My reflection - chapter 16, Ruki/Kai, Reita/Uruha
Author: yukigafuru
Title: My reflection
Chapters:17/?
Pairing: Ruki/Kai, Uruha/Reita, Aoi/OC, Aoi/Sakito
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Chapter 16
Meanwhile, Uruha got into his car and simply stormed off to their apartment, not giving Reita the chance to catch up. Reita thought he knew the reason behind his lover’s conduct and he had already decided when they had gotten together that he’d never get in the way of Uruha’s wishes, no matter what they were.
“Uru-kun, can I come up? I want to tell you something.”
“Sure. You’re scaring me a bit, Rei-chan. What’s wrong?”
They got into the apartment and sat down on the couch, two beers on the table in front of them.
“Uruha-kun, I just want you to hear me out and not stop me. It’s hard for me to tell you this as it is. If you stop me, I’ll lose all my nerve.”
“You’re really scaring the shit out of me, Rei. What’s with the Uruha-kun, too? But I promise I’ll listen.”
“We’ve been friends since like forever and I can honestly say that I never want to lose that. You’re an extremely important part of my life and you always will be. And what I’ll say now is self-centered and might threaten our bond but I don’t want that. I just want to get this weight off my chest. And I know you’ll understand and we’ll be able to laugh about it someday. Gods, I’m babbling and going in circles, aren’t I? Uru-kun, I’m in love with you. I have been for a while now and just not saying anything isn’t my style. However, I don’t want you to ever be pressured by me so just let me feel better about finally confessing and getting some closure and then we can go back to getting drunk like two great buddies…”
Reita had tried to smile and act as if he wasn’t practically ripping his heart out in two. Because he was. He was ripped between hoping that Uruha just might love him back and the fear of freaking out his friend. His heart was mended back together a second later when Uruha’s lips sought his.
“I’ll never do anything to tie you down, Uruha.” He had thought just before his mind went blank from pleasure.
He had reached their apartment and saw Uruha in their kitchen, drinking whisky out of a bottle. He’d stick to that promise he had made with himself.
“Uru-chan, you know you don’t need to stress yourself over this. I think I’ve told you before but you’re my angel and I’d never dream of cutting your wings. So we can end this whenever you decide. You don’t need to give up on anything for me. We can always go back to being friends.”
He didn’t expect the tears or Uruha throwing himself in his arms. Nor the rough kisses. It really was their last time together, wasn’t it? Reita thought while trying to soothe the angel in his arms. But no matter how gentle his touches and kisses, he couldn’t stop Uruha’s tears from flowing.
Only one small tear escaped Reita’s eyes, the moment Uruha screamed his name as if he wanted the whole world to hear them. Thinking it would be the last time he had his lover like that, entrapping him and at the same time setting him free in a way no one else could, Reita shed a solitary tear.
When he woke up, Uruha was still by his side, dreaming peacefully. The sun shining through the windows landed on his hair and skin, giving the guitarist an ethereal appearance. His soft breathing, pouty lips and hand gently resting on Reita’s chest made him seem almost too innocent to be real. To Reita, it really seemed like he had caught himself an angel. But angels have to be set free. He raised his hand and gently stroked Uruha’s soft skin, knowing that it would probably be the last time he was allowed to do so. His heart ached. He whispered, a prayer almost.
“I can’t make you stay, can I, angel? It wouldn’t be fair to chain you down. I love you, Uruha, and always will.”
Uruha’s deep amber eyes opened up then, staring straight at him, with what looked like anger. Reita just stood mesmerized.
“You’re an idiot! When did I ever ask you to set me free? You big ape, if I hadn’t heard what you said just now, we would probably have broken up for nothing! Don’t you know that I’m in love with you? Just what exactly were you thinking?”
“But don’t you want to have the chance to have a family, like Aoi-kun? You can have that. I can’t give you that. I thought you suddenly realized it and stormed off. I knew that you love me, but you were hurting because you had realized Aoi’s words were true. So I thought I’d make it easier for you and…”
“And what, break up with me when I was thinking why the hell couldn’t I give you that?”
Uruha practically screamed at him.
“What?” Reita was more than confused.
“You are an idiot. I stormed out of there because I was mad at myself. I was jealous of Aoi-kun, when I shouldn’t have been. I was jealous of him being able to have a child. Of course I want children too. But I want them with you. For a moment I imagined you surrounded by kids. I just know you’d be a wonderful father. And I became even madder at myself for not being able to give you that. And in that precise moment you decide to break up with me. I was crying because I thought you realized the same thing and decided I wasn’t worth it anymore. Ok, so maybe I wasn’t exactly rational either after all that whiskey. You’re still an idiot!”
Uruha had been screaming his lungs out at a stupefied Reita. But his last phrase had been almost whispered and then Uruha leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lover’s lips.
