Fic: Crossing Borders (8/?)
Title: Crossing Borders (8/?)
Author: zarrati
Word Count: ~5,700
Genre: AU
Pairing: Leslie/Ben
Rating: R for Language and violent/traumatic themes
Author's notes: The aftermath featuring Leslie, Ben, and the Innocent Cohabitation Trope.
It had all happened so fast. One minute she was answering questions about the threats and the next she felt Ben pushing her to the ground, the sound of gunfire echoing around her.
She laid there, the full weight of Ben’s body pressed against her. There was something warm and sticky seeping into her blouse, and for a split second she was afraid she’d been hit.
But there was no pain, no piece of metal lodged in her flesh. There was only Ben.
He attempted to pull himself off of her, and her eyes widened as she saw the blood oozing from his chest.
He rolled onto his back and groaned, and she immediately hovered over him, pressing her hands to the wound to staunch the blood flow. She wasn’t sure when she started crying, but her vision was blurry and she could hear her voice tremble as she begged for him to keep his eyes open.
She ignored the agents that surrounded them as soon as the shots were fired, her only concern being the man whose blood was staining her fingertips.
“You’re gonna be alright. Just stay with me, Ben,” she pleaded. “Oh, God, you can’t die on me, okay? You just have to stay awake. Please, stay awake.”
But he didn’t listen, and his eyes slipped shut.
There were several pairs of hands trying to pull her off of him, trying to take her to safety, but she fought them while yelling Ben’s name. She wasn’t going to leave him bleeding on the ground, not when that bullet was meant for her.
Emergency personnel rushed onto the stage and made their way towards the crowd that had gathered around Leslie and Ben. Among them were Andy and Chris who stared helplessly as their friend bled onto the stage.
“Madam President,” one of the EMTs called to her as he tried to gently remove her hands from Ben’s wound. “I can take over. We need to get him to the hospital, quickly.”
She nodded mutely and slowly moved her hands away but still refused to leave his side.
“Leslie,” Andy crouched down to where she knelt on the ground, “we need to get you out of here as soon as we can. It might not be safe.”
“I can’t leave him, Andy,” she begged. “Please, don’t make me leave him.”
“I won’t. They’re taking him to the hospital on the Army Base. We’ll see if we can ride in the ambulance with him, okay?”
She didn’t answer, her eyes focused on the EMTs as they strapped him onto the gurney.
“We’re riding with you,” Andy called out, and the EMT knew better than to argue. Andy slowly pulled Leslie up, a group of five other agents crowding in around her as she was led to the back of the ambulance.
She curled into Andy’s side as the EMTs worked quickly, placing the oxygen mask over Ben’s face and taping the ECG electrodes to his chest.
“Radio the hospital and tell them that we’re gonna need at least two liters of O negative blood when we get there,” the technician called up to the driver. “He’s going into hypovolemic shock.”
The rest of the ride passed by in a blur, Leslie staring at her blood soaked hands praying that the rapid beeping of the ECG machine wouldn’t stop.
~~~~~
The harsh lights bathed the hospital hallway in a sickening glow, sucking the color out of all that it touched. It didn’t matter to Leslie. She didn’t care that it made her face look even more pale and sunken in, that it accentuated her swollen, red eyes.
The hard chair was digging into her back, but she didn’t care about that either. All of her focus was directed towards a spot on the wall. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been staring. Minutes? Hours? Days? That didn’t matter either.
There must have been fifteen officers crammed into that tiny waiting area, but she felt more alone than ever. Andy and Chris were there earlier, but had been called away to investigate the shooting.
In her hand, she was clutching her father’s wooden chess piece, the white knight. The feel of the wood digging into her skin was her only affirmation that she wasn’t completely numb.
When they arrived at the hospital, Ben was rushed into surgery, his personal belongings stripped from him and hastily given to Andy as evidence. Inside the pocket of Ben’s pants was the knight, the delicate wooden figure now marred with his blood.
He had kept it with him. One of the most meaningful gifts she had ever given anyone, and he had carried it around with him like a good luck charm.
Some good luck charm.
Leslie was pulled from her trance when she heard the shuffling of feet and her name being called out from down the hall. She shot up and ran towards the sound, crashing into Ann in a bone crushing hug.
“I’m so sorry,” Ann breathed. “I came as fast as I could. The threat level is obviously high right now, so it took me forever to get onto the base.” Ann led Leslie back to the chairs and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “How’s he doing? Have you heard anything?”
Leslie took a deep breath and hoped her voice would cooperate. “He’s in surgery right now. The bullet entered into his left shoulder area and most likely hit an artery based on the severity of the bleeding.” Her breath hitched. “They didn’t know if the bullet nicked his heart or lung, or did any severe bone damage. If it did, he might not make it.” Leslie honestly thought she didn’t have anymore tears left to cry, but she was proven wrong. “Oh Ann,” she cried, once again throwing herself into the arms of her best friend. “He could die and it’s all my fault.”
“No, no it’s not,” Ann soothed, rubbing her hands up and down Leslie’s back. “None of this is your fault. And Ben’s going to be fine. He’s strong, and he’ll pull through.”
“It is my fault.” Her voice was muffled as she pressed her face into Ann’s shirt. “He knew this was a bad idea. He told me that something wasn’t right, that he had a bad feeling, but I didn’t listen. I didn’t listen to him and now he could be dead. He could be dead, and I never told him. He’ll never know.”
“Oh, Leslie, he knows. No matter what happens, trust me, he knows. And he feels the same way, I’m sure of it.”
Some time later, after tears had been shed, comfort had been given, and silent pleas were sent out to anyone that might be listening, a resident made her way towards the group.
“President Knope?” The voice broke the chilling silence.
“Yes, how is he? Is he going to be alright?”
“Well, he is out of surgery, and thankfully the bullet didn’t hit his left lung or cause any heart damage. However, his brachial artery had been hit, which accounts for the rapid and severe blood loss. I’m not sure if you’re aware, but he had a previous, severe injury to that area, and the scar tissue made things a little difficult. However, the surgeon was able to repair the injury, but there is always the possibility of permanent blood vessel damage. The next twenty four hours will be crucial.”
“Okay, but he won’t die?”
The resident smiled softly. “We have every reason to believe that he will make a full recovery. Again, his scar tissue was damaged further by the bullet, so he might experience mild to moderate muscle pains in that region, but the wound itself should heal within the next month or so.”
Leslie let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you so much. When can I see him?”
“He was just wheeled out of recovery and has been set up in a private room in a secluded wing of the floor. As soon as the area has been swept by the officers for your safety, you are more than welcome to go in. He won’t be a awake for several hours, but it will be nice for him to see a familiar face once he does.”
