Fifty cents for your soul - Chapter Nine

Jul 23, 2013 19:28



Chapter Nine


Jensen surfaced slowly, a ribbon of warmth across his cheek where the light had cut through his bent venetian blinds and striped his bed with sunshine.

He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling. For some reason, the morning seemed welcoming. For some reason, he didn’t feel like rolling over, pulling his blankets over his head and going straight back to sleep. For some reason, his belly and chest were filled with a strange sort of lightness.

It took Jensen a long moment to realize that what he was feeling was pure, unadulterated joy.  For the first time in a long while, Jensen was actually keen to get up and face the day. Because…he frowned.

Because…

…He wanted to see Jared.

Just thinking his name made Jensen’s stomach flip-flop with delight and he groaned and folded an arm over his face. Chris was right; he was a stupid, sappy sonuvabitch. Falling for a guy like Jared was just plain dumb and Jensen would pay for it in spades, he was sure of it.

Didn’t stop him getting up and ready and heading down to the drop-in center with a spring in his step; although he pulled up sharply and had a stern word with himself when he caught himself humming Metallica.  It was probably too little, too late, though. The horse had already bolted; the ship had already sailed. Jensen Ackles was willingly out of bed (and practically skipping) before midday; it was a sure sign of the apocalypse. That or he was developing feelings for a guy, which was more or less the same thing.

Jensen didn’t immediately see Jared when he walked through the drop-in center’s front door, but he did spy Jeff flitting amongst the lunch tables, chatting to people and clapping them on the shoulder like some type of Maître de in a fancy restaurant; Jensen had been to one or two in his time, usually with Seb, and the cutlery wasn’t anything like as hard to figure out as Julia Roberts had made it out to be. And no-one had tried to make him eat snails either; just as well because he would definitely have rammed them, shells and all, down the throat of anyone who’d tried.

A frantically waving arm caught his attention and he grinned. Jared was serving lunch and had managed to slop bolognaise sauce down his front in his eagerness to attract Jensen’s attention. He shook his head in Jared’s direction and then laughed when Jared lifted his shirt to his lips and licked the sauce off.

“Jensen!” Jeff skated to a stop at Jensen’s elbow, looking relieved. “Thank goodness. I could really do with a hand, buddy.”

Jeff was straight as an arrow and he didn’t dabble in trade like some of the so-called do-gooders did; that much Jensen knew. But still. If ‘I could do with a hand’ wasn’t code for ‘I need your hand down my pants in the men’s room’ or something along those lines, then Jensen was a little stumped. What could Jeff possibly need his help with?

“What with?” Jensen knew he sounded surly and that the fake smile he’d plastered onto his face didn’t reach his eyes, but it was the best he could manage until he knew where he stood.

“Do you remember Flick? From Wednesday?”

Jensen shook his head.

“You served her,” Jeff persisted. “She wasn’t doing so good. Remember? I think you and I both thought that she’d be lucky to keep her lunch down.”

Jensen remembered.  Red hair and shaking hands.

“What about her?” he asked.

“She passed out over her lunch just now. I was gonna call an ambulance, but she came ‘round and ran out on me. I really don’t think she’s a well girl.”

“Prob’ly not. She is a crack whore.”  Jensen didn’t quite see what this had to do with him.

“She can’t have got far,” Jeff added.

Jensen nodded. Jeff was probably right about that.

Why was Jeff looking at him expectantly? Was he supposed to say something here? He rubbed at the back of his neck. “Well…she’s not unconscious and drowning in her own vomit on the sidewalk out front. So you don’t have to worry about bad publicity for the drop-in center or whatever.”

Jeff stared at him. “I’m worried about her, Jensen.”

“Okay,” Jensen nodded. “Well, touching though this sharing and caring and talking about your feelings has been, is there anything I can do to help today or should I just go make faces at Jared while he’s working?”

