A vision of you -chapter 11
Author : yukigafuru
Pairing :Gackt X You
Rating : PG 13 , for now
Summary: Being a perfectionist has always helped Gackt until now, when it makes him search desperately for what or who he needs.
Warnings : manXman love
Genre: AU, ignore every single historical detail you know about their real lives, what I write here is all a lie
Disclaimer : I do not own no one ; loved to though
Notes: 2 chapters and an epilogue to go... can't believe it's gonna be over soon. Can you? I'd like to start a new one but no ideas yet... any requests? And you know me...comments are my life force so I'll be waiting! Love
Chapter 11
Next day at band practice to say that the atmosphere was heavy would be a bit of an understatement. You could actually cut the tension with a knife. With Gackt and You both realizing their feelings and suffering in silence, afraid to even look at the other, there wasn’t much even a happy go-lucky ChaCha could do. Except try to beat some sense into his friend. He was determined to get those two idiots together because frankly the way they were looking at each other was so obvious…
“Ok, Gackt, spill! What happened last night? And what’s with the tension?” ChaCha asked stomping his foot against the floor, keeping his arms crossed and throwing Gackt a scrutinizing look.
Here comes the mother hen. Gackt thought. But he really didn’t mind. He cherished his friend and trusted him to tell him everything that happened the other night. So after he told his story he waited for ChaCha to express his opinions. ChaCha just pondered for a couple seconds, or he was actually trying hard to make it seem that way because his answer was really pretty much in the same direction as his previous question which meant two things to Gackt: either Gackt was too stupid to see something that ChaCha had figured from the start or ChaCha was too wound up in his own frame of thinking. Knowing his friend, Gackt figured both were quite possible.
“Ok, Gackt, now I believe you’re a moron. What are you doing sending him all those glances and not saying anything when you’ve just told me you finally realized you love him? You LOVE him for crying out loud! Shouldn’t you be over there, next to him, telling him that?!”
Ok, it’s the second. Gackt thought and sighed.
“Really, ChaCha, did you not hear anything I told you? It’s far more complicated than that.”
“Gackt, I heard every word you said. But it’s not about it being complicated or not. Have you ever heard about love being easy? So what if he has issues and doesn’t trust easily? Who does? And do you really believe every single word that man said? He could be leading you on. And I really don’t think You is the type not to open his heart to anyone, not to love again. I mean, really, the man is a sweetie pie. And frankly, I’d bet my ass that he is in love with you too judging by the way he has been throwing you glances lately.”
ChaCha ended his speech stomping again.
Gackt couldn’t help a weird thought coming to his mind when seeing ChaCha like that. He reminds me of the bunny from “Bambi”. Gackt thought. But then the contents of what ChaCha said really seeped into him. The man was right. He couldn’t find a flaw in his reasoning, maybe towards the end, but still. ChaCha was right, Gackt wasn’t one to just stand by like this and wait. He was Gackt, after all!
“Thanks, ChaCha. I’m gonna talk to him.”
ChaCha beamed but Gackt quickly added.
“I’m not confessing just yet but…I will fight for him, so please stop pouting.”
ChaCha’s pout grew even bigger and Gackt had to smile at that before leaving to join You on the sofa.
You had been stealing glances at Gackt all day long and while he had been talking with ChaCha was not exception. The feelings he had realized yesterday were confirmed and grew stronger with every glance. He couldn’t believe his stupidity for not seeing it sooner. He loved Gackt’s voice, Gackt’s smile, the way he moved his body when he sang, practically emitting light and happiness. Gackt around his friends was even more disarming because he was so free and you could see the love and trust he placed on them. Gackt singing was a god but Gackt with his friends, the Gackt You had never fought existed before was mere human, but maybe that was why he was so beautiful in You’s eyes. He could trust this man that he saw talking with ChaCha because there was not even a hint of ill will in his countenance, all his emotions were out in the open. And You was surprised to find there also a tad of sadness, especially at first. Why would Gackt be sad? You wondered, replaying the last days over and over in his mind, wondering… And then Gackt was talking to him.
“You, I need to talk to you. Last night…”
You couldn’t bring himself to listen to that. He was happy for his best friend but he was also so sad. He couldn’t bear that the man of his dreams become another’s.
“Really, Gackt, Ryosuke told me all about it.” You said trying to put a smile on.