Giving Ann’s hand a final squeeze, Leslie followed the nurse and several officers down the winding hallways of the hospital, pausing outside of the door to Ben’s room.
“Stay outside,” she said to the officers. “I want to sit with him alone for a little while.”
The officers looked conflicted but eventually consented.
Closing the door behind her, Leslie walked towards the still sleeping Ben. He was so pale, so helpless looking as the various tubes and IV lines ran from his body. But he also looked relaxed, a peace on his face she had never seen before.
It was at that moment she realized she had never seen him truly at ease. No matter the circumstances, no matter how informal some of their time together had been, there was always something hanging over him, another shoe he was waiting to be dropped.
She ran two fingers over his smooth brow, no longer furrowed as he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.
She replaced the fingers with her lips, inhaling the scent of him, his normal musk now mixed with the smell of antiseptic.
Taking a seat next to his hospital bed, Leslie grabbed his hand and waited.
~~~~~
Leslie jerked awake when she felt the hand she was holding squeeze back. Ben's eyes were fighting to open, and she swore her name fell from his lips in a frantic whisper.
She stood over him, willing him to wake up, and he finally obliged, his eyes straining to focus on Leslie’s face. A sigh of relief was released as he took her in, alive and whole.
“You okay?” he rasped, the sound painful to Leslie’s ears.
She nodded and mustered a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. You saved me.”
The moment was short lived, his veins pumping with enough pain relievers to put down a large animal. He gave her a drug induced grin, his eyes drooping now that he had peace of mind.
“You’re okay,” he murmured once more and let sleep take over.
~~~~~
Over the next three days, Leslie had become a permanent resident in room 814. She ate whatever hospital food could be brought to her, showered in the en-suite bathroom, and relied on Ann to bring her changes of fresh clothing.
It wasn’t until the second day that Ben had been coherent, able to talk and answer questions without the pain medication interfering. She had to admit though, Ben was adorable when he was high on meds.
Despite the protests from the officers, and even Ben, Leslie refused to leave the hospital. She figured she was just as safe on the base as anywhere, especially given the circumstances. Plus, she knew that Ben was secretly relieved that she stayed with him. He didn’t want her out of his sight.
On day three, Ben was deemed well enough to have visitors. Leslie sat at her customary chair at his side, the bed propped up and his arm in sling while Andy, Chris, Trumple, and Ron filed into the room.
“Ben!” Chris greeted him with a large smile. “You don’t know how happy I am to see you looking so well. Are they keeping you properly hydrated? Supplementing your loss of essential vitamins and minerals? I’m sure I have some iron pills in my pocket.”
“I think I’m good, Chris,” Ben chuckled. “They are doing a good job of taking care of me.”
“Yo, Major Ben,” Andy cut in. “That was awesome! I mean not the whole you almost dying thing. That was terrible. But when you dove in front of Leslie and threw her onto the ground like that. We’re talking action movie hero quality.” He came over and ruffled Ben’s hair, and Leslie didn’t even attempt to suppress a grin. “Glad you’re okay, buddy.”
Ron walked towards the bed. “Major Wyatt, under normal circumstances I would shake your hand, but I would not want to further aggravate your injuries, so I won’t and offer my thanks instead. But consider the offer a privilege in and of itself.”
Trumple stood at the back of the group, his posture stiff and reeking of expertly masked guilt. “Glad to see you alive and well, Major,” he said, slowly walking towards the bed. “On behalf of the Intelligence Office and the Pawnee Army, you have our utmost gratitude and will be properly honored for your sacrifice.”
Ben looked over and caught Leslie’s eye. “Leslie’s safe. That’s all that matters to me, sir.”
Leslie broke the gaze and tried to cover her face with her hair. He was NOT about to make her blush in front of a room full of people.
Trumple nodded before continuing. “I wish I could say that we’re here to just wish you well, but unfortunately you know that isn’t the case.”
“I understand, sir,” Ben answered. “What can you tell me about the incident?”
“The suspect is dead, first and foremost. After the initial shot was fired, the two others snipers on neighboring rooftops took him out.”
“Was he-” his voice cracked, “was he one of our own?”
“No, we have yet to identify the shooter. There has been no match on his fingerprints or dental records, and the only identification on him belonged to Joe Fantringham.”
“Then we go to the prison and question Joe again. We’ll do whatever it takes to find out what’s happening. He’ll roll over eventually, we just have to keep pushing him.”
Leslie looked over and shook her head sadly. “Ben, Joe’s dead. He was found two days ago in his cell. He hung himself with his bed sheets.”
Ben stared blankly at her, trying to process the information he was receiving far too quickly.
“No, that can’t be possible. Shit, he was our only lead. And how the hell did this guy get up on that rooftop?”
Chris came over and laid a hand on Ben’s good shoulder. “So far we’ve theorized that the shooter somehow had a copy of Sewage Joe’s badge and used it to access the park. A few people recognized him as one of the caterers. He then snuck away from the group and killed Agent Matthew Sharp, the sniper originally assigned to that post. His body was found stuffed into a supply closet in the lobby of the building. The shooter stole his rifle and uniform and posed as him on the rooftop.”
Ben squeezed his eyes shut. “So, we’re back to square one. Three people are dead and we have nothing to go on.” He looked poignantly at the group. “This goes too high up and there are too many unanswered questions. Leslie isn’t safe here anymore. We need to get her out of here until we find who’s responsible.”
Leslie was going to be damned if Ben thought he could send her away to sit and wait everything out. “No way, I’m not leaving you.”
Ben sighed. “Leslie, someone just attempted to kill you and was very nearly successful. We have nothing to go on right now. Nothing. We don’t even know how far up this goes. You aren’t safe.”
“Well, neither are you. It’s been made very clear that you are also a target. That whoever’s doing this is trying to drag you down with me.”
Ben opened his mouth to protest, but Trumple interjected. “She’s right, Major. As of now, the two of you are to be placed under military protection and relocated until this matter has been resolved.”
“No way,” Ben protested. “I need to help catch this guy. Besides, I am her military protection.”
Andy shrugged apologetically. “No offense, Ben, but you almost got your arm blown off. You can’t really go off running around after bad guys.”
“We anticipated this reaction from you,” Chris said, “and we believe that we have come up with some sort of compromise. We will relocate the two of you to a safe house where you can continue to be involved in Leslie’s personal security. There will be a select group of agents who will patrol the area in constant rotating shifts. We will do our best to keep you appraised of any updates in the investigation, but for your safety there can be no communication with the outside world. No phones, cable, or internet.”
“I don’t really have a choice in the matter, do I?” Ben huffed.
