Fifty cents for your soul - Chapter Seven
Chapter Seven
The Hole in the Wall wasn’t technically a gay bar, but it was LGBT friendly. It wasn’t on any tourist routes or maps, so most of the customers were locals. In fact, given the bar’s proximity to the red light district, most of its customers were sex industry workers of one type or another, and really, Jensen had absolutely no business allowing Jared anywhere near the place.
Back at Whiskey and Rye, Chris and Chad had arrived at the table with a tray of Jack Daniels shots to find Jared and Jensen talking about college courses.
“You thinking about changing your major, Padre?” Chad asked.
Jared helped himself to a shot. “Maybe. We were actually talking about what Jensen wants to do.”
Chad’s lips started to twitch upwards and then he caught sight of Jensen’s expression and apparently thought better of laughing at him. He threw back a shot and then ran the back of his hand across his mouth before asking, “So what are you thinking of studying, Jensen?”
“Physiotherapy.”
“Right,” Chad nodded. “Makes sense. Swap one sort of ‘massage’ for another.”
Chris made a sort of growling noise that would’ve had most people running for cover. Chad just looked puzzled.
“Do you have a death wish?” Chris demanded, poking Chad in the chest. He turned to Jared. “Does he have a death wish?”
Jared shrugged. “He’s just Chad.”
There was a moment’s silence and then Chris exploded. “’He’s just Chad’. Is that supposed to answer the fucking question?”
Jared shrank away and Jensen reached out and put a hand on Chris’s arm. “Chill out, Chris. Chad’s default setting is douchebag,” he glanced at Chad. “No offense.”
Chad waved him away. “None taken.”
“So when Jared says ‘He’s just Chad,’ that actually does kinda answer the question. This is my buddy, Jared, by the way. Jared this is my roommate and best friend, Chris. His bark is way worse than his bite, I promise.”
Chris eyed Jared suspiciously for a moment and then reached out his hand.
“Sorry. It’s good to meet you.”
Jared stared at him and then sat up straight and grinned. “You too,” he shook his hand enthusiastically.
Chris chuckled. “I get why Danni called him an overgrown puppy now.”
Steve joined them shortly after when his shift finished, and Danni and another dancer called Sandy wandered across not long after that, looking much more girl-next-door than stripper, to Jared’s very obvious relief.
“Did you enjoy my routine?” Danni asked Jared.
Jared tried to hide behind his bangs. “It was, um, very athletic,” he mumbled.
Jared looked so forlorn when Jensen told him that he was heading out to another bar with his friends that Jensen felt obligated to invite him and Chad to come too. So now, the seven of them were wedged into a booth at The Hole downing Tequila shots, and Jared was pressed up against him, hot and sweaty and not exactly sober.
A drunk Jared, Jensen discovered, was an adorable Jared. He seemed to find almost everything funny and he laughed aloud, a lot. He also became very tactile and couldn’t seem to talk to someone without touching them. Jensen was completely blindsided by how pissed he was whenever that someone was Sandy. The tiny, dark haired stripper was flirting shamelessly with a completely oblivious Jared and Jensen could feel his claws coming out.
“You’re soooo funny, Jared,” Sandy thrust her fake tits at Jared, her face screwing up in annoyance when he didn’t even glance at them. Now that was funny. Jensen snorted.
Jared turned to him. “Do you think I’m funny Jensen?”
Jensen patted him on the arm. “I think you’re a happy drunk.”
Jared’s face was comical in its sudden sincerity. “Am I drunk? I’ve never been drunk!” He turned back to Sandy. “I’m gonna be a priest,” he said. “And never, ever have any sex.” The way Sandy’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped was possibly the funniest thing Jensen had seen all year. “Or maybe I’m not,” Jared frowned. “Maybe God wants me to have sex. What do all ya’ll think?”
Jensen nearly spat out his Tequila. “All ya’ll? Really Jared? I’m the one from Texas, buddy, not you. Unless you’ve got some Texan roots you didn’t tell me about?”
