~Fun with EarthBound - Do the Twoson Twostep
Man the scariest thing happened. Me and Mom were driving to the airport to pick up Alix, and when we were on the thing that changes this one freeway to another, the car began to rumble and make this loud sound. It got louder and worse and the car began to feel strange, and Mom said it was probably a tire that blew out so we had to pull over. Our back right tire was totally shot to pieces (we were lucky we didn't hit the rim) and Mom didn't have her purse so she couldn't call Triple A or anything, but I did have my celphone, so I called Dad and told him we couldn't make it.
So since we didn't know what to do, we sat in the car with the emergency blinkers on. It's totally cold out, we're on a stretch of the freeway with no lights and no exits for like a mile in either direction that almost no one comes by on, and I have to get out of the car to get reception (I was wearing pajama bottoms by the way, which didn't offer me much protection.)
Naturally, me and Mom assumed we were both going to get raped and murdered, because this was the classic setup for it, so we shivered in the car and wondered what we should do. Then these flashing lights appeared in the mirrors. There was a tow truck type thing behind us! Me and Mom, having read/seen way too many true crime/crime shows, decided not to get out of the car just in case it did indeed turn out to be serial rapist/murderer (two women stranded alone on an isolated dark road at night, a helpful stranger decides to stop and assist...I mean, what story starts that way and DOESN'T end with the women getting murdered?). When the guy finally knocked on Mom's window we about had a heart attack.
Turns out it was a service guy who was on his way home when he saw our emergency lights and thought he could help. Me and Mom didn't have a choice really cause how could we get home, otherwise? He was a really nice guy though, and he went and fixed the tire for us for 20 bucks. We chatted a bit while he worked, about how lucky we were and how thankful we were that he stopped and stuff, and since it was so cold his hands started bleeding :< And he kept apologizing for it but we were like NO WE'RE SORRY WE MADE YOU STOP AGH :<
But anyway he put the spare on for us and went on his way, and we went home without any further trouble, although the car felt a bit funny since the spare is all small and stuff. It was pretty much the best way it could have turned out, since we didn't have to wait fer hours on that scary piece of road for Triple A!
It was totally a heart attack moment tho, especially when the car started shaking and making this horrible weird noise when the tire went out. I'm glad I kept control of it, but I was kind of freaking out because I expected the car to go skidding out of my control any minute and me and Mom to die as a result. Thankfully this did not happen but man that tire is torn to shreds now.
But that guy totally didn't need to stop and help us if he didn't want to, and he could've refused if we didn't have enough money or because it was too cold or because his hands were bleeding, or he could have raped and killed us, but he didn't. He just helped us out cause he could, really (although 20 bucks is pretty nice). It just kind of reaffirms my lingering faith in humanity a bit.
In other less stressful news, it apparently snowed in LA wtf. wtf kind of messed up weather is this. I'm beginning to become concerned.
Anyway, let's move on to lighter things! It's time to leave this one horse town!
Previous Editions
y halo thar
Glad to see we've got over the whole aggravated assault thing fellas
Down the path there was a house, and INSIDE
GET A JOB
I don't think I've ever used an Exit Mouse except like...once in an emergency, but they can be useful.
GONE, GONE FOREVER
No, I love your brother more
Dum de dum
And we're there! Boy Meets Girl (Twoson) is just kind of happy, cute music. It's not as upbeat as Onett, but it's still pretty happy. :D
The Mother 1+2 CD take on it! I'm really enjoying these.
DJP did a very nice, kind of mellow take on it. Pretty stuff.
MUSHROOM ATTACK!
Hee hee. Ramblin Evil Mushroom. No set direction, just evils wherever its little feet take it.
I kinda missed it here, but the Ramblin Evil Mushroom spread some spores around, and thus!
There it is! That's what can make you "feel strange". What exactly does that mean? We'll see in but a moment!
Not bad!
AAAAAAAAAA
D:
This is actually really useful against certain bosses. I have the little Earthbound strategy guide, and next to some of the bosses are little notes in pencil in me or Alix's writing that say "Paralysis" or "Flash" as things that work against them. Still useful to this day! You just gotta make sure it'll actually WORK and if you don't know, that you can waste a turn making sure.
