Breaking Dawn: Chapter 22 - Promised
Projection Room Voices: Alrighty, ready to start up again?
ZeldaQueen: *glares* I hate you people.
Projection Room Voices: It's not our fault that you're under contract.
ZeldaQueen: Sure it's not. *to viewers* Right, I'm sure you all remember me dying in my previous sporking, but apparently this wasn't kosher with the agency, so they had Sailor Spork die for my sins and brought me back to life. I'm really not sure how that works, but they say they'll just have her do it again if I try offing myself another time. So, here I am, forced against my will to continue on with this.
Projection Room Voices: Don't be such a child. "Chapter twenty-two, in which we meet Bella's Sue-spawn and learn about a scandal involving Jacob and the baby".
ZeldaQueen: *straps on helmet and grips spork* Stick with me here folks. We're all in this together.
Projection Room Voices: Playing Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 22: Promised
ZeldaQueen: Given how whiny all of these characters have been, all I can think of is "But Mommy, you promised I could ride the Merry-Go-Round this time! WAH!"
We start off with Bella and Edward heading back to the Cullen home. Bella is looking forward to meeting her daughter for the first time, or at least the first time she's not bloody and dying with a giant gash carved in her stomach. She asks Edward about Renesmee (who has apparently survived, despite the valiant efforts of a good many sporkers) and he begins to tout her virtues with "the sound of an almost religious devotion".
And folks, we all know that it's clear that Bella is blatant wish-fulfillment on how Meyer wishes her life is/was - beautiful, popular, mature, intelligent, and with the world's two greatest guys hanging off of each arm. Well, Renesmee is blatant wish-fulfillment on how Meyer wishes her children are/were. In fact, if I didn't know that she already had kids, I'd chalk this up to the usual inexperienced fanfiction fantasy, written by someone who has no idea what babies are like. As it is, it unashamedly reads like someone reading off their concept of a perfect child.
For starters, Renesmee is perfectly divided between sharing Edward's traits and Bella's. In other words, she gets the good stuff from both sides and none of the bad. She has a heart and blood and apparently is a little warmer than a human, which as I pointed out before makes no sense. Edward also says that she sleeps "[q]uite well for a newborn. The only parents in the world who don't need sleep, and our child already sleeps through the night". Meyer, would it kill you to have any conflict at all here? I mean, almost all media that involve an unexpected pregnancy involve a coming-of-age type of theme in which the protagonists experience some form of physical or emotional or mental strain from raising the kid. This can also double for exploring parts of the parents' relationship which would be unturned otherwise. But you're just flat-out ignoring it. Smooth.
Moving on to her physical attributes, we find out that she has Bella's brown eyes (you know, the ones that everyone compliments?) and her skin seems stronger than a normal human's. It is also mentioned that she enjoys drinking blood, however she can also eat human food. Again, how conflict-free and convenient. Edward also casually mentions that Carlisle is trying to "persuade" her to drink baby formula and that "She's intelligent, shockingly so, and progressing at an immense pace. Though she doesn't speak-yet-she communicates quite effectively”.
Right. Here's what I gather from all of this - Renesmee is stronger-skinned than the average infant, has the ability to pass for human, already sleeps through the night, and is intelligent enough to communicate with adults, along with the implication that she will be able to speak soon. So here's my question - WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS?
From what I see whenever people argue about the joys of child rearing, one of the biggest arguments is the emotional fulfillment from the bonding - the intimacy of carrying the child for nine months, hearing the child speak for the first time, bonding with the child by figuring out what they need through their cries, and so on. Inversely, the child learns to focus its eyes by looking at Mommy's face, learns to talk by listening to her speak, and learns about behaviors and emotions by watching how she and Daddy act. When the parents carry the baby and talk to it and care for it, they bond to it and the baby learns to identify them as its parents. And while there are the difficulties like the baby crying at night or not knowing what the baby wants when it wails, those things help the parents understand the child.
