The Letter (an Okamoto x OC fic)
Title: The Letter
Author: yutorinislove (a.k.a. Hikari)
Rating: PG
Summary: "Be happy."
“Are you ready to go?”
Ana looked up at her boyfriend Yamada Ryosuke’s face and smiled. She wasn’t paying any attention to him for a few moments now, because she was busy looking around for any sign at all of the one boy that she considered her best friend. Usually Keito was always hanging around Yuto, but that say, he was nowhere to be found.
Today was the day of their class trip, and everybody, including her, her boyfriend and her best friend, were excited. She took another look around, and she saw the beaming faces of all of her friends - there were Chinen and Yuto and Hikari-chan playing around, torturing Dai-chan who had come from another section - but there wasn’t Keito. He was the one who rallied fiercely for this field trip to commence: why wasn’t he here?
“Ana-chan?” Yamada asked worriedly. “Are you okay? You’re spacing out again.”
She nodded absently. “I’m fine,” she said, but in reality she was not. She was getting worried. Where was Keito? “Um…Ryo-chan, have you seen Keito anywhere? I haven’t seen him today.”
Yamada blinked then looked around. “Come to think of it, I haven’t seen the Gorilla either.”
“Don’t call him a gorilla,” Ana admonished gently, because she knew that Keito didn’t like being called a gorilla. She knew him that much.
Yamada just beamed. “Let’s go ask Yuto-kun, okay?” Then he looked up and waved to the taller guy. “Oi, Yuto! Quit flirting with Chinen and Hikari and come over here!”
Yuto, always good-natured, took the joke astride as he mock-blew Chinen and Hikari an air-kiss before approaching Yamada and Ana. “Yabai, it’s hard to choose between two pretties, if you know what I mean,” he said in a mock-gay voice.
“Quit it,” Yamada laughed at him. Then his expression turned serious. “Have you seen Keito yet?”
Yuto shrugged without looking around. “Nope. He’s not coming.”
Ana sat up straight, outraged. “What?! But he wanted to come-“
“He wasn’t feeling well,” Yuto said, oblivious to Ana’s outraged expression. He shoved his hands inside his pockets and cocked his head at Yamada. “He came over last night to tell me that he might not be coming.”
“He came over? When he wasn’t feeling well? Oh, Gorilla sure is sort of stupid at times,” Yamada said as he sighed. Then he looked down at Ana. “I’ll go get us something to drink, okay? Wait here.”
Ana just nodded. That’s about the lamest, and I mean the lamest excuse Keito ever dreamed up. But the question still remains: why didn’t he come?
“He asked me to give this to you,” Yuto said, reaching inside his jacket pocket and producing a sealed white window envelope.
Ana turned the envelope in her hands. There were pieces of lined notebook paper inside, as she could see from the plastic window. “Huh?” she asked in puzzlement. Keito wasn’t necessarily the clearest person in the world, but he has never been this puzzling to Ana. Ever.
“He came over last night to ask me to give this to you,” Yuto said seriously. “Well, dang him for making me lie to Yama-chan about his true purpose, but I guess that it’s better to have Yama-chan out of the picture while you read his letter, right?” Yuto winked. “Later, Ana-chan.”
Ana was even more puzzled. What was in the envelope? She thought as she watched Yuto return to Chinen and Hikari.
===***===***===***
Ana enjoyed the field trip, but undoubtedly, she knew she must have enjoyed it better with Keito around to explain the meaning of the envelope with the notebook paper stuffed in her pocket. Because she knew how much Keito valued his privacy, and how he hated having his thoughts laughed at, which he must have known that Yama-chan might do, Ana didn’t dare read the letter with him around. She loved her boyfriend, but she admitted that sometimes, Yamada could be a bit of a jerk.
“Should I take you home?” Yamada asked as they disembarked from the bus.
Ana shook her head. She was impatient to be alone, so she could read Keito’s letter and find out what was wrong with her best guy friend. “No thanks,” she smiled. “I have an errand to do, so you could go home ahead of me. My house is not that far anyway.”
Yamada smiled and kissed her on the forehead. “Kiotsukete ne, all right? I’ll see you tomorrow, Ana.”
“See you tomorrow, Ryo,” she said as she waved at his retreating back.
Without warning, Yamada turned back and said in a loud, cheerful voice, “Aishiteru, Ana-chan~!”
Ana blushed. This was one of the reasons why she loved Yamada: there was no knowing with him. He wasn’t very open with his true emotions, but he was extremely fond of exhibiting his emotions when he was serious about the object of his feelings. It was the way that he was willing to do anything, willing to be always there, willing to look like a fool, just to make her feel that he loved her.
She smiled, still blushing. “Kiotsukete na, Ryosuke,” she stammered in her embarrassment.
He grinned even wider as he waved and ran away.
Ana stood there for a few moments as she collected her thoughts. She wasn’t sure if she did the right thing, lying to his boyfriend, but, with her hand slipping inside her pocket and grasping the envelope from Keito, she found her resolve.