Did any of you guys ever play a game called Ogre Battle? It was for the...SNES first, then they did another one for the N64 I think. ANYWAY the one I'm thinking of is the SNES version. Alix totally loved that game to death, but he began to do this one thing...I think it was called the King's Path in the game, where he basically avoided all the lesser enemies and went straight for the bosses. This actually worked for a while, but I think eventually it caught up with him somehow.
On that note, there was an old Dreamcast game I had called Evolution or something like that that had randomely generated dungeons and enemies and such, and after a while I began skipping around enemies that annoyed me just to beat the dungeon. Later on, it turns out you only get a certain amount of dungeons to go through if you trigger the rest of the story (I did not know this) and therefore, I triggered the end of the game with very little chance to level myself up safely. I ended up fighting one of the end guys and totally not being able to do it because I skipped all the potential experience back in one of the older dungeons. I never did beat that game, although I bet I could beat it now. BUT it's one of those things that's long served as a reminder or general rule for me, and that's if there's an enemy in front of you, and you're in a statbuilding game, KILL IT. You'll ALWAYS need the experience, especially in Earthbound, a game fairly sadistic about leveling. And I think FF6 to a degree also did that. FF8 actually punished you for that which I did not know until it was too late to fic that so a hearty SCREW YOU to FF8 for that (but I still love you, FF8).
Woo, tangent. Woah, what was I talking about?
Here I decided to head back to the hospital to get rid of the mushroom on the head, which can be pretty annoying (and at times, lethal as we'll sadly see later).
When you're on the main screen, what the mushroom does is randomly reverse or spin your controls. This isn't just your standard up is down left is right thing, it RANDOMELY changes. It also changes to up is left or right, right is up or down kind of nonsense, and it'll change WHILE YOU'RE WALKING to any mixture of directions and also your normal controls. This can be annoying, even though I'm fairly used to backwards controls. As you can see here, I've managed to navigate myself into a tree.
I'LL TAKE YOU UP ON THAT GOOD SIR
Ah, the sweet smell of control over my character again.
#$^@$^@$&@$ I WALKED ALL THAT WAY FOR NOTHING
Sure, why not!
sorry i got a bit overexcited there
That sounds like a fun place!
THANK YOU
And there you have it.
gah
Thanks for that lady
IT'S MR. T!
Surely not, Mr. T!
I was literally like...a screen away from the hospital. It's a little up and to the right. Frigging A.
Here's the other thing about mushrooms. Sometimes they make you "feel funky" and you can end up attacking your teammates or even yourself.
I got frustrated at this cop and company in my way and busted out some PSI Rockin to get it over with.
I'm sure you already know the end of this story, but let's take a look at it anyway.
I didn't take too many good screenshots of this because I was too in shock to believe that it happened when I was this close and frick FRICK
I got no time for burgers!
gajsifhag
Back on track. Ramblin Evil Mushrooms don't become tame, you see. :O
FRIGGING BACKWARDS WALKING MUSHROOM HEADERY AJGFSHAGIAHGS
HA way to waste your move
Well at least I'm getting something out of this.
eh, not bad I guess
Frigging MADE IT TO THE HOSPITAL THIS TIME
I will have to remember this (fun fact: I actually didn't later on. Go me!)
"It got caught in a bear trap."
And that's all he says. Then he returns to staring out the window. Plotting revenge? Or nursing a broken heart? I leave the decision up to you.
Hint: Meet inventors
I BETTER GO CONFIRM IT THEN
That guy in the convertible is totally rockin out
A daytrip, I assume. Hopefully.
WE'RE WATCHING YOU
I DO ENJOY THE ODD SPORT NOW AND THEN, THANK YOU
The Runaway Five! Or at least, two of them.
But there's only two of you :O
THIS SOUNDS LIKE A PROBLEM ONLY I CAN SOLVE
This is actually kind of important. I totally forgot about it later though.
Fun fact: this is where I learned the word queue I believe.
Hmmm i'm not sure what i need for this yet hmm
Hehehehe poochyfud.
THAT'S A CHALLENGE
What's that strange fanfare
HELLO THERE CAMERAMAN
Ness just takes this all in stride.