In this case though, there is none of that. Bella carried Renesmee for about a week. She held her once before being unconscious for two days. During that period of time, the baby grew and developed enough to communicate intelligibly, recognize objects, and sleep through the night. So what is left for Bella and Edward to do? Especially Bella - she is literally a stranger to her own child. Renesmee didn't learn through bonding with her mother. In fact, the implication is that she came out of the womb already able to figure out all of these things. However if she did learn from adults, then she would have learned form Rosalie, Carlisle, and Jacob, who were caring for her during the short time when she was in her formative years. So if anything, those are the people who ought to register as her parents. As for Bella, there is no need for her to be protective of Renesmee (she can't get scrapes or bruises), there is no need for her to comfort her during the night, and there is no need for her to try to decipher any baby talk or signals. In other words, while trying to tout the banner of Motherhood, Meyer has provided us with an example of an empty family. There is no bonding. And no, I am not anti-motherhood. I am angered by all of this, because once again it is lazy and passing on something which could have provided Meyer with some good opportunities for character growth and development. It's also something that Meyer actually ought to have had experience with, what with being a mother and all, so there's no excuse.
*fumes*
God, we haven't even met the kid yet.
Bella goes on to ask about Jacob and Edward gets angry at the mentioning of his name. And this time, considering what we all know is going on, I personally think he's actually pretty justified. Bella of course gets all self-righteous and asks how on Earth Edward could possibly be so rude to Jacob after how helpful he's been - hypocrite, she never stopped Edward from insulting Jake before - and notices that she no longer feels the need for Jacob to be by her side all of the time now that she's not a perpetual damsel in distress. She wonders about why she felt so dependent on him before and figures that "it must have been a human weakness". Excuse me? First of all, that's bad foreshadowing and second of all stop going on about "human weakness"!!!!! Just because you were utterly useless as a human doesn't mean we all are!
There is some weird dialogue that hints that something is going on which Jacob wants to be the one to explain. Bella gets all annoyed that Edward just won't tell her, but he strokes her cheek and she forgets all about it. *holds head* That woman is the most easily distracted sex-starved person I've ever seen. I don't even think my dog is that easily distracted with a pat on the head. And it just won't stop. Edward notices that Bella's dress is virtually nonexistent after the hunt, so he takes off his shirt for her to put on. This leaves him topless of course, which she gets all distracted by again.
This seriously reminds me of those nudist Harry Potter fanfics which use any excuse for characters to get naked and describe how they look.
The couple make it back home where Jacob is in the yard. Jake is all aggressive and demands that they see if Bella can handle being near him before going near the baby. Of course Bella is all confused and wonders why on Earth he's being so protective of Renesmee. Meanwhile, everyone here can see the answer coming at us like the Shinkansen. It's established that he and Bella are still friends and she once more goes off on how she no longer feels romantic feelings for him and only sees him as a friend. My head...
Jacob makes Bella sniff him and she of course is able to do so without feeling the urge to eat him. She also comments "Huh. I can see what everyone's been going on about. You stink, Jacob". *grumpy* Oh, very well done Bella.
So finally, after many cryptic comments, they finally let her in to see her daughter. And yes, Rosalie is holding the baby and Jacob goes to hover over it. And we get our first actual description of Renesmee Cullen.
"The stranger-child in Rosalie's arms had to be weeks, if not months, old. She was maybe twice the size of the baby in my dim memory, and she seemed to be supporting her own torso easily as she stretched toward me. Her shiny bronze-colored hair fell in ringlets past her shoulders. Her chocolate brown eyes examined me with an interest that was not at all childlike; it was adult, aware and intelligent. She raised one hand, reaching in my direction for a moment, and then reached back to touch Rosalie's throat.
If her face had not been astonishing in its beauty and perfection, I wouldn't have believed it was the same child. My child.
But Edward was there in her features, and I was there in the color of her eyes and cheeks. Even Charlie had a place in her thick curls, though their color matched Edward's. She must be ours."
ZeldaQueen: You know, there is no way that I can ever mentally picture that kid as attractive or cute. I always see some little she-demon spawn with pointy teeth and a smug smile that makes me want to bash her face in.
