Arashi's computer virus family

[zazasukie]

Title: Arashi's computer virus family
Pairing: None or the habituals, you choose, but at the end they are a big happy family together
Summary: Your computer has been infected by one virus of the Arashi's virus family... What could you do?.
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I do not own Arashi, neither I own the viruses described in this fic XD.
Genre: Comedy.
Word count: 1.128
AN: Unbetaed and not an english speaker. Again they aren't human in this one. For
cherry_armrest because I got the inspiration from one of her comments (hope you like it ^^).
AN2: this one has been translated into Russian O_o (thanks to 
kristy_smile  for that)


Arashi's virus family
This family of viruses is made up of five viruses in total:

• ohnoSTYLE
• kazu4gmes
• MARVEJUS
• aibaKA
• SHOknowsBTTR 

We provide a complete description of their characteristics in our home page. Please refer to our FAQs section for further information.

Virus's descriptions
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NAME: ohnoSTYLE
ALIAS: oh-chanSTYLE, riidaSTYLE, captainSTYLE, samySTYLE
HARM'S LEVEL: from "harmless" to "a bit molest"
CHARACTERISTICS:

• You really won't notice it has infected your PC until it changes your Windows theme... but in most of the cases it's for the best, because the themes it creates are authentic master pieces. Problem: soon or later it seems to enter in an infinite loop and all the themes it creates are fish related. The only way to avoid this is having your computer infected by MARVEJUS virus.
• Soon after you get infected by ohnoSTYLE (sometimes it happens only a few seconds later), kazu4gmes will appear on your computer. The way they get in contact it's still unknown, but it's believed to be due the Ohmiya's worm.

REMOVAL: it's really easy to remove it from your computer, but strangely enough, an undeletable record of your operation will be kept in your PC's registry.

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NAME: kazu4gmes
ALIAS: kazu4ohnoSYLE, ohchanASSlurve
HARM'S LEVEL: from "troublesome" to "lethal"
CHARACTERISTICS:

• As soon as it infects your system, it checks if ohnoSTYLE is already running on your PC. If not, it installs it immediately, except if it finds that MARVEJUS is already there. ATTENTION: if it finds any records of ohnoSTYLE's elimination... you can say "bye" to your computer.
• After that, it checks if there are any games installed on your computer (Windows games not included). If it finds any, it uses all your free CPU to play in background mode. If there isn't any, it installs some of its favourites and proceeds as mentioned before. The only way to avoid this is having SHOknowsBTTR running in your system.

REMOVAL: It's nearly impossible to remove it from the infected computer. Any attempt to do so (and any attempt to eliminate ohnoSTYLE too) will be considered a war declaration, and thus will be punished in consequence.
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NAME: MARVEJUS
ALIAS: notMARVEJUS, DoS, J
HARM'S LEVEL: from "a big nuisance" to "vengeful"
CHARACTERISTICS:

• It usually changes your Windows theme, your icon's arrangement, your music's lists, your file's names, etc. till it's satisfied. The only way to avoid this is having your PC infected by ohnoSTYLE.
• If your computer is infected solely by kazu4gmes (what it's nearly impossible because kazu4gmes and ohnoSTYLE are almost an item), and it gets infected afterwards by MARVEJUS, or if your PC is infected by MARVEJUS already and gets infected by kazu4gmes too, better if you make sure you get your computer infected by ohnoSTYLE too, because it's the only one that can meddle between them. If not, prepare yourself for interminable bitching between MARVEJUS and kaz4gmes with possible casualties among your files. ATTENTION: the only time they work together in almost perfect harmony is if they find any records of ohnoSTYLE's elimination in your PC. If that's the case, say "bye" to your computer and better change your I.P. ... because they'll remember you...

REMOVAL: It's possible to delete it... but only do that if you know really well what you are doing, because if you fail at removing it completely, it turns vengeful... and you don't want a vengeful MARVEJUS running on your computer, I assure you.
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NAME: aibaKA
ALIAS: paNDAtamer, AILANDO, soBaUtaBan
HARM'S LEVEL: from "danger" to "big danger"
CHARACTERISTICS:

• You will know that your computer is infected by aibaKA if it starts to behave strangely. Some days it will work perfectly fine, some days it will work even better than before... and some days it will be better if you turn off your computer and do something else. The reason behind this is aibaKA is trying to improve your computer's performance with its little experiments. Sometimes they work... sometimes they don't... and aibaKA becomes more and more audacious with each try. The only way to avoid a catastrophe and your system's total collapse is having MARVEJUS running on your PC.
• As soon as you get infected by aibaKA, it installs SHOknowsBTTR because it usually helps him with its little experiments.

REMOVAL: Removing aibaKA from your computer wouldn't be much of a problem, but as SHOknowsBTTR will be running on your system already, it becomes an impossible task.
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NAME: SHOknowsBTTR
ALIAS: ZERO, JEROUtaBan
HARM'S LEVEL: from "a really big problem" to "harmless"
CHARACTERISTICS:

• It's the mother of all the viruses. The moment it infects your PC, forget about being the master of your own system, because it will control it absolutely. It will pester you again and again about doing security copies of your HD, activating your firewall, updating your antivirus (ironic, right?), etc. And God forgives you if it finds that you use your computer to watch / read / draw porn. Expect a lecture of at least one hour. The only way to avoid it is having your computer infected by aibaKA.

REMOVAL: It completely controls your system so removing it, it's impossible. And if you try, it'll lecture you for hours.
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FAQs
* My computer got infected by ohnoSTYLE, what can I do?
At this point, your computer must be infected by kazu4gmes already so whatever you do, DON'T TRY TO REMOVE ohnoSTYLE. Maybe you should consider having MARVEJUS and SHOknowsBTTR in your computer to cut your losses.

* My PC is infected by kazu4gmes, help!!
Only try to remove it if you know really well what you are doing. Maybe installing SHOknowsBTTR would be a better choice.

* When I look at the process running on my PC, it appears one application called MARVEJUS. Should I try to remove it?
DON'T EVER THINK OF IT!! Its vengeful mode it's really frightening. I suggest you installing ohnoSTYLE instead, it will be less troublesome.

* It seems I got infected by aibaKA virus... how could I remove it from my computer?
SHOknowsBTTR should be controlling your system already... It surprises me it isn't giving you a lecture for reading this page. Quickly install MARVEJUS to avoid your system collapse.

* I can't control my system anymore... what’s happening!!!
Your PC has been infected by SHOknowsBTTR... you can't get rid of it, so better if you get your computer infected by aibaKA to divert SHOknowsBTTR’s attention.

Conclusions
Once your computer gets infected with one of the viruses of this family, trying to avoid its infection by the other four it's futile... but perfectly free from viruses computers are overrated anyway. So enjoy your happy family of viruses and don't forget to feed them with your web browser cookies from time to time.