Badumching
I like how this guys sentences just seem vaguely disjointed.
Wooooo
More on teddy bears as we get to them.
This basically leaves you with a fairly small window for bike riding, as you can imagine. BUT ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN.
WHEEEE
WHEEEEEEEEEEEE
The bike music is ridiculously happy. So very happy. You can also press R if you're playing on an SNES to ring your bell. That's the button's only function. Hee hee. Bicycle Ride!
There's also Bicycle's Theme (Kuru kuru pedal) from the Mother 1+2 CD
And finally Joe Cam Stole My Bike from the Bound Together project, a fairly silly yet awesome guitar-driven version of it. :D
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE look how happy Ness is. Hee hee.
Okay enough of that.
Burglin? HMM.
SCREW THE LAW OF MATTER CONSERVATION
Hahahaha incredibly hot, hahaha
Is that a cat what is that
Hehehehe
Didn't do a good job of protecting her from cultists though.
YOU'RE A MONKEY, DEREK
I hope
He walked upstairs, then ran REALLY fast downstairs. It's hard to convey that with screenshots though. :O
Teddy bears are kind of like shields. If you have one, most of the time enemy attacks will hit the teddy bear instead of you. This includes PSI attacks! This can be VERY useful earlier on in the game, but eventually enemies do too much damage to the bears and they disintegrate too fast for them to be really useful. Still, very good to have around this point in the game.
THAT WOMEN LOOKS KIND OF EVIL
Uh oh
Well there ya go.
OKAY RANDOM GUY
Everdred, truly a force to be reckoned with.
WUSS
A CHUBBY BOY?
WHO COULD THAT BE?
You know, she could be dead...or not. I'm not sure really. Probably not a big deal though.
Kay
SURE BUDDY
I'm sorry but just something about those three screenshots is making me laugh so hard now. I don't even know why. What's wrong with me.
This ain't stuff for meeeee
WHERE WILL I FIND ONE OF THOSE
Actually this is useful. I'll come back for this.
Ominous!
Uh nothing thanks
STOP PUSHING YOUR EGGS ON ME EGGPUSHER
If only I had bought an egg in high school! I would have been the belle of the school ball!
NOT IF I GET IT FIRST
Thankfully my little strategy guide has a convenient chart for this! This is also a way to get your stats megahigh by exploiting a cheat but we won't be doing that.
Eh, not right now.
Ah, comforting news.
YOU PLAY WITH MY EMOTIONS
Huh I didn't know you could return things
Again, we'll see the true effects of this later.
ON A QUEST TO SAVE THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING!
he's no jive turkey
Burger stores all act the same. Heh.
So that's why you run fast!
Ghosts.
YOU'LL SEE
PLEBE
QUITE A SELECTION
Snerk
Slingshots are more powerful, but less accurate. At least, in my experience.
Hey, there's Paula's dad!
Yeah GONNA GET PIZZA NOW
Can be useful!
HMM
Whenever I get a fever I definitely become Catholic, so yeah
Fun fact: Apparently Peaceful Rest Valley was called Grateful Dead Valley in Japanese. Heh.
Hoo boy are there
You are correct sir!
OLD LADY LESBIAN :O
Ness isn't that fat! >O
Well I guess not every animal is telepathic.
WILL I EVER FIND SUCH A FRIEND?
no not peanuts
Oh Apple Kid. Here's his music!
I ended up giving him a hamburger, because I forget to get something cheaper like a cookie. Oh well.
I AM PREPARED, YOU SEE.
And actually he doesn't. He's very useful. :O
Ate a burger for some free space.
You don't have to finance both. I just like doing it.
At this point I decided that it's time to call the Escargo Express
I remember Alix telling me about this and I about died laughing because he was so weirded out by it. IT'S SO RANDOM. I ended up doing a doofy little comic about it.
ANYWAY
THANKS FOR NOTHING
Totally gone from my inventory
Hey that guy is wearing a heart shirt
You know the saddest thing was that I was so involved at staring at this guy's shirt that I honestly did not notice the mushroom on his head until he mentioned it.
Hahaha
Whatever tips yer canoe buddy
NOTHING
That'll teach you ramblin buggers. Instakill!
Useful if you're someplace far from a store and need an inventory slot.
And with egg in hand, let's proceed to Peaceful Rest Valley!
Frick I so need to go to sleep now
So since we didn't know what to do, we sat in the car with the emergency blinkers on. It's totally cold out, we're on a stretch of the freeway with no lights and no exits for like a mile in either direction that almost no one comes by on, and I have to get out of the car to get reception (I was wearing pajama bottoms by the way, which didn't offer me much protection.)
Naturally, me and Mom assumed we were both going to get raped and murdered, because this was the classic setup for it, so we shivered in the car and wondered what we should do. Then these flashing lights appeared in the mirrors. There was a tow truck type thing behind us! Me and Mom, having read/seen way too many true crime/crime shows, decided not to get out of the car just in case it did indeed turn out to be serial rapist/murderer (two women stranded alone on an isolated dark road at night, a helpful stranger decides to stop and assist...I mean, what story starts that way and DOESN'T end with the women getting murdered?). When the guy finally knocked on Mom's window we about had a heart attack.
Turns out it was a service guy who was on his way home when he saw our emergency lights and thought he could help. Me and Mom didn't have a choice really cause how could we get home, otherwise? He was a really nice guy though, and he went and fixed the tire for us for 20 bucks. We chatted a bit while he worked, about how lucky we were and how thankful we were that he stopped and stuff, and since it was so cold his hands started bleeding :< And he kept apologizing for it but we were like NO WE'RE SORRY WE MADE YOU STOP AGH :<
But anyway he put the spare on for us and went on his way, and we went home without any further trouble, although the car felt a bit funny since the spare is all small and stuff. It was pretty much the best way it could have turned out, since we didn't have to wait fer hours on that scary piece of road for Triple A!
It was totally a heart attack moment tho, especially when the car started shaking and making this horrible weird noise when the tire went out. I'm glad I kept control of it, but I was kind of freaking out because I expected the car to go skidding out of my control any minute and me and Mom to die as a result. Thankfully this did not happen but man that tire is torn to shreds now.
But that guy totally didn't need to stop and help us if he didn't want to, and he could've refused if we didn't have enough money or because it was too cold or because his hands were bleeding, or he could have raped and killed us, but he didn't. He just helped us out cause he could, really (although 20 bucks is pretty nice). It just kind of reaffirms my lingering faith in humanity a bit.
In other less stressful news, it apparently snowed in LA wtf. wtf kind of messed up weather is this. I'm beginning to become concerned.
Anyway, let's move on to lighter things! It's time to leave this one horse town!
Previous Editions
y halo thar
Glad to see we've got over the whole aggravated assault thing fellas
Down the path there was a house, and INSIDE
GET A JOB
I don't think I've ever used an Exit Mouse except like...once in an emergency, but they can be useful.
GONE, GONE FOREVER
No, I love your brother more
Dum de dum
And we're there! Boy Meets Girl (Twoson) is just kind of happy, cute music. It's not as upbeat as Onett, but it's still pretty happy. :D
The Mother 1+2 CD take on it! I'm really enjoying these.
DJP did a very nice, kind of mellow take on it. Pretty stuff.
MUSHROOM ATTACK!
Hee hee. Ramblin Evil Mushroom. No set direction, just evils wherever its little feet take it.
I kinda missed it here, but the Ramblin Evil Mushroom spread some spores around, and thus!
There it is! That's what can make you "feel strange". What exactly does that mean? We'll see in but a moment!
Not bad!
AAAAAAAAAA
D:
This is actually really useful against certain bosses. I have the little Earthbound strategy guide, and next to some of the bosses are little notes in pencil in me or Alix's writing that say "Paralysis" or "Flash" as things that work against them. Still useful to this day! You just gotta make sure it'll actually WORK and if you don't know, that you can waste a turn making sure.
Did any of you guys ever play a game called Ogre Battle? It was for the...SNES first, then they did another one for the N64 I think. ANYWAY the one I'm thinking of is the SNES version. Alix totally loved that game to death, but he began to do this one thing...I think it was called the King's Path in the game, where he basically avoided all the lesser enemies and went straight for the bosses. This actually worked for a while, but I think eventually it caught up with him somehow.
On that note, there was an old Dreamcast game I had called Evolution or something like that that had randomely generated dungeons and enemies and such, and after a while I began skipping around enemies that annoyed me just to beat the dungeon. Later on, it turns out you only get a certain amount of dungeons to go through if you trigger the rest of the story (I did not know this) and therefore, I triggered the end of the game with very little chance to level myself up safely. I ended up fighting one of the end guys and totally not being able to do it because I skipped all the potential experience back in one of the older dungeons. I never did beat that game, although I bet I could beat it now. BUT it's one of those things that's long served as a reminder or general rule for me, and that's if there's an enemy in front of you, and you're in a statbuilding game, KILL IT. You'll ALWAYS need the experience, especially in Earthbound, a game fairly sadistic about leveling. And I think FF6 to a degree also did that. FF8 actually punished you for that which I did not know until it was too late to fic that so a hearty SCREW YOU to FF8 for that (but I still love you, FF8).
Woo, tangent. Woah, what was I talking about?
Here I decided to head back to the hospital to get rid of the mushroom on the head, which can be pretty annoying (and at times, lethal as we'll sadly see later).
When you're on the main screen, what the mushroom does is randomly reverse or spin your controls. This isn't just your standard up is down left is right thing, it RANDOMELY changes. It also changes to up is left or right, right is up or down kind of nonsense, and it'll change WHILE YOU'RE WALKING to any mixture of directions and also your normal controls. This can be annoying, even though I'm fairly used to backwards controls. As you can see here, I've managed to navigate myself into a tree.
I'LL TAKE YOU UP ON THAT GOOD SIR
Ah, the sweet smell of control over my character again.
#$^@$^@$&@$ I WALKED ALL THAT WAY FOR NOTHING
Sure, why not!
sorry i got a bit overexcited there
That sounds like a fun place!
THANK YOU
And there you have it.
gah
Thanks for that lady
IT'S MR. T!
Surely not, Mr. T!
I was literally like...a screen away from the hospital. It's a little up and to the right. Frigging A.
Here's the other thing about mushrooms. Sometimes they make you "feel funky" and you can end up attacking your teammates or even yourself.
I got frustrated at this cop and company in my way and busted out some PSI Rockin to get it over with.
I'm sure you already know the end of this story, but let's take a look at it anyway.
I didn't take too many good screenshots of this because I was too in shock to believe that it happened when I was this close and frick FRICK
I got no time for burgers!
gajsifhag
Back on track. Ramblin Evil Mushrooms don't become tame, you see. :O
FRIGGING BACKWARDS WALKING MUSHROOM HEADERY AJGFSHAGIAHGS
HA way to waste your move
Well at least I'm getting something out of this.
eh, not bad I guess
Frigging MADE IT TO THE HOSPITAL THIS TIME
I will have to remember this (fun fact: I actually didn't later on. Go me!)
"It got caught in a bear trap."
And that's all he says. Then he returns to staring out the window. Plotting revenge? Or nursing a broken heart? I leave the decision up to you.
Hint: Meet inventors
I BETTER GO CONFIRM IT THEN
That guy in the convertible is totally rockin out
A daytrip, I assume. Hopefully.
WE'RE WATCHING YOU
I DO ENJOY THE ODD SPORT NOW AND THEN, THANK YOU
The Runaway Five! Or at least, two of them.
But there's only two of you :O
THIS SOUNDS LIKE A PROBLEM ONLY I CAN SOLVE
This is actually kind of important. I totally forgot about it later though.
Fun fact: this is where I learned the word queue I believe.
Hmmm i'm not sure what i need for this yet hmm
Hehehehe poochyfud.
THAT'S A CHALLENGE
What's that strange fanfare
HELLO THERE CAMERAMAN
Ness just takes this all in stride.
Badumching
I like how this guys sentences just seem vaguely disjointed.
Wooooo
More on teddy bears as we get to them.
This basically leaves you with a fairly small window for bike riding, as you can imagine. BUT ENJOY IT WHILE YOU CAN.
WHEEEE
WHEEEEEEEEEEEE
The bike music is ridiculously happy. So very happy. You can also press R if you're playing on an SNES to ring your bell. That's the button's only function. Hee hee. Bicycle Ride!
There's also Bicycle's Theme (Kuru kuru pedal) from the Mother 1+2 CD
And finally Joe Cam Stole My Bike from the Bound Together project, a fairly silly yet awesome guitar-driven version of it. :D
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE look how happy Ness is. Hee hee.
Okay enough of that.
Burglin? HMM.
SCREW THE LAW OF MATTER CONSERVATION
Hahahaha incredibly hot, hahaha
Is that a cat what is that
Hehehehe
Didn't do a good job of protecting her from cultists though.
YOU'RE A MONKEY, DEREK
I hope
He walked upstairs, then ran REALLY fast downstairs. It's hard to convey that with screenshots though. :O
Teddy bears are kind of like shields. If you have one, most of the time enemy attacks will hit the teddy bear instead of you. This includes PSI attacks! This can be VERY useful earlier on in the game, but eventually enemies do too much damage to the bears and they disintegrate too fast for them to be really useful. Still, very good to have around this point in the game.
THAT WOMEN LOOKS KIND OF EVIL
Uh oh
Well there ya go.
OKAY RANDOM GUY
Everdred, truly a force to be reckoned with.
WUSS
A CHUBBY BOY?
WHO COULD THAT BE?
You know, she could be dead...or not. I'm not sure really. Probably not a big deal though.
Kay
SURE BUDDY
I'm sorry but just something about those three screenshots is making me laugh so hard now. I don't even know why. What's wrong with me.
This ain't stuff for meeeee
WHERE WILL I FIND ONE OF THOSE
Actually this is useful. I'll come back for this.
Ominous!
Uh nothing thanks
STOP PUSHING YOUR EGGS ON ME EGGPUSHER
If only I had bought an egg in high school! I would have been the belle of the school ball!
NOT IF I GET IT FIRST
Thankfully my little strategy guide has a convenient chart for this! This is also a way to get your stats megahigh by exploiting a cheat but we won't be doing that.
Eh, not right now.
Ah, comforting news.
YOU PLAY WITH MY EMOTIONS
Huh I didn't know you could return things
Again, we'll see the true effects of this later.
ON A QUEST TO SAVE THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING!
he's no jive turkey
Burger stores all act the same. Heh.
So that's why you run fast!
Ghosts.
YOU'LL SEE
PLEBE
QUITE A SELECTION
Snerk
Slingshots are more powerful, but less accurate. At least, in my experience.
Hey, there's Paula's dad!
Yeah GONNA GET PIZZA NOW
Can be useful!
HMM
Whenever I get a fever I definitely become Catholic, so yeah
Fun fact: Apparently Peaceful Rest Valley was called Grateful Dead Valley in Japanese. Heh.
Hoo boy are there
You are correct sir!
OLD LADY LESBIAN :O
Ness isn't that fat! >O
Well I guess not every animal is telepathic.
WILL I EVER FIND SUCH A FRIEND?
no not peanuts
Oh Apple Kid. Here's his music!
I ended up giving him a hamburger, because I forget to get something cheaper like a cookie. Oh well.
I AM PREPARED, YOU SEE.
And actually he doesn't. He's very useful. :O
Ate a burger for some free space.
You don't have to finance both. I just like doing it.
At this point I decided that it's time to call the Escargo Express
I remember Alix telling me about this and I about died laughing because he was so weirded out by it. IT'S SO RANDOM. I ended up doing a doofy little comic about it.
ANYWAY
THANKS FOR NOTHING
Totally gone from my inventory
Hey that guy is wearing a heart shirt
You know the saddest thing was that I was so involved at staring at this guy's shirt that I honestly did not notice the mushroom on his head until he mentioned it.
Hahaha
Whatever tips yer canoe buddy
NOTHING
That'll teach you ramblin buggers. Instakill!
Useful if you're someplace far from a store and need an inventory slot.
And with egg in hand, let's proceed to Peaceful Rest Valley!
Frick I so need to go to sleep now