My Inner Life: Chapter 9 - The Reunion
ZeldaQueen: Utter pointlessness ahoy! Let's go!
Projection Room Voices: Starting Media in 3...2...1...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 9: The Reunion
The Reunion
ZeldaQueen: *singing* I toast to my own reunion, when I become one with the sun!
Some time had past since Link has left with the King's knights.
ZeldaQueen: Nice to see that Jenna’s bothering to keep such a detailed timeline here
He kept in touch via letters by carrier pigeon.
Link: You know, never in any of my years in Hyrule have I ever seen a carrier pigeon. Do you suppose she means that bird I used to warp places, in A Link To The Past?
ZeldaQueen: No, according to her that game never happened
Link: Never happened? Well that must have been one hell of a hallucination I had
In one of his last letters he said that there was talk of a peace treaty. And if that happened the war would end and he would be coming home.
Link: What?!?
ZeldaQueen: Well that was fast that was what - a page? Three quarters of one?
To pass the time I either spent my time at the castle with Zelda or in Kokiri Village with Saria.
Link: I still can’t believe you’d be allowed in the Kokiri Forest
ZeldaQueen: I still can’t believe she’s somehow able to move so easily from the Lost Woods to Hyrule Castle! Especially when she’s so pregnant.
And when it was too much to bear I spent those days in my garden or tending the farm.
ZeldaQueen: Again, pregnant. Huge weight in stomach, many urges to go to the bathroom, swollen ankles, the entire she-bang. There’s really no excuse for this. I know all of this stuff and I’ve certainly never been pregnant
Link: Ah, the joys of the internet
Most of the time passed easily, but there were days when I really missed him.
ZeldaQueen: As evidenced by how you won’t shut up!
And I was always awaiting for his next letter.
ZeldaQueen: Am I the only one who imagines her sitting in an empty room with only a phone and a burlap sack, ala Audition?
Then one day about four or five months later a message came in from Link that the peace treaty passed, the war was over and he would be coming home soon.
Link: Which renders all of the previous chapter completely pointless. Hooray
I started to cry tears of happiness. Link was finally coming home. I had missed him sooo much.
ZeldaQueen: I really hate that
Link: So she says “so” like a complete bimbo? Well, I can certainly see why I’d want to marry a girl like that!
My husband
Link: I'm not your husband!
was returning to me like he said.
ZeldaQueen: You know, I’d like to think that Link ended the war quickly so that other people wouldn’t have to die
And there was nothing more important then that.
ZeldaQueen: *stares and ignores the “then”/“than” error*
Link: WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER PEOPLE AT THE WAR WHO ARE/WERE POTENTIALLY DYING AND WANT TO GO HOME TO THEIR FAMILIES? ARE THEY NOT IMPORTANT AT ALL?
Lilly and Navi had come to make their routine check on me.
ZeldaQueen: So they finally came to their senses and had Jenna locked up? Splendid!
When they came I told them the good news.
ZeldaQueen: Oh no, SHE’S A JEHOVAH’S WITNESS! RUN!
They were happy to hear that Link was coming home. I was glad that Lilly and Navi were here.
ZeldaQueen: I’m not
Link: Hell, I just started up this sporking and I already hate the little bastards
I wouldn't have known what to do without them. They always made things brighter, and even helped the time go by faster.
ZeldaQueen: Let’s all whistle a happy tune!
Even on the days when I got emotional from missing Link, they helped the sadness go away.
Link: (Sue) "Oh, I'm just soo emotional!"
ZeldaQueen: I just stick out my chin, and grin, and say...
Though it was hard sleeping alone. Waking up and finding Link's side of the bed empty.
ZeldaQueen: Poor you!
Link: Listen you spinless wuss of an avatar, you're not royalty, you're not a hero, and you're nothing special. I'm not the least bit impressed by your claims that being Zelda's friend and my wife (may the goddesses forbid it) gets you every single thing you want. There's a war going on and people are dying and you're bothered because there's no one to have sex with? I can't believe you! And I can't believe the Suethor, for believing that I'd want to marry such a weak-willed, selfish little idiot!