And like I said, she's got an adult's mentality. Where's the bonding between her and Bella? Who did she learn from? Meyer, have you no clue as to how children grow and develop? What am I saying, you probably don't. I know more than you and I only took a one year course on it in high school.
Oh, and Bella couldn't believe it was her child except for the fact that it's perfectly beautiful? Brilliant. And she also smells like "the scent of the most beautiful perfume and the scent of the most delicious food".
Bella goes to hold the baby and we get a whole lot more of everyone being frantic and panicking and thinking that she's going to eat the thing. Personally I'd get behind that, but alas Bella is still a Sue and in total control of herself. Edward starts to tell everyone about how she didn't nom on the hunter and everyone is all freaked out and assuming the worst, except for Alice who of course foresees that Bella isn't going to do anything and is more worried about what happened to the dress. You know, considering that Alice would probably send that dress to Goodwill after all of this, why is she so bothered? And again, what did she think was going to happen to it when Bella went running through the woods after animals?
Anyway, we get everyone gasping and going "isn't that amazing!" when they find out what happened and Emmett eagerly asks if Bella got any swipes in on Edward. She goes all indignant and says of course she didn't and Emmett is disappointed because not only did Bella have the perfect excuse, but she also had the advantage that her mind couldn't be read. This is all pretty funny and lighthearted, except that Bella evidently went to the Rose Potter School for Humor Assassination and glares "frostily" at him saying that she'd never do that.
More farting around ensues as they go on about how irresponsible Edward was and how great Bella was, yadda, yadda, yadda, until finally something happens. Specifically that Renesmee gets really irritated and gives a loud wail. Apparently she really takes after dear old Mummy.
"They swarmed around her in a second, leaving me standing alone, frozen in place. The sound of Renesmee's cry pierced right through me, spearing me to the floor. My eyes pricked in the strangest way, like they wanted to tear.
It seemed like everyone had a hand on her, patting and soothing. Everyone but me."
ZeldaQueen: Three days old and already a major Sue. Shoot me now.
So it turns out that Renesmee wants Bella and is apparently not above throwing a tantrum to get her way. She's passed off to her mother and then proceeds to touch Bella's face (that must have been inherited from Daddy). As soon as she does so, Bella gets a vision of the birthing of Renesmee, from the spawn's point of view. This is the little bugger's power and boy is it a doozy! Yep, a real Sue.
Bella stares at her daughter some more and notes how she's half perfect and gorgeous like Edward and half her which she is surprised looks good and thus decides "[s]he was worth the fight". *incredulous* I...I just...And what if she wasn't so pretty, Bella? What then? She's your daughter, not a dog you bred!
Jacob butts in here and gets all possessive of the baby, trying to take her off of Bella before something bad happens. Both Edward and Rosalie get angry and threaten to throw him out of he doesn't knock it off and I again sympathize. For God's sake, as screwed-up as it is, Bella is meeting her daughter whom she claims to love so much. Let her bond for cripes' sake! Like I said in my Quil and Claire rant, this is what's screwed up about imprinting. Jacob's already trying to take Renesmee away from her parents.
Finally, after even more puzzling, Bella comes to the realization of what's going on - Jacob imprinted on her baby. And she gets furious and once more, I don't blame her. If I found out that my best friend had essentially marked my newborn for child grooming, free will or not, I'd be mad as heck.
Bella passes off Renesmee to Rosalie and has Edward back off for protection. And yes, Bella is showing some backbone and yes, I'm actually enjoying this a bit. Except that as Bella advances towards him, Jacob keeps insisting on how it's not his fault and how it's not sexual and all of that bull and I want to punch his face in.
Bella screams at Jacob for thinking he already has some "some moronic wolfy claim to her". Jacob replies "I can share".
He can share.
He can share???
