The Penis song and the Naruto fic that infested my brain.

[zaccheo]

Yes, people there IS a penis song ROFL.

I swear, Sai would feast on this one! A friend pointed this to me and it sticked to my brain (of all the songs there is.) the rest of the day. Imagine my horror.

Comments

[senrei_yume]

Hey! Read the little bit of fic. :wibbles: Poor Sasuke. Is it possible for him not to angst? We could put him on prozac and he'd still find a way. But it's cute to see those two bicker, even when things are very different.

D8 I really want to read some Sasuke-Fugaku interaction. I'd love on that so hard. Have you figured out Itachi yet? (Honestly, I usually avoid the guy altogether, he can be so much trouble...)

Also, if you don't mind a bit of critique; the dialogue where Sasuke and Naruto are fighting? Try using a few descriptive words like 'scoff' 'snapped'... makes it more interesting to read.

[zaccheo]

yeah. but the knowledge is kind of depressing >.< (dont you wanna be happy, sasuke? oh well our naruto could 'force' him to be one, anyway) but seeing the circumstance change, their bickering would undoubtedly change topics.

ahaha! its cool. i love those parts. sasuke wangsts because of him. i'll post it sometime, the part where sasuke introduces naruto to his parents. as of yet, that was my most favourite part XXXDDD and im still thinking of how the heck am i going to make itachi exist and not going to kill the clan.

what are you saying? of course i would love recieving crits. i've been wanting to improve my writing, after all.

and yeah, i've posted the prologue of that narusaki horror i've been doing last year.

[senrei_yume]

Yes, let's have Naruto force Sasuke to be happy. (He'll probably angst about being happy, though. What a kid!)

I look forward to Naruto meeting the Clan leaders. Oh boy... Maybe Itachi could take up shogi. Yes, and he and Shika could be best of friends. XXD

Anyway, for the crit what I'm trying to say is, between a character's lines, try to describe what they are doing or how they said something to add flavor and a mental image. Like,

"Hn. Whatever. LIke I have any interest in knowing your name. You're just some regular dead-last in the class." Sasuke scoffed and crossed his arms.

hope that doesn't make me sound arrogant...

[zaccheo]

He'll probably angst about being happy, though.
LOL. undoubtedly. his emo powers amaze me. he's sort of like that in this particular fic too, haha.

so far, i havent made naruto to meet the uchiha clan leaders. and that could certainly lead to his permanent banning on the uchiha compound that's why i try to avoid it. i've only made fugaku meet with naruto.

itachi getting friendly with sasuke's generation would be creepy. i havent established his position on the story yet but i would like him to still be cold to everyone and acting quite nice and all to his younger brother.

hmm.. no it did not. like i said, i like crits (used to it too) and that's not even a quarter of how my professor in painting insulted crit my works. he makes our girl classmates cry.