At least I had Lilly and Navi to help me through it.
ZeldaQueen: What, she used them as sex toys or something?
Link: Now I have all kinds of nasty images in my head. Thank you so very much
I was told that it was going to be about a week before the knights were to return to Hyrule.
ZeldaQueen: Huh, must have been one of those quick and easy-ended wars. Good to know
I could hardly wait.
Link: (Sue) "It's Christmas Eve and I can't wait to see what Santa brought me!"
It was summer I was now nine months pregnant and to give birth soon. I did not want Link to miss the birth of our first baby.
ZeldaQueen: Glossing over the extreme insensitivity - seriously, she has yet to spare a thought for the other peoplee who've died in this war, but is still bothered about having the baby without Link around? - did she just gloss over about two months like that? Really?
The week seemed to go by quickly. And the day Link was to come home drew near. I spent the last few days with Princess Zelda preparing a "Welcome Home" Celebration for our men returning home.
ZeldaQueen: Because that's all women are good for, standing at the gate and welcoming the menfolk home
Link: Since when has Zelda many any celebrations? She and her father have servants to do those things
And on the day they returned, everyone in Hyrule attended to welcome home our men.
ZeldaQueen: Is it just me, or is there something vaguely grating about her continually referring to the soldiers as "men". Are there no female soldiers in Hyrule? It just sounds like dialogue from a World War Two movie
The crowd was huge. Everyone had crowded into Hyrule market.
ZeldaQueen: Shut up about the crowd. PDORD Count = 32
Link: That's impressive
I had even seen other wives waiting for their husbands.
ZeldaQueen: Why is that so surprising to you? Did you honestly forget that there were other soldiers who have families waiting for them?
I had a hard time getting around. My stomach was big and when the baby kicked it took it out of me.
ZeldaQueen: Yes, thank you for bringing up how you're oh my god, pregnant!
Link: I'm wondering what the baby took out of her. Maybe her pelvis
So moving through the crowd was very difficult. As the knights begun walking through the Market Place I finally found a spot where I could see and awaited for Link.
Link: That is really shitty grammer
ZeldaQueen: I love how it's so crowded that she can hardly move and still is able to find a place where she can see you
I watched as different legions went through, none of them Link's.
Link: Hopefully my ficitional self came to his senses and ran away
I felt his presence as I telepathically called to him.
Link: *spit take, despite not having drunk anything* WHAT THE FUCK?
"Yes, my love. I will be there soon. I miss you too." He said to me in my mind.
Link: HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?
ZeldaQueen: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, she did some soul-bonding sex ritual in the Gerudo Desert and you both mind-melded and now you can kinda-sorta read each other's minds as a result
Link: *stares in disbelief*
ZeldaQueen: If you want to quit now, I'll understand
Link: No, I began this and I will finish it. Continue!
Then when the last legion came through I spotted my husband at the lead. My face grew bright as I called out to him.
ZeldaQueen: So apparently she has a light bulb screwed into her face. How does she even know she "grew bright"?
Link: The same way she knew her face turned white with no mirror
As he passed by he smiled at me. At that moment I begun to cry, I was soo happy he was finally home.
Link: If she does that "soo" thing one more time...
I could not wait to be in his arms again. It had been such a long time and I wanted to run to him and give him a hug. But I had some patience so I tried to wait.
ZeldaQueen: HA, "patience" my big Aunt Fanny! All you ever do is pout and sob if you don't get your way right when you want it! I'm sure you'd have no problem running to him in the middle of the ceremony if you thought it'd get you praise and attention!
The King was at the other end of the Market. He welcomed home each of the knights as they passed by.
Link: You know, I'd imagine that the King would hold a ceremony like this in his castle. He does have a castle, you know
Some even got rewards for bravery. I watched from the street as the King welcomed home Link's legion. There was a long pause then the King called Link over to him. I watched to see if he was awarded anything.