Excuse me? Share? Share, Jacob? Implying what? That you have first claim to the baby? Well I've got news for you, pal - YOU GOD DAMNED WELL DON'T! You know who has first claim in the lives of an infant? THE PARENTS! And as screwed-up as they are as parents, those are BELLA AND EDWARD! As terrible a mother as she is, Bella was still the one who wanted the baby and carried it and insisted on giving birth and was chopped open while spewing blood like a geyser. You, my good sir, were the one who wanted to drug her and force an abortion. You were the one who called the baby a murder and an executioner and hated it and tried to kill it not seconds before you imprinted. And now you have the balls to imply that you are the one who calls the shots, the one who gets to share the baby? Oh no, my friend. BELLA AND EDWARD are the ones who do that. If anything, they are the ones who decide if they will share with you. That is all, good day and DIEDIEDIE!!!!
I mean what is that folks? Hmm? Did Meyer honestly just imply there that the dude who knows the baby for all of several days and intends to marry and screw her in eighteen years has more right to her than her own parents? I do believe she just did. I must move on, this is almost over and I really want to kill myself again.
Seth and Leah are cool and go to defend Jacob, although I honestly don't think it's worth it. Jacob tries to rationalize it all by reminding Bella how she said that they all ought to have been one big family. She shouts that she didn't want him as a son-in-law and Jake goes all horrified at that, insisting that he doesn't think of Renesmee like that. Oh, really Jacob? Even though every other wolf has made it clear that they intend to marry their imprintees, including Quil and Claire? Even if you don't want to marry her now, you still want to one day be her husband, which means that yes Bella is right, you have ultimately sexual plans for the baby. Shut up and quite lying.
Oh, and even during all of this there is time to mention how Bella's voice sounds like music and the Cullens are impressed with how she hasn't gutted Jacob yet.
Bella orders Jacob to stay away from her daughter, and Meyer, this is a normal parental response for this situation! Did you intend for Bella to come across as being overly aggressive and irrational? Because she's not. If I found out that someone was marking my infant for marriage and would spend every second raising it, I'd order him away too. Jake insists that it's impossible and implies that his attraction has been going on since before birth.
"''It's not possible. Do you remember how much you wanted me around three days ago? How hard it was to be apart from each other? That's gone for you now, isn't it?'
I glared, not sure what he was implying.
'That was her,” he told me. “From the very beginning. We had to be together, even then.'"
ZeldaQueen: *wilts* I'm not sure if I can take much more of this. First of all, Meyer just took the whole predestined soulmates thing to the extreme. So apparently the only reason that Jacob was so powerfully attracted to Bella was because he was already attached to the unborn baby. His body was responding to a fetus. Which raises further questions, like what if he had succeeded in getting Bella to agree to an abortion?
Second of all, it worked both ways. The only reason Bella was so attached to Jake was that the fetus was responding to him. Ignoring the fact that the fetus is a totally separate organism from the mother, do you know what that implies? Meyer took her one relationship which was supposed to be a symbol of Bella's "choice" and resolved it with a predestined soulmate. Exactly the thing Jake had been supposed to contradict.
Bella orders Jake to leave. Jacob protests, insisting that "Nessie" likes him back. Hmm. On one hand, she is a several-day-old child, in which case her testimony would hardly be substantial enough to convince Bella. On the other hand, she is a child with an adult mind who apparently recognized Jake as her soulmate before birth, in which case one would presume that she already knows his intentions for her and happily accepts. Which is just icky.
Both of these points escape Bella's notice however, as she turns her anger towards something even worse - Jacob's nickname for Renesmee.
“'You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?' I screeched.
And then I lunged for his throat".
ZeldaQueen: First of all - Bella, it's not his fault that you gave your daughter a sucky name.
Second of all, she just found out that he imprinted on her daughter and that is what drove her to attack him?
You know what? We're done. I don't even care anymore.
Projection Room Voices: Well done, sorry for such a bad one.
ZeldaQueen: I'll get back at you all someday, somehow.
Projection Room Voices: It can only get better from here on out.