“No, Major, you do not.” Trumple’s voice was firm and left no room for arguments.
“Fine, when do we leave?”
“Ideally, as soon as you are released from the hospital, but there is one other concern. We don’t know how deeply our government could have been infiltrated, so we no longer trust any of the official safe houses on record.”
“I believe I can be of some assistance,” Ron chimed in. “During my ill-fated marriage to the evil temptress known as my second ex-wife, we purchased a cabin miles away from civilization. Now, the cabin is a spacious two bedroom, has one and a half bathrooms, running water and electricity, and is fully furnished, so naturally I hated it. No one has set foot in that cabin in years, and I am willing to offer it up as a safe house.”
“Are you sure there is no way for anyone to know about it?” Chris asked.
Ron shot him a deadly glare. “You obviously don’t know what I’m about, son. I could guarantee that with the already explicit information I have given you, you would still be unable to find it without my assistance. I tell nothing to no one.”
Leslie smirked. “That’s the understatement of the century, but he’s telling the truth. He’s very private, and I doubt he has any records of even purchasing the home or property, right Ron?”
“I’m offended that you would even ask that question, Leslie.”
“See, I told you.”
“Well, then it’s settled. As soon as Major Wyatt is released, arrangements will be made to transport the two of you to Mr. Swanson’s cabin. We will be in touch.”
After another round of well wishes, the men left the room, leaving behind an uncharacteristically awkward silence.
“So, we’re gonna be roommates, huh?” Leslie said in an attempt to break the tension.
“Yeah, looks that way.” He looked less than thrilled, and a sharp pain hit Leslie’s heart.
She hated having to be hidden away, but the idea of spending any number of days, even weeks, in a secluded cabin with Ben made her happier than she’d been in weeks, so why did he look like he’d rather run streaking through a minefield?
But regardless, she was going to make the best of this, as she strove to do in all situations. Whether they liked it or not, this was going to happen and she might as well enjoy it, and maybe force him to enjoy it, too.
“Does your shoulder hurt?” Leslie asked when she noticed Ben staring at the bandage and sling.
“Huh? Oh, no it’s fine. Actually it hurts less than I thought it would.”
“Oh, the doctor said that might be the case.” She cleared her throat. “You know, because of the previous nerve damage and scar tissue. It might take longer to heal, but the pain would be less.”
“Lucky me.”
Leslie grimaced. “I’m sorry.”
He looked to her sharply and must have realized that his behavior was less than stellar. His face quickly turned apologetic. “I’m not- I didn’t mean it that way. I don’t regret my decision at all, and you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry for being a jerk. I’m frustrated, that’s all, but it’s no excuse for taking it out on you.”
“No, I understand, really. I just hate it when you talk down about yourself like that.”
“Sorry, force of habit. I turn very self deprecating when I’m in a mood. You’ll notice that a lot once we start living together.”
Living together. Jesus. She knew it wasn’t ‘like that’, but saying it made her shiver. She was for all intents and purposes going to be living with the man whom she had the uncontrollable urge to tackle onto a bed and makeout with until neither could breath anymore. Him having an arm out of commission certainly wasn’t ideal for the arrangement, but she could improvise.
“But anyway,” he continued, oblivious to her inner monologue, “if I get too moody, you reserve the right to call me out on my shit and snap me out of it. But sometimes I deal with my injury using humor. It became somewhat of a coping mechanism, I guess. My way of embracing it as a part of me.”
“You had me when you told me I get to keep you in line. I’ll have you wrapped around my finger yet, Major Wyatt.”
“Oh, Leslie, you’ve had me wrapped around your finger for a long time,” he murmured and then froze when he realized he had said it out loud.
She quickly tried to change the subject for his benefit. “So, if you’re not in pain, what were you staring at your shoulder for earlier?”
“Oh, I was just upset because I realized that the wound might leave a scar.”
She froze until she saw Ben wink at her, mirth shining in his eyes.
Leslie couldn’t help herself and she laughed. A full blown cackle of amusement she didn’t think herself capable of after everything that had happened. Ben laughed with her until tears were streaming down both of their faces.
She felt lighter than she had in days.
~~~~~
Leslie explored the cabin as Ben spoke with Andy and the agents currently assigned to patrol the grounds. As an added security measure, not even Trumple or Chris were told the exact location of the safe house, and they would only communicate via radio contact at specified intervals.
The cabin was surprisingly nice, and Leslie knew this had to be the work of Tammy II. It was everything that Ron Swanson despised, but perfect for what she and Ben needed. It had only one floor, the two bedrooms situated on opposite ends of the hallway with the full bathroom between them. The hallway opened up into the very spacious living room and dining room followed by the kitchen.
The kitchen had fully functioning appliances, another surprise knowing Ron, and had been stocked in preparation for their arrival. She opened the refrigerator and almost shouted in joy when she noticed an entire shelf on the door devoted to whipped cream cans.
Ben walked up behind her as she was checking out the pantry.
“I knew I shouldn’t have put you in charge of making the grocery list.”
She smirked and looked over her shoulder. “Stop your complaining, there’s plenty of options here for everyone. There are even fruits and vegetables in the crisper.”
“What are the chances that I could convince you to eat some?”
“Somewhere between slim and none.”
“Can’t say that I didn’t try to open you up to the idea of healthier eating. Just be grateful that you aren’t stuck here with Chris.”
“Don’t even joke about that,” Leslie shivered. “I’d think he was sent here to torture me using radishes.”
He reached over her and grabbed a granola bar from the pantry. “Have you had a chance to check out the rest of the cabin?”
“Yeah, actually. The rooms are nice, and one of the closets was packed with board games to help us pass the time. We can’t have any incoming cable, but they have a big screen T.V. set up in the living room with a pretty impressive movie collection.”
“Sweet. I hope they have some good ones.”
“I’m pretty sure I saw both the Star Wars and Indiana Jones trilogy box sets in there somewhere.”
“What? No way! Wait, is it the original Star Wars trilogy or the newer ones, because the new ones-”
“Don’t worry, it’s the original.”
“Nice. Which bedroom did you choose?”
“The one with the east facing window since I’m up at ridiculous hours anyway. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, totally fine,” he said with a mouthful of granola. “Just didn’t want to walk in on the wrong bedroom while you were changing or something.”
“Hmm, your loss really.” She left the kitchen without another word, Ben gaping at her retreating back.
This was going to be fun.
~~~~~
As much as she didn’t want to admit it to herself, as much as she reasoned that Ben wasn’t completely well yet, Operation: Secude Ben was in full swing. She was careful though, not wanting to come on too strong, especially given the circumstances. She still had to live with the man, after all.