===***===***===***
She decided to read the envelope in the park, sitting on the set of swings. She knew that her nosy brother at home would not give her the privacy she needed, so she decided on the park, after much deliberation with herself. She found herself a spot that was well-lighted because it was already starting to get dark.
Swinging gently, she gently opened the flap and pulled out the three pieces of notebook paper. This was the clue to why Keito didn’t show up for the field trip that he so wanted to go to.
Unable to contain her curiosity, she started to read.
Maybe you're looking at this letter with a raised eyebrow, your first response whenever something curious comes your way. Maybe you're turning it over in your hands like you're trying to find out whether this letter, written on a piece of notebook paper and stuffed in a plain white window envelope is someone's idea of a joke. My idea of a joke.
No, you don’t make these kinds of jokes, Keito, Ana wanted to say aloud, a smile blossoming on her face. What is this letter about? She wanted to ask. She set aside her thoughts and let herself privy to her best friend’s thoughts, letting her best friend’s emotions swill around her.
No. It's not. You know me too much to even assume that I'll make this kind of joke.
What is this letter about? you'll probably ask yourself. Why did I, Okamoto Keito, the dork that sat beside you in Fujigaya-sensei's class, write you something like this?
The answer is that because I lack the courage to tell you all of these in person. Lame, right? But that's just the way it is. Besides, you're happy now. What I'm going to tell you might just destroy everything...or provide you with something that might make you hate me.
This is the story of a boy who's too afraid, too shy, too goddamned insecure to tell his seatmate that he liked her.
I know right? You never had a clue. Was I that secretive or what? Anyway. You have to hear me out, so please, read on.
Given the circumstances (and your curiosity), you might not have a choice.
When did I start to like you? Not right away, that's for sure. The first time I saw you, I was just getting used to the fact that I'm in a regular section, not a special one. The first time I saw you, I was just getting used to the idea of having a girl as a classmate. The first time I saw you, you were just one of the twenty other girls who might laugh at me for my antics.
So when did I start to like you?
Maybe it was during class? 'Cause God knows that we never get to talk to each other out of class that first month, both because you were the busy student council president and I was the freakingly shy guy who never spoke a word outside of class except if it was with his friends.
Maybe I liked you when you stood up for me that one moment when your own friends were ostracizing me. You told them off, real tough like the girl that you are, never mind if they hated you afterward for choosing a lame stranger like I am, over them.
Maybe it was the way that you never left me behind, never excluded me, never thought that I was different and freaky, not understanding Japanese all that well. Maybe it was the way that you took it in your hands to make me feel comfortable in myself.
Maybe it was the way that you never left.
I can't point my finger at it, mostly because I don't know myself how I fell in love with you, but it was there, definitely there, torturing and sustaining me at the same time, how I was so close to you, yet so far.
Because you like Yamada. That was a fact.
There was never a way that you will ever consider me as anything more than just a friend and seatmate. There was never a way that you're going to treat me more than just a confidant. Because there was Yamada, and he was everything that you could ever want, everything that you could have wished for.
And Yamada, far as I knew, though he was resistant to other girls' charms, he would like you. He could like you. He will like you.
So I went out of my way, never mind that it hurt me too much, to set the two of you up. So that you could be happy. So that you can get what you deserve.
That was the one thing that I can do for you to be happy.
And because Yamada knows a good deal from the bad, he asked you out. That day, I was smiling. I was smiling when you came up to me and told me that he asked you out. I was smiling when I saw the sparkle in your eyes. I was smiling when I congratulated the two of you, the two of you beaming with pride.
Nobody, but Yuto, nobody knew I was dying inside.
But I told myself: it was enough that you were happy. I can live with that. I can live with the knowledge that you were happy, and not stuck with me.
So I pretended I was okay with everything. I pretended that seeing you with Yamada every time that we met was okay.
But there was a little voice inside my head that kept saying that I'm going to regret it. That it should be me beside you, not Yamada. That he didn't know you enough to take care of you efficiently. That he never knew that you hated seafood, that he never knew that you cried easily.
How was he going to protect you if he never knew all those stuff?
How?
Those were the questions going inside my head. But I never said anything, never did anything, just smiled and supported you whenever you needed my smiles and my support. All I knew is that I was waiting. I was waiting, unconsciously, to catch you when Yamada dropped you. Because he loses interest in things easily.
But that didn't happen. That never happened. I waited for months. That was when I realized that he was serious about you.
There was nothing I can do, but just be there, be privy to your and his romance blossom into something that I had hoped would have been ours.
It hurt. It still does, when I think of it. But it was my fault. I never told you anything about how I felt. Instead, I became the coward that I am and shoved Yamada in my way. I had my chance to tell you how I felt, but I never took that chance.
Yuto was the one who convinced me to do this. He figured that I wasn't okay. He figured that I was just hiding behind my tough exterior, as always, and concealing my thoughts, again.
And there was the matter of my going back to England this week. Don’t worry: I purposely never told anyone about this. Only you, the principal, my father, and Yuto know. The principal was going to announce this on the actual day of my departure: the day after our field trip. Sorry I can’t be there, but it just can’t be helped. Anyway, it was too late to tell you I love you, because Yamada already has you, but Yuto, good soul, concluded that it would be even more regretful for me to just go back to England without you knowing.