Onward to: Chapter 23: Memories
Back to: Chapter 21: First Hunt
Return to: Table of Contents
ZeldaQueen: *glares* I hate you people.
Projection Room Voices: It's not our fault that you're under contract.
ZeldaQueen: Sure it's not. *to viewers* Right, I'm sure you all remember me dying in my previous sporking, but apparently this wasn't kosher with the agency, so they had Sailor Spork die for my sins and brought me back to life. I'm really not sure how that works, but they say they'll just have her do it again if I try offing myself another time. So, here I am, forced against my will to continue on with this.
Projection Room Voices: Don't be such a child. "Chapter twenty-two, in which we meet Bella's Sue-spawn and learn about a scandal involving Jacob and the baby".
ZeldaQueen: *straps on helmet and grips spork* Stick with me here folks. We're all in this together.
Projection Room Voices: Playing Media in 3...2...1...
Chapter 22: Promised
ZeldaQueen: Given how whiny all of these characters have been, all I can think of is "But Mommy, you promised I could ride the Merry-Go-Round this time! WAH!"
We start off with Bella and Edward heading back to the Cullen home. Bella is looking forward to meeting her daughter for the first time, or at least the first time she's not bloody and dying with a giant gash carved in her stomach. She asks Edward about Renesmee (who has apparently survived, despite the valiant efforts of a good many sporkers) and he begins to tout her virtues with "the sound of an almost religious devotion".
And folks, we all know that it's clear that Bella is blatant wish-fulfillment on how Meyer wishes her life is/was - beautiful, popular, mature, intelligent, and with the world's two greatest guys hanging off of each arm. Well, Renesmee is blatant wish-fulfillment on how Meyer wishes her children are/were. In fact, if I didn't know that she already had kids, I'd chalk this up to the usual inexperienced fanfiction fantasy, written by someone who has no idea what babies are like. As it is, it unashamedly reads like someone reading off their concept of a perfect child.
For starters, Renesmee is perfectly divided between sharing Edward's traits and Bella's. In other words, she gets the good stuff from both sides and none of the bad. She has a heart and blood and apparently is a little warmer than a human, which as I pointed out before makes no sense. Edward also says that she sleeps "[q]uite well for a newborn. The only parents in the world who don't need sleep, and our child already sleeps through the night". Meyer, would it kill you to have any conflict at all here? I mean, almost all media that involve an unexpected pregnancy involve a coming-of-age type of theme in which the protagonists experience some form of physical or emotional or mental strain from raising the kid. This can also double for exploring parts of the parents' relationship which would be unturned otherwise. But you're just flat-out ignoring it. Smooth.
Moving on to her physical attributes, we find out that she has Bella's brown eyes (you know, the ones that everyone compliments?) and her skin seems stronger than a normal human's. It is also mentioned that she enjoys drinking blood, however she can also eat human food. Again, how conflict-free and convenient. Edward also casually mentions that Carlisle is trying to "persuade" her to drink baby formula and that "She's intelligent, shockingly so, and progressing at an immense pace. Though she doesn't speak-yet-she communicates quite effectively”.
Right. Here's what I gather from all of this - Renesmee is stronger-skinned than the average infant, has the ability to pass for human, already sleeps through the night, and is intelligent enough to communicate with adults, along with the implication that she will be able to speak soon. So here's my question - WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS?
From what I see whenever people argue about the joys of child rearing, one of the biggest arguments is the emotional fulfillment from the bonding - the intimacy of carrying the child for nine months, hearing the child speak for the first time, bonding with the child by figuring out what they need through their cries, and so on. Inversely, the child learns to focus its eyes by looking at Mommy's face, learns to talk by listening to her speak, and learns about behaviors and emotions by watching how she and Daddy act. When the parents carry the baby and talk to it and care for it, they bond to it and the baby learns to identify them as its parents. And while there are the difficulties like the baby crying at night or not knowing what the baby wants when it wails, those things help the parents understand the child.