You’s smile mislead Gackt.
“Really, what did he tell you?”
“How happy he was that you kissed him and that he still hoped you would become lovers. I’m happy for him.”
“Listen, You, it’s not like that. Yes I kissed him but that was a mistake and I clearly told him so. I don’t see him that way. Are you mad for turning him down?”
Gackt was hoping that the mad would say give a negative response. You couldn’t believe what he had heard. Even though Ryosuke had told him differently, he could see the honesty in Gackt’s eyes. And something else…His heart was beating so hard in his chest he was actually afraid of having a heart attack. But he had to watch his words. Ryosuke was his best friend after all and he would hate himself if somehow he would end up hurting him.
“ I’m not mad, why would I be? Both of you are my best friends…I just wonder why you kissed him in the first place. I know you are aware of his passion for you. Isn’t it wrong to kiss someone who feels that way and then tell him it was a mistake?”
You hadn’t meant to sound accusing but he did wonder about that. He also wondered why, if the kiss was a mistake, had Gackt been dancing and flirting with Ryosuke all night.
“Well, frankly, Ryosuke is my type. So I guess I was attracted to him form the very beginning. And I’m sorry for leading him on…” Gackt just trailed off, thinking how was he supposed to even start hinting about his real feelings to You.
“But…” You urged him on, not bearing anymore the pain in his chest.
“But it really was just physical attraction. And I don’t feel that way anymore. Not even that. So I clearly told him that we would never be anything. I’m surprised he told you he still had hopes.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. He is my best friend and I want what is best for him. And I know you’d be great for him. But if you don’t feel that way…”
“Listen, You, about me dancing with you the day before yesterday…did you feel uncomfortable?”
And at that You actually stopped breathing for a short while, not expecting the sudden turn in the conversation, not knowing what to answer. But on the other hands he had always hated telling lies…
“Well, Gackt, I wasn’t comfortable at first. But you told me yesterday that we’re best friends so I’m not mad or anything.”
“It’s just that yesterday, Ryosuke told me about your past…Maybe I shouldn’t have asked but after hearing that I thought that maybe You somehow imagined I was trying to…”
You’s heart sunk at that. He wondered if he would be able to survive that day with all the emotions rushing in that way. Sadness joy, and now anger, disbelief, regret, pain. You hadn’t wanted Gackt to know about that and he was mad at Ryosuke for telling him anything. Because Gackt would never want to have to do with him if he knew about that, he thought. Nothing had happened, and You didn’t feel anymore pain from that anymore but still the memory was there and the fear that came with it. And he knew that Gackt would probably prefer to avoid complications…who wouldn’t. You’s past was a big complication So You’s heart just sank.
“Listen Gackt, I never wanted anyone to know about that. And I’m sorry Ryosuke told you. I never associated you with…I never could. It’s true that I trusted him and he disappointed me in the cruelest way and I guess I still have some trust issues. But I’ve also learned to trust you to, so there’s no way I’d see you like that. And I know that you wouldn’t think about me in that way anyway.”
What?! Gackt’s mind screamed. Not think about you how, not wanting to touch him, feel him, have him for myself, then I’m not worth your trust You because I’m thinking about that every moment I set my eyes on you. But I would never do anything to hurt you. Just how do I make you see all this without scaring you away?
“You, Ryosuke told me you’d never love anyone again because of your trust issues. I just hope that isn’t true. You deserve to have love.”
You gasped. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Did Ryosuke say that? Why? And was this pity? He started feeling miserable; he never wanted anyone’s pity, especially Gackt’s.
“No, it isn’t true. Actually, I want to love again. But I don’t need your pity, Gackt, so please, just drop the subject, ok?”
“I’m sorry…”
Way to go, Gackt! This is so much closer to letting him know how you feel. It’s true he made you fall in love with him but did he also make you stupid all of the sudden?
“You, I…”
Gackt was about to tell him that he felt something for him when You’s cell phone started ringing and You picked up. He was disappointed and concerned on hearing You’s voice and his reply: ”don’t move, I’ll be right there.”
You just said: “That was Ryosuke. It seems he needs to talk to me urgently. He didn’t seem in a good shape. We’ll talk tomorrow ok?” before storming out of the room, leaving Gackt behind, wondering what was Ryosuke up to? Because now he was sure that the man was up to no good, his lies were proof enough of that.