“I’m no angel, Rei-chan. And if you want to tie me up, please do so. Lock me up in the deepest corner of your heart and throw away the key. Because I’m here to stay. I love you.”
What is it with men crying these days? Be a man, Reita, and hold it in or you won’t be able to meet your ancestors. Reita thought.
……………………………….
When Kai came back to the practice room to pick up his jacket he didn’t really expect Ruki to still be there. Ruki was curled up on the couch, seeming asleep. Kai came closer, sat down careful not to disturb the other and peered down at Ruki’s face. He was surprised to find that Ruki had obviously cried.
He picked up the lithe figure and placed the vocalist’s head on his knees, playing with his soft hair while admiring his beautiful face. He was a bit surprised to hear Ruki release a whimper and ask, eyes still closed:
“Aoi-shi?”
“He went home, Ru-chan. Everything went fine, eventually. The company admitted it was a bit late announcing them but they don’t have anything against the wedding.”
Ruki didn’t say anything else. He just snuggled closer to Kai, shivering slightly.
“Ru, are you ok? You didn’t catch a cold or anything, did you? You’re trembling.”
“I’m fine, Kai-chan.” But then another whimper left his lips and Kai put his finger under his chin and guided his head upwards.
“Ruki, look at me.” Shimmering pools of sadness looked up at him and Kai’s breath caught up in his throat. “Ru, what’s wrong?”
“It’s my fault, isn’t it, Kai-chan? If I hadn’t been so stupid and gotten him and Sakito-san together, he wouldn’t be suffering right now.”
Tears escaped Ruki’s eyes again and Kai gently wiped them off with his fingers. He stood there, mesmerized by Ruki’s eyes. How could anyone hold so much hurt and sadness and still be so pure and strong and stubborn at the same time? He didn’t know what he was doing but he leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Ruki’s lips again, much like before in the restaurant’s bathroom.
“You’re not god, Ruki, to have known the future. It’s not your fault in any way. You only meant well and Aoi-kun and Sakito-san know that. Stop crying because I hate it when you’re so sad. You shouldn’t be. You should just be happy and smiling all the time.”
“Why?”
“Why? Because you deserve to be. You’ve been through too much pain and sadness already. I wish I could erase all that for you but I can’t. I do want to prevent any more pain in the future.”
“No, why are you so caring? Why aren’t you tired of me going through these stupid phases all the time, like I’m some PMSy girl? Why are you still by my side?” Ruki knew the answer, and now he wanted to hear it. He thought he was ready to hear it. He had almost reproached Aoi for giving up love and what was he doing? Causing pain to the one person that truly loved him and that he thought… no, he knew, deep down in his heart, that he loved back. He had just been scared but it was about time to snap out of it.
Kai couldn’t answer. Not truthfully. So he just offered the same excuse, not realizing that Ruki had long ago ceased to buy it.
“Because I’m your friend of course. How could I not want you by my side?”
Ruki was sick of lying: Kai lying for him, him lying to himself. It had to stop. He had to make it stop.
“Do friends kiss each other, Kai-chan? Or pretend to be boyfriends? Sleep together? Think that just seeing the other one in the morning makes the day worth it? Try to stay alive for the other? Do friends do that, Kai-chan?”
Kai panicked. He had no idea Ruki had been bothered by those acts. But then again, how couldn’t he? It was so obvious that there was more between them than friendship and still, Kai didn’t see love in Ruki’s eyes. Then why was Ruki asking him all those questions? What did he want from him?
“Do those things bother you, Ruki? Because they are just meant to soothe you. If they make you confused instead, I’m sorry. I’ll stop. Come on, let’s get home.“
Ruki wanted to make him confess but then he caught himself before he could shout his reply at Kai. He had been a brat again, forcing Kai to admit his feelings in such a situation. Ruki now thought he loved Kai but he was still sad and desperate at the moment and even if he wasn’t wrong, he didn’t want to start his relationship with Kai like that. They shouldn’t start it like that. And what about Aoi? Wouldn’t it be better to just wait? He’d just be in more pain if he saw the two of them together and in love. It was definitely better to wait, for everything to settle down. And then, Ruki would make sure Kai would be his. This time he wouldn’t be an idiot and let love pass him by.
“No, Kai-chan, it doesn’t bother me at all. I actually love those little touches. They tell me how much you love me. Let’s go home. Thanks for cheering me up. We have to be able to cheer up Aoi-shi to after all.”
Kai breathed a relieved sigh. Whatever had happened earlier would just become one more bittersweet memory locked up and never shown in the light of day. No matter how much he wanted to reveal it.
………………………………….
Aoi got home, took out his cell phone and dialed the one number that he had postponed dialing all day long. After the fifth ring, he heard the other’s soft hello.
“Hi, Sakito-san. This is Aoi.”