But that too presented her with a multitude of possibilities.
She was actually surprised how well she and Ben got along. They hadn’t had any problems before, when he would stay hours upon hours with her at home, but that was different. They weren’t forced together like rats in a cage. They were able to take a breather from one another.
Not anymore.
They had their minor disagreements, most revolving around her dietary habits and knack for creating clutter, but they were remarkably compatible as room mates. Definitely something she took as a sign to pursue her slow seduction of Ben.
She started off small, being a little extra flirty here and there, touching him just barely more than necessary. She used movie nights as the perfect excuse to snuggle up to him under the guise of sharing a blanket, and she may have instigated one or two popcorn fights. He was even teaching her how to play chess, and she couldn’t wait until she was good enough to beat him because guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love.
Her crowning achievement came when she walked into the kitchen wrapped in nothing but a towel, passing Ben who did his best to keep his eyes trained on the television. She passed him again on her way back and winked, letting him know the bathroom was free if he needed it. He shot up from the couch, running past her mumbling something about a cold shower.
She had offered to help with his bandages a few times, but he vehemently refused.
That part made her sad, that after all they had been through together, he still felt self-conscious. They had been at the cabin for over two weeks now--two weeks filled with flirting and sexual tension, and she still hadn’t seen him in anything that wasn’t long sleeves. He occasionally wore tee shirts, but even those he paired with a hooded sweatshirt.
She didn’t expect his behavior to change overnight and she knew it wasn’t easy for him, that her reassurances every so often couldn’t change two decades worth of pain and embarrassment. She was just going to have to try harder to show him that she wanted him.
That she wanted all of him.
~~~~~
It was the middle of the night during their third week in the house when it happened. She had gone to the kitchen for a glass of water and on her way back, she heard whimpering coming from Ben’s room. She paused, her ear to the door trying to listen.
His whimpers grew louder and she could hear him thrashing around in his bed, crying out in his sleep.
The two had guidelines set in place to preserve privacy, but that didn’t stop her from throwing open the door and going to him.
She ran her hand over his face and tried to soothe him without waking him up, but he fought her off. She settled for grabbing him and trying to shake him from his tormented sleep, forcefully calling his name.
He sat up and his eyes finally flew open, filled with more fear and panic than she had ever seen in her life. He focused on her and in an instant, pulled her into a tight hug and buried his face in her neck as he trembled.
“Shhh, it’s okay,” she soothed as she ran her hands up and down his back, his breath warm as he panted against her skin. She peppered soft kisses into his hair as he clung to her, waiting until his breathing returned to normal and he stopped shaking.
He pulled away and took another ragged breath. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t wake me. I was getting a glass of water when I passed by and heard you. I didn’t want to invade your privacy, but you sounded like you were in pain, and I got scared.”
“No, it’s fine. Thank you.” He refused to meet her eyes.
“Was it a flashback?” He didn’t answer at first and Leslie mentally chastised herself. “I’m sorry, that’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m just glad you’re okay.”
He stared at her hand, eventually running his fingers over hers. “You have every right to ask. Talking about it is supposed to help, I guess.”
She caught his hand in hers and squeezed. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”
He nodded and continued to stare at their joined hands. “Yeah, it was a nightmare. Not quite a flashback, but something like that. I hate them, you know. I wake up and think it’s all real, that it’s happening all over again. That’s why I was so relieved to see you when I woke up.”
“What do you mean? Because I wasn’t at ICE Town, so you know it’s not real?”
“No,” he shook his head slowly. “My dream wasn’t about ICE Town, it was about the shooting.” He looked up and pierced her with his gaze. His chocolate eyes were barely distinguishable in the dark, but she could still see the pain radiating from them. “I dreamt that he killed you. I couldn’t get to you in time and he shot you. Oh God, Leslie, I couldn’t save you and you died in my arms. It was so real.”
She didn’t know what to say so she just pulled him in for another hug. She wanted to let him know that she was real and safe--because of him. She wasn’t going to think about the guilt, think about how she was partially responsible for what he was going through, how much she wanted to take his pain away forever.
No, she wasn’t going to think about any of that. She was just going to hold him.
~~~~~
When Leslie woke up the next morning, she knew something was different. Not wrong, just different. These weren’t the sheets she had been sleeping under the last several weeks. This wasn’t the same bed or room either, and she definitely didn’t have a Ben-shaped body pillow that gave off heat.
Then she remembered the previous night. She remembered waking Ben from his nightmare, holding him as he trembled, crawling into Bed with him so that they could both move to a more comfortable position. She remembered his quiet, half-conscious plea that she stay with him until he fell asleep, so that he could know for sure that she was alive.
She didn’t remember falling asleep.
She did her best to leave the bed without waking Ben, a hard task considering his arm was thrown over her waist, pulling her to him even in his sleep. She was finally able to pull herself free, although a small groan of protest left her companion’s lips before he turned over and snuggled into a pillow, still mindful of his injured arm.
He had that relaxed look again, the one she hadn’t seen since he was unconscious in the hospital, the one she’d give anything to see while he was awake.
She sighed and slowly tip-toed out of the room, going to the kitchen to make coffee. She wasn't entirely sure why she left. It was what she wanted, wasn't it? To fall asleep next to him, preferably after much more enjoyable activities, but she would take what she could get.
So why was she sitting here alone at the kitchen table instead of warm in Ben's bed?
Because she knew that if he woke up and found her there, remembered what had happened last night, he'd be mortified. He'd been embarrassed enough revealing his weakness to her, let alone the guilt he'd have over making her give up a night's sleep in her own bed because of him. It would be ridiculous on his part, really. Last night was the best night’s sleep she’d had in ages, but he wouldn’t see it that way. He’d see it as a sacrifice, an inconvenience that she had to endure for his sake.
Under normal circumstances, she'd have stubbornly refused to to move, made Ben face what was happening head on, make him see that he was being stupid and that she’d spend every night like that if he’d allow it, nightmares and all. She knew she had a tendency to be a bit of a steamroller. It had served her well in her work, but not so well in relationships.
So she wasn’t going to force this on Ben, at least not yet. She wanted to, boy did she want to, but it was too much. She wasn’t going to hold him accountable for a decision he made in a nightmare induced haze of fear and panic.
Despite everything, she felt a warmth in her heart at what happened. Not the nightmares, never the nightmares, but his willingness to confide in her, to seek comfort from her. No matter how much he might be ashamed of his actions, she would cherish it. She now knew what it was like to hold him as he cried, to sooth him with kisses on his forehead.
To wake up in his arms.
When the coffee maker went off, Leslie poured herself a cup and went onto the back porch and watched the sun rise.