Jeff lifted his eyes heavenward and rubbed at his forehead. “I was hoping you might go and see if you could find Flick,” Jeff held a card out to him. “A friend of mine runs this shelter. I’m pretty sure Flick’s sleeping rough at the moment and that’s no good for her if she’s sick. Jim’ll take her if she tells him I sent her.”

Jensen licked at his lips. “She doesn’t have a cold or something, Jeff, she’s a crack addict. Shelters don’t allow drugs; she’s not gonna go to one,” he sighed and took the card. “But I’ll go look for her if it’ll make you feel better.”

He found her half a block away, sitting cross-legged against a cracked brick wall, rocking back and forth, her arms wrapped tightly around her middle. Jensen went and sat next to her. She didn’t even look at him, just muttered, “Fifteen for a BJ, twenty uncovered.”

Jensen laughed. “You ain’t got enough dick for me, Sweetheart. And even if you did, I’d be selling not buying. Not that you could afford me.”

She looked at him then, a nervous frown on her face. “I’m not holding,” she said.

“And I’m not lookin’ to score. Jeff sent me. Wanted me to give you this,” he handed her the card.

She looked at it and snorted. “A shelter? Yeah. Right.”

Jensen sighed. “You got somewhere to stay tonight?” He was probably going to regret this. What was that saying? No good deed goes unpunished.

She nodded. “I’ve got a tarp under the overpass.”

“You know the warehouse over on West Sunset?”

“The squat?”

“Ask for Gino. Tell him Dean sent you.”

Flick snorted again. “No thanks. But maybe I’ll give it a try next time I wanna get all my shit stolen.”

Jensen shrugged. “Your call. But I know Gino. He’s a good guy; been running that place for years,” he hesitated, his tongue darting out to lick at his lips. “I crashed there for a while, four, five years back. You’ll be safe.”

Flick looked him up and down. “Seriously? You’ve been out here that long?”

Jensen nodded.

“Wow. I’ve been out here hustling and begging for,” she frowned, “about eight months. And look at me. I’ll prob’ly be dead in a year. But…look at you. You’re…wow. I mean, not enough tits for me personally, but still. Wow. What’s the secret?”

“The secret? Don’t do crack. Or anything else that’s addictive.”

Flick rolled her eyes and, yeah, Jensen recognized that look; he’d worn it on his own face often enough back when he was still using.

“I get it,” he said. “You smoke crack so you can do the job and you do the job so that you can afford the crack. You’re caught in a loop. But the only way out is to do something different. So. Get off the crack. You’ll hook better quality clients, they’ll pay better, and you won’t be spending it all on crack so you’ll be able to live healthier. Maybe even get some money put aside. Once you’ve got some savings, you’ll be able to afford to get out of the life.” Flick was staring down at the sidewalk, her long hair obscuring her face. “But, hey,” Jensen said “It’s your life. I ain’t gonna tell you how to live it. You asked my advice. That’s it.”

He stood up, brushed off his pants, and made his way back to the drop-in center.

Jeff was still moving among the diners, stopping to chat amicably with people as he made his way slowly around the room. He straightened when Jensen entered and excused himself to the woman he was talking to, before hurrying over.

“She’s alright,” Jensen said.

“Did you give her the card?”

“Yeah. She won’t go, though. She needs a fix too bad.”

Jeff’s shoulder’s drooped and he looked so sad that Jensen took pity on him.

“I told her to go to Gino’s. You know? The warehouse over on West Sunset?”

Jeff frowned, his lips thinning, and Jensen held his hand up, before the older man could voice his disapproval. “She’ll get four walls, a roof and a mattress there, which is better than what she’s got now. Also? Gino’s a good guy. It ain’t perfect, but if things were perfect, she wouldn’t be out here in the first place,” he waited a beat and when Jeff didn’t contradict him, he said. “Anything else I can help with?”

Jeff put Jensen to work collecting dirty plates and helping Chad to stack the dishwasher, wash the pots and pans, and take fresh plates and cutlery out to the servers when they needed it.

Chad was wickedly gleeful to find himself working alongside Jensen. “I hear you and the Padre are going out on a date,” he said.

“What of it?”

Chad cackled. “It’s like this porno I saw once where this priest was sticking it to this hooker,” he frowned. “The hooker was a chick, but still.”

“Chad!” Jared was standing in the kitchen with his hands on his hips and his expression severe. “Are you confusing reality with porn again?”

Chad shrugged and went back to washing pots. Jared relaxed his stance and grinned at Jensen. “I just came to tell you guys we need some more plates out there.”

“On it,” Jensen said. The dishwasher hadn’t finished its cycle, but there were a dozen washed plates in the dish rack and Jensen grabbed a tea-towel and began drying them off. He gave a handful to Jared to take out straight away and when the rest were dry he carried them out to the servers himself, taking the opportunity to pinch Jared on the ass. Jared squealed and jumped and Jensen tried to snigger and look innocent at the same time. He caught Jeff looking at them fondly and that just made him uncomfortable, so he slunk back into the kitchen and started drying cutlery.

Jensen was head down, ass up in a cupboard, putting away pots, when he heard a familiar voice call Chad’s name.

“Hey, Tom,” Chad replied.

Well this was awkward. Jensen was tempted to see if he could keep his head in the cupboard until Tom went away, but that would probably look stupid, and besides, he’d promised himself a long time ago that he was never going to be ashamed about any of the things he’d had to do to survive. So.

Jensen stood and turned and found himself staring up at full lips and big blue eyes which widened at the sight of him.

“Jensen! What are you…are you volunteering here?”

“Yeah,” Jensen stepped forward and offered his hand. “Good to see you again, Tom.”

Tom shook his hand and beamed. “And in much better circumstances too. You look great. Are you keeping out of mischief?”

The corners of Jensen’s mouth twisted in something that wasn’t quite a smile. “Ah, you know me, Tom. Mischief pays the bills.”

Tom’s smile dimmed a little. “What about the five year plan?”

“Stretched out to seven years. But it’s on track.  I could probably go now, but I wanna have plenty behind me when I do. I’m good, Tom, honestly.”

Tom nodded. “And Chris?”

“Yeah, he’s good too.”

“He and Steve still got the band?”

Jensen shrugged. “Off and on. They’re trying to get back into it at the moment. They’re playing a couple sets at The Hole in the Wall on Tuesday night. Why don’t you come and see for yourself. You still with that actor?”

“Mike, yeah.”

Chad made a small noise, attracting Tom’s attention.

“What about you, Mayhem?” Tom said with a smile. “You keeping outta mischief?”

Chad nodded. “How is Mike?”

“Good. He landed a small part in a pilot, but it didn’t get picked up. What about you? You working?”

Chad said that he’d had a few auditions, nothing too exciting. Jensen hadn’t realized that Chad was an actor, but then this was Hollywood; it wasn’t really a surprise.  He busied himself unloading the dishwasher and let Chad and Tom’s conversation flow over his head. He heard enough to gather that Chad and Mike had been friends until some kind of big bust up; Chad was currently on probation; and Tom was his PO, just as he’d been Jensen’s several years ago.

Chad was unusually subdued after Tom left and Jensen worked alongside him in silence until Jeff came and asked him to come and help clear out the last of the stragglers and collect their plates for washing. When he went back into the kitchen, Jared and Chad were talking quietly together and Jensen thought it was kind of bizarre how they seemed to have forged a friendship that worked, despite being so very different. Then again, he himself was sort of dating Jared-and he and Jared couldn’t be more different.

Jensen cleared his throat. “What are you doing this afternoon?” he asked Jared.

“Resting. I’m working with Chad over at the Greater West Hollywood Food Coalition from six ‘til eight and then I’m in the coffee van with Rob from nine ‘til one. So I’m planning a quiet afternoon.”

“You wanna come over to my place and watch a couple movies?”

Chad waggled his eyebrows. “Is that secret hooker code for getting down and dirty?”

Jared smacked the back of his head, and then agreed to go and watch movies at Jensen’s place.