Jared shrugged. “Don’t think so. I’m adopted, but I think they got me from Poland. Anyway, Sam says all y’all and she’s not from Texas.”
Sandy draped herself across Jared’s side. “Well I definitely think you should have sex,” she said.
“Me too!” Chad lifted his glass in Jared’s direction.
Jared beamed and Jensen rolled his eyes. “I think we should all stop talking about Jared having sex.”
“Why?” Sandy demanded. “Sounds like he’s got some issues to resolve. And anyway, you’ve got no grounds to be prudish, you’re a hooker.”
Jensen glared at her. “He’s drunk, Sandy, and he’s gonna be real embarrassed about this in the morning.”
“Oh please! He’s had, like, four shots.”
“Six. And three beers. And this is the first time he’s touched alcohol.”
“Yeah? Well, he’s a big boy. I think-”
“Uh, guys?” Jared put one hand in front of Jensen’s face and one in front of Sandy’s face. “Trying to look at you both is making me dizzy. And I’m starting to feel kinda nauseous.”
Jensen entwined his fingers with Jared’s and lowered their hands from in front of his face. “I’m gonna take you home,” he said.
“Oh, please,” said Sandy. “As if he wants to fuck you. You should come home with me, Jared.”
Jared’s eyes never left Jensen’s. “I don’t think we should have sex,” he whispered.
“Neither do I,” Jensen replied. “I think I should take you home to Jeff and Sam’s place and get them to put you to bed with a glass of water and a couple aspirin.”
Jared nodded. “Okay.”
It took some maneuvering to get them out of the booth, and Sandy made it as difficult as possible, but finally they were clear and out in the night air. Jared held his arms up and spread them wide. “Oh that’s good. I can breathe again!”
They walked a little way in silence and then Jared said, “You’re a good friend, Jensen. Thank you for looking out for me.”
“You’re welcome.”
It was two am and the streets were still teeming with people. A man and a woman were pressed up against a brick wall, kissing, and Jensen watched Jared watching them.
“Jensen?”
“Yeah?”
“What Sandy said. Do you want to?”
Jensen frowned. “What?”
“You know,” Jared lowered his voice. “The eff word. Do you want to do that? With me?”
Jensen could feel a headache starting up behind his eyeballs, because seriously? “You’re a nice guy, Jared, but I like my partners to be capable of consent. You’re drunk.”
“But if I wasn’t?”
Jensen sighed. “Look. It’s complicated. You’re you. And I’m me.”
“Well, no shit.” Jared clapped a hand over his mouth. “I swore! I don’t swear! Why did I swear?”
“Because you’re drunk. Alcohol reduces your inhibitions. Makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do.”
“Like swear?”
“Like swear. And have sex with girls you hardly know.”
Jared screwed up his nose. “I would never have sex with a girl.”
He stopped walking with a gasp.
“Jared? What’s wrong.”
“I would never have sex with a girl. Jensen! I’m gay. I really, really am.”
Jensen pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’re drunk. You should stop talking.”
Jared shook his head. “No, no, no. In vino veritas, right? In wine the truth. I wouldn’t have sex with Danni or Sandy. But I’d have sex with you, Jensen.”
“Please, for the love of God, stop talking!”
Jared’s bottom lip dropped and his eyes became liquid with hurt. “Don’t you like me?”
“I…you…fuck!” Jensen shoved Jared up against the wall and kissed him. It wasn’t a gentle kiss, it was hard, almost aggressive, and Jensen held the younger man firmly in place and pressed against him from shoulder to hip. He wanted there to be no confusion in Jared’s mind, no question about the fact that he was kissing another man. He wasn’t at all prepared for Jared’s reaction. He’d expected that Jared would either freeze or push him away. Instead, Jared whimpered, his mouth falling open invitingly, and Jensen wasted no time in licking his way inside, his tongue seeking out Jared’s, licking and sucking on it in a way that made Jared groan and fist his hands in Jensen’s shirt. Jensen pulled away, his breathing harsh. “Does that answer your question?”