In this case though, there is none of that. Bella carried Renesmee for about a week. She held her once before being unconscious for two days. During that period of time, the baby grew and developed enough to communicate intelligibly, recognize objects, and sleep through the night. So what is left for Bella and Edward to do? Especially Bella - she is literally a stranger to her own child. Renesmee didn't learn through bonding with her mother. In fact, the implication is that she came out of the womb already able to figure out all of these things. However if she did learn from adults, then she would have learned form Rosalie, Carlisle, and Jacob, who were caring for her during the short time when she was in her formative years. So if anything, those are the people who ought to register as her parents. As for Bella, there is no need for her to be protective of Renesmee (she can't get scrapes or bruises), there is no need for her to comfort her during the night, and there is no need for her to try to decipher any baby talk or signals. In other words, while trying to tout the banner of Motherhood, Meyer has provided us with an example of an empty family. There is no bonding. And no, I am not anti-motherhood. I am angered by all of this, because once again it is lazy and passing on something which could have provided Meyer with some good opportunities for character growth and development. It's also something that Meyer actually ought to have had experience with, what with being a mother and all, so there's no excuse.
*fumes*
God, we haven't even met the kid yet.
Bella goes on to ask about Jacob and Edward gets angry at the mentioning of his name. And this time, considering what we all know is going on, I personally think he's actually pretty justified. Bella of course gets all self-righteous and asks how on Earth Edward could possibly be so rude to Jacob after how helpful he's been - hypocrite, she never stopped Edward from insulting Jake before - and notices that she no longer feels the need for Jacob to be by her side all of the time now that she's not a perpetual damsel in distress. She wonders about why she felt so dependent on him before and figures that "it must have been a human weakness". Excuse me? First of all, that's bad foreshadowing and second of all stop going on about "human weakness"!!!!! Just because you were utterly useless as a human doesn't mean we all are!
There is some weird dialogue that hints that something is going on which Jacob wants to be the one to explain. Bella gets all annoyed that Edward just won't tell her, but he strokes her cheek and she forgets all about it. *holds head* That woman is the most easily distracted sex-starved person I've ever seen. I don't even think my dog is that easily distracted with a pat on the head. And it just won't stop. Edward notices that Bella's dress is virtually nonexistent after the hunt, so he takes off his shirt for her to put on. This leaves him topless of course, which she gets all distracted by again.
This seriously reminds me of those nudist Harry Potter fanfics which use any excuse for characters to get naked and describe how they look.
The couple make it back home where Jacob is in the yard. Jake is all aggressive and demands that they see if Bella can handle being near him before going near the baby. Of course Bella is all confused and wonders why on Earth he's being so protective of Renesmee. Meanwhile, everyone here can see the answer coming at us like the Shinkansen. It's established that he and Bella are still friends and she once more goes off on how she no longer feels romantic feelings for him and only sees him as a friend. My head...
Jacob makes Bella sniff him and she of course is able to do so without feeling the urge to eat him. She also comments "Huh. I can see what everyone's been going on about. You stink, Jacob". *grumpy* Oh, very well done Bella.
So finally, after many cryptic comments, they finally let her in to see her daughter. And yes, Rosalie is holding the baby and Jacob goes to hover over it. And we get our first actual description of Renesmee Cullen.
"The stranger-child in Rosalie's arms had to be weeks, if not months, old. She was maybe twice the size of the baby in my dim memory, and she seemed to be supporting her own torso easily as she stretched toward me. Her shiny bronze-colored hair fell in ringlets past her shoulders. Her chocolate brown eyes examined me with an interest that was not at all childlike; it was adult, aware and intelligent. She raised one hand, reaching in my direction for a moment, and then reached back to touch Rosalie's throat.
If her face had not been astonishing in its beauty and perfection, I wouldn't have believed it was the same child. My child.
But Edward was there in her features, and I was there in the color of her eyes and cheeks. Even Charlie had a place in her thick curls, though their color matched Edward's. She must be ours."
ZeldaQueen: You know, there is no way that I can ever mentally picture that kid as attractive or cute. I always see some little she-demon spawn with pointy teeth and a smug smile that makes me want to bash her face in.