Part 9
Author: zarrati
Word Count: ~5,700
Genre: AU
Pairing: Leslie/Ben
Rating: R for Language and violent/traumatic themes
Author's notes: The aftermath featuring Leslie, Ben, and the Innocent Cohabitation Trope.
It had all happened so fast. One minute she was answering questions about the threats and the next she felt Ben pushing her to the ground, the sound of gunfire echoing around her.
She laid there, the full weight of Ben’s body pressed against her. There was something warm and sticky seeping into her blouse, and for a split second she was afraid she’d been hit.
But there was no pain, no piece of metal lodged in her flesh. There was only Ben.
He attempted to pull himself off of her, and her eyes widened as she saw the blood oozing from his chest.
He rolled onto his back and groaned, and she immediately hovered over him, pressing her hands to the wound to staunch the blood flow. She wasn’t sure when she started crying, but her vision was blurry and she could hear her voice tremble as she begged for him to keep his eyes open.
She ignored the agents that surrounded them as soon as the shots were fired, her only concern being the man whose blood was staining her fingertips.
“You’re gonna be alright. Just stay with me, Ben,” she pleaded. “Oh, God, you can’t die on me, okay? You just have to stay awake. Please, stay awake.”
But he didn’t listen, and his eyes slipped shut.
There were several pairs of hands trying to pull her off of him, trying to take her to safety, but she fought them while yelling Ben’s name. She wasn’t going to leave him bleeding on the ground, not when that bullet was meant for her.
Emergency personnel rushed onto the stage and made their way towards the crowd that had gathered around Leslie and Ben. Among them were Andy and Chris who stared helplessly as their friend bled onto the stage.
“Madam President,” one of the EMTs called to her as he tried to gently remove her hands from Ben’s wound. “I can take over. We need to get him to the hospital, quickly.”
She nodded mutely and slowly moved her hands away but still refused to leave his side.
“Leslie,” Andy crouched down to where she knelt on the ground, “we need to get you out of here as soon as we can. It might not be safe.”
“I can’t leave him, Andy,” she begged. “Please, don’t make me leave him.”
“I won’t. They’re taking him to the hospital on the Army Base. We’ll see if we can ride in the ambulance with him, okay?”
She didn’t answer, her eyes focused on the EMTs as they strapped him onto the gurney.
“We’re riding with you,” Andy called out, and the EMT knew better than to argue. Andy slowly pulled Leslie up, a group of five other agents crowding in around her as she was led to the back of the ambulance.
She curled into Andy’s side as the EMTs worked quickly, placing the oxygen mask over Ben’s face and taping the ECG electrodes to his chest.
“Radio the hospital and tell them that we’re gonna need at least two liters of O negative blood when we get there,” the technician called up to the driver. “He’s going into hypovolemic shock.”
The rest of the ride passed by in a blur, Leslie staring at her blood soaked hands praying that the rapid beeping of the ECG machine wouldn’t stop.
~~~~~
The harsh lights bathed the hospital hallway in a sickening glow, sucking the color out of all that it touched. It didn’t matter to Leslie. She didn’t care that it made her face look even more pale and sunken in, that it accentuated her swollen, red eyes.
The hard chair was digging into her back, but she didn’t care about that either. All of her focus was directed towards a spot on the wall. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been staring. Minutes? Hours? Days? That didn’t matter either.
There must have been fifteen officers crammed into that tiny waiting area, but she felt more alone than ever. Andy and Chris were there earlier, but had been called away to investigate the shooting.
In her hand, she was clutching her father’s wooden chess piece, the white knight. The feel of the wood digging into her skin was her only affirmation that she wasn’t completely numb.
When they arrived at the hospital, Ben was rushed into surgery, his personal belongings stripped from him and hastily given to Andy as evidence. Inside the pocket of Ben’s pants was the knight, the delicate wooden figure now marred with his blood.
He had kept it with him. One of the most meaningful gifts she had ever given anyone, and he had carried it around with him like a good luck charm.
Some good luck charm.
Leslie was pulled from her trance when she heard the shuffling of feet and her name being called out from down the hall. She shot up and ran towards the sound, crashing into Ann in a bone crushing hug.
“I’m so sorry,” Ann breathed. “I came as fast as I could. The threat level is obviously high right now, so it took me forever to get onto the base.” Ann led Leslie back to the chairs and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “How’s he doing? Have you heard anything?”
Leslie took a deep breath and hoped her voice would cooperate. “He’s in surgery right now. The bullet entered into his left shoulder area and most likely hit an artery based on the severity of the bleeding.” Her breath hitched. “They didn’t know if the bullet nicked his heart or lung, or did any severe bone damage. If it did, he might not make it.” Leslie honestly thought she didn’t have anymore tears left to cry, but she was proven wrong. “Oh Ann,” she cried, once again throwing herself into the arms of her best friend. “He could die and it’s all my fault.”
“No, no it’s not,” Ann soothed, rubbing her hands up and down Leslie’s back. “None of this is your fault. And Ben’s going to be fine. He’s strong, and he’ll pull through.”
“It is my fault.” Her voice was muffled as she pressed her face into Ann’s shirt. “He knew this was a bad idea. He told me that something wasn’t right, that he had a bad feeling, but I didn’t listen. I didn’t listen to him and now he could be dead. He could be dead, and I never told him. He’ll never know.”
“Oh, Leslie, he knows. No matter what happens, trust me, he knows. And he feels the same way, I’m sure of it.”
Some time later, after tears had been shed, comfort had been given, and silent pleas were sent out to anyone that might be listening, a resident made her way towards the group.
“President Knope?” The voice broke the chilling silence.
“Yes, how is he? Is he going to be alright?”
“Well, he is out of surgery, and thankfully the bullet didn’t hit his left lung or cause any heart damage. However, his brachial artery had been hit, which accounts for the rapid and severe blood loss. I’m not sure if you’re aware, but he had a previous, severe injury to that area, and the scar tissue made things a little difficult. However, the surgeon was able to repair the injury, but there is always the possibility of permanent blood vessel damage. The next twenty four hours will be crucial.”
“Okay, but he won’t die?”
The resident smiled softly. “We have every reason to believe that he will make a full recovery. Again, his scar tissue was damaged further by the bullet, so he might experience mild to moderate muscle pains in that region, but the wound itself should heal within the next month or so.”
Leslie let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you so much. When can I see him?”
“He was just wheeled out of recovery and has been set up in a private room in a secluded wing of the floor. As soon as the area has been swept by the officers for your safety, you are more than welcome to go in. He won’t be a awake for several hours, but it will be nice for him to see a familiar face once he does.”