Jared nodded, his pupils blown wide. “Oh yeah. That was awesome. I’m going to be sick now.”
Jensen barely got out the way in time.
-X-
Turned out that drunken, stupefied sasquatches were hard as hell to maneuver down the street. What should’ve been a ten minute walk took more like twenty because of all the staggering from one side of the sidewalk to the other. When Jensen eventually got Jared to Jeff’s place, the kid couldn’t get his key in the lock and Jensen ended up having to do it for him. Of course, the door couldn’t’ve opened up into an actual apartment, because that would’ve been too easy. No, it had to open up on to a tall-ass flight of stairs, which Jared was in no fit state to navigate without help. A quarter of the way up, the fucking security alarm went off and Jared started moaning about having forgotten what the security code was. The screeching alarm finally shut up and Jensen was very grateful, right up until the door at the top of the stairs was flung open and he found himself staring up into the barrel of a shotgun.
“Don’t shoot!” he said. “Jared forgot about the security system.”
“I forgot,” Jared confirmed miserably. “And I threw up. On the sidewalk.”
“Jared?” Jeff lowered the gun and peered down at them. “Are you drunk?”
“Yessir,” Jared hung his head despondently.
Jeff sighed and handed the shotgun off to Sam who’d come up behind him. He descended the stairs and took ahold of the arm of Jared’s that wasn’t draped over Jensen’s shoulders. Together they dragged him up the stairs and into the apartment.
“Gonna be sick again,” Jared announced.
“I’ve got him from here,” Jeff said and hauled Jared across the small apartment to what was, presumably, the bathroom.
Jensen rubbed a hand across the back of his neck and shuffled his feet.
“Thank you for bringing him home,” Sam said. “You go on and take a seat now, I’m gonna make sure everything’s locked up properly and then we’ll have a chat.”
“I should just go,” Jensen said, edging toward the stairs.
Sam fixed him with a quelling look and Jensen went and sat meekly on the sofa. Sam double-checked the front door, re-set the alarm and locked the shotgun away and then rejoined Jensen, sitting down next to him.
“How much has he had to drink?”
Jensen told her.
“And you? You’re not twenty-one yet either, are you?”
Jensen raised an eyebrow. “You’re kidding. Underage drinking ain’t the worst misdemeanor I’ve committed tonight.”
Sam nodded thoughtfully. “And where was Chad in all this? Wasn’t he supposed to be the one taking Jared out?”
Jensen snorted. “Oh, he took him out alright. To a strip club. And who do you think was buying the shots?”
Sam sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “I thought this was supposed to be a night of nice, normal college-boy fun.”
Jensen shrugged. “Apparently strip clubs are normal for Chad. He has a VIP membership at Whiskey and Rye.”
Sam shook her head. “Actually, that really doesn’t surprise me. Why were you there? Do you dance too?”
Jensen pulled a face. “Hell, no. We were picking Danni up from work. We were going for an after work drink and Jared wanted to come. I didn’t really want to leave him alone with Chad, so,” Jensen shrugged.
The bathroom door opened and Jeff led a pale, sweaty Jared out of the bathroom and into what was obviously his bedroom.
Sam sighed again and got to her feet. “Better get a bucket,” she looked down at Jensen. “I’ll get you a blanket and a pillow. You can sleep on the couch.”
“Thanks, but I gotta get going.”
“Honey, it’s 3.00am, you shouldn’t be out walking the streets at this time.”
Jensen stared at her. “You do know what I do for a living, right?”
To Sam’s credit she didn’t look away. “Bad choice of words, maybe, but I stand by the sentiment. It’s late. You’ve been drinking. I’ll make up the couch.”
“Don’t. I’m probably the last person Jared’s gonna want to see tomorrow.”
Sam tilted her head. “Why is that?”
Jensen rubbed a hand across the back of his neck. “He’s a happy drunk. Talkative. And touchy-feely. And he’s probably gonna be real embarrassed when he wakes up. And it’s probably better for everyone if I’m not around to make him feel even more embarrassed.”
Sam was staring at him again. “How touchy-feely?” she asked, her hands on her hips and her voice like steel.
Jensen felt all of ten years old again, standing in his yard back home trying to tell his momma that it had been his big brother who’d swung on the washing line and made it break. He found himself rambling about strippers and Jared and how Jared kept talking about sex and he was just so adorable when he was drunk, only he was drunk and Jensen and he both agreed that sex would be a bad idea, and Jensen had this absolute rule about clear consent because, well, why didn’t matter, but he really probably definitely shouldn’t have kissed Jared. Oh God. He’d kissed Jared. Shoved him against a wall and kissed him. And Jared had kissed him back. And now he was babbling about it to Sam. He must’ve had more to drink than he’d realized because shut up Jensen. Shut up.
“Oh, Honey,” Sam sat down next to him and put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “You like him, don’t you?”
The look on her face, it was like she cared. About him. Which. She couldn’t. Because he was…he was a sex worker. Sexing people up was kind of what he did. He had sex with strangers all the time. It was nothing. Just a job. But Jared? He didn’t. He wasn’t. Sam should be worried about him. Not Jensen.
Jensen scrambled to his feet. “I have to go.”
“Okay,” Sam stood up. “I’ll have to come down and let you out.”
At the bottom of the stairs she pulled him into a hug. “You take care now, Hon.”
Tears pricked at Jensen’s eyes and he pulled away and fled into the dark.
Jeff was waiting for Sam at the top of the stairs.
“What was that all about?”
Sam sighed and shook her head. “I wanted him to stay, but he was spooked as a nervous colt. Has Jared read those safe sex pamphlets you gave him?”
Jeff’s eyebrows shot up. “What? Why?”
“Either way, I think we’re gonna have to have ‘the talk’ with him.”
Jeff’s face tightened. “Did something happen tonight?”
Sam made a so/so gesture. “Did you get a bucket for Jared?”
Jeff nodded. “Put it by his bed. I also made him drink three glasses of water, and left water and aspirin by his bed for the morning. You gonna tell me what happened tonight?”
Sam knuckled her eyes and tipped her head back, taking a deep breath. “Near as I can make out, Chad took Jared to a strip club, got him drunk, and then Jared, who is apparently a happy, touchy-feely drunk, told Jensen that he’d rather have sex with him than with Danneel, and they ended up making out against a wall. Jensen is now freaking out that Jared will freak out in the morning, and the reason Jensen is freaking out is because, Jeff, I think he really likes Jared. And I don’t think that’s happened for him in a while; if ever.”
Jeff sighed and scrubbed a hand over his eyes. “I’d be surprised if Jared doesn’t panic. You know what the Catholic Church has to say about homosexuality.” He yawned. “What a mess. I am way too tired for this right now. Let’s go back to bed. We’ll talk to Jared tomorrow.”
-X-
The first thing Jensen saw when he opened his apartment door was Steve’s bare white ass.
“Jesus Christ!” he swore. “I don’t need to see this.”
Chris peered out from beneath Steve and Jensen scowled at him. “Fuck, Chris!”
Chris nodded laconically. “That’s the general idea. Ain’t quite got there yet, though, so if you don’t mind?”
Jensen gritted his teeth. “You have a room.”
“So do you. Mind going to it so’s we can get on with the fucking?”
Steve was motionless between Chris’s spread legs, his face pressed against Chris’s shoulder.
Jensen swore again. “Is Danni home?”
“Yeah.”
“She alone?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m going there then. Next time, keep it PG ‘til you get to the bedroom. Sorry, Steve.”
Steve didn’t respond, not that Jensen had expected him to.
Danni opened the door with the safety chain on.
“Chris and Steve are fucking on my couch.”
The door closed and then opened wide. “You better come in then.”
Danni was wearing her Little Mermaid flannelette pajamas and had a mug of hot chocolate in one hand. She raised the mug at Jensen. “You want one?”