“I know that, Aoi-chan. I do have your number, you know.”
“Yeah…” Aoi felt as if he was going to be sick. All he needed to say were three words: “I’m getting married”, but it felt as if something was stuck in his throat, not allowing him to end it all between the two of them. The silence was excruciating and seemed to last an eternity, until the first one to talk was actually Sakito.
“Listen, Aoi-kun. You really don’t need to be so stressed. I heard from Ruki-kun. I sincerely wish you a solid marriage, and a life full of happiness with your new family. I loved the time we spent together so if you don’t mind, I’d love to stay as friends from now on. Which of course means you’ll have to invite me to your wedding. When is it by the way?”
Aoi had been surprised, horrified, depressed, hurt, resigned, hopeful, all during a couple of seconds. He didn’t know if Sakito was honest or if he was just trying to be a gentleman and not hurt Aoi, but either way, Aoi was glad it had turned out this way. He was glad but somehow also sad. Why was that?
“We haven’t settled a date yet. Actually, I’m officially proposing to her tomorrow. But…”
“Yeah, you lucky devil you, you don’t need to stress at all because you already know she’ll say yes.”
“Yeah… So how was your day?”
“Oh, nothing much, practice with the band. We have a tour coming up soon and we have to be in top shape. You won’t believe what top shape means with these guys, though?”
“Tell me.”
“Revising the encyclopedia of dirty jokes. Hehe.”
It felt so right to hear his laugh and stupid jokes, Aoi thought.
“And I guess the main perpetrator would be Yomi-chan and you’re just the damsel in distress?”
“I resent that. I ain’t no damsel. I am in distress though.” Again the soft laughter, only this time it seemed a bit pained.
“Yeah.”
And there was that thick, heavy silence again, until Sakito spoke.
“Well, Aoi-kun, got to go now. I’m really tired and I just got home so I’m off to the shower.”
“Sure.”
“Oh, let me know when’s your bachelor’s party, ok? We’ll rock the clubs.”
“Don’t think there’s gonna be one, Sakito-kun.”
“No way. That was the last fun thing you’d get to do for the rest of your life.”
“Trust me, I’ve been having parties for quite some time now. One more won’t make any difference.”
“If you say so. Ok, see you, bye.”
That had went better than he had expected, Aoi thought. He guessed that it was because Sakito had found out from Ruki before. Aoi was grateful to the little vocalist. He didn’t even want to imagine how the conversation would have been otherwise. He couldn’t imagine it because it hurt too much already.
The next call he made to Miyuki was short and precise: they would meet the next day at the same coffee house.
……………………………..
Sakito was actually no place near his home since he had asked his friends to take him out for drinks and there he was, outside the club, finishing a conversation that he knew would be hard to erase from his mind. He wasn’t exactly convinced that alcohol would do that for him but at the moment alcohol and his friends were certainly better than spending the evening alone in his lonely apartment, a place he had briefly hoped would look cosier in the future, with maybe two people living in it instead of one… He had to cut off that thought just there since he was already murdering the poor cell phone, gripping it as tightly as he did. He had gone outside to take the call and now he had to get back in.
As soon as he reached the table he was greeted by a curious Yomi.
“Who was it? You were almost running to take that.”
“No one. Come on, you promised to get me drunk tonight.”
“As if that were easy. We don’t even know when you’re actually drunk.”
So three hours and about ten glasses of drinks later… Hitsugi and Ni~ya were somewhere having fun dancing or picking up girls, Ruka had gone to the bar to get them more drinks, which left Sakito and Yomi alone in their booth.
“Are you drunk now, Saki-kun?” Yomi asked. He had been going easy on the drinks just so that he could get to question their leader.
“Maybe.”
“Drunk enough to tell me the name of the person that’s gotten you heart broken?”
“Not nearly.”
“Damn, Saki, why do you have such a high alcohol resistance? After this many drinks any normal person would spill out the fact that his momma made him wear laces and pink underwear as a kid.”
“Well, I got away from that. Although she did make me wear a nice pink dress once. I went out to play in that and when I came back there were just stripes of material left. After that she kind of imagined dresses weren’t for me.” Sakito said giggling.
“Ok, so at least you are a bit drunk. After the next round you might just spill it.”
Ruka was back with two beers and a small bluish cocktail. The beers were obviously for him and Yomi.
“Are you sure about this, Yomi? I mean he might just enter an alcoholic coma with what you’ve been giving him to drink today.”
“Sakito-kun? No way.”
Yomi watched Sakito gulp down his drink. Ten, nine, eight… three, two, one, take off.
“You know, this is really similar to Hell freeze, a little more sting though.”
Malfunction. Abandon ship. Yomi almost banged his head on the table. He had been so sure that they were finally there. That thing was strong enough to make beginners kiss the floor instantly. He looked at Ruka, who was his normal cool self, pleading with the man to do something.