Giving Ann’s hand a final squeeze, Leslie followed the nurse and several officers down the winding hallways of the hospital, pausing outside of the door to Ben’s room.
“Stay outside,” she said to the officers. “I want to sit with him alone for a little while.”
The officers looked conflicted but eventually consented.
Closing the door behind her, Leslie walked towards the still sleeping Ben. He was so pale, so helpless looking as the various tubes and IV lines ran from his body. But he also looked relaxed, a peace on his face she had never seen before.
It was at that moment she realized she had never seen him truly at ease. No matter the circumstances, no matter how informal some of their time together had been, there was always something hanging over him, another shoe he was waiting to be dropped.
She ran two fingers over his smooth brow, no longer furrowed as he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.
She replaced the fingers with her lips, inhaling the scent of him, his normal musk now mixed with the smell of antiseptic.
Taking a seat next to his hospital bed, Leslie grabbed his hand and waited.
~~~~~
Leslie jerked awake when she felt the hand she was holding squeeze back. Ben's eyes were fighting to open, and she swore her name fell from his lips in a frantic whisper.
She stood over him, willing him to wake up, and he finally obliged, his eyes straining to focus on Leslie’s face. A sigh of relief was released as he took her in, alive and whole.
“You okay?” he rasped, the sound painful to Leslie’s ears.
She nodded and mustered a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. You saved me.”
The moment was short lived, his veins pumping with enough pain relievers to put down a large animal. He gave her a drug induced grin, his eyes drooping now that he had peace of mind.
“You’re okay,” he murmured once more and let sleep take over.
~~~~~
Over the next three days, Leslie had become a permanent resident in room 814. She ate whatever hospital food could be brought to her, showered in the en-suite bathroom, and relied on Ann to bring her changes of fresh clothing.
It wasn’t until the second day that Ben had been coherent, able to talk and answer questions without the pain medication interfering. She had to admit though, Ben was adorable when he was high on meds.
Despite the protests from the officers, and even Ben, Leslie refused to leave the hospital. She figured she was just as safe on the base as anywhere, especially given the circumstances. Plus, she knew that Ben was secretly relieved that she stayed with him. He didn’t want her out of his sight.
On day three, Ben was deemed well enough to have visitors. Leslie sat at her customary chair at his side, the bed propped up and his arm in sling while Andy, Chris, Trumple, and Ron filed into the room.
“Ben!” Chris greeted him with a large smile. “You don’t know how happy I am to see you looking so well. Are they keeping you properly hydrated? Supplementing your loss of essential vitamins and minerals? I’m sure I have some iron pills in my pocket.”
“I think I’m good, Chris,” Ben chuckled. “They are doing a good job of taking care of me.”
“Yo, Major Ben,” Andy cut in. “That was awesome! I mean not the whole you almost dying thing. That was terrible. But when you dove in front of Leslie and threw her onto the ground like that. We’re talking action movie hero quality.” He came over and ruffled Ben’s hair, and Leslie didn’t even attempt to suppress a grin. “Glad you’re okay, buddy.”
Ron walked towards the bed. “Major Wyatt, under normal circumstances I would shake your hand, but I would not want to further aggravate your injuries, so I won’t and offer my thanks instead. But consider the offer a privilege in and of itself.”
Trumple stood at the back of the group, his posture stiff and reeking of expertly masked guilt. “Glad to see you alive and well, Major,” he said, slowly walking towards the bed. “On behalf of the Intelligence Office and the Pawnee Army, you have our utmost gratitude and will be properly honored for your sacrifice.”
Ben looked over and caught Leslie’s eye. “Leslie’s safe. That’s all that matters to me, sir.”
Leslie broke the gaze and tried to cover her face with her hair. He was NOT about to make her blush in front of a room full of people.
Trumple nodded before continuing. “I wish I could say that we’re here to just wish you well, but unfortunately you know that isn’t the case.”
“I understand, sir,” Ben answered. “What can you tell me about the incident?”
“The suspect is dead, first and foremost. After the initial shot was fired, the two others snipers on neighboring rooftops took him out.”
“Was he-” his voice cracked, “was he one of our own?”
“No, we have yet to identify the shooter. There has been no match on his fingerprints or dental records, and the only identification on him belonged to Joe Fantringham.”
“Then we go to the prison and question Joe again. We’ll do whatever it takes to find out what’s happening. He’ll roll over eventually, we just have to keep pushing him.”
Leslie looked over and shook her head sadly. “Ben, Joe’s dead. He was found two days ago in his cell. He hung himself with his bed sheets.”
Ben stared blankly at her, trying to process the information he was receiving far too quickly.
“No, that can’t be possible. Shit, he was our only lead. And how the hell did this guy get up on that rooftop?”
Chris came over and laid a hand on Ben’s good shoulder. “So far we’ve theorized that the shooter somehow had a copy of Sewage Joe’s badge and used it to access the park. A few people recognized him as one of the caterers. He then snuck away from the group and killed Agent Matthew Sharp, the sniper originally assigned to that post. His body was found stuffed into a supply closet in the lobby of the building. The shooter stole his rifle and uniform and posed as him on the rooftop.”
Ben squeezed his eyes shut. “So, we’re back to square one. Three people are dead and we have nothing to go on.” He looked poignantly at the group. “This goes too high up and there are too many unanswered questions. Leslie isn’t safe here anymore. We need to get her out of here until we find who’s responsible.”
Leslie was going to be damned if Ben thought he could send her away to sit and wait everything out. “No way, I’m not leaving you.”
Ben sighed. “Leslie, someone just attempted to kill you and was very nearly successful. We have nothing to go on right now. Nothing. We don’t even know how far up this goes. You aren’t safe.”
“Well, neither are you. It’s been made very clear that you are also a target. That whoever’s doing this is trying to drag you down with me.”
Ben opened his mouth to protest, but Trumple interjected. “She’s right, Major. As of now, the two of you are to be placed under military protection and relocated until this matter has been resolved.”
“No way,” Ben protested. “I need to help catch this guy. Besides, I am her military protection.”
Andy shrugged apologetically. “No offense, Ben, but you almost got your arm blown off. You can’t really go off running around after bad guys.”
“We anticipated this reaction from you,” Chris said, “and we believe that we have come up with some sort of compromise. We will relocate the two of you to a safe house where you can continue to be involved in Leslie’s personal security. There will be a select group of agents who will patrol the area in constant rotating shifts. We will do our best to keep you appraised of any updates in the investigation, but for your safety there can be no communication with the outside world. No phones, cable, or internet.”
“I don’t really have a choice in the matter, do I?” Ben huffed.
“No, Major, you do not.” Trumple’s voice was firm and left no room for arguments.