Later, the two of them were stretched out on Jensen’s bed watching The Terminator, with plans to also watch Terminator 2, neither of which Jared had seen before.

Jared was delighted by Jensen’s king-sized bed. The bed in Jeff and Sam’s spare room was a standard single and Jared had to sleep hunched up or his feet stuck off the end.

“And my back’s really not too happy about that,” he grouched to Jensen.

Jensen shoved at his hip. “Roll onto your stomach. I’ll give you a massage.”

Jared chewed at his bottom lip uncertainly and Jensen rolled his eyes. “No, that’s not hooker code for ‘I’ll fuck you through the mattress.’ I’m planning on studying physical therapy, remember? Massage is a part of that.”

Jared flopped onto his stomach and Jensen tried really hard-and mostly unsuccessfully-to keep his thoughts rated PG-13.

Jensen had magic fingers, if he did say so himself, and Jared was soon drooling into the mattress. It was actually really unattractive and made Jensen laugh.

In between T1 and T2 Jensen went out to the kitchen and got snacks; a bag of Gummi Bears, a tube of Pringles, and a can of Pepsi each. The way Jared’s eyes lit up at the sight of the Gummi Bears was kind of adorable. He grabbed at the bag and mashed a handful of candy into his mouth, a look of rapture on his face. By the time he’d drunk his Pepsi and inhaled half the bag of Gummi Bears, Jared was high. He spoke so fast that Jensen could barely understand him and he snuggled close to Jensen with a lot less reticence than usual, tugging at the waistband of Jensen’s jeans whenever he wanted his attention, and reacting verbally to just about everything that happened on screen.

When T2 finished, Jensen walked Jared to the food line at the corner of Romaine Street and Sycamore Avenue, and then went home to get ready for work. It sounded dorky to admit it, but he couldn’t remember the last time he’d had so much plain and simple fun or laughed so hard. Being with Jared made him feel like the teenager he’d never had a chance to be. Jensen wasn’t entirely sure that was a good thing.

-X-

Jensen arrived at Jared’s place at exactly seven pm. His momma had been a stickler for punctuality and her lessons had been reinforced-and then some-by a regular he’d had a few years ago who was seriously into domination and control. Jensen had still been desperate for money back then and he’d taken the gig, even though it wasn’t really his thing. He didn’t mind the occasional bit of rough play, but this guy was hardcore. He was big on orgasm denial, which Jensen hated, and he insisted on spanking Jensen’s ass ten times for every minute Jensen was late to an appointment.  He’d once been ten minutes late because Chris had gotten them into a fight with a carload of drunken frat boys. Never again. His ass had been bruised for over two weeks.

Jensen pressed the buzzer and waited. The door clicked and unlocked and Sam’s cheerful voice invited him in. Jensen frowned. He’d been expecting Jared to come down.

Sam was waiting for him at the top of the stairs. She pulled him into a hug and looked so genuinely happy to see him that Jensen was a little thrown.

Jeff was washing dishes in the kitchen and he gave Jensen a soapy salute and a nod.

“Jared’s in the bathroom again,” Sam said, indicating that Jensen should take a seat. “I think he’s a little nervous.”

Jensen didn’t like the sound of that. “I don’t expect anything, Sam. He knows that, right?”

“Oh yes,” Sam nodded. “It’s just that he’s never been on a date before. And he likes you a lot.”

Jensen couldn’t help the small smile that crept onto his face.

“I’m happy for the both of you,” Sam said, “but you have some pretty big hurdles ahead of you; I hope you realize that.” She paused and tilted her head to one side. “I think last night gave him some food for thought.”