He nodded and followed her into the kitchen.
“You don’t seem very surprised,” he said, while she puttered around making him cocoa.
“Chris comes around to the Club a fair bit when Steve’s working. A couple weeks back I saw them kissing. Tonight, they didn’t touch once, but the sexual tension was so thick you could’ve cut it with a knife. Of course, you had your own sexual tension going on, so I guess you didn’t notice.” She handed him a pink mug that said ‘Queen of the Universe’. Jensen rolled his eyes and Danneel smirked.
“Chris normally dates women,” Jensen said. “He’s always had, like, this dividing line. Men are for business, women are for pleasure.”
“Yeah. I think this is a big deal for him. I think maybe that’s why he’s been keeping it quiet. Come on, I wanna get back into bed.”
Danneel’s lacy white quilt was thrown back and her pillows were plumped up and leaning against the headboard. Rosanna Arquette was frozen on screen, sitting in the back of a police car with a bird cage on her lap. Danni put her mug on the night stand and opened her bedside drawer.
“Here,” she threw Jensen a pair of bright yellow pajama bottoms with pictures of Tweety Bird on them and then got back into bed. She snuggled against her pillows and pulled the quilt up to her chin before pressing play on her DVD player’s remote.
“How do you use the birds?” said a black woman on screen.
Jensen started to strip out of his leather jacket and jeans. “Desperately seeking, Susan?”
Danni nodded.
When he was changed, Jensen slid into bed next to Danni and she reached for him and pulled him close. They watched the rest of the movie in silence and when it was finished, Danni switched the television off and turned to Jensen.
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
“The movie?”
Danni slapped him gently on the head. “Whatever has you so bummed. It’s not the Chris and Steve thing, is it?”
Jensen shook his head.
“Jared?”
Jensen sighed. “I kissed him.”
“And?”
“He threw up.”
There was a pause and then Danneel said, “I’m not supposed to laugh, am I?”
Jensen scowled and pinched her thigh.
“Ow!” she squealed. “Pinching, Jay? Really? Are you gonna pull my hair next?”
Jensen sighed and looked up at Danni with sad green eyes. “He’s gonna hate me when he sobers up. He only kissed me back cuz he was drunk. I mean, it’s bad enough being a priest-in-training who suddenly realizes he’s gay. Getting tangled up with a hooker too? He doesn’t need that.”
Danni glared at him accusingly. “You think you’re not good enough for him, that’s it, isn’t it?”
When Jensen merely ducked his head, she sighed and took hold of his face with both of her hands, lifting it up and forcing him to meet her eyes. “You’re a good man, Jensen. Brave, loyal, kind, generous. Sex on legs.” Jensen rolled his eyes. “Seriously, Jay. Any guy’d be lucky to have you.”
“A guy doesn’t need to be lucky to have me, Danni, he just needs to have cash. Name me one guy who’s gonna be willing to put up with his boyfriend fucking other guys for money?”
Danni was quiet for a moment. “Is that where you see things heading with Jared? Boyfriend territory?”
“I see things heading nowhere with Jared. He doesn’t need my shit.”
Danni nodded. “Yeah? Well maybe you should let him decide that for himself.”
-X-
Jared knew about hangovers. He’d sometimes heard the younger staff members back at home talk about them, laughing and blushing about the awesome night out they’d had and the terrible hangover they’d had the next day.
His Dad too, had experienced hangovers. Mom and Dad went out to a lot of events, the type that required evening gowns, tuxedos, and the limo. His Dad frequently spent the day after one of these events shut up in his bedroom. ‘He had a few too many’, Mom would say, rolling her eyes. ‘He’s got one heck of a hangover’.
So even though he’d never had one himself before, Jared was familiar with the concept.
He vomited into the bucket again. The smell was vile and acidic and made him dry retch again and again. There was nothing of substance left in his stomach and the bile that he was heaving up was burning his throat. Every time he vomited, Jared’s head pounded and his eyes watered and he felt like he was going to pass out. He wondered if he should try to take some more aspirin. So far, every time he’d tried he’d just thrown it straight back up.