ZeldaQueen: Of course he is. You always turn Link's achievements into your own and you wouldn't pass a chance for more praise
There was a silence as the King produced a small red box. I moved in to get a closer look. When I got to the bottom of the stairs leading to the platform Link was on, the King noticed me and told me to join them. "Since you are this brave man's wife, you may join him up here."
Link: Uh huh. And were any of the other wives of soldiers given this privillage? No? Then you shouldn't either!
As my eyes darted around the Market, I noticed all eyes were on me. I got nervous, and the King noticed that.
ZeldaQueen: Because it gets her attention
"Come daughter,
Link & ZeldaQueen: YOU'RE NOT THE KING'S DAUGHTER!!!
join your husband up here commentate his bravery in the field of battle." My eyes darted around once more then I slowly made my way up the wooden stairs and to the platform where Link and the King were. At one point I almost tumbled, but the King caught me and helped me the rest of the way up.
ZeldaQueen: Because the King hasn't got anything better to do than cart around the Sue
Then I took my place at Link's side.
ZeldaQueen: Which is where she's always clinging
Link: Oh no. Get away from my side, you dirty Sue
"This brave solder went above and beyond the call of duty, in the field of battle." "He risked his own life to save his men." "For that I award this brave man Link, The (8)Triforce of Valor."
Link: Oh great! The Triforce of Valor! Erm...that is?
ZeldaQueen: Footnote time! "The Triforce of Valor is a pin that is awarded to a solder that risks his life or becomes wounded in the line of duty. Only solders with great stature are awarded this pin of highest honors. This pin symbolizes that you risked your life for your men on the field of battle and gains the wearer respect."
Link: Yeah, that was a total ass-pull
The King opened the box and held up a pin with a red bird behind the Triforce symbol. In one the bird's claws was a bundle of arrows and in the other was a lightning bolt. A small Purple Heart sat in the center of the Triforce symbol.
ZeldaQueen: You know, that sounds like it was ripped-off from something in the Suethor's world. Nah...
The King took the pin and placed it on Link's uniform. Then a loud cheering came from the crowd as Link turned to look over everyone. He waved a couple of times, then turned his attention to me.
ZeldaQueen: (Sue) "As is proper"
He took me into his arms and we kissed. More cheering came as we embraced.
ZeldaQueen: I'm reminded of Victoria and Sweeney making out in front of a crowd
Then I looked into his eyes and a tear ran down my cheek. "I missed you soo much. I'm soo glad that your finally home." I said softly. Then I placed a hand on my belly. "Our baby is going to be born soon. I was told any day now." I took his hand and placed it on my stomach. "Do you feel the baby kicking?" I asked sweetly. After a minute he looked back up at me and smiled. "Yes, yes I can." At that moment his eyes seemed to glow, as happiness filled into them, and I knew that he was happy to be home. He took me into his arms again, and held me close.
Link: Um, do they have to make out and be all cutesy in the middle of the damned ceremony?
I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the King was smiling. He knew we were very happy together. Since Zelda had not yet married he at least had one daughter that wed.
Link: YOU ARE NOT THE KING'S DAUGHTER!
ZeldaQueen: I'd yell too, but I'm saving my anger for the next section. *to viewers* Alrighty folks, remember those hints I've been droping about Jenna's entitlement issues and how they were going to reach incredible depths? Well, this is the big moment I've been talking about. You're going to get it all at once. Here we go...
That made the King happy. Since we wed he had another heir to the throne. In the event that Princess Zelda does not take the throne, Link is next in line. Then I would become Queen. The King knew he was not getting any younger, but he felt at ease knowing there was another to be able to take the throne in the event that Zelda does not. Though this did not change Link and I, but we had to groom ourselves in the event that Link would become King and I Queen. I loved the King, he had become like a father to me. But I was in no hurry to become Queen. Though I knew that day may eventually come.
ZeldaQueen: Yes folks, there you have it. Jenna has spent the entire fic leeching off of Zelda, stealing her prestiege and items. Now we find out that she intends to steal her right to the throne.