Nowadays, most of Jensen’s work was arranged over the phone, his regular clients calling his cell to make bookings. He also got a fair number of word-of-mouth referrals, new clients who’d been given his cell phone number by a regular.  Jensen didn’t really need to go out on the beat anymore, but he still did; partly to keep Chris company-Chris didn’t have as many regulars as Jensen-but mostly because he thought it was important to keep up a presence on the street. After all, just because he had a large stable of regulars now, didn’t mean that would always be the case.  He’d done the hard yards, earned the right to the best spot on the beat, and damned if he was going to lose that privilege because he wasn’t out there staking his claim. On Saturdays, most of his regulars were busy with their families and it was rare for Jensen to actually have any bookings. But Blue Lexus (who liked Jensen to fuck him and was prepared to pay for a room at a nearby Motel 6) usually cruised past Jensen and Chris’s spot on Saturday nights. If Jensen was there, he always picked him up. Blue Lexus was clean and polite (shy even) and it was easy money.

Jared had watched Jensen work last night, from his place in the coffee van. It hadn’t seemed to upset him. In fact, when Jensen had been dropped off by Blue Lexus, Jared had waved him over, holding up a coffee and a bag of donuts that he’d bought for him from the donut place. Jensen had strolled across for a chat on a couple more occasions when things had been quiet and it hadn’t seemed as if his maybe-would-be-boyfriend was pissed or upset that Jensen was working. Sam’s words, though, had him troubled.

“What do you mean?” he asked, but before Sam could answer, Jared came out of the bathroom. His face lit up when he saw Jensen and he hurried over, stopping just short of giving him a hug and then seeming unsure how to greet him. Jensen moved in smoothly and gave him a manly hug.

“You look great,” he said, admiring Jared’s figure-hugging blue jeans and tight, grey, knitted v-neck.

Jared ducked his head. “Thanks. Chad took me shopping after Church.”

Jensen twirled his finger and Jared spun around for him with a laugh.

“Very nice. You know, if that whole priest gig doesn’t work out, you could always try modeling.”

“Me?” Jared shook his head. “No. Not me. You’re the good looking one. Maybe you should try modeling?”

“I do model. Sometimes I even get to keep my clothes on,” he glanced at Sam. “Sorry. You probably didn’t need to hear that.”

She waved him off. “I’m actually delighted to hear that you’ve got some more mainstream earning options. Anyway. Where are you boys going tonight?”

Jensen looked at Jared who shrugged. “No real plans, I guess. Just. Get something to eat and then go to the movies.”

“What do you like to eat, Jensen?” Jeff came into the living room, wiping his hands on a tea towel.

“I’ll eat most things. But I’m always up for a good steak.”

“Awesome,” said Jared, “a man after my own heart.”

“You could try BOA Steakhouse. You might have a long wait if you don’t have a reservation, but the steaks are amazing.”

They ended up in a little Italian place across the road from Movie Town.  The interior walls were exposed brick and the place had arches and Roman columns inside that were decorated with fake vines, as well as lanterns hanging from the ceiling.  The lighting was a dim orange, giving the place a warm, romantic feel and Jensen started to feel a bit panicky. What was he doing here with someone like Jared? They should’ve gone to Astro Burger or Sizzler. This felt too much like a real date. The sort of date you’d go on with someone you’d take home to Mom and Dad; someone you were serious about. Jared couldn’t possibly be serious about someone like him. And what did Jensen know about serious relationships?

Jensen looked up when a large hand covered his.

“This place is perfect,” said Jared. “Stop panicking.”

“It is perfect,” Jensen agreed. “And you’re perfect,” he pulled his hand away and placed it in his lap. “But-”

“Don’t,” said Jared. “You told me you like your life and you like who you are. So don’t go saying some crap about how you’re not good enough for me because of your job.”

A waiter brought them a bottle of water and two glasses and gave them each a menu. He rattled off the specials and told them they’d have to show him their ID if they wanted to order alcohol. Jared said he was fine with water and Jensen ordered a coke. He couldn’t even remember the last time someone had refused to serve him alcohol. Then again, he was usually hanging out with much older people.

When the waiter had gone, Jensen turned to Jared. “Okay, look. Just because I like my life, doesn’t mean it’d be good for you to be involved in it. Sam said-”

Jared cut him off again. “You know what? We need to have this conversation; I know we do. But can we please have it when we’re not out on a date? Let’s just enjoy ourselves.”

