Gentle embrace- Aoi/Uruha, Ruki/Kai - Chapter 5
Author : yukigafuru
Title : Gentle embrace
Chapter : 5/?
Genre : romance, slight angst
Warnings: manXman love
Rating : PG-13, will change
Pairing: Uruha / Aoi, Ruki / Kai
Summary : Feelings can get stirred up quite easily sometimes, even by a band mate's radio show.
Notes: Hope you like it. I also hope I'll have plenty of comments to reply to (hugs).
Gentle embrace - chapter 5
After leaving Kai’s apartment Ruki had just walked around, without purpose. He had thought about returning to his own place but somehow the idea of being alone in his apartment didn’t attract him very much.
He was so wound up in his own thoughts that he actually bumped into passers by a couple of times.
He knew he had to stop this. There was absolutely no reason for him to be acting like this. He was being childish and he had to stop before he hurt Kai more. But first he had to get some stuff off his chest so he ended up going to Reita’s apartment. Reita was a good listener, when he was called to be one; every time Ruki had had problems, Reita would bail him out and comfort him. He was more than a best friend, more like a brother and that is why Ruki found himself knocking at his door.
A few minutes later, a sleeping Reita opened the door.
“Ruki, what are you doing here? ”
“Were you sleeping? I’m sorry. I know you like to sleep in late but I have something to talk with you.”, Ruki replied
Reita just took one look at his friend’s face and had a pretty good idea what direction this conversation was heading: not a pretty one; so he invited Ruki in, went into the kitchen, took out two beers and sat down on the sofa next to Ruki, not saying anything, just waiting for the other man to start.
“Reita, I’ve done a lot of stupid things lately, Ruki started. I’m sure you realized that I haven’t been myself…” Ruki took a deep breath and continues. “Yesterday, I was so upset and just wanted to make the thoughts go away so I kind of got drunk and possibly slept with a prostitute. I don’t remember any of it…Kai came to pick me up…He said it would be better I went to a doctor…”
Reita gasped but before he could say anything he was cut off.
“Let me finish. I’m not upset because of that. I think I don’t really care. If only I could make the other thoughts go away…”
Ruki leaned on Reita’s shoulder and just waited, enjoying the warmth of his friend, some peace of mind. Reita started caressing gently Ruki’s hair and asked:
“Ru, what’s been bothering you?”
“It all started with Kai’s interview.”
Reita just blinked surprised. What had Kai’s interview got to do with this? Ruki saw his confusion so he quickly continued.
“Kai said that he was thinking about getting married and having kids. That it’s one of his dreams. If he gets married, he’ll leave the band, I thought. Or stop caring about me so much. What if he already has a girlfriend now? Is he saying that because he already has some secret girlfriend? Why hasn’t he told me anything? I know it’s stupid for me to think this way and to get hurt when I really have nothing to get hurt about. I just can’t help feeling cheated, sad, irritated. And when I saw him this morning, he looked so hurt and bothered Reita. I hurt him with my attitude. I know I have. And that hurts even more. I don’t have the courage to talk to him, although I know I should. I just…“
Reita gently raised Ruki’s face and looked into his friend’s almost teary eyes. He could tell how much this was bothering Ruki and he was quite surprised at Ruki’s words.
“Ru-chan, I want to ask you some questions.”
Ruki just nodded.
“If I told you I had a girlfriend how would you feel?”
Ruki blinked and answered.
“Hurt that you didn’t tell me.”
Reita asked:
“What would you do?”
“Punch you, probably…”
Reita saw a sparkle light up in Ruki’s eyes. He was starting to see where this was going.
“You wouldn’t just start avoiding me. You wouldn’t be afraid to face me. Why is Kai different?”
Ruki cradled his head in his palms and replied.
“I don’t know. My heart just hurts and I can’t find the strength to face him.”
“Ruki, aren’t you jealous? Not of your friend, not because you’re concerned for the band because you know yourself there’s nothing to be concerned about. Don’t you feel something more for Kai, more than friendship?”