I...honestly don't know how to express how disgusted and furious that makes me. It's all complete bull. Seriously, what political experience do Jenna and Link have? Zelda has spent every year of her life in the castle, presumably being involved in the affairs of the kingdom. She's the one who fought with Link to stop Ganondorf. She has the freaking Triforce fo Wisdom! How, how, may I ask, are Jenna and Link the least bit qualified to run a kingdom?
And Jenna never even considers the fact that she won't be queen! She says she's in "no hurry" and that she and Link have to prepare for the event, should it happen. That's not even bringing up the fact that there's no evidence, NON WHATSOEVER, that the Hyrule monarchy works like that. In fact, later games still make it clear that Zelda can rule on her own. Granted those games hadn't come out when this was written, but still!
Link: What I want to know is how the freaking fuck this bint has it in her empty head that I'd be considered by the King as a potential heir at all! I never even met the guy! And yeah, in what universe would I be considered better ruler material than Zelda? She even runs the country at the end of the game, because she's all that there is left of the Royal Family!!!
ZeldaQueen: Dude, that's a good point. By the game's canon, it was really strongly implied that the King was dead in the future. What the heck?
Anyway, I'll leave you all in viewerland to stew over that because I doubt these rants can do justice to that disgusting piece of work. I'll just wrap it up by quoting the prophetic kawaiicow who, when parodying this work, wrote "And then the King decided that, since his daughter was obviously never going to get married and I had married the Heor of time, I should become the Crown Princess with Link as the next King of Hyrule."
Link: Huh. He should consider playing the lottery
As Link and I walked through the street, the crowd cheered as we passed by.
ZeldaQueen: (Sue) "They love me! They really love me!"
Link was very beloved by the people of Hyrule. Every one in Hyrule owed Link his or her life. He saved them all. But now they were glad that Link had taken a wife.
Link: WHY? WHY would these people care if I was married or not?
ZeldaQueen: I just think it's sick how she uses a WAR as an excuse to make you all decorated and horn in on the action. "Oh look! There's the great and grand war hero who saved all of Hyrule! OH MY GODDESSES LOOK THERE'S HIS WIFE ISN'T SHE BEAUTIFUL!!!"
And when our baby was born, everyone in Hyrule will want to bless the baby of the "Hero of Time." Another to carry on in his/hers father's legend.
ZeldaQueen: Jeuss, why don't they just bring in some angels and three kings while they're at it?
Link: Um, I'm not the legend. Zelda is. Hence why the games are called the Legend of Zelda
When we arrived back home all of the Kokiri were there to greet us along with or fairies Lilly and Navi.
ZeldaQueen: "Or"?
"Your finally home, I missed you Link." Navi squealed as she flew over to him.
Link: My finally home what?
"You were really missed." As she flew around him her blue aura brightened.
Link: You know, I always assumed her brightening was sexual arousal
"I missed you too Navi." Link said as he smiled at her.
Link: Yeah, I really missed hearing "Hey! Listen" every ten minutes
"Jen and I really missed you to." Lilly said as she flew in front of me.
ZeldaQueen: Missed him to where?
"Link, hey LINK!"
ZeldaQueen: HEY ABBOT!
A girls voice called from behind the crowd. Then Saria came running through the crowd and up to him.
ZeldaQueen: Right on cue for fawning
Link: I'm not even asking why she's not in the Chamber of Sages
"I missed you a lot too Link. How are you?" Saria said as her eyes lit up at the sight of him.
Link: Just got back from the war, so I'm perfectly fine. Thank you for asking
"Were soo glad your home.
Link: Oh fuck no! You are not turning Saria into a ditzy airhead also!
Jen spent a lot of time with us while you were away." Just then something caught her eye. "What is that on your uniform?" Saria asked as she gently fingered
ZeldaQueen: Ehhhh...
the pin on Link's uniform.
Link: (Saria) "Is that a pin on your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
"It's called the "Triforce of Valor. The King awarded this to me for my bravery in the field of battle." Link said with pride. A loud "WOW" came from the crowd as Link showed everyone.
ZeldaQueen: BECAUSE THAT'S ALL WARS ARE - EXCUSES TO MAKE OUR MEN DECORATED AND IMPRESSIVE!