Somehow, Jared had expected a hangover to be cooler.
He waited fifteen minutes and then took another couple aspirin. This time, they stayed down. And they took the edge off his headache enough for him to fall into a fitful, troubled sleep.
When he awoke, Jared felt considerably better. His headache had all but gone and so had the nausea, although he still felt fragile and shaky. The stench in his bedroom from the bucket of vomit was truly disgusting and Jared recoiled from it, before picking the bucket up gingerly and carrying it out of his room at arm’s length.
Jeff was grading papers at the dining table. He greeted Jared affably and then went about his business, leaving Jared to empty the bucket and then shower and dress. When Jared was done, he approached the older man cautiously.
“How are you feeling?” Jeff asked when Jared shuffled to a stop beside his chair.
“Better, thanks,” he fidgeted. “Jeff…I’m really sorry about last night. I was stupid and thoughtless and things could’ve ended really badly for me if Jensen hadn’t had the sense to bring me home. So. I won’t be doing that again. And I apologize for causing such a disturbance last night. Sorry.”
Jeff nodded. “Have a seat,” he gestured at the chair next to him.
Jared sat.
Jeff packed up the papers around him and then turned to Jared with a sigh.
“I was about your age, the first time I got drunk. You know what my old man told me? He said, ‘Son, the great thing about alcohol is that over-indulging in it comes with its own built-in punishment; saves me the trouble of getting my belt out.’ I’m not your father, Jared, and it’s not my place to punish you. But you are a vulnerable young man living in my house and I gotta say, I’m really not happy that you let yourself get so incapacitated last night. Because you’re right, it was dangerous. And I’m glad you recognize that,” he paused and looked searchingly at Jared. “Is there anything you’d like to talk to me about?”
Jared shook his head. “I just wanted to apologize. I really am sorry.”
“Okay. Let’s just put it behind us and make sure it doesn’t happen again,” Jeff clicked the nib of his pen in and out a few times and then realized that it was a nervous tic and put the pen down. It was probably best to just get on with it. “Jared, there’s something else that I need to talk to you about.”
Jared looked up, his eyes wide and apprehensive.
“When Jensen brought you home last night, he and Sam had a long chat.”
Jared’s eyes became impossibly large. He swallowed, and then ducked his head. “Oh.”
“Look at me, son.”
Jared looked up reluctantly.
“You had a lot to drink last night. Did anything happen that you weren’t completely on board with?”
Jared shook his head.
“Did anything happen that you regret, now that you’re sober?”
Jared shook his head again.
Jeff ran a hand across his jaw. “Okay. I know this is all really new, and you possibly feel quite awkward and confused about it all, but, given what happened-and just so we’re completely clear, I’m talking about you and Jensen kissing-are you wondering if you might not be completely straight?”
Jared shrugged, his head bowed and his shoulders tensed. He was scared, Jeff realized, expecting to be condemned; treated differently. Jeff didn’t know much about Jared’s family, but he knew they were extremely conservative. He may have just told the kid that he wasn’t his father, but damned if Jeff didn’t feel as if he were right now. This was definitely a father/son talk. Only Jeff had a sneaking suspicion that Jared was a lot better off having it with him than he would be having it with his own father. Jeff leaned forward in his chair, his eyes fixed on the uneasy young man before him.
“Jared,” he kept his voice low and even, “I’m of the view that sexual orientation isn’t a choice. Jesus himself didn’t have anything to say on the subject, but he had a lot to say about love and understanding and reaching out to others in friendship. The gay-hate that’s preached by a lot of so-called Christians disgusts me.” Jeff could see that Jared’s shoulders were a little less tense and his head had come up a fraction. “I don’t think the Church is right to expect people to refrain from acting on their feelings of attraction,” he continued, “but I do think that people should form loving committed bonds before they act on those feelings. You, of course, may hold a different view to me on all of this.”
