Such as?”
“Ron? Would you read off of the list?”
Ron Weasley stepped into the light, a list at hand. Holly began to narrow her eyes for another Death Glare, but he cut her off with a look of his own. He glanced back to the list. "Right," he said. "Holly Potter has been captured and sentenced to death for the crimes of impersonating and replacing the main canon character in a cliched fanfiction mold, making extensive use of non-canon powers which were used to overshadow and replace very similar canon ones, claiming foresight by virtue of having read ahead, demonization of characters you don't like, glorifying characters you do like, which includes making flimsy excuses for their inexcusable behavior, sociopathic tendencies, lack of characterization, overuse of purple prose, and general uselessness and idiocy." He rolled up the list and then glanced up at her again. "Oh yeah, on a more personal note, I know you hate me. I don't care. Honestly, I'm used to it by now. But you made my sister into a spineless baby who you laughed at and you were a bitch to Hermione when she was nice to you. So..."
Holly gave a shriek of pain and fury as Ron punched her square in the face. There was a burst of applause from the group of people.
"Damn," whistled a woman in a blond wig and nice dress. "That's going to break her nose worse than Dumbledore's."
“How are we going to finish her off?” asked a guy with a light saber.
"I suggest death by an enraged Ariana Dumbledore," said the blond-wigged girl.
“Okay, okay,” said a twenty-year-old girl with brown hair. “We all know that Sues are ridiculously long-lasting. Everyone can have a shot. Mervin gets a turn first, then Guardian_Song and then Ket. After all, they put up with her first. After that, we can form a nice, orderly line. Lurking Runcible, you get first swing after them and we'll go from there."
A charmingly peculiar fish-like being in a stylish top hat smiled, revealing a set of very charming teeth. It glanced at the Sue and its smile suddenly became far less charming. "It would be my pleasure"
One hour later, everyone had let off their steam and Shaolina was finishing whaling on the Sue with a parasol. "And this is for thinking you could speak Spanish!" she shouted as she gave the final blow.
With that, the spell of the Mary Sue was lifted. As she began to scream, a million cracks began to run down her body. Like an ancient china doll, brittle flakes began to chip off. She attempted to throw herself forward, forgetting that she was still tied to the chair. She quickly overbalanced and fell sideways to the floor. Upon impact with the ground, she broke into a million sparkly little pieces.
There was a moment of silence as the crowd stared at the glittery pile. Finally, "The janitor can take it from here," said the brown-haired girl. "Let's go watch A Christmas Story."
And the crowd dispensed, cheered in the knowledge that the fandom was that much less angsty.
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Back to: Chapter 55: Child Of Destiny (Part 3)
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