"Oh Link, that is soo wonderful. You must be so proud of him." Saria said as she looked at me.
Link: *head desk*
ZeldaQueen: And they turn the conversation back to the Sue again. Of course
"Yes I am, but I'm just glad to have him home again." I said blushing. Then we had a small celebration to celebrate Link's return home.
Link: Must have been one of those trauma-free wars I went off to. Good to know
We had a small feast, then we danced and drank.
ZeldaQueen: Drinking? While pregnant? Jenna you bad mother!
Link: Don't complain. Maybe the spawn will miscarry
Then around Midnight
ZeldaQueen: Which is now a proper noun
everyone went home, and Link and I were left alone. We told Lilly and Navi that we were going to the pond out back to have a swim.
Link: I don't like where this is going...
The night air was warm, perfect for swimming. We went to our special little pond.
ZeldaQueen: You know, Jenna never mentioned a pond when she was describing the house in ridiculous detail and there aren't any in the Lost Woods. Did one just conveniently materialize for their enjoyment?
Once there we took off our clothes and went into the cool water. We splashed and played around in the water for awhile.
ZeldaQueen: More cutsey stuff. Blah
Then I looked into Link's eyes. They were glowing under the moonlight.
ZeldaQueen: IT'S WOLF LINK! HE'S GOING TO EAT HER!
I went into his arms, and felt his body against mine. Then he gently pressed his lips on mine kissing me deeply.
Link: AS IF!
It had been such a long time since we kissed like this.
Link: I never kissed an eel like you in my life!
We kissed even deeper, our tongues finding their ways into each other's mouth.
ZeldaQueen: Makes you regret that eel coment, huh?
I felt his hands caressing my body, felt the connection between us growing stronger.
ZeldaQueen: Look Jenna, if you're getting aroused then just say so
Link: No don't say so! I don't want to hear it!
I ran my hands down his back as he moved his lips to my neck. I felt his heart beginning to beat faster, heard his thoughts in my mind.
Link: Hear my thoughts - Fuck off!
I wanted him soo bad.
ZeldaQueen: (Sue) "I just want him sooooooo much!"
Wanted to feel him. It had been such a long time since we made love.
ZeldaQueen: Boo-hoo
I whispered in his ear that I wanted him. That I wanted to feel him. And I heard him in my mind, heard him say that he wanted me too.
Link: NO I DON'T!
I felt the heat of our bodies, felt his hands touching me, felt them caressing my body.
Link: Unless I'm feeling for your neck to strangle you, it ain't happening
I started to breath faster, as my heart was beating in unison with his. Then I felt him quivering against me, as he slowly penetrated my awaiting body.
Link: GAH!
ZeldaQueen: Be grateful. This is actually pretty tame
Link: COMPARED TO WHAT?!?
The intensity of it raced through my body, raced through my bones. It had been a long time since I felt this feeling.
ZeldaQueen: YOU SAID THAT ALREADY! PDORD Count = 35
As we made love, I felt our connection become full. I felt as if our bodies merged. We became as one. Even more so when we both came to a full climax. I screamed out his name as I felt him release his essence deep inside me.
ZeldaQueen: Get on with it!
Then I put my lips to his long, sexy pointed ear and whispered words of passion to him, before sweetly licking and nibbling on it.
Link: ... that's got to be the first time I've ever had my ear be described as "sexy"
I heard him moaning softly as I caressed his ear with my lips and his body with my hands. I was so glad to finally be in his arms again, to be able to feel him. I had longed for this day; Longed to make love to him. Now my dreams had come true. He was finally home.
ZeldaQueen: And the sex was purple and done and we were grateful
Link: I think I might need therapy
ZeldaQueen: You know, she's nine months pregnant now that I think about it. How the flying frig were they able to do all of that? Didn't they notice the, you know, giant bulge in her stomach?
Link: I don't want to think about it
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Onward to: Chapter 10: The Miracle
Back to: Chapter 8: The Separation
Return to: Table of Content