“Fine, when do we leave?”
“Ideally, as soon as you are released from the hospital, but there is one other concern. We don’t know how deeply our government could have been infiltrated, so we no longer trust any of the official safe houses on record.”
“I believe I can be of some assistance,” Ron chimed in. “During my ill-fated marriage to the evil temptress known as my second ex-wife, we purchased a cabin miles away from civilization. Now, the cabin is a spacious two bedroom, has one and a half bathrooms, running water and electricity, and is fully furnished, so naturally I hated it. No one has set foot in that cabin in years, and I am willing to offer it up as a safe house.”
“Are you sure there is no way for anyone to know about it?” Chris asked.
Ron shot him a deadly glare. “You obviously don’t know what I’m about, son. I could guarantee that with the already explicit information I have given you, you would still be unable to find it without my assistance. I tell nothing to no one.”
Leslie smirked. “That’s the understatement of the century, but he’s telling the truth. He’s very private, and I doubt he has any records of even purchasing the home or property, right Ron?”
“I’m offended that you would even ask that question, Leslie.”
“See, I told you.”
“Well, then it’s settled. As soon as Major Wyatt is released, arrangements will be made to transport the two of you to Mr. Swanson’s cabin. We will be in touch.”
After another round of well wishes, the men left the room, leaving behind an uncharacteristically awkward silence.
“So, we’re gonna be roommates, huh?” Leslie said in an attempt to break the tension.
“Yeah, looks that way.” He looked less than thrilled, and a sharp pain hit Leslie’s heart.
She hated having to be hidden away, but the idea of spending any number of days, even weeks, in a secluded cabin with Ben made her happier than she’d been in weeks, so why did he look like he’d rather run streaking through a minefield?
But regardless, she was going to make the best of this, as she strove to do in all situations. Whether they liked it or not, this was going to happen and she might as well enjoy it, and maybe force him to enjoy it, too.
“Does your shoulder hurt?” Leslie asked when she noticed Ben staring at the bandage and sling.
“Huh? Oh, no it’s fine. Actually it hurts less than I thought it would.”
“Oh, the doctor said that might be the case.” She cleared her throat. “You know, because of the previous nerve damage and scar tissue. It might take longer to heal, but the pain would be less.”
“Lucky me.”
Leslie grimaced. “I’m sorry.”
He looked to her sharply and must have realized that his behavior was less than stellar. His face quickly turned apologetic. “I’m not- I didn’t mean it that way. I don’t regret my decision at all, and you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry for being a jerk. I’m frustrated, that’s all, but it’s no excuse for taking it out on you.”
“No, I understand, really. I just hate it when you talk down about yourself like that.”
“Sorry, force of habit. I turn very self deprecating when I’m in a mood. You’ll notice that a lot once we start living together.”
Living together. Jesus. She knew it wasn’t ‘like that’, but saying it made her shiver. She was for all intents and purposes going to be living with the man whom she had the uncontrollable urge to tackle onto a bed and makeout with until neither could breath anymore. Him having an arm out of commission certainly wasn’t ideal for the arrangement, but she could improvise.
“But anyway,” he continued, oblivious to her inner monologue, “if I get too moody, you reserve the right to call me out on my shit and snap me out of it. But sometimes I deal with my injury using humor. It became somewhat of a coping mechanism, I guess. My way of embracing it as a part of me.”
“You had me when you told me I get to keep you in line. I’ll have you wrapped around my finger yet, Major Wyatt.”
“Oh, Leslie, you’ve had me wrapped around your finger for a long time,” he murmured and then froze when he realized he had said it out loud.
She quickly tried to change the subject for his benefit. “So, if you’re not in pain, what were you staring at your shoulder for earlier?”
“Oh, I was just upset because I realized that the wound might leave a scar.”
She froze until she saw Ben wink at her, mirth shining in his eyes.
Leslie couldn’t help herself and she laughed. A full blown cackle of amusement she didn’t think herself capable of after everything that had happened. Ben laughed with her until tears were streaming down both of their faces.
She felt lighter than she had in days.
~~~~~
Leslie explored the cabin as Ben spoke with Andy and the agents currently assigned to patrol the grounds. As an added security measure, not even Trumple or Chris were told the exact location of the safe house, and they would only communicate via radio contact at specified intervals.
The cabin was surprisingly nice, and Leslie knew this had to be the work of Tammy II. It was everything that Ron Swanson despised, but perfect for what she and Ben needed. It had only one floor, the two bedrooms situated on opposite ends of the hallway with the full bathroom between them. The hallway opened up into the very spacious living room and dining room followed by the kitchen.
The kitchen had fully functioning appliances, another surprise knowing Ron, and had been stocked in preparation for their arrival. She opened the refrigerator and almost shouted in joy when she noticed an entire shelf on the door devoted to whipped cream cans.
Ben walked up behind her as she was checking out the pantry.
“I knew I shouldn’t have put you in charge of making the grocery list.”
She smirked and looked over her shoulder. “Stop your complaining, there’s plenty of options here for everyone. There are even fruits and vegetables in the crisper.”
“What are the chances that I could convince you to eat some?”
“Somewhere between slim and none.”
“Can’t say that I didn’t try to open you up to the idea of healthier eating. Just be grateful that you aren’t stuck here with Chris.”
“Don’t even joke about that,” Leslie shivered. “I’d think he was sent here to torture me using radishes.”
He reached over her and grabbed a granola bar from the pantry. “Have you had a chance to check out the rest of the cabin?”
“Yeah, actually. The rooms are nice, and one of the closets was packed with board games to help us pass the time. We can’t have any incoming cable, but they have a big screen T.V. set up in the living room with a pretty impressive movie collection.”
“Sweet. I hope they have some good ones.”
“I’m pretty sure I saw both the Star Wars and Indiana Jones trilogy box sets in there somewhere.”
“What? No way! Wait, is it the original Star Wars trilogy or the newer ones, because the new ones-”
“Don’t worry, it’s the original.”
“Nice. Which bedroom did you choose?”
“The one with the east facing window since I’m up at ridiculous hours anyway. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, totally fine,” he said with a mouthful of granola. “Just didn’t want to walk in on the wrong bedroom while you were changing or something.”
“Hmm, your loss really.” She left the kitchen without another word, Ben gaping at her retreating back.
This was going to be fun.
~~~~~
As much as she didn’t want to admit it to herself, as much as she reasoned that Ben wasn’t completely well yet, Operation: Secude Ben was in full swing. She was careful though, not wanting to come on too strong, especially given the circumstances. She still had to live with the man, after all.
But that too presented her with a multitude of possibilities.
