Comments | yutamiyu: Onus (1/1)

yutamiyu

Onus (1/1)

Mar 03, 2006 22:33

Title: Onus
Spoilers: Post-"Skin Deep"
Rating: Work safe.
Word Count: 1464
Notes: _vicodin claimed the dedication before everyone else, so it's for her. Thanks to enchanted_april for the beta job. Apparently I'm also renegotiating the conditions of my break from writing, as evidenced by the fact that I'm working on the next chapter of Sacrosanct.

( Every time, it is the same, as he turns on his side and pulls up his shirt. )

housefic

Comments 11

fated_addiction March 4 2006, 03:45:38 UTC

#2.

fated_addiction March 4 2006, 04:07:20 UTC

I love the language.

You're right. I love it. But it's really the language and the use of words that stand out for me. There's such color in this one. It's really quite complicated. And I love complicated.

I like the repetition of the She didn’t destroy me/She just disfigured me. I think that's my favorite set of lines in the whole story because of the weight. Disfiguring is such an interesting perspective to take on his relationship with Stacy, a concept that I like that you brought to the fold.

Love the play on the routine. And this mini-passage, It’s a sort of sick domestic routine they have. While he waits in bed for the medicine to take effect, she showers and changes. He showers while she makes breakfast. They never speak, when they eat, unless he decides to utter those familiar and damning words. It's fascinating how everything seems to evolve and you do extremely well. You always impress me with the flow.

And as always, the details. The needle imagery. The scotch. Simply fantastic, dear.

<3

Memories, this one.

enchanted_april March 4 2006, 03:47:48 UTC

omgYAY... SECOND.

Hehe... so there!

A very sensitively drawn portrait which I can easily see as canon (well, if he hadn't gone to Cuddy, that is... and maybe even though he did...). A quiet, picture of their dysfunctional lives. <3

enchanted_april March 4 2006, 03:48:18 UTC

Well, damn... I took too long writing!

lea724 March 4 2006, 04:05:40 UTC

Really well-done. I like how it's mainly the actions and descriptions than dialogue that make it flow.

pass_the_vics March 4 2006, 08:57:23 UTC

Powerful. Dark. Brilliant. I loved every single sentence of it.

I agree with the above comments. This would definitely pass for canon. Amazing.

starhawk2005 March 4 2006, 14:43:23 UTC

Interesting. Love the feeling of being stuck in a circle. Which is of course typical of all addictions. Except, this time Cam is trapped in there with him. That's apparently what you get for being too nice to him, oy.

Great job! ;)