“I don’t,” Jared said quickly.
“Then the challenge for you-if you do end up coming to a realization that you’re not straight-would be how to reconcile that fact with your relationship to the Church. And that’s something that only you can decide. I’m always willing to listen, though, and to talk things through, if that’s something that you’d find helpful.”
“Thanks,” Jared’s voice was low. “I’m still…yeah…sorting it all out in my own head, but,” he shrugged, “eventually, that might help.”
“Alright. One final thing. It’s probably better if you don’t rush into anything physical too soon, but if you do decide to be intimate with someone, anything-and I mean anything-that potentially involves an exchange of bodily fluids needs to be done with a condom.”
Jared put his hands over his face with a groan. “Jeff!”
“Don’t Jeff me. This is a health and safety issue. If you put your penis in another person, you wear a condom. If another person puts their penis in you, they wear a condom.” Jeff had given a lot of safe-sex lectures to homeless kids and street hookers in his time and he’d always found that a direct, plain-talking approach worked best.
Jared flushed and dropped his head to the table with a thud. “I read the pamphlets, okay?” he mumbled.
“Good. Then you know the no glove, no love rule applies equally to oral, vaginal and anal sex?”
“Yes! Please Jeff, please. Just…stop talking. This is so embarrassing!”
Jeff chuckled. “You know what they say, Jared. If you’re not mature enough to talk about it, you’re not mature enough to do it.”
“I’m not. I’m really not.” Jared sat up. “Kissing’s alright, though?”
Jeff smiled. “Yeah. Kissing’s fine.”
Jared blushed again. Then smiled. Then reddened ever further when he saw that Jeff was grinning at him.
“You’re happy,” Jeff commented.
Jared nodded.
“According to Sam, Jensen was worried that you were going to hate him in the morning.”
Jared frowned and then titled his head to one side and looked thoughtful. “Yeah,” he said finally, “I can see how he might look at it,” he sighed. “I guess he’s probably gonna pull away now; try to convince himself it’s a bad idea.”
“Maybe it is,” Jeff ventured.
“Maybe. I know I’m naïve, Jeff, but I’m not stupid. I’m not expecting rainbows and puppies and happily ever after. And I don’t expect someone as worldly and experienced as Jensen to be seriously interested in me, but we could, I don’t know, date a little, maybe?”
Jeff nodded. “And how will you feel when he goes out to work?”
Jared shook his head. “I don’t know. It seems like something that should bother me, but I don’t know that side of him. It’s all kind of abstract.”
It was a good answer; honest and surprisingly astute.
“I know you see Jensen as worldly and experienced,” Jeff said, “but when you consider how young he was when he started working the Boulevard, he might not have a lot of experience when it comes to normal relationships. You might be a literal virgin, Jared, but there’s a good chance that Jensen is an emotional virgin. The two of you dating,” Jeff shook his head. “It ain’t gonna be easy.”
-X-
By the time he woke up on Thursday afternoon, Jensen’s resolve was firm: he was going to stay away from Jared Whatever-the-hell-his-surname-was, and that was final. So what if he was hot? So what if his openness and sunny personality reminded Jensen of happier times? So what if he was exactly the kind of guy Jensen would’ve gone for if his life hadn’t gotten fucked up when he was fifteen? Jensen had a life plan. And Jared was a complication he just didn’t need.
Danneel, who somehow managed to be a hopeless romantic, thought he was an idiot.
“When two people like each other very much, they go out on dates,” she told him over coffee.
Jensen rolled his eyes. “Right. Cuz that’s worked out so well for you. Your last two boyfriends dumped you cuz you wouldn’t quit dancing. Dating and the sex industry do not mix. And Jared? He’s training to be a priest, for fuck’s sake. Even if this whole,” Jensen waved his hands expansively, “gay thing makes him re-think that career path, he’s still got all that Catholic guilt and repression to overcome. And that’s before he even thinks about tackling the ‘oh and the guy I’m dating fucks other guys for money’ issue. Forget about it, Danni. Me and Jared? It ain’t gonna happen.”