She was actually surprised how well she and Ben got along. They hadn’t had any problems before, when he would stay hours upon hours with her at home, but that was different. They weren’t forced together like rats in a cage. They were able to take a breather from one another.
Not anymore.
They had their minor disagreements, most revolving around her dietary habits and knack for creating clutter, but they were remarkably compatible as room mates. Definitely something she took as a sign to pursue her slow seduction of Ben.
She started off small, being a little extra flirty here and there, touching him just barely more than necessary. She used movie nights as the perfect excuse to snuggle up to him under the guise of sharing a blanket, and she may have instigated one or two popcorn fights. He was even teaching her how to play chess, and she couldn’t wait until she was good enough to beat him because guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love.
Her crowning achievement came when she walked into the kitchen wrapped in nothing but a towel, passing Ben who did his best to keep his eyes trained on the television. She passed him again on her way back and winked, letting him know the bathroom was free if he needed it. He shot up from the couch, running past her mumbling something about a cold shower.
She had offered to help with his bandages a few times, but he vehemently refused.
That part made her sad, that after all they had been through together, he still felt self-conscious. They had been at the cabin for over two weeks now--two weeks filled with flirting and sexual tension, and she still hadn’t seen him in anything that wasn’t long sleeves. He occasionally wore tee shirts, but even those he paired with a hooded sweatshirt.
She didn’t expect his behavior to change overnight and she knew it wasn’t easy for him, that her reassurances every so often couldn’t change two decades worth of pain and embarrassment. She was just going to have to try harder to show him that she wanted him.
That she wanted all of him.
~~~~~
It was the middle of the night during their third week in the house when it happened. She had gone to the kitchen for a glass of water and on her way back, she heard whimpering coming from Ben’s room. She paused, her ear to the door trying to listen.
His whimpers grew louder and she could hear him thrashing around in his bed, crying out in his sleep.
The two had guidelines set in place to preserve privacy, but that didn’t stop her from throwing open the door and going to him.
She ran her hand over his face and tried to soothe him without waking him up, but he fought her off. She settled for grabbing him and trying to shake him from his tormented sleep, forcefully calling his name.
He sat up and his eyes finally flew open, filled with more fear and panic than she had ever seen in her life. He focused on her and in an instant, pulled her into a tight hug and buried his face in her neck as he trembled.
“Shhh, it’s okay,” she soothed as she ran her hands up and down his back, his breath warm as he panted against her skin. She peppered soft kisses into his hair as he clung to her, waiting until his breathing returned to normal and he stopped shaking.
He pulled away and took another ragged breath. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t wake me. I was getting a glass of water when I passed by and heard you. I didn’t want to invade your privacy, but you sounded like you were in pain, and I got scared.”
“No, it’s fine. Thank you.” He refused to meet her eyes.
“Was it a flashback?” He didn’t answer at first and Leslie mentally chastised herself. “I’m sorry, that’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have asked. I’m just glad you’re okay.”
He stared at her hand, eventually running his fingers over hers. “You have every right to ask. Talking about it is supposed to help, I guess.”
She caught his hand in hers and squeezed. “You can tell me anything. You know that.”
He nodded and continued to stare at their joined hands. “Yeah, it was a nightmare. Not quite a flashback, but something like that. I hate them, you know. I wake up and think it’s all real, that it’s happening all over again. That’s why I was so relieved to see you when I woke up.”
“What do you mean? Because I wasn’t at ICE Town, so you know it’s not real?”
“No,” he shook his head slowly. “My dream wasn’t about ICE Town, it was about the shooting.” He looked up and pierced her with his gaze. His chocolate eyes were barely distinguishable in the dark, but she could still see the pain radiating from them. “I dreamt that he killed you. I couldn’t get to you in time and he shot you. Oh God, Leslie, I couldn’t save you and you died in my arms. It was so real.”
She didn’t know what to say so she just pulled him in for another hug. She wanted to let him know that she was real and safe--because of him. She wasn’t going to think about the guilt, think about how she was partially responsible for what he was going through, how much she wanted to take his pain away forever.
No, she wasn’t going to think about any of that. She was just going to hold him.
~~~~~
When Leslie woke up the next morning, she knew something was different. Not wrong, just different. These weren’t the sheets she had been sleeping under the last several weeks. This wasn’t the same bed or room either, and she definitely didn’t have a Ben-shaped body pillow that gave off heat.
Then she remembered the previous night. She remembered waking Ben from his nightmare, holding him as he trembled, crawling into Bed with him so that they could both move to a more comfortable position. She remembered his quiet, half-conscious plea that she stay with him until he fell asleep, so that he could know for sure that she was alive.
She didn’t remember falling asleep.
She did her best to leave the bed without waking Ben, a hard task considering his arm was thrown over her waist, pulling her to him even in his sleep. She was finally able to pull herself free, although a small groan of protest left her companion’s lips before he turned over and snuggled into a pillow, still mindful of his injured arm.
He had that relaxed look again, the one she hadn’t seen since he was unconscious in the hospital, the one she’d give anything to see while he was awake.
She sighed and slowly tip-toed out of the room, going to the kitchen to make coffee. She wasn't entirely sure why she left. It was what she wanted, wasn't it? To fall asleep next to him, preferably after much more enjoyable activities, but she would take what she could get.
So why was she sitting here alone at the kitchen table instead of warm in Ben's bed?
Because she knew that if he woke up and found her there, remembered what had happened last night, he'd be mortified. He'd been embarrassed enough revealing his weakness to her, let alone the guilt he'd have over making her give up a night's sleep in her own bed because of him. It would be ridiculous on his part, really. Last night was the best night’s sleep she’d had in ages, but he wouldn’t see it that way. He’d see it as a sacrifice, an inconvenience that she had to endure for his sake.
Under normal circumstances, she'd have stubbornly refused to to move, made Ben face what was happening head on, make him see that he was being stupid and that she’d spend every night like that if he’d allow it, nightmares and all. She knew she had a tendency to be a bit of a steamroller. It had served her well in her work, but not so well in relationships.
So she wasn’t going to force this on Ben, at least not yet. She wanted to, boy did she want to, but it was too much. She wasn’t going to hold him accountable for a decision he made in a nightmare induced haze of fear and panic.
Despite everything, she felt a warmth in her heart at what happened. Not the nightmares, never the nightmares, but his willingness to confide in her, to seek comfort from her. No matter how much he might be ashamed of his actions, she would cherish it. She now knew what it was like to hold him as he cried, to sooth him with kisses on his forehead.
To wake up in his arms.
When the coffee maker went off, Leslie poured herself a cup and went onto the back porch and watched the sun rise.
Part 9