So he forced me to tell you what I felt. He wouldn't have none of my stupid excuses that "she's already happy with him" and "Yamada will kill me." He told me that it was better to have Yamada kill me than let me kill myself with watching the two of you from the sidelines with something burning inside my heart. He told me that it was better to let you know that I love you, that I might not get over you, than just let you pass without knowing how I felt.
He told me that it was better to tell you what I feel, never mind if you reject me or just continue treating me as a friend. At least you knew.
And now you do.
Be happy, Ana-chan.
Jaa,
Keito-kun
Moments passed, but Ana was still stunned.
Keito likes me. No. Keito loves me.
He loved me ever since that day that I hesitantly defended him from my friends. He loved me even when I shoved Ryosuke in his face. He loves me until now.
Why? Ana thought, the tears stinging from behind her eyelids. She loved Keito like a brother: she valued him as a best friend. But she can never treat him that way. She can never look at Keito romantically.
She had no idea how much he was hurting. And now she did. And now she knew that his non-appearance at the school trip was her fault. Now she knew that she should have read into Keito’s body language, that she should have known because she was his goddamned bestfriend, and spared him the pain. Because she was supposed to be the one who understood him better than anyone else did.
She didn’t know how long she sat there, trying to keep herself from crying. She didn’t know what to do now. She didn’t know how to treat him now. What was she supposed to do? It was already too late. It was already evening, and she didn’t know where Keito lived. How pathetic was that? And she actually had the guts to call him her best friend when she didn’t know everything about him and that she all she did to him these past few months was hurt him?
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice breaking. The tears began to fall. There was no stopping them at that moment. “Keito-kun…I’m sorry…”
“I told you to be happy, Ana-chan,” a familiar voice said from behind her.
She looked behind her and found Keito standing there, the Fender guitar slung over his shoulders. He was looking at her with a blank look on his face, but there were still traces of the face of the guy that she considered her best guy friend.
“I can’t be happy knowing you’ll be mad at me,” Ana said as she looked down on her shoes.
“Who says I’ll be mad at you? Ana-chan, I’ll never be mad at you. If there’s anyone I would be mad at, it would be myself. Because I’m stupid, and cowardly, and shy…” he cocked his head to one side. “You get the picture. I can be mad at anyone, but never at you, okay?”
“But…” she can’t say it. She fluttered the notebook papers in her hands.
“Didn’t you read what I wrote?” he said gently as he knelt down in front of her, making him look up at her. “I told you to be happy. I never told you to love me back. I never told you to dump Yama-chan. I only asked you to be happy. Do everything that will make you happy. That’s all.
“I don’t really care if I’m going to be part of that happiness, Ana-chan,” he said as he helped her up. “At least I could say that I’ve been close to my dream. I’ll get over this. So please be happy.”
What he said wasn’t convincing, but as his friend, there wasn’t anything left to do but just trust him. That was one of the things that she knew about Keito: he desperately wanted to be trusted.
“Okay,” Ana said as she smiled hesitantly.
“That does it,” Keito smiled happily. “Does Yama-chan even know you’re here?”
“No,” Ana said as she wiped her cheeks.
“What were you thinking?” Keito said, mock-scandalized. He knew that Ana could pretty well take care of herself, that she didn’t need anyone protecting her. “Come on, then. It’s getting late. I’ll take you home.”
The walk home was quiet and normal. The silence wasn’t awkward, but it was pregnant, and there was so much that was left unsaid, that didn’t need to be said. There was just Keito and Ana, Ana and Keito, walking to the Tachibana home, that was that.
Once they arrived at the Tachibana home, Keito immediately turned to leave.
“Wait,” Ana said.
Keito raised an eyebrow. “Hmm?”
“You’ll find someone else who’ll treat you better than I ever did.” Ana said, the tears brimming again. She was sending her best guy pal off. Of course she will be emotional. “You’ll find someone who will be able to love you in the way that you have wanted me to love you. And you’ll be happy, too. You will be happy, like I am now.”
Keito smiled. “I know.” Then he raised his hand in goodbye. “I’ll see you…someday. Okay?”
Ana nodded. “Someday.”
“Promise that?” Keito asked.
“Pinky promise.” Ana said, holding her outstretched pinky towards him.
He twined his own pinky to her and cocked his head to the side. “’Bye, then.”
“’Bye.”
^^^^****
Later that night, after Keito had left, Ana pulled the covers off her body. She can’t sleep, knowing that anytime soon, Keito would be bound for England. Back to England, back to the place that he considered home better than Japan.
“He’ll be happy there,” Ana whispered to herself. Then she looked down at her pinky, a smile gracing her face. Knowing that someday, they will still meet. That when they do, they’ll both be happy.
========= END ==========
Waaaaaahhhh~~~ this is so fail. D: And so weird. I tried to base it on Together Forever by Hey! Say! JUMP, but I guess my head went ahead and proceeded without me. XD Comments are loved~~~ <3 OwO