“Reita, are you implying that I’m having romantic feelings for my male best friend?” Ruki almost yelled with shock.
“Well, Ru, that’s how it sounds to me.” Reita replied.
Ruki took a deep breath and then suddenly calmed down.
“That can’t be, Reita. I’ve always seen him as a friend. And that won’t change.”
“What if he’d say he likes you, not as a friend but as a lover. Would it change then?” Reita asked.
And Reita could see a sparkle of hope being quickly replaced by sadness in Ruki’s eyes.
“That would never happen, Reita. He wants to get married and have children.”
“And that hurts you. You said it yourself. Ruki, you may deny it all you want, but I think you’re falling in love with Kai.”
Ruki quickly cut him off.
“It’s not like that…It can’t be like that. Because then it would be a disaster. He would never love me and I’d probably spend the next couple of years in depression trying to get over him.”
“I know, Ruki. I know you’re scared. But I just want to give you a little warning. It doesn’t work like that. You don’t decide who and when you fall in love. Look at Aoi and Uruha. They definitely didn’t plan it from the start but what they have now is beautiful. And I know you think the same…”
Ruki just shrugged, got up from the sofa and headed for the door.
“Yes, Reita, what they have is beautiful. But not everyone gets that. Thank you for listening. I think now I’m fine. I probably just needed to cool off some steam.”
“But Ruki, don’t you see, you didn’t cool off any steam. Even though you seem more calm, I know you. The Ruki blowing up steam kicks and punches and shouts or in the worst cases, cries. You’re not even allowing yourself to do that…”
“Reita, I’m fine. I guess I’m just tired, that’s all. Thank you for listening and I promise in the morning I’ll be the same old Ruki.” Ruki had put on his shoes while talking and after opening the door added: “And I don’t want you to talk about this with anyone. I’m sure you understand.”
And Ruki left. Reita just walked back to his couch, sat down, buried his head in his arms and muttered:
“It’s not that easy, Ruki. You don’t press a button and make feelings go away. I know that much…”
This time Ruki went straight home, calmer than he had been in weeks. Talking really seemed to have done him loads of good and he was probably ready to face Kai now. Not to tell him the truth, but to simply be the best of friends again. The charade had to stop. Somewhere deep inside Ruki knew that Reita’s words were probably true but he thought Reita was wrong about something: he didn’t love Kai yet, he was falling in love with him. And that was a process he could stop. And since fire fights fire, he figured he should find another romantic interest. And there’s no better place than a club. After all, he just needed to take his mind off things, not marry the person he met.
So Ruki got home, took a shower and ate something. He was just turning on the TV when the phone called.
“Hello, Ruki-san. Remember me? I bet you don’t. I’m the one that took you to the motel the other night. I was just wondering if you’d like to meet again. I’m going tonight at the same club so if you’d like, you can find me there.”
And then she hung up, leaving Ruki speechless. That was a phone call he hadn’t been expecting. And while he was still recovering his bearings, the phone rang again. As soon as he picked up, Ruki started.
“Look, I don’t think I’d like to meet you again. One night with you was quite enough…”
But on the other end, a surprised Kai said:
“Ru-chan…I just called to see if you’re ok. I’m sorry if I made you mad somehow.”
Ruki bit his lip and cursed inwardly.
“Oh, Kai, sorry. I thought you were someone else. Don’t worry, I’m quite fine. I’ll see you tomorrow at practice.”
“Ruki, is everything really ok? You sounded a bit upset.”
“Ah, that. I just got a phone call…Been thinking about hitting the clubs tonight. Want to join?” And while saying those words, Ruki thought: Are you insane? Are you trying to get away from him or actually fall in love with him? You, drunk, only heaven knows what might come out of your mouth. But there was no turning back now, so Ruki just waited, hoping that Kai would say no.
“Why actually I haven’t gone clubbing in a while. I’d gladly come. I’ll pick you up?”
And Ruki started shaking and replied:
“Sure. See you soon.”