“Okay. Sure,” Jensen took his cigarettes and lighter out of the top pocket of his shirt. “I’m just gonna go outside and...” he waved the packet in Jared’s direction. “I won’t be long.”

When Jensen got back to the table his coke had arrived, and Jared looked relieved. Jensen could’ve kicked himself; Jared had thought that Jensen was going to walk out on their date and leave him sitting alone like an idiot.

He held his cigarettes up with an apologetic look. “Bad habit, right?” he slid back into his chair and put the cigarettes and lighter down on the table. “Danni’s always telling me I should quit.”

Jared smiled. “Yeah. Probably. I hear they’re bad for you.”
“Alrighty,” Jensen rubbed his hands together. “Date talk. Tell me about yourself?” he paused. “Uh. What did you want to be when you grew up? You know, before you lied to a priest and got yourself press-ganged into a monastery.”

Jared rolled his eyes and laughed. “I’m seriously starting to wish I didn’t tell you about that! You’re never gonna let me live it down, are you?”

“Nope. C’mon. Spill. Childhood dream job.”

Jared told him that he’d wanted to be either a vet, because he loved animals so much, or an engineer, because he enjoyed the practical application of math.

“What about you?” he asked Jensen.

Jensen played with the straw in his coke. “Well, I’m a bit of a sports junkie,” he said. “I played baseball and lacrosse at school. And when I was a kid I guess I had some kind of an idea that I was gonna play for the Rangers. Sports medicine was kind of my fallback position, you know? If you can’t be a professional sportsman, then work with professional sportsmen, that kind of thing.”

“You’ll get there,” Jared said. “And you’re gonna be awesome.”

“Two more years. And then I’ll be able to afford to go to college. Just…leave all this behind and move on.” It felt good to share that with someone who wasn’t his PO. Chris and Danni knew, of course, that he wanted to go to college someday, but they seemed to view it as some kind of pipe dream. And he hadn’t told them about the part where he’d be leaving them in his dust and moving on without them. Which. Jensen licked at his lips. If he were honest with himself, he felt kind of bad about that part of the plan.

“But you’ll still keep in touch, right” Jared’s forehead was creased, “You wouldn’t just walk out on Chris and Danni.”

Seriously? Was Jared some kind of mind reader?

Jensen’s shoulders raised and lowered defensively. “I dunno. The plan was to get a fresh start. And Chris, the first day I met him, he told me,” Jensen gave his accent free rein: ‘there ain’t no such things as friends out here, kid, only people you can use and people who are gonna use you’.” Jensen resumed his normal voice. “All this crap now, I want it to be history. Gone. Forgotten. I don’t know if I can do that if Chris and Danni are still a part of my life.”

The waiter came across to take their order and Jensen realized that he’d barely looked at the menu. Jared ordered the meatballs and Italian sausage in creamy tomato sauce with a side serve of garlic bread and Jensen thought that sounded pretty good so he ordered it as well.

“Will you want to forget about me too?” Jared asked quietly once the waiter had gone.

“What? No. Of course not, Jare,” he sighed. “Look. I’m doin’ okay now. I can afford to pick and choose my clients. I can turn guys down. Or if a client wants to do something that I don’t wanna do, I can afford to say no. Getting paid a fuckton of money to have orgasms, sure as hell beats bussing tables for minimum wage. But I ain’t gonna lie; the first couple years were hard. I did a lot of stuff I didn’t want to do and I did a lot of stuff I’m not proud of. That’s the stuff I wanna forget. ”

Jared chewed at his bottom lip. “Chad said you know his PO, Tom?”

“Yeah,” Jensen nodded. “He used to work for the Juvenile division. I got picked up for solicitation a time or six when I was under eighteen.  They prefer to put you in all these ‘diversion’ programs when you’re a kid, rather than record a conviction-try to straighten you out, so to speak.  I barely bothered to turn up for the programs, of course, and in the end I got picked up one time too many and they gave up and charged me. I was seventeen and they put me on probation until I turned eighteen. Tom was my PO,” Jensen took a sip of his coke. “The first time I met him, Tom says to me, ‘you know you won’t be young and pretty forever, Jensen’.  So I batted my eyelashes at him and said, ‘so you think I’m pretty?’” Jensen laughed briefly. “Tom just rolled his eyes and told me that I knew I was hot, but he didn’t do jailbait, and besides, his boyfriend would have his balls if he even thought about cheating. Up until then, the only other gay people I knew where either hookers or tricks or they were fucked up in some way. So he was, I dunno, kind of a revelation; young, successful, out and proud. He had his shit together and he was happy. Anyway, we met up a couple times a week and after a few weeks he tells me that he doesn’t get me; that I don’t do drugs and I’m obviously smart, so why am I hooking?”

“The money, obviously,” said Jared.

“The money,” Jensen nodded. “I didn’t finish high school; hell I never even started high school. How else am I gonna make this kind of money?”

The waiter brought their orders and conversation paused while he settled their plates and they started to eat.

“Mmmm. This is great. Good choice, Jare.”

Jared smiled around a mouthful of meatball, tomato sauce coating his teeth.

“Gross, man,” Jensen mock-shuddered.

Jared swallowed and took a drink of water. “You’ve got your GED now, though,” he said, picking up their previous conversation. “Isn’t there anything else you could do?”

“That would pull in at least two grand a week? No.”

Jared raised his eyebrows. “Wow. That’s some serious money you’re making. You could afford a much nicer apartment.”

Jensen shook his head. “I don’t care about that. I got my five year plan; every cent possible goes into my savings account.”

“And you’re not worried that a conviction as an adult could ruin your fresh start?”

Jensen shook his head. “I got that covered. A lot of Ellies got a vested interest in keeping me outta trouble.”

“Ellies?”

“Law Enforcement. LEs. Ellies. Cops. I got friends in high places too. ADAs, judges.”

They ate in silence for a while, although from the little crease in between Jared’s eyes, Jensen gathered that he was deep in thought about something.

“Jensen,” he said finally, as he mopped up the last of his creamy tomato with a piece of garlic bread. “I was talking to Chad yesterday and he said he was surprised that you didn’t work for an Escort Agency or at the very least, have your own website.”

Jensen helped himself to the last piece of garlic bread. “I’ve looked into both and I’ve got a couple major problems with both of those scenarios. First off, if I’m on the books of an agency or I’ve got a website, there’s a paper trail that leads to me. Right now, all the sex work is strictly cash only, and my tax return says I’m a model. I’ve got enough of a paper trail to photographers and companies that hire models for that to be credible,” Jensen finished off his meatballs and pushed the plate away. “Right now, hooking-wise, there’s nothing that can come back and bite me on the ass except for people’s memories and seeing as how my clients have a lot more to lose than I do if word gets out, I don’t see that as an issue. Secondly, I don’t like pimps, and an escort agency is just a glorified pimp. I can market myself just fine, I don’t need to pay someone else hundreds of dollars per trick to do it for me.”

Jared nodded. “Chad also wondered why you never got into porn movies. I guess it’d be the same answer; too much exposure that could come back to haunt you.”

Jensen sucked up the last of his coke and licked his lips. “Right. The nude modeling I mentioned earlier is for photos, and most of them are very tasteful. I doubt they’ll ever come to light because they’re in private collections, but I figure I can always spin them as something a bit risqué I did in my wild youth,” Jensen waggled his eyebrows. “Getting fucked on camera for all the world to see is a little harder to spin.”

Jared laughed. “Oh man. So much for saving the hard conversations for when we’re not out on a date! You know what we should do? We should ban work talk for the rest of the evening. And we should order dessert,” Jared’s eyes sparkled at the prospect.

“Okay,” Jensen waved a hand at the nearest waiter and asked for the dessert menu. “But if you have dessert, I’m not buying you candy at the cinema. You get high on sugar the way some people get high on crack.”

Jared’s pout was just adorable.

-X-

The end credits were rolling, the cinema’s lights were coming up and Jared was hiding his face with his hair because he didn’t want Jensen to see that he was crying.

Jensen bumped his shoulder. “Not bad,” he said.

Jared nodded his agreement, his face still hidden.

“I mean,” Jensen stretched, “I kinda thought there’d be more naked men, you know, running around in the arena, all oiled up, waving their swords around. And it was a bit long. But overall…not too bad. What did you think?”

Jared nodded again.

“Jared? Are you okay?”

Jared ran a hand over his nose and sniffed. He felt a hand cup his face and then Jensen raised his head, pulling him forward until they were face to face. A single tear ran down Jared’s cheek and he wiped at it with a laugh. “I know, right? I’m pathetic, crying over a movie.”

“Oh, baby,” Jensen pulled him into a hug. “Russell Crowe’s not that bad.”

Jared managed another laugh. “No. I thought he was good. It’s just…they murdered Maximus’s wife and son. And then they came to him at the end, to lead him into the afterlife.”

Jensen dropped a kiss on the top of Jared’s head. “I love how compassionate you are. C’mon,” he stood up and reached a hand down to Jared. “Will it make you feel better if I buy you a bag of Gummi Bears?”

Jared looked up at him, his eyes big and liquid. “It might.”

By the time they made it back to Jensen’s place, Jared’s sugar rush had subsided and he was feeling comfortably snoozy.  Chris wasn’t home, but they went to Jensen’s room anyway and cuddled on his bed. Jensen lay with his head on Jared’s shoulder and his arm slung over his waist, and Jared looked down at him and wondered what it would be like to lean down and kiss him. So far, Jensen had always initiated their kisses.

“Stop thinking so loud,” Jensen murmured.

“I was just wondering…”

“What?” Jensen looked up at him.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Hell, yes.”

Jared leaned down slowly and watched as Jensen’s pupils dilated. He touched their lips together softly and moaned when Jensen willingly parted his lips. He licked his way into Jensen’s mouth and then tentatively sucked at his tongue. Jensen whimpered and rolled onto his back, bringing Jared down on top of him. He brought his hands up to grasp at Jared’s hips and held him close while he thrust up against him. The friction was just perfect and Jared gasped and ground himself against Jensen, chasing more contact. Of course, that was when the guilt kicked in and suddenly Jared felt overwhelmed and scared. He shouldn’t be doing this. Shouldn’t be doing this at all, let alone with another guy. He whimpered and tore himself away from Jensen, his face stricken.  Jensen was spread out beneath him on the bed, his lips plump and wet, his eyes dark with desire and his hair mussed.  His slightly dazed look morphed into one of concern when he saw Jared’s anguish.

“Hey,” Jensen sat up and placed a comforting hand on Jared’s arm. “It’s okay. I’ve got no expectations, you know that, right? We’ll go however fast or slow you want to.”

“I want to,” Jared hung his head. “I want to so badly. But there’s just this voice in my head telling me that it’s wrong, wrong, wrong. Actually,” he frowned. “The voice sounds suspiciously like Brother Paul. And sometimes my old nanny. I don’t believe the voice, but it kind of makes me panic,” he bit at his bottom lip. “I’m sorry that I keep, you know, starting something with you that I can’t finish.”

Jensen shook his head. “I’m perfectly capable of jerking off if I need to. Sex is nice. I like sex. And I hear it’s even better with someone you actually care about. But your dick is nowhere near as important to me as your heart,” he put his hand on Jared’s chest, his fingers spread. “We’ll do what you want to do, when you’re ready to do it. And I’m fine with that. Okay?”

Jared nodded. But he couldn’t help wondering how long Jensen would be prepared to wait. What if he were never ready? He lay back down with Jensen and after a while they began kissing again. It was soft and slow and satisfying and Jared really wished that he didn’t have to go home.

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jensen/jared, rated r, jensen/sebastian, spn_j2 big bang, prostitution, fifty cents for your soul, dub con, fan fic, orientation discovery, j2 rps, jensen/omcs

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