“You don’t know that,’ Danni said softly. “I mean, it’s possible.”
Jensen snorted. “Sure, right. It’s possible. I mean, anything’s possible, right? Like it’s possible that we’ll get a black president or that gay marriage’ll get legalized. But neither of those things is gonna happen in my life time, and neither is me and Jared.”
Danneel sighed. “You never know, Jensen. Sometimes the future surprises you.”
They agreed to disagree on that and Jensen went home, aware of Danni’s worried eyes on his back as he sauntered down the corridor to his own apartment. He made plenty of noise going in, but the living room was blessedly empty.
Jensen showered, changed and put on a pot of fresh coffee before going to bang on Chris’s bedroom door. “Yo, Douchebag, I’m makin’ omelets. You hungry?”
Jensen heard the rustle of bed clothes, the creak of mattress springs and the soft pad of footsteps. The door opened a crack and a disheveled Chris peered out at him. “Yeah,” he said, his voice rough, “Omelets sound good.”
“How many am I cookin’ for?”
“Just you and me, man.”
Jensen nodded. “It’ll be ready in about ten.”
A slightly more put together Chris arrived in the kitchen just as Jensen was sliding the ham and cheese omelets onto plates. He put a plate and a mug of coffee in front of Chris and then sat opposite him.
Chris ate in silence, his eyes fixed on his food.
“So, you and Steve, huh?” Jensen figured that Chris wasn’t going to mention it, so he may as well get it out in the open. “That’s new.”
Chris swallowed a mouthful of egg. “No it ain’t,” he said.
Jensen paused with a forkful of omelet half way to his mouth. “What d’you mean? How long’s it been goin’ on?”
Chris shrugged. “Couple years. Ain’t no big deal. It’s just something that happens sometimes, is all. Both of us prefer women, but sometimes,” Chris toyed with a piece of ham, “sometimes we both got an itch to scratch.”
Jensen pointed his fork at the older man. “Right. But you’ve always said that you get more dick than you need at work, you don’t need to go looking for it outside of business hours.”
Chris finally looked up, his expression surprisingly vulnerable. “Yeah. But this is Steve.”
Jensen gave up trying to understand and finished off his meal in silence.
“Anyway,” Chris said, “I didn’t think you’d come home last night. You and the choir boy had that whole sexual tension thing goin’ on. Figured you took him home so you could tap that fine, virgin ass.”
“Are you kidding? Hooking up with someone like Jared? That has Bad Idea written all over it.”
Chris looked supremely skeptical. “So you honest-to-God just walked him home, no ulterior motive?”
Jensen shrugged. “We may have made out a little on the way, but that’s it. It’s not goin’ any further than that.”
Chris nodded. “You see that it doesn’t. He’s an alright guy, but you don’t need the drama,” Chris snorted. “The hooker and the priest. Clichéd bullshit, man. Shit like that don’t end well.”
“Yeah,” Jensen mumbled, looking down at his plate forlornly. “I know.”
Chris stared at him. “You sappy sonuvabitch. You actually like him, don’t you?”
“No,” Jensen lied. He gathered up the plates and dumped them in the sink. “So. Thursday. You got that closeted pop star tonight, right? You got any dates set up after that?”
Chris rolled his eyes at the obvious subject change, but he got his phone out anyway. “Nope. I’m at the Guest Inn with Nate from eight ‘til nine, so I’ll be back on the beat by about half past,” he paused. “You’re screwing your way through the legal profession tonight, right?”
“Yeah,” Jensen pulled his cigarettes out of his pocket and lit up. “I’ve got an Ellie freebie at six-BJ only- then I’ve got Judge Williamson at half seven and an assistant DA at nine.”
Chris stretched. “Alright. Text me after each job, I’ll text you after I finish up with Nate, and we’ll try to meet up about half past ten.” He got to his feet. “I got Monday’s episode of Oz recorded. You wanna watch it before we gotta get ready?”
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