And then hung up. That was going to be a very, very long night.
Title : Gentle embrace
Chapter : 5/?
Genre : romance, slight angst
Warnings: manXman love
Rating : PG-13, will change
Pairing: Uruha / Aoi, Ruki / Kai
Summary : Feelings can get stirred up quite easily sometimes, even by a band mate's radio show.
Notes: Hope you like it. I also hope I'll have plenty of comments to reply to (hugs).
Gentle embrace - chapter 5
After leaving Kai’s apartment Ruki had just walked around, without purpose. He had thought about returning to his own place but somehow the idea of being alone in his apartment didn’t attract him very much.
He was so wound up in his own thoughts that he actually bumped into passers by a couple of times.
He knew he had to stop this. There was absolutely no reason for him to be acting like this. He was being childish and he had to stop before he hurt Kai more. But first he had to get some stuff off his chest so he ended up going to Reita’s apartment. Reita was a good listener, when he was called to be one; every time Ruki had had problems, Reita would bail him out and comfort him. He was more than a best friend, more like a brother and that is why Ruki found himself knocking at his door.
A few minutes later, a sleeping Reita opened the door.
“Ruki, what are you doing here? ”
“Were you sleeping? I’m sorry. I know you like to sleep in late but I have something to talk with you.”, Ruki replied
Reita just took one look at his friend’s face and had a pretty good idea what direction this conversation was heading: not a pretty one; so he invited Ruki in, went into the kitchen, took out two beers and sat down on the sofa next to Ruki, not saying anything, just waiting for the other man to start.
“Reita, I’ve done a lot of stupid things lately, Ruki started. I’m sure you realized that I haven’t been myself…” Ruki took a deep breath and continues. “Yesterday, I was so upset and just wanted to make the thoughts go away so I kind of got drunk and possibly slept with a prostitute. I don’t remember any of it…Kai came to pick me up…He said it would be better I went to a doctor…”
Reita gasped but before he could say anything he was cut off.
“Let me finish. I’m not upset because of that. I think I don’t really care. If only I could make the other thoughts go away…”
Ruki leaned on Reita’s shoulder and just waited, enjoying the warmth of his friend, some peace of mind. Reita started caressing gently Ruki’s hair and asked:
“Ru, what’s been bothering you?”
“It all started with Kai’s interview.”
Reita just blinked surprised. What had Kai’s interview got to do with this? Ruki saw his confusion so he quickly continued.
“Kai said that he was thinking about getting married and having kids. That it’s one of his dreams. If he gets married, he’ll leave the band, I thought. Or stop caring about me so much. What if he already has a girlfriend now? Is he saying that because he already has some secret girlfriend? Why hasn’t he told me anything? I know it’s stupid for me to think this way and to get hurt when I really have nothing to get hurt about. I just can’t help feeling cheated, sad, irritated. And when I saw him this morning, he looked so hurt and bothered Reita. I hurt him with my attitude. I know I have. And that hurts even more. I don’t have the courage to talk to him, although I know I should. I just…“
Reita gently raised Ruki’s face and looked into his friend’s almost teary eyes. He could tell how much this was bothering Ruki and he was quite surprised at Ruki’s words.
“Ru-chan, I want to ask you some questions.”
Ruki just nodded.
“If I told you I had a girlfriend how would you feel?”
Ruki blinked and answered.
“Hurt that you didn’t tell me.”
Reita asked:
“What would you do?”
“Punch you, probably…”
Reita saw a sparkle light up in Ruki’s eyes. He was starting to see where this was going.
“You wouldn’t just start avoiding me. You wouldn’t be afraid to face me. Why is Kai different?”
Ruki cradled his head in his palms and replied.
“I don’t know. My heart just hurts and I can’t find the strength to face him.”
“Ruki, aren’t you jealous? Not of your friend, not because you’re concerned for the band because you know yourself there’s nothing to be concerned about. Don’t you feel something more for Kai, more than friendship?”