And like I said, she's got an adult's mentality. Where's the bonding between her and Bella? Who did she learn from? Meyer, have you no clue as to how children grow and develop? What am I saying, you probably don't. I know more than you and I only took a one year course on it in high school.
Oh, and Bella couldn't believe it was her child except for the fact that it's perfectly beautiful? Brilliant. And she also smells like "the scent of the most beautiful perfume and the scent of the most delicious food".
Bella goes to hold the baby and we get a whole lot more of everyone being frantic and panicking and thinking that she's going to eat the thing. Personally I'd get behind that, but alas Bella is still a Sue and in total control of herself. Edward starts to tell everyone about how she didn't nom on the hunter and everyone is all freaked out and assuming the worst, except for Alice who of course foresees that Bella isn't going to do anything and is more worried about what happened to the dress. You know, considering that Alice would probably send that dress to Goodwill after all of this, why is she so bothered? And again, what did she think was going to happen to it when Bella went running through the woods after animals?
Anyway, we get everyone gasping and going "isn't that amazing!" when they find out what happened and Emmett eagerly asks if Bella got any swipes in on Edward. She goes all indignant and says of course she didn't and Emmett is disappointed because not only did Bella have the perfect excuse, but she also had the advantage that her mind couldn't be read. This is all pretty funny and lighthearted, except that Bella evidently went to the Rose Potter School for Humor Assassination and glares "frostily" at him saying that she'd never do that.
More farting around ensues as they go on about how irresponsible Edward was and how great Bella was, yadda, yadda, yadda, until finally something happens. Specifically that Renesmee gets really irritated and gives a loud wail. Apparently she really takes after dear old Mummy.
"They swarmed around her in a second, leaving me standing alone, frozen in place. The sound of Renesmee's cry pierced right through me, spearing me to the floor. My eyes pricked in the strangest way, like they wanted to tear.
It seemed like everyone had a hand on her, patting and soothing. Everyone but me."
ZeldaQueen: Three days old and already a major Sue. Shoot me now.
So it turns out that Renesmee wants Bella and is apparently not above throwing a tantrum to get her way. She's passed off to her mother and then proceeds to touch Bella's face (that must have been inherited from Daddy). As soon as she does so, Bella gets a vision of the birthing of Renesmee, from the spawn's point of view. This is the little bugger's power and boy is it a doozy! Yep, a real Sue.
Bella stares at her daughter some more and notes how she's half perfect and gorgeous like Edward and half her which she is surprised looks good and thus decides "[s]he was worth the fight". *incredulous* I...I just...And what if she wasn't so pretty, Bella? What then? She's your daughter, not a dog you bred!
Jacob butts in here and gets all possessive of the baby, trying to take her off of Bella before something bad happens. Both Edward and Rosalie get angry and threaten to throw him out of he doesn't knock it off and I again sympathize. For God's sake, as screwed-up as it is, Bella is meeting her daughter whom she claims to love so much. Let her bond for cripes' sake! Like I said in my Quil and Claire rant, this is what's screwed up about imprinting. Jacob's already trying to take Renesmee away from her parents.
Finally, after even more puzzling, Bella comes to the realization of what's going on - Jacob imprinted on her baby. And she gets furious and once more, I don't blame her. If I found out that my best friend had essentially marked my newborn for child grooming, free will or not, I'd be mad as heck.
Bella passes off Renesmee to Rosalie and has Edward back off for protection. And yes, Bella is showing some backbone and yes, I'm actually enjoying this a bit. Except that as Bella advances towards him, Jacob keeps insisting on how it's not his fault and how it's not sexual and all of that bull and I want to punch his face in.
Bella screams at Jacob for thinking he already has some "some moronic wolfy claim to her". Jacob replies "I can share".
He can share.
He can share???