“Baby, you know there’s nothing I can do.”
“Damn.”
And then…
“You know, after he drank it, I could finally kiss him for the first time. It felt as if I was kissing someone for the first time in my life, like a stupid school boy and I was furious at the butterflies just flying in my stomach refusing to settle down even after I dropped him home.”
Yomi turned to watch Sakito so abruptly that he lost his balance and was about to fall on the table if it weren’t for Ruka’s strong arms keeping him safe.
“Who?” Yomi asked. If only he could get out that piece of information he could track the man down and rip him into tiny little pieces for getting his friend like that.
“What’s wrong with me anyway? One date, it took just a couple of hours for me to fall in love with him. Aren’t I easy?”
“No you aren’t Sakito-kun. Now will you please spill his name so Yomi can finally relax? I don’t want to even think about how many times I’ll have to do it tonight if he doesn’t lose some of this tension.” Ruka said to Sakito.
The guitarist just started laughing at that comment and at their vocalist’s surprised, annoyed, a little embarrassed face.
“Well, Ruka-kun, then I wish you good luck. You’re gonna need it by the looks of it”
“Damn.” Ruka cursed and then took a look at Yomi’s red face. He leaned down a bit to see what the little guy was muttering.
“Keep dreaming, buster. You aren’t getting any tonight.” Yomi was mumbling to himself.
Ruka just grinned, wrapped his arms around his lover, bringing him even closer to him and whispered in his ear.
“You know, Yomi-chan, you shouldn’t try to lie to yourself like that. You know in the end you’re going to be screaming my name over and over again tonight.”
“And weren’t you against that?” Yomi whispered.
Ruka was never one to answer that question though.
Their night out ended a few hours and a lot of drinks later without Yomi having learnt the name he so wanted to know. Sakito was famous after all, for being an impenetrable fortress when he wanted to be and it seemed there was just no way to make him confess. Yomi wondered if it was because he knew what his friends would do if they found out…
………………………….
Normally, proposals should be romantic, shouldn’t they? Aoi wondered. And still, there was nothing romantic in the way he had asked her the big question that day. They had ordered a cup of coffees and some cheesecake, and then went straight to business. There really was no point to beat around the bush.
“Will you marry me, Miyuki-san? And help me raise that child?”
He thought he had heard her release a sigh. Maybe it was just an impression because her voice was clear as always.
“Yes, Aoi-san, I will. I’m glad you asked me that. I’m glad to be able to have this child.”
Aoi nodded.
“So when do you want to have the wedding?”
“It doesn’t really matter, I think. If you need more time to get used to this situation…”
“No, I think it would be best if I got to spend as much time as possible with you, I’d like to be able to learn to love you, Miyuki-san. And I want to be there for my child, even if it is very early.”
“I see. You know, Aoi-san, there really is no reason to force yourself to fall in love with me. I’m sure a marriage between friends works just as well if not better than a lot of marriages I’ve seen.”
“I’m not forcing myself, Miyuki-san. I think you’re a wonderful woman and you deserve to be loved. And I would be very glad if you came to love me too. Perhaps what you say is right, but I want to offer that baby a true loving family. Maybe we didn’t get together in the best of circumstances, but I think we can remedy that.”
She was actually blushing a bit. Aoi caught himself thinking she looked cute like that.
“You know, I don’t think that will be too hard. When I called you a few days ago, I really expected the worse. After all, I knew nothing about you. I am happy it is you.”
“Wouldn’t you prefer to have the wedding before it begins to show?” Aoi asked.
“I would, actually. And I think it would be best for your image, also.” Aoi was happy he had managed to find someone that actually seemed to care about his band. For a woman, it was always hard when he was on tours and out during the nights for filming and other appointments, especially if they weren’t in the same field. He had had girlfriends before and it would always become ugly after a while.
“Miyuki-san, I do have to tell you this. I’m in love with my job. Hell, you could practically say I’m married to it. Sometimes, I don’t come home for days just because we’re recording something or when I come home I lock myself up and compose a new song. Not to mention the fact that I am not there during long tours. Life with me will probably seem like being married to a ghost at times.” He wouldn’t apologize for that, nor would he promise her to change his life. It would be an empty promise after all.
“I imagined all that, Aoi-san.” She smiled at her, a smile that wormed his heart. “I know what being married to one’s job is like. And believe it or not, I actually like the musician Aoi.” There was that blush again. “I must confess I took a look at some of Gazette’s videos and a few concert clips. It really shows, the love you have for your work. On each and everyone of your faces. That’s why I’m actually very excited to meet your band. I just might turn up to be your craziest fan.”
Yes, Aoi could definitely fall in love with her. Hell, she even managed to get him blushing…
“So is next month ok?” