Distance Brings You Closer Chapter 10
Title: Distance Brings You Closer (Chapter 10/11)
Author: yukinonamida
Genre: AU, Drama, Angst, Romance, Smut, Friendship
Pairing: Nishikato
Rating: R
Summary: Ryo and Shige were the best of friends until different stresses got to them and they began to grow apart. Ryo's constant verbal abuse to Shige only increases the distance between them, until they become lost in a dangerous relationship with each other. Different feelings begin to surface but is their once strong bond already destroyed beyond repair?
A/N: This chapter is safe~ More angst~
Previous Chapters:
( Chapter 1 )
( Chapter 2 )
( Chapter 3 )
( Chapter 4 )
( Chapter 5 )
( Chapter 6 )
( Chapter 7 )
( Chapter 8 )
( Chapter 9 )
Chapter 10: Falling Raindrops
For the next week, Ryo called didn’t show up to work. Shige hadn’t spoken to or even seen him since he left him that day. Everyday, Shige had looked at Ryo’s dark, lifeless office before entering his cubicle.
He would be lying if he said that Ryo’s absence didn’t affect him. Several times a day, he looked up from his work and bit his lip, wondering if he had gone too far that day. ‘Maybe…maybe if I hadn’t said things like that, things would be different’ he would think to himself. It’s not like he had lied or anything, but everyone knows that sometimes, it is better not to tell the whole truth. It hurts less that way.
Shige didn’t want to hurt Ryo, but what else could he have done?
~~~
For the week that Ryo had taken off of work, he had moped around his apartment and spent most of the time in bed. He would stare at the walls confining him in the safety of his bedroom and wonder what the point was in ever leaving them again. Shige’s words left a wound in his heart that would be difficult to heal on its own.
For the whole time, his mind was flooded with memories of times they shared together. His heart ached with every laugh, ripped with every smile, and tore with every time the two words “Friends forever” echoed in his head.
~~~
On the eighth day that Ryo had not shown up in work, Shige was close to his breaking point. He was worried and desperately wanted to know what had happened with Ryo. He pulled out his cell phone and shakily flipped it open under his desk. He went through his list of contacts and stopped when the name “Ryo-chan” was highlighted. He breathed deeply, staring at the number, as his finger lingered on the send button.
Hesitantly, he pressed the button and brought the phone up to his ear, listening to the dial tone.
“We’re sorry, but the number you have dialed cannot be reached.”
Shige furrowed his eyebrows as he flipped the phone shut. That’s weird..
“Yo~ Shige” Koyama beamed, leaning against the opening the the cubicle.
“Ah, Kei-chan.” Shige said weakly.
“Something wrong?” Koyama asked, studying Shige’s expression.
“N-no…I’m fine.” Shige lied, smiling faintly.
“You’re worried about Nishikido-san not coming into work, aren’t you?” Koyama concluded, walking over and rubbing Shige’s back comfortingly.
Shige looked down at the phone in his hands and nodded.
“I’m sure he’ll come back soon. You shouldn’t worry too much.” Koyama said gently.
Shige just nodded again, half smiling at his friend.
“Let’s go to lunch, ne?”
~~~
Ryo walked slowly through the halls of Shige’s apartment complex until he reached Shige’s door. He ran his fingers over the middle of it, and smiled weakly.
“Shige, come on! These are heavy!” Ryo laughed, holding a bunch of bags of groceries in front of Shige’s door.
“Hold on, Ryo-chan,” Shige smiled, “I can’t find my key.”
“Don’t you have a keychain or something?” Ryo asked, adjusting his hands on the handles of the bags.
“No…I guess I should get one though, ne?”
“Mmm…I’ll get you one.” Ryo offered.
“Really, Ryo-chan?”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks…ah! Found it!” Shige said as he held out the key.
“Finally, I’m starving.”
“Me too, let’s hurry up and cook this stuff, ne?” Shige grinned as he opened the door and walked in.
Ryo hooked the keychain onto the door handle and placed his journal on the floor in front of the door, his wet hair dripping on the cover. It suddenly began to rain outside, and he had forgotten to bring an umbrella. He shivered and rubbed his arms as he stood up and left the building to walk home.
Little did he know…Shige had just walked in the building as Ryo left.
~~~
“Ahh, it’s freezing out there!” He said to the woman at the desk.
“Hurry up and get warm, ne?” She smiled.
“Mm.” Shige nodded.
It had begun to rain as Shige left the work building. It wasn’t fully rain, but it wasn’t snow either. Whatever it was, it was cold and wet, and it left Shige shivering just by standing out in it for a minute. He walked quickly up to his apartment and approached it slowly as he noticed the book on the floor in front of the door.
He tilted his head in confusion as he bent over to pick it up, noting that the water droplets on it were still fresh. Did Ryo leave this here just now? He shook his head, and dug for his key with his free hand. Once he found it, he reached for the handle but froze when he saw the keychain hanging from the handle.
“Hold on, Ryo-chan,” Shige smiled, “I can’t find my key.”
“Don’t you have a keychain or something?” Ryo asked, adjusting his hands on the handles of the bags.
“No…I guess I should get one though, ne?”
“Mmm…I’ll get you one.” Ryo offered.
“Really, Ryo-chan?”
“Yeah.”
Shige took it off the handle and stared at it for a few moments before shaking the thought out of his head. No…one of the maids probably found this on the ground around here and stuck it here. It couldn’t possibly...
Shige opened the door and sat on his couch, staring at the journal on the coffee table. A million thoughts went through his mind as he picked it up, and opened it cautiously to the last page that had writing on it.
Shige…
He froze and hesitated a bit before continuing to read it.
Do you remember the time that we bought these journals? The lady there told us that these would hold the things neither of us had the courage to say, ne? I am going to trust that lady and write down these words to you.
I’m sure you must hate me, Shige. But just please…just read this. I want you to understand everything.
Work became extremely difficult when I got the promotion, and I felt like I had to be perfect. I couldn’t make the slightest mistake. It was a lot of pressure for me…and before I knew it, I had no time for myself anymore. I had no time for you, either. I was stressed, and I wanted to be the best in this job so I pushed everyone aside, including you. I didn’t realize that I was losing you until that day that waited for me by my car and you said you wouldn’t bother to wait for me anymore. It hurt me to know that I was losing you, but I didn’t know how to tell you that. I knew it was my fault, and that made it hurt even more.
I know you might not understand why, but I couldn’t control my frustrations around you. I didn’t know why then either, but I lost my patience with you much more than I should have.
What I regret the most is telling you that our personal feelings had to be put aside in work. I don’t know why I said that…I didn’t mean it. In fact, it hurt me every time you called me so informally.
I was confused...
When I think of how I treated you when you were doing your assignment, I hate myself. You didn’t deserve that…I’m so sorry that I did something so horrible.
Tears began to form in Shige’s eyes as he turned the next page.
Around that time, I had this feeling in my chest that was eating at me. It was a frustrated feeling, but it was also paired with so many emotions that I couldn’t understand. When we argued, this feeling got worse, and I couldn’t control myself. When I think that I let this feeling get to me and that I hit you…I feel ashamed of myself. It only made the feeling worse, and it…hurt. I felt such pain knowing that I had hurt you…I’m so sorry.
And then I did it again, and we fought in my office that day. I want you to know that I never, ever wanted to hurt you. I just couldn’t control myself. The frustration of being overworked and the frustration and pain of losing you got the best of me. I became weaker and weaker with every time I hit you, and I suddenly just wanted to be close to you…to hold you close to me.
Shige’s chest tightened and twisted as he read these words and remembered how Ryo pinned him against the wall, pushing them closer and closer together.
I told you that I hated you…that was a lie. I don’t hate you, Shige…at all. I hated what you were doing to me at that moment. I was losing my mind because I wanted to be with you so badly. That is why I kissed you. And when I did, I wanted more. I didn’t know it then, but the feeling in my chest was trying to tell me what I never would have imagined.
I’m attracted to you, Shige.
When we had sex, I didn’t know why, but everything felt so right. But I didn’t know how to tell you. I never knew how to tell you how I felt, because I wasn’t quite sure myself. Whenever I wanted to tell you something, my brain changed it into an insult, or something hurtful. I didn’t understand anything that was happening, and it hurt to think that I was almost running out of time. I felt that you were leaving me, and this made me think that whatever I said wouldn’t matter anyway. I pushed you away, but I immediately wanted to take it back and hold onto you.
Especially when I see you with Koyama-san. I know you two are best friends now, and that hurts me. I feel like you gave my spot in your heart to him.
I ruined everything, Shige. And I know you probably cannot forgive me, but I hope you know…I spent this past week trying to sort things out. I was so lost, and it feels like I still am. But I realized that what you said was true. I turned into a monster, but I want to try to change. I want to become your “Ryo-chan” again. I want to be someone you can love again. I want to be proud of these emotions that I feel towards you. I want to become someone who will never hurt you again with my indecisiveness and frustration.
Shige cried as he continued to read, slowly seeing his best friend begin to come back to him.
One last thing, Shige…the first thing I want to change is I want to keep my promises to you.
Did you find the keychain I left you?
Shige picked up the keychain in his shaky hand and held it close to his heart.
I promised you that day that I would buy you one, so I hope you like it. I bought it when I was leaving from China. It is a star, because when I was there, I looked up into the starry sky and I thought of you. Just to know that we were under the same sky made me feel closer to you. I want you to know…that when I was there, I never stopped thinking about you.
This is my way of telling you that I miss you, Shige, and I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me.
Shige put the book down and looked around, shaking his head and breathing heavily.
“Ryo-chan…” he said weakly as he ran out of his apartment, grabbing an umbrella.
Ryo’s words echoed in his racing mind as he ran out of his apartment and through the wet streets. It was still raining, and it was cold enough for Shige to see the puff of white each time he breathed. He was running to Ryo’s apartment, but never expected to see Ryo, walking in the distance.
“Ryo-chan!!” Shige screamed, gasping for air.
Ryo looked back hesitantly, and his eyes widened when he saw Shige standing just a short distance away.
“Shige?” Ryo mumbled under his breath.
“You idiot! What are you doing?!” Shige ran up to him and pushed Ryo’s shoulder.
“Eh?” Ryo mumbled, still in shock.
Shige’s heart beat like crazy as he sobbed. “Why are you out in the rain? You’re going to get sick!”
“I’m fine.” Ryo said, turning away.
“No, you’re not!” Shige argued.
The two stood there in silence, with only the sound of the rain falling around them.
“…Did you read it?” Ryo asked nervously after a minute or two.
“Yeah, I did.” Shige said gently, trying to get his feelings under control.
“Oh…” Ryo responded, seemingly becoming embarrassed.
“Did you mean it? What you wrote…”
“Every word.” Ryo said, with a gentle glint in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Shige.”
Shige ran up to him and threw his arms around him, pounding his hand into Ryo’s chest.
“Baka…baka…ba..” Shige trailed off as he began to cry uncontrollably.
“I’m so sorry.” Ryo sobbed into Shige’s hair as he wrapped his arms around him. “I’m sorry…”
Shige pulled away and sniffled. “I…It’s okay…I forgive you.”
Ryo’s heavy heart lightened a bit as he smiled faintly and leaned in to kiss him.
“Eh-” Shige muttered as he pulled away before their lips could touch.
Don’t you get it? I don’t love you anymore. It…it’s too late, Nishikido-san.
Shige’s words echoed in Ryo’s head as he stepped away, swallowing hard as the rain continued to chill his already trembling body.
“Ano…Ryo-chan…let’s take it slow…okay?” Shige said nervously.
“Eh-…ah…yeah. Just friends, ne?”
“Ryo-chan, you must be freezing!” Shige yelled, remembering their situation when Ryo sneezed.
“It’s a little cold…” Ryo laughed.
“Um…I’ll make us some hot chocolate, come back to my place.” Shige offered, grabbing Ryo’s arm and flagging down a taxi.
They rode in silence, not exchanging words or glances until they reached Shige’s apartment. Shige pulled out his key, which had the keychain attached.
“Eh? You’re using it.” Ryo said, breaking the silence.
“Of course.” Shige smiled, happy that he had decided to attach them in the taxi.
“It’s been a long time, huh?” Ryo said as he walked in, feeling awkward yet comfortable at the same time.
“Um…you want to take a shower? You’re gonna catch a cold if you don’t.”
“…okay.” Ryo agreed, wanting to get into something warm immediately.
“You know where the bathroom is…ah! Wait just a sec, I’ll find you some warm clothes.” Shige said nervously, and Ryo could tell he was feeling awkward as well.
Shige changed into a t-shirt and some sweatpants while Ryo was in the shower, and he made some hot chocolate. He stirred it slowly as he looked over to the bathroom door. He was happy that Ryo had apologized and that he finally understood how Ryo was feeling, but he still kept his guard up. He was surprised by the sudden change, and he couldn’t help but think that it was possible for him to change back at any moment.
Ryo walked out of the bathroom and snapped him out of it.
“Ryo-chan! The hot chocolate is ready!” Shige called to him.
“Oh..” Ryo muttered as he walked over and took the cup from Shige. “Thanks.”
Ryo sipped it slowly and looked over to Shige. His heart still ached for some reason, and he felt like he wanted to cry when he looked at him.
“Shige…” Ryo said shakily after they finished the drinks.
“Hmm?” Shige asked, slightly worried at the tone of Ryo’s voice.
“Remember last year around Christmas? It was really cold and we sat huddled under a blanket near the heater…”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want to do that again?” Ryo said, looking at him desperately.
Shige stared at him for a minute before nodding hesitantly.
They both sat in front of the heat vent, huddled under the warmth of the blanket. They still maintained a safe distance between them, afraid to get too close. But even with the distance, their hearts began to beat more rapidly.
“You don’t have to be afraid, Shige. I won’t do anything to you.” Ryo mumbled softly.
“Huh? I’m not afraid.”
“I mean…you can come closer.”
“Eh? Oh…okay.” Shige stammered, obviously anxious despite what he said. He moved closer until their sides touched. Ryo looked at Shige, and all he wanted was to hold him. He felt the tears well up in his eyes as the last pieces of the puzzle of his emotions finally found their places. The tears began to fall as he looked into Shige’s worried eyes.
“Ryo-chan? Are you okay?”
Ryo wrapped his arms around Shige’s shoulders and pulled him close, holding him. He began to cry as he held onto Shige tighter.
“Ryo-chan…” Shige said gently against Ryo’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry…Shige. I’m sorry.” Ryo cried.
“I said that I have forgiven you, so don’t cry.” Tears began to line his eyes as well as he put his arms around Ryo’s waist.
“I don’t want it to be too late…”
“Eh?”
“The other day…you said ‘It’s too late, Nishikido-san’. You said you didn’t love me anymore…I don’t want it to be too late.”
“Ryo-chan…it’s not too late…I shouldn’t have said that. I just meant that I shouldn’t love you unless you begin to love me back. It hurts too much one-sidedly. But…I can’t stop.”
Ryo pulled away and they looked into each other’s eyes.
“Can’t stop?”
Shige sniffled as tears ran down his face uncontrollably. “I can’t stop loving you, Ryo-chan. You were mean to me, you hurt me, but even after all that, I still love you. No matter how much I wanted to stop, no matter how far I pushed you away, I always ended up being drawn back to you. I just wish you lov-“
Before Shige had a chance to finish, Ryo cupped his face and kissed him with every emotion he was feeling. Ryo pulled away slightly and Shige pushed his shoulders.
“Stop it…” Shige cried. “Don’t tease me like that…If you don-“
“I love you.” Ryo said breathlessly.
Shige’s heart stopped and his eyes widened. “Wh-What?”
“I love you, Shige, and I was an idiot for not noticing it before. I was an idiot for not realizing it until I lost you…” Ryo brought his hands back to Shige’s face and slowly wiped away the tears from Shige’s face, though this action only made Shige cry even more.
“You do?” Shige cried.
“I do…” Ryo said, still wiping away his tears.
“Ryo-chan…you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that…” Shige smiled.
Ryo smiled as well as he leaned in once more and brought his trembling lips to Shige’s and kissed him, but this time, Shige returned the kiss.
They tasted the bitter-sweetness of their tears running over their joined lips and both of their hearts skipped some beats as the distance between them was finally closed.
A/N: Good? Bad? lol. I'm such a total sap because I'm still recovering from watching episodes 4-11 of Last Friends today ;_; *sobsobsob* Chapter 11 will probably just be a little fluffy thing.
Don't worry though, I've already come up with an idea for my next AU. :D
Author: yukinonamida
Genre: AU, Drama, Angst, Romance, Smut, Friendship
Pairing: Nishikato
Rating: R
Summary: Ryo and Shige were the best of friends until different stresses got to them and they began to grow apart. Ryo's constant verbal abuse to Shige only increases the distance between them, until they become lost in a dangerous relationship with each other. Different feelings begin to surface but is their once strong bond already destroyed beyond repair?
A/N: This chapter is safe~ More angst~
Previous Chapters:
( Chapter 1 )
( Chapter 2 )
( Chapter 3 )
( Chapter 4 )
( Chapter 5 )
( Chapter 6 )
( Chapter 7 )
( Chapter 8 )
( Chapter 9 )
Chapter 10: Falling Raindrops
For the next week, Ryo called didn’t show up to work. Shige hadn’t spoken to or even seen him since he left him that day. Everyday, Shige had looked at Ryo’s dark, lifeless office before entering his cubicle.
He would be lying if he said that Ryo’s absence didn’t affect him. Several times a day, he looked up from his work and bit his lip, wondering if he had gone too far that day. ‘Maybe…maybe if I hadn’t said things like that, things would be different’ he would think to himself. It’s not like he had lied or anything, but everyone knows that sometimes, it is better not to tell the whole truth. It hurts less that way.
Shige didn’t want to hurt Ryo, but what else could he have done?
~~~
For the week that Ryo had taken off of work, he had moped around his apartment and spent most of the time in bed. He would stare at the walls confining him in the safety of his bedroom and wonder what the point was in ever leaving them again. Shige’s words left a wound in his heart that would be difficult to heal on its own.
For the whole time, his mind was flooded with memories of times they shared together. His heart ached with every laugh, ripped with every smile, and tore with every time the two words “Friends forever” echoed in his head.
~~~
On the eighth day that Ryo had not shown up in work, Shige was close to his breaking point. He was worried and desperately wanted to know what had happened with Ryo. He pulled out his cell phone and shakily flipped it open under his desk. He went through his list of contacts and stopped when the name “Ryo-chan” was highlighted. He breathed deeply, staring at the number, as his finger lingered on the send button.
Hesitantly, he pressed the button and brought the phone up to his ear, listening to the dial tone.
“We’re sorry, but the number you have dialed cannot be reached.”
Shige furrowed his eyebrows as he flipped the phone shut. That’s weird..
“Yo~ Shige” Koyama beamed, leaning against the opening the the cubicle.
“Ah, Kei-chan.” Shige said weakly.
“Something wrong?” Koyama asked, studying Shige’s expression.
“N-no…I’m fine.” Shige lied, smiling faintly.
“You’re worried about Nishikido-san not coming into work, aren’t you?” Koyama concluded, walking over and rubbing Shige’s back comfortingly.
Shige looked down at the phone in his hands and nodded.
“I’m sure he’ll come back soon. You shouldn’t worry too much.” Koyama said gently.
Shige just nodded again, half smiling at his friend.
“Let’s go to lunch, ne?”
~~~
Ryo walked slowly through the halls of Shige’s apartment complex until he reached Shige’s door. He ran his fingers over the middle of it, and smiled weakly.
“Shige, come on! These are heavy!” Ryo laughed, holding a bunch of bags of groceries in front of Shige’s door.
“Hold on, Ryo-chan,” Shige smiled, “I can’t find my key.”
“Don’t you have a keychain or something?” Ryo asked, adjusting his hands on the handles of the bags.
“No…I guess I should get one though, ne?”
“Mmm…I’ll get you one.” Ryo offered.
“Really, Ryo-chan?”
“Yeah.”
“Thanks…ah! Found it!” Shige said as he held out the key.
“Finally, I’m starving.”
“Me too, let’s hurry up and cook this stuff, ne?” Shige grinned as he opened the door and walked in.
Ryo hooked the keychain onto the door handle and placed his journal on the floor in front of the door, his wet hair dripping on the cover. It suddenly began to rain outside, and he had forgotten to bring an umbrella. He shivered and rubbed his arms as he stood up and left the building to walk home.
Little did he know…Shige had just walked in the building as Ryo left.
~~~
“Ahh, it’s freezing out there!” He said to the woman at the desk.
“Hurry up and get warm, ne?” She smiled.
“Mm.” Shige nodded.
It had begun to rain as Shige left the work building. It wasn’t fully rain, but it wasn’t snow either. Whatever it was, it was cold and wet, and it left Shige shivering just by standing out in it for a minute. He walked quickly up to his apartment and approached it slowly as he noticed the book on the floor in front of the door.
He tilted his head in confusion as he bent over to pick it up, noting that the water droplets on it were still fresh. Did Ryo leave this here just now? He shook his head, and dug for his key with his free hand. Once he found it, he reached for the handle but froze when he saw the keychain hanging from the handle.
“Hold on, Ryo-chan,” Shige smiled, “I can’t find my key.”
“Don’t you have a keychain or something?” Ryo asked, adjusting his hands on the handles of the bags.
“No…I guess I should get one though, ne?”
“Mmm…I’ll get you one.” Ryo offered.
“Really, Ryo-chan?”
“Yeah.”
Shige took it off the handle and stared at it for a few moments before shaking the thought out of his head. No…one of the maids probably found this on the ground around here and stuck it here. It couldn’t possibly...
Shige opened the door and sat on his couch, staring at the journal on the coffee table. A million thoughts went through his mind as he picked it up, and opened it cautiously to the last page that had writing on it.
Shige…
He froze and hesitated a bit before continuing to read it.
Do you remember the time that we bought these journals? The lady there told us that these would hold the things neither of us had the courage to say, ne? I am going to trust that lady and write down these words to you.
I’m sure you must hate me, Shige. But just please…just read this. I want you to understand everything.
Work became extremely difficult when I got the promotion, and I felt like I had to be perfect. I couldn’t make the slightest mistake. It was a lot of pressure for me…and before I knew it, I had no time for myself anymore. I had no time for you, either. I was stressed, and I wanted to be the best in this job so I pushed everyone aside, including you. I didn’t realize that I was losing you until that day that waited for me by my car and you said you wouldn’t bother to wait for me anymore. It hurt me to know that I was losing you, but I didn’t know how to tell you that. I knew it was my fault, and that made it hurt even more.
I know you might not understand why, but I couldn’t control my frustrations around you. I didn’t know why then either, but I lost my patience with you much more than I should have.
What I regret the most is telling you that our personal feelings had to be put aside in work. I don’t know why I said that…I didn’t mean it. In fact, it hurt me every time you called me so informally.
I was confused...
When I think of how I treated you when you were doing your assignment, I hate myself. You didn’t deserve that…I’m so sorry that I did something so horrible.
Tears began to form in Shige’s eyes as he turned the next page.
Around that time, I had this feeling in my chest that was eating at me. It was a frustrated feeling, but it was also paired with so many emotions that I couldn’t understand. When we argued, this feeling got worse, and I couldn’t control myself. When I think that I let this feeling get to me and that I hit you…I feel ashamed of myself. It only made the feeling worse, and it…hurt. I felt such pain knowing that I had hurt you…I’m so sorry.
And then I did it again, and we fought in my office that day. I want you to know that I never, ever wanted to hurt you. I just couldn’t control myself. The frustration of being overworked and the frustration and pain of losing you got the best of me. I became weaker and weaker with every time I hit you, and I suddenly just wanted to be close to you…to hold you close to me.
Shige’s chest tightened and twisted as he read these words and remembered how Ryo pinned him against the wall, pushing them closer and closer together.
I told you that I hated you…that was a lie. I don’t hate you, Shige…at all. I hated what you were doing to me at that moment. I was losing my mind because I wanted to be with you so badly. That is why I kissed you. And when I did, I wanted more. I didn’t know it then, but the feeling in my chest was trying to tell me what I never would have imagined.
I’m attracted to you, Shige.
When we had sex, I didn’t know why, but everything felt so right. But I didn’t know how to tell you. I never knew how to tell you how I felt, because I wasn’t quite sure myself. Whenever I wanted to tell you something, my brain changed it into an insult, or something hurtful. I didn’t understand anything that was happening, and it hurt to think that I was almost running out of time. I felt that you were leaving me, and this made me think that whatever I said wouldn’t matter anyway. I pushed you away, but I immediately wanted to take it back and hold onto you.
Especially when I see you with Koyama-san. I know you two are best friends now, and that hurts me. I feel like you gave my spot in your heart to him.
I ruined everything, Shige. And I know you probably cannot forgive me, but I hope you know…I spent this past week trying to sort things out. I was so lost, and it feels like I still am. But I realized that what you said was true. I turned into a monster, but I want to try to change. I want to become your “Ryo-chan” again. I want to be someone you can love again. I want to be proud of these emotions that I feel towards you. I want to become someone who will never hurt you again with my indecisiveness and frustration.
Shige cried as he continued to read, slowly seeing his best friend begin to come back to him.
One last thing, Shige…the first thing I want to change is I want to keep my promises to you.
Did you find the keychain I left you?
Shige picked up the keychain in his shaky hand and held it close to his heart.
I promised you that day that I would buy you one, so I hope you like it. I bought it when I was leaving from China. It is a star, because when I was there, I looked up into the starry sky and I thought of you. Just to know that we were under the same sky made me feel closer to you. I want you to know…that when I was there, I never stopped thinking about you.
This is my way of telling you that I miss you, Shige, and I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me.
Shige put the book down and looked around, shaking his head and breathing heavily.
“Ryo-chan…” he said weakly as he ran out of his apartment, grabbing an umbrella.
Ryo’s words echoed in his racing mind as he ran out of his apartment and through the wet streets. It was still raining, and it was cold enough for Shige to see the puff of white each time he breathed. He was running to Ryo’s apartment, but never expected to see Ryo, walking in the distance.
“Ryo-chan!!” Shige screamed, gasping for air.
Ryo looked back hesitantly, and his eyes widened when he saw Shige standing just a short distance away.
“Shige?” Ryo mumbled under his breath.
“You idiot! What are you doing?!” Shige ran up to him and pushed Ryo’s shoulder.
“Eh?” Ryo mumbled, still in shock.
Shige’s heart beat like crazy as he sobbed. “Why are you out in the rain? You’re going to get sick!”
“I’m fine.” Ryo said, turning away.
“No, you’re not!” Shige argued.
The two stood there in silence, with only the sound of the rain falling around them.
“…Did you read it?” Ryo asked nervously after a minute or two.
“Yeah, I did.” Shige said gently, trying to get his feelings under control.
“Oh…” Ryo responded, seemingly becoming embarrassed.
“Did you mean it? What you wrote…”
“Every word.” Ryo said, with a gentle glint in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Shige.”
Shige ran up to him and threw his arms around him, pounding his hand into Ryo’s chest.
“Baka…baka…ba..” Shige trailed off as he began to cry uncontrollably.
“I’m so sorry.” Ryo sobbed into Shige’s hair as he wrapped his arms around him. “I’m sorry…”
Shige pulled away and sniffled. “I…It’s okay…I forgive you.”
Ryo’s heavy heart lightened a bit as he smiled faintly and leaned in to kiss him.
“Eh-” Shige muttered as he pulled away before their lips could touch.
Don’t you get it? I don’t love you anymore. It…it’s too late, Nishikido-san.
Shige’s words echoed in Ryo’s head as he stepped away, swallowing hard as the rain continued to chill his already trembling body.
“Ano…Ryo-chan…let’s take it slow…okay?” Shige said nervously.
“Eh-…ah…yeah. Just friends, ne?”
“Ryo-chan, you must be freezing!” Shige yelled, remembering their situation when Ryo sneezed.
“It’s a little cold…” Ryo laughed.
“Um…I’ll make us some hot chocolate, come back to my place.” Shige offered, grabbing Ryo’s arm and flagging down a taxi.
They rode in silence, not exchanging words or glances until they reached Shige’s apartment. Shige pulled out his key, which had the keychain attached.
“Eh? You’re using it.” Ryo said, breaking the silence.
“Of course.” Shige smiled, happy that he had decided to attach them in the taxi.
“It’s been a long time, huh?” Ryo said as he walked in, feeling awkward yet comfortable at the same time.
“Um…you want to take a shower? You’re gonna catch a cold if you don’t.”
“…okay.” Ryo agreed, wanting to get into something warm immediately.