Excuse me? Share? Share, Jacob? Implying what? That you have first claim to the baby? Well I've got news for you, pal - YOU GOD DAMNED WELL DON'T! You know who has first claim in the lives of an infant? THE PARENTS! And as screwed-up as they are as parents, those are BELLA AND EDWARD! As terrible a mother as she is, Bella was still the one who wanted the baby and carried it and insisted on giving birth and was chopped open while spewing blood like a geyser. You, my good sir, were the one who wanted to drug her and force an abortion. You were the one who called the baby a murder and an executioner and hated it and tried to kill it not seconds before you imprinted. And now you have the balls to imply that you are the one who calls the shots, the one who gets to share the baby? Oh no, my friend. BELLA AND EDWARD are the ones who do that. If anything, they are the ones who decide if they will share with you. That is all, good day and DIEDIEDIE!!!!
I mean what is that folks? Hmm? Did Meyer honestly just imply there that the dude who knows the baby for all of several days and intends to marry and screw her in eighteen years has more right to her than her own parents? I do believe she just did. I must move on, this is almost over and I really want to kill myself again.
Seth and Leah are cool and go to defend Jacob, although I honestly don't think it's worth it. Jacob tries to rationalize it all by reminding Bella how she said that they all ought to have been one big family. She shouts that she didn't want him as a son-in-law and Jake goes all horrified at that, insisting that he doesn't think of Renesmee like that. Oh, really Jacob? Even though every other wolf has made it clear that they intend to marry their imprintees, including Quil and Claire? Even if you don't want to marry her now, you still want to one day be her husband, which means that yes Bella is right, you have ultimately sexual plans for the baby. Shut up and quite lying.
Oh, and even during all of this there is time to mention how Bella's voice sounds like music and the Cullens are impressed with how she hasn't gutted Jacob yet.
Bella orders Jacob to stay away from her daughter, and Meyer, this is a normal parental response for this situation! Did you intend for Bella to come across as being overly aggressive and irrational? Because she's not. If I found out that someone was marking my infant for marriage and would spend every second raising it, I'd order him away too. Jake insists that it's impossible and implies that his attraction has been going on since before birth.
"''It's not possible. Do you remember how much you wanted me around three days ago? How hard it was to be apart from each other? That's gone for you now, isn't it?'
I glared, not sure what he was implying.
'That was her,” he told me. “From the very beginning. We had to be together, even then.'"
ZeldaQueen: *wilts* I'm not sure if I can take much more of this. First of all, Meyer just took the whole predestined soulmates thing to the extreme. So apparently the only reason that Jacob was so powerfully attracted to Bella was because he was already attached to the unborn baby. His body was responding to a fetus. Which raises further questions, like what if he had succeeded in getting Bella to agree to an abortion?
Second of all, it worked both ways. The only reason Bella was so attached to Jake was that the fetus was responding to him. Ignoring the fact that the fetus is a totally separate organism from the mother, do you know what that implies? Meyer took her one relationship which was supposed to be a symbol of Bella's "choice" and resolved it with a predestined soulmate. Exactly the thing Jake had been supposed to contradict.
Bella orders Jake to leave. Jacob protests, insisting that "Nessie" likes him back. Hmm. On one hand, she is a several-day-old child, in which case her testimony would hardly be substantial enough to convince Bella. On the other hand, she is a child with an adult mind who apparently recognized Jake as her soulmate before birth, in which case one would presume that she already knows his intentions for her and happily accepts. Which is just icky.
Both of these points escape Bella's notice however, as she turns her anger towards something even worse - Jacob's nickname for Renesmee.
“'You nicknamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?' I screeched.
And then I lunged for his throat".
ZeldaQueen: First of all - Bella, it's not his fault that you gave your daughter a sucky name.
Second of all, she just found out that he imprinted on her daughter and that is what drove her to attack him?
You know what? We're done. I don't even care anymore.
Projection Room Voices: Well done, sorry for such a bad one.
ZeldaQueen: I'll get back at you all someday, somehow.
Projection Room Voices: It can only get better from here on out.
Onward to: Chapter 23: Memories
Back to: Chapter 21: First Hunt
Return to: Table of Contents