“Reita, are you implying that I’m having romantic feelings for my male best friend?” Ruki almost yelled with shock.
“Well, Ru, that’s how it sounds to me.” Reita replied.
Ruki took a deep breath and then suddenly calmed down.
“That can’t be, Reita. I’ve always seen him as a friend. And that won’t change.”
“What if he’d say he likes you, not as a friend but as a lover. Would it change then?” Reita asked.
And Reita could see a sparkle of hope being quickly replaced by sadness in Ruki’s eyes.
“That would never happen, Reita. He wants to get married and have children.”
“And that hurts you. You said it yourself. Ruki, you may deny it all you want, but I think you’re falling in love with Kai.”
Ruki quickly cut him off.
“It’s not like that…It can’t be like that. Because then it would be a disaster. He would never love me and I’d probably spend the next couple of years in depression trying to get over him.”
“I know, Ruki. I know you’re scared. But I just want to give you a little warning. It doesn’t work like that. You don’t decide who and when you fall in love. Look at Aoi and Uruha. They definitely didn’t plan it from the start but what they have now is beautiful. And I know you think the same…”
Ruki just shrugged, got up from the sofa and headed for the door.
“Yes, Reita, what they have is beautiful. But not everyone gets that. Thank you for listening. I think now I’m fine. I probably just needed to cool off some steam.”
“But Ruki, don’t you see, you didn’t cool off any steam. Even though you seem more calm, I know you. The Ruki blowing up steam kicks and punches and shouts or in the worst cases, cries. You’re not even allowing yourself to do that…”
“Reita, I’m fine. I guess I’m just tired, that’s all. Thank you for listening and I promise in the morning I’ll be the same old Ruki.” Ruki had put on his shoes while talking and after opening the door added: “And I don’t want you to talk about this with anyone. I’m sure you understand.”
And Ruki left. Reita just walked back to his couch, sat down, buried his head in his arms and muttered:
“It’s not that easy, Ruki. You don’t press a button and make feelings go away. I know that much…”
This time Ruki went straight home, calmer than he had been in weeks. Talking really seemed to have done him loads of good and he was probably ready to face Kai now. Not to tell him the truth, but to simply be the best of friends again. The charade had to stop. Somewhere deep inside Ruki knew that Reita’s words were probably true but he thought Reita was wrong about something: he didn’t love Kai yet, he was falling in love with him. And that was a process he could stop. And since fire fights fire, he figured he should find another romantic interest. And there’s no better place than a club. After all, he just needed to take his mind off things, not marry the person he met.
So Ruki got home, took a shower and ate something. He was just turning on the TV when the phone called.
“Hello, Ruki-san. Remember me? I bet you don’t. I’m the one that took you to the motel the other night. I was just wondering if you’d like to meet again. I’m going tonight at the same club so if you’d like, you can find me there.”
And then she hung up, leaving Ruki speechless. That was a phone call he hadn’t been expecting. And while he was still recovering his bearings, the phone rang again. As soon as he picked up, Ruki started.
“Look, I don’t think I’d like to meet you again. One night with you was quite enough…”
But on the other end, a surprised Kai said:
“Ru-chan…I just called to see if you’re ok. I’m sorry if I made you mad somehow.”
Ruki bit his lip and cursed inwardly.
“Oh, Kai, sorry. I thought you were someone else. Don’t worry, I’m quite fine. I’ll see you tomorrow at practice.”
“Ruki, is everything really ok? You sounded a bit upset.”
“Ah, that. I just got a phone call…Been thinking about hitting the clubs tonight. Want to join?” And while saying those words, Ruki thought: Are you insane? Are you trying to get away from him or actually fall in love with him? You, drunk, only heaven knows what might come out of your mouth. But there was no turning back now, so Ruki just waited, hoping that Kai would say no.
“Why actually I haven’t gone clubbing in a while. I’d gladly come. I’ll pick you up?”
And Ruki started shaking and replied:
“Sure. See you soon.”
And then hung up. That was going to be a very, very long night.