Pairing :Gackt X You
Rating : PG 13 , for now
Summary: Being a perfectionist has always helped Gackt until now, when it makes him search desperately for what or who he needs.
Warnings : manXman love
Genre: AU, ignore every single historical detail you know about their real lives, what I write here is all a lie
Disclaimer : I do not own no one ; loved to though
Notes: 2 chapters and an epilogue to go... can't believe it's gonna be over soon. Can you? I'd like to start a new one but no ideas yet... any requests? And you know me...comments are my life force so I'll be waiting! Love
Chapter 11
Next day at band practice to say that the atmosphere was heavy would be a bit of an understatement. You could actually cut the tension with a knife. With Gackt and You both realizing their feelings and suffering in silence, afraid to even look at the other, there wasn’t much even a happy go-lucky ChaCha could do. Except try to beat some sense into his friend. He was determined to get those two idiots together because frankly the way they were looking at each other was so obvious…
“Ok, Gackt, spill! What happened last night? And what’s with the tension?” ChaCha asked stomping his foot against the floor, keeping his arms crossed and throwing Gackt a scrutinizing look.
Here comes the mother hen. Gackt thought. But he really didn’t mind. He cherished his friend and trusted him to tell him everything that happened the other night. So after he told his story he waited for ChaCha to express his opinions. ChaCha just pondered for a couple seconds, or he was actually trying hard to make it seem that way because his answer was really pretty much in the same direction as his previous question which meant two things to Gackt: either Gackt was too stupid to see something that ChaCha had figured from the start or ChaCha was too wound up in his own frame of thinking. Knowing his friend, Gackt figured both were quite possible.
“Ok, Gackt, now I believe you’re a moron. What are you doing sending him all those glances and not saying anything when you’ve just told me you finally realized you love him? You LOVE him for crying out loud! Shouldn’t you be over there, next to him, telling him that?!”
Ok, it’s the second. Gackt thought and sighed.
“Really, ChaCha, did you not hear anything I told you? It’s far more complicated than that.”
“Gackt, I heard every word you said. But it’s not about it being complicated or not. Have you ever heard about love being easy? So what if he has issues and doesn’t trust easily? Who does? And do you really believe every single word that man said? He could be leading you on. And I really don’t think You is the type not to open his heart to anyone, not to love again. I mean, really, the man is a sweetie pie. And frankly, I’d bet my ass that he is in love with you too judging by the way he has been throwing you glances lately.”
ChaCha ended his speech stomping again.
Gackt couldn’t help a weird thought coming to his mind when seeing ChaCha like that. He reminds me of the bunny from “Bambi”. Gackt thought. But then the contents of what ChaCha said really seeped into him. The man was right. He couldn’t find a flaw in his reasoning, maybe towards the end, but still. ChaCha was right, Gackt wasn’t one to just stand by like this and wait. He was Gackt, after all!
“Thanks, ChaCha. I’m gonna talk to him.”
ChaCha beamed but Gackt quickly added.
“I’m not confessing just yet but…I will fight for him, so please stop pouting.”
ChaCha’s pout grew even bigger and Gackt had to smile at that before leaving to join You on the sofa.
You had been stealing glances at Gackt all day long and while he had been talking with ChaCha was not exception. The feelings he had realized yesterday were confirmed and grew stronger with every glance. He couldn’t believe his stupidity for not seeing it sooner. He loved Gackt’s voice, Gackt’s smile, the way he moved his body when he sang, practically emitting light and happiness. Gackt around his friends was even more disarming because he was so free and you could see the love and trust he placed on them. Gackt singing was a god but Gackt with his friends, the Gackt You had never fought existed before was mere human, but maybe that was why he was so beautiful in You’s eyes. He could trust this man that he saw talking with ChaCha because there was not even a hint of ill will in his countenance, all his emotions were out in the open. And You was surprised to find there also a tad of sadness, especially at first. Why would Gackt be sad? You wondered, replaying the last days over and over in his mind, wondering… And then Gackt was talking to him.
“You, I need to talk to you. Last night…”
You couldn’t bring himself to listen to that. He was happy for his best friend but he was also so sad. He couldn’t bear that the man of his dreams become another’s.
“Really, Gackt, Ryosuke told me all about it.” You said trying to put a smile on.
You’s smile mislead Gackt.
“Really, what did he tell you?”
“How happy he was that you kissed him and that he still hoped you would become lovers. I’m happy for him.”
“Listen, You, it’s not like that. Yes I kissed him but that was a mistake and I clearly told him so. I don’t see him that way. Are you mad for turning him down?”
Gackt was hoping that the mad would say give a negative response. You couldn’t believe what he had heard. Even though Ryosuke had told him differently, he could see the honesty in Gackt’s eyes. And something else…His heart was beating so hard in his chest he was actually afraid of having a heart attack. But he had to watch his words. Ryosuke was his best friend after all and he would hate himself if somehow he would end up hurting him.
“ I’m not mad, why would I be? Both of you are my best friends…I just wonder why you kissed him in the first place. I know you are aware of his passion for you. Isn’t it wrong to kiss someone who feels that way and then tell him it was a mistake?”
You hadn’t meant to sound accusing but he did wonder about that. He also wondered why, if the kiss was a mistake, had Gackt been dancing and flirting with Ryosuke all night.
“Well, frankly, Ryosuke is my type. So I guess I was attracted to him form the very beginning. And I’m sorry for leading him on…” Gackt just trailed off, thinking how was he supposed to even start hinting about his real feelings to You.
“But…” You urged him on, not bearing anymore the pain in his chest.
“But it really was just physical attraction. And I don’t feel that way anymore. Not even that. So I clearly told him that we would never be anything. I’m surprised he told you he still had hopes.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. He is my best friend and I want what is best for him. And I know you’d be great for him. But if you don’t feel that way…”
“Listen, You, about me dancing with you the day before yesterday…did you feel uncomfortable?”
And at that You actually stopped breathing for a short while, not expecting the sudden turn in the conversation, not knowing what to answer. But on the other hands he had always hated telling lies…
“Well, Gackt, I wasn’t comfortable at first. But you told me yesterday that we’re best friends so I’m not mad or anything.”
“It’s just that yesterday, Ryosuke told me about your past…Maybe I shouldn’t have asked but after hearing that I thought that maybe You somehow imagined I was trying to…”
You’s heart sunk at that. He wondered if he would be able to survive that day with all the emotions rushing in that way. Sadness joy, and now anger, disbelief, regret, pain. You hadn’t wanted Gackt to know about that and he was mad at Ryosuke for telling him anything. Because Gackt would never want to have to do with him if he knew about that, he thought. Nothing had happened, and You didn’t feel anymore pain from that anymore but still the memory was there and the fear that came with it. And he knew that Gackt would probably prefer to avoid complications…who wouldn’t. You’s past was a big complication So You’s heart just sank.
“Listen Gackt, I never wanted anyone to know about that. And I’m sorry Ryosuke told you. I never associated you with…I never could. It’s true that I trusted him and he disappointed me in the cruelest way and I guess I still have some trust issues. But I’ve also learned to trust you to, so there’s no way I’d see you like that. And I know that you wouldn’t think about me in that way anyway.”
What?! Gackt’s mind screamed. Not think about you how, not wanting to touch him, feel him, have him for myself, then I’m not worth your trust You because I’m thinking about that every moment I set my eyes on you. But I would never do anything to hurt you. Just how do I make you see all this without scaring you away?
“You, Ryosuke told me you’d never love anyone again because of your trust issues. I just hope that isn’t true. You deserve to have love.”
You gasped. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Did Ryosuke say that? Why? And was this pity? He started feeling miserable; he never wanted anyone’s pity, especially Gackt’s.
“No, it isn’t true. Actually, I want to love again. But I don’t need your pity, Gackt, so please, just drop the subject, ok?”
“I’m sorry…”
Way to go, Gackt! This is so much closer to letting him know how you feel. It’s true he made you fall in love with him but did he also make you stupid all of the sudden?
“You, I…”
Gackt was about to tell him that he felt something for him when You’s cell phone started ringing and You picked up. He was disappointed and concerned on hearing You’s voice and his reply: ”don’t move, I’ll be right there.”
You just said: “That was Ryosuke. It seems he needs to talk to me urgently. He didn’t seem in a good shape. We’ll talk tomorrow ok?” before storming out of the room, leaving Gackt behind, wondering what was Ryosuke up to? Because now he was sure that the man was up to no good, his lies were proof enough of that.