“You know where the bathroom is…ah! Wait just a sec, I’ll find you some warm clothes.” Shige said nervously, and Ryo could tell he was feeling awkward as well.
Shige changed into a t-shirt and some sweatpants while Ryo was in the shower, and he made some hot chocolate. He stirred it slowly as he looked over to the bathroom door. He was happy that Ryo had apologized and that he finally understood how Ryo was feeling, but he still kept his guard up. He was surprised by the sudden change, and he couldn’t help but think that it was possible for him to change back at any moment.
Ryo walked out of the bathroom and snapped him out of it.
“Ryo-chan! The hot chocolate is ready!” Shige called to him.
“Oh..” Ryo muttered as he walked over and took the cup from Shige. “Thanks.”
Ryo sipped it slowly and looked over to Shige. His heart still ached for some reason, and he felt like he wanted to cry when he looked at him.
“Shige…” Ryo said shakily after they finished the drinks.
“Hmm?” Shige asked, slightly worried at the tone of Ryo’s voice.
“Remember last year around Christmas? It was really cold and we sat huddled under a blanket near the heater…”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want to do that again?” Ryo said, looking at him desperately.
Shige stared at him for a minute before nodding hesitantly.
They both sat in front of the heat vent, huddled under the warmth of the blanket. They still maintained a safe distance between them, afraid to get too close. But even with the distance, their hearts began to beat more rapidly.
“You don’t have to be afraid, Shige. I won’t do anything to you.” Ryo mumbled softly.
“Huh? I’m not afraid.”
“I mean…you can come closer.”
“Eh? Oh…okay.” Shige stammered, obviously anxious despite what he said. He moved closer until their sides touched. Ryo looked at Shige, and all he wanted was to hold him. He felt the tears well up in his eyes as the last pieces of the puzzle of his emotions finally found their places. The tears began to fall as he looked into Shige’s worried eyes.
“Ryo-chan? Are you okay?”
Ryo wrapped his arms around Shige’s shoulders and pulled him close, holding him. He began to cry as he held onto Shige tighter.
“Ryo-chan…” Shige said gently against Ryo’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry…Shige. I’m sorry.” Ryo cried.
“I said that I have forgiven you, so don’t cry.” Tears began to line his eyes as well as he put his arms around Ryo’s waist.
“I don’t want it to be too late…”
“Eh?”
“The other day…you said ‘It’s too late, Nishikido-san’. You said you didn’t love me anymore…I don’t want it to be too late.”
“Ryo-chan…it’s not too late…I shouldn’t have said that. I just meant that I shouldn’t love you unless you begin to love me back. It hurts too much one-sidedly. But…I can’t stop.”
Ryo pulled away and they looked into each other’s eyes.
“Can’t stop?”
Shige sniffled as tears ran down his face uncontrollably. “I can’t stop loving you, Ryo-chan. You were mean to me, you hurt me, but even after all that, I still love you. No matter how much I wanted to stop, no matter how far I pushed you away, I always ended up being drawn back to you. I just wish you lov-“
Before Shige had a chance to finish, Ryo cupped his face and kissed him with every emotion he was feeling. Ryo pulled away slightly and Shige pushed his shoulders.
“Stop it…” Shige cried. “Don’t tease me like that…If you don-“
“I love you.” Ryo said breathlessly.
Shige’s heart stopped and his eyes widened. “Wh-What?”
“I love you, Shige, and I was an idiot for not noticing it before. I was an idiot for not realizing it until I lost you…” Ryo brought his hands back to Shige’s face and slowly wiped away the tears from Shige’s face, though this action only made Shige cry even more.
“You do?” Shige cried.
“I do…” Ryo said, still wiping away his tears.
“Ryo-chan…you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that…” Shige smiled.
Ryo smiled as well as he leaned in once more and brought his trembling lips to Shige’s and kissed him, but this time, Shige returned the kiss.
They tasted the bitter-sweetness of their tears running over their joined lips and both of their hearts skipped some beats as the distance between them was finally closed.
A/N: Good? Bad? lol. I'm such a total sap because I'm still recovering from watching episodes 4-11 of Last Friends today ;_; *sobsobsob* Chapter 11 will probably just be a little fluffy thing.
Don't worry though, I've already come up with an idea for my next AU. :D