Chasing butterflies, chapter 4, AoixReita
Title: Chasing butterflies
Author: yukigafuru
Rating: PG-13 for now (will be adult)
Chapter: 5/?
Pairings: Aoi/Reita
Bands: Gazette
Warnings: none for now
Genre: angst, romance
Summary: Life is short. You try to catch it and it slips through your fingers. Life is also beautiful. It astounds you at every step. And it only takes one minute, one encounter to change it forever.
Chapter 4
School was a drag, as Aoi knew it would be and only having Ruki there made it bearable. As it was, he ended up spending most of the time thinking about Reita anyway, so he figured he really didn't see the point in keeping him there instead of letting him continue with the volunteering work. He did tell Reita that, as soon as he visited him on Monday.
“Aoi, I love you. But you need to stop worrying so much. If we had met under normal circumstances, you'd still have to spend a lot of time away from me. You're going to university next year and you have tons of stuff to study. You can't keep babysitting me.” Aoi was appalled.
“You mean that? Do you not want me here?” He ended up asking, simply because it hurt a bit. More than a bit, if he was honest with himself. Rationally, he got what Reita was saying, but emotionally, it was an entirely different thing.
“Of course I do. But I don't want you to keep sacrificing things for me. A relationship shouldn't be based on that. So maybe you could keep some study materials here? I could read or rest or watch something while you study. “
Aoi nodded. It was a really good idea actually and he knew Reita was right about the sacrificing thing. He also knew that if it had been anyone else, he wouldn't have even considered giving up so much of his time. Reita was that important to him.
After that, they developed a routine. Aoi would go to school, hang out with Ruki in the brakes, then get home, change, eat, go to the hospital and spend time with his boyfriend while studying. The days flew by. Before they even realized it, it was time for the two week pause between the rounds of chemo and Reita was about to be released from the hospital. He was telling Ruki about his dilemma when Aoi was confronted with the unthinkable:
“I think you could use some time apart.” Ruki said and Aoi was flabbergasted. “I know you care for each other and all that, but at the rate you're going, you're gonna suffocate each other. Take some time apart. Maybe he'd like to go see some of his friends back where he grew up. Or maybe he could spend a few days in London, with his sister. A week without chemo should have him in good enough shape to get on the plane...”
Aoi really didn't understand what Ruki was talking about, or rather he couldn't understand it emotionally for logically, it made perfect sense, so maybe he was just being selfish. He ended up telling Reita about the conversation. His boyfriend took his hands in his and looked at him with huge, pleading eyes.
“He's right you know. They both are.”
“Both?” Aoi wondered.
“Uruha actually proposed the same thing. Even said he'd come with me to London. Something about getting a scholarship there in the future... We really should introduce those two. I'm surprised they haven't bumped into each other already.”
“Don't change the subject.” Aoi could feel his palms sweating. Reita wasn't the type to get sidetracked.
“I don't want a relationship based on dependency, Aoi.” He certainly spoke his mind... But Aoi didn't agree with his words and he would not be silent.
“All relationships are based on that. At least those that work.” Aoi countered back.
“I don't want to feel trapped.” Reita raised his voice. Aoi's heart hurt at the outburst. He had never felt like that, not once, even though he could have, perhaps maybe should have. Reita must have seen the pain on his face because he immediately reached out and continued. “It's not like that. I love you and I love being with you. When you're here, it's like I can breathe better. But I feel trapped by the cancer and these walls, and I do feel as if I'm trapping you in it too. And that makes me feel guilty. I know you'll deny it, but it doesn't make it less true... And I want to see my sister and I know that you wanted to go on a camping trip with Ruki. You could do that...”
“So this isn't about needing space or anything like that...” Although he didn't know exactly how to better coin the phrase. “You're not running away.”
Reita smiled, the first real full-blown smile since they had started this conversation.
“Of course not. But I won't be an idiot and say things like you're all I need, because we both know that those are just words.”
“I didn't think you'd be so cynical.” Aoi was indeed surprised. He had seen Reita as an optimist and now it turned out his boyfriend was more of an optimistic realist than anything else. Maybe he had been the optimist all along. Reita kept smiling.
“Uruha said you'd think that.”
“He's got me all coined, hasn't he?”
“You're pretty easy to understand Aoi. It's also what makes you really easy to love. You live for the moment, put everything out there, take risks and just feel... You're quite unlike anyone I have ever met before. Sometimes, I think you'd make a great fairy.”
“Like Tinkerbell?” Aoi scrunched his nose. Reita laughed.
“I think of you as a bit more manly than that.” Aoi puffed and pouted. So what if he had learned something from Uruha too.
“So you're going to London?” He asked. This time, it didn't feel as if those words would crush him under their weight. Reita's smile dimmed but didn't disappear.
“For a few days, in the second week. During the first, I'd love to spend a lot of time playing computer games with you and visiting those arcades you like to gush about. And I'd like to cuddle during a movie and go on normal dates.” Reita's eyes were shining with love and Aoi figured his own must have looked the same way.
“Do I have to get you roses?” He joked. Reita laughed.
“Only if you can later have them as an appetizer. Because that's the most cooking I'll ever attempt for you.”
Later, at home, Aoi went through the conversation in his head again. They were still getting to know each other, he realized. And maybe they'd never get to know everything there was to know, but he thought that as long as they kept compromising and wanting to understand the other, it would all be good. And it was good, he realized. Reita was right. They had been put under unusual circumstances and their relationship had developed faster than usual. Deeper even. But that pace wasn't sustainable, they weren't married and they were supposed to have the little things too, the dates and the misunderstandings, the jealousy and the fights, and the make up kisses. They couldn't be rational all the time or afraid to damage each other and step on each other's tails. Because no true relationship was ever like that. Not that he'd had one of those... but he just figured.
As for Uruha and Ruki, they ended up meeting each other the day Reita got discharged. His friend had wanted to be there when Aoi would have to turn away from Reita's door, and Aoi was grateful for the thought. He was also grateful for the opportunity of seeing the meeting between his and his boyfriend's best friends, because he was sure he'd go down in the annals of history as memorable. Uruha was facing Reita's bed when the two of them came into the hospital room. It seemed as if the blond man was packing some of Reita's things, so he only turned after a few seconds, when Aoi and Ruki had already closed the door and approached the bed.
The moment he did turn, it was as if stars exploded in the small space.
“Holy shit, you're pretty!” / “Damn, are you real? No guy should be that adorable.” They spoke at the same time. Reita and Aoi had matching grins on their faces.
“Who are you calling adorable?” / “Me, pretty, have you even seen yourself?” Spirits were starting to heat up and they were still speaking at the same time. It was kind of cute, Aoi thought. And funny as hell. He'd never let Ruki live this down, he thought. Ruki must have recovered his senses since he tended to be attuned to Aoi's mood like that and took a deep breath.
“You must be Uruha. I am not adorable, don't dare calling me short and well, sorry for the over-reaction. In my defense, it can't be the first time you've been told you're good looking. Nice to meet you.” He recovered his calm and bowed deeply. His hands however were in his pockets and Aoi could very well imagine them clinging to the material of his jeans.
Uruha turned towards Reita and even though Ruki couldn't see it, Aoi spotted his facial expression perfectly. It said something like: “Is he real?” Aoi knew Ruki had that effect on most people. Uruha turned again, bowed too and then politely responded.
“Nice to meet you too. I'll let that subject go for now... Want to get a cup of coffee?” Aoi was surprised at the invitation, but also glad he'd get a few moments alone with Reita. Ruki accepted and the two left the room.
“That was...” Reita started.
“Memorable.” Aoi completed his sentence. They were both smiling. Reita was sitting on the edge of the bed and he looked ruffled from sleep and was too skinny for his old clothes. It made him look like a child in need of protection and Aoi got closer and wrapped him in a tight hug. Once he had him in his arms though, the innocent feelings of earlier turned into something much more. His hands moved up Reita's back, one stopping to rest on his shoulder, the other tightening on the base of his skull. Reita wouldn't wear a wig, but he always had on a beanie or a scarf or something. Aoi wished for just a moment he could run his hands though his lover's hair. There'd be time for that, he told himself. Their bodies separated for a few inches before Aoi was leaning forward again, grabbing Reita's lips in a passionate kiss, robbing them both of air.
“I'm thinking those dates are starting to look better and better.” Reita mumbled, his flush extending all the way to his neck and Aoi had the incredible urge to find out just how far down it would go.
“The day after tomorrow sound good? I'll come pick you up and then we can go see a movie.” Aoi proposed.
“Sounds great. I hear there's this new good horror screening.” Reita cocked his head at the whiteness on Aoi's cheeks. He didn't get to ask about it because the reason soon became apparent.
“Really? I was thinking more of a comedy, or romance or something...” He trailed off.
“Aoi, are you afraid of horror movies?” Reita asked and his grin was immense. Aoi bleached even more. Somehow, he had known this whole honesty thing was going to bust him in the ass. Reita giggled and Aoi cursed himself from thinking that cute. He had always hated horror movies because he was just that scared of them. He had always had a very good imagination, and that plagued him before, during and after the horror.
“Well, if you are, that's fine. You can hold my hand though it.” Now Aoi really was embarrassed. What was he , a toddler? “And sometime, maybe we could watch it by ourselves, and cuddle under the sheets.” Reita added in a whisper and Aoi forgot that he hated horrors because his blood was burning too hot for that. Thank God he had a good imagination, he thought.
The make out that followed was memorable by anyone's standard, he figured by the whistling that separated their lips and bodies eventually. Ruki and Uruha had come back and they helped them get everything to the taxi already waiting in front of the hospital, that would take them to Reita's place.
A/N: Thank you to all the lovely comments and to the votes. I'll try the voting thing again, just to see how it works. Those that don't feel like commenting, please vote (that would be the left button).
I hope you liked this chapter and that you'll give my bunnies nouriture for the next one too.
Squishes
Author: yukigafuru
Rating: PG-13 for now (will be adult)
Chapter: 5/?
Pairings: Aoi/Reita
Bands: Gazette
Warnings: none for now
Genre: angst, romance
Summary: Life is short. You try to catch it and it slips through your fingers. Life is also beautiful. It astounds you at every step. And it only takes one minute, one encounter to change it forever.
Chapter 4
School was a drag, as Aoi knew it would be and only having Ruki there made it bearable. As it was, he ended up spending most of the time thinking about Reita anyway, so he figured he really didn't see the point in keeping him there instead of letting him continue with the volunteering work. He did tell Reita that, as soon as he visited him on Monday.
“Aoi, I love you. But you need to stop worrying so much. If we had met under normal circumstances, you'd still have to spend a lot of time away from me. You're going to university next year and you have tons of stuff to study. You can't keep babysitting me.” Aoi was appalled.
“You mean that? Do you not want me here?” He ended up asking, simply because it hurt a bit. More than a bit, if he was honest with himself. Rationally, he got what Reita was saying, but emotionally, it was an entirely different thing.
“Of course I do. But I don't want you to keep sacrificing things for me. A relationship shouldn't be based on that. So maybe you could keep some study materials here? I could read or rest or watch something while you study. “
Aoi nodded. It was a really good idea actually and he knew Reita was right about the sacrificing thing. He also knew that if it had been anyone else, he wouldn't have even considered giving up so much of his time. Reita was that important to him.
After that, they developed a routine. Aoi would go to school, hang out with Ruki in the brakes, then get home, change, eat, go to the hospital and spend time with his boyfriend while studying. The days flew by. Before they even realized it, it was time for the two week pause between the rounds of chemo and Reita was about to be released from the hospital. He was telling Ruki about his dilemma when Aoi was confronted with the unthinkable:
“I think you could use some time apart.” Ruki said and Aoi was flabbergasted. “I know you care for each other and all that, but at the rate you're going, you're gonna suffocate each other. Take some time apart. Maybe he'd like to go see some of his friends back where he grew up. Or maybe he could spend a few days in London, with his sister. A week without chemo should have him in good enough shape to get on the plane...”
Aoi really didn't understand what Ruki was talking about, or rather he couldn't understand it emotionally for logically, it made perfect sense, so maybe he was just being selfish. He ended up telling Reita about the conversation. His boyfriend took his hands in his and looked at him with huge, pleading eyes.
“He's right you know. They both are.”
“Both?” Aoi wondered.
“Uruha actually proposed the same thing. Even said he'd come with me to London. Something about getting a scholarship there in the future... We really should introduce those two. I'm surprised they haven't bumped into each other already.”
“Don't change the subject.” Aoi could feel his palms sweating. Reita wasn't the type to get sidetracked.
“I don't want a relationship based on dependency, Aoi.” He certainly spoke his mind... But Aoi didn't agree with his words and he would not be silent.
“All relationships are based on that. At least those that work.” Aoi countered back.
“I don't want to feel trapped.” Reita raised his voice. Aoi's heart hurt at the outburst. He had never felt like that, not once, even though he could have, perhaps maybe should have. Reita must have seen the pain on his face because he immediately reached out and continued. “It's not like that. I love you and I love being with you. When you're here, it's like I can breathe better. But I feel trapped by the cancer and these walls, and I do feel as if I'm trapping you in it too. And that makes me feel guilty. I know you'll deny it, but it doesn't make it less true... And I want to see my sister and I know that you wanted to go on a camping trip with Ruki. You could do that...”
“So this isn't about needing space or anything like that...” Although he didn't know exactly how to better coin the phrase. “You're not running away.”
Reita smiled, the first real full-blown smile since they had started this conversation.
“Of course not. But I won't be an idiot and say things like you're all I need, because we both know that those are just words.”
“I didn't think you'd be so cynical.” Aoi was indeed surprised. He had seen Reita as an optimist and now it turned out his boyfriend was more of an optimistic realist than anything else. Maybe he had been the optimist all along. Reita kept smiling.
“Uruha said you'd think that.”
“He's got me all coined, hasn't he?”
“You're pretty easy to understand Aoi. It's also what makes you really easy to love. You live for the moment, put everything out there, take risks and just feel... You're quite unlike anyone I have ever met before. Sometimes, I think you'd make a great fairy.”
“Like Tinkerbell?” Aoi scrunched his nose. Reita laughed.
“I think of you as a bit more manly than that.” Aoi puffed and pouted. So what if he had learned something from Uruha too.
“So you're going to London?” He asked. This time, it didn't feel as if those words would crush him under their weight. Reita's smile dimmed but didn't disappear.
“For a few days, in the second week. During the first, I'd love to spend a lot of time playing computer games with you and visiting those arcades you like to gush about. And I'd like to cuddle during a movie and go on normal dates.” Reita's eyes were shining with love and Aoi figured his own must have looked the same way.
“Do I have to get you roses?” He joked. Reita laughed.
“Only if you can later have them as an appetizer. Because that's the most cooking I'll ever attempt for you.”
Later, at home, Aoi went through the conversation in his head again. They were still getting to know each other, he realized. And maybe they'd never get to know everything there was to know, but he thought that as long as they kept compromising and wanting to understand the other, it would all be good. And it was good, he realized. Reita was right. They had been put under unusual circumstances and their relationship had developed faster than usual. Deeper even. But that pace wasn't sustainable, they weren't married and they were supposed to have the little things too, the dates and the misunderstandings, the jealousy and the fights, and the make up kisses. They couldn't be rational all the time or afraid to damage each other and step on each other's tails. Because no true relationship was ever like that. Not that he'd had one of those... but he just figured.
As for Uruha and Ruki, they ended up meeting each other the day Reita got discharged. His friend had wanted to be there when Aoi would have to turn away from Reita's door, and Aoi was grateful for the thought. He was also grateful for the opportunity of seeing the meeting between his and his boyfriend's best friends, because he was sure he'd go down in the annals of history as memorable. Uruha was facing Reita's bed when the two of them came into the hospital room. It seemed as if the blond man was packing some of Reita's things, so he only turned after a few seconds, when Aoi and Ruki had already closed the door and approached the bed.
The moment he did turn, it was as if stars exploded in the small space.
“Holy shit, you're pretty!” / “Damn, are you real? No guy should be that adorable.” They spoke at the same time. Reita and Aoi had matching grins on their faces.
“Who are you calling adorable?” / “Me, pretty, have you even seen yourself?” Spirits were starting to heat up and they were still speaking at the same time. It was kind of cute, Aoi thought. And funny as hell. He'd never let Ruki live this down, he thought. Ruki must have recovered his senses since he tended to be attuned to Aoi's mood like that and took a deep breath.
“You must be Uruha. I am not adorable, don't dare calling me short and well, sorry for the over-reaction. In my defense, it can't be the first time you've been told you're good looking. Nice to meet you.” He recovered his calm and bowed deeply. His hands however were in his pockets and Aoi could very well imagine them clinging to the material of his jeans.
Uruha turned towards Reita and even though Ruki couldn't see it, Aoi spotted his facial expression perfectly. It said something like: “Is he real?” Aoi knew Ruki had that effect on most people. Uruha turned again, bowed too and then politely responded.
“Nice to meet you too. I'll let that subject go for now... Want to get a cup of coffee?” Aoi was surprised at the invitation, but also glad he'd get a few moments alone with Reita. Ruki accepted and the two left the room.
“That was...” Reita started.
“Memorable.” Aoi completed his sentence. They were both smiling. Reita was sitting on the edge of the bed and he looked ruffled from sleep and was too skinny for his old clothes. It made him look like a child in need of protection and Aoi got closer and wrapped him in a tight hug. Once he had him in his arms though, the innocent feelings of earlier turned into something much more. His hands moved up Reita's back, one stopping to rest on his shoulder, the other tightening on the base of his skull. Reita wouldn't wear a wig, but he always had on a beanie or a scarf or something. Aoi wished for just a moment he could run his hands though his lover's hair. There'd be time for that, he told himself. Their bodies separated for a few inches before Aoi was leaning forward again, grabbing Reita's lips in a passionate kiss, robbing them both of air.
“I'm thinking those dates are starting to look better and better.” Reita mumbled, his flush extending all the way to his neck and Aoi had the incredible urge to find out just how far down it would go.
“The day after tomorrow sound good? I'll come pick you up and then we can go see a movie.” Aoi proposed.
“Sounds great. I hear there's this new good horror screening.” Reita cocked his head at the whiteness on Aoi's cheeks. He didn't get to ask about it because the reason soon became apparent.
“Really? I was thinking more of a comedy, or romance or something...” He trailed off.
“Aoi, are you afraid of horror movies?” Reita asked and his grin was immense. Aoi bleached even more. Somehow, he had known this whole honesty thing was going to bust him in the ass. Reita giggled and Aoi cursed himself from thinking that cute. He had always hated horror movies because he was just that scared of them. He had always had a very good imagination, and that plagued him before, during and after the horror.
“Well, if you are, that's fine. You can hold my hand though it.” Now Aoi really was embarrassed. What was he , a toddler? “And sometime, maybe we could watch it by ourselves, and cuddle under the sheets.” Reita added in a whisper and Aoi forgot that he hated horrors because his blood was burning too hot for that. Thank God he had a good imagination, he thought.
The make out that followed was memorable by anyone's standard, he figured by the whistling that separated their lips and bodies eventually. Ruki and Uruha had come back and they helped them get everything to the taxi already waiting in front of the hospital, that would take them to Reita's place.
A/N: Thank you to all the lovely comments and to the votes. I'll try the voting thing again, just to see how it works. Those that don't feel like commenting, please vote (that would be the left button).
I hope you liked this chapter and that you'll give my bunnies nouriture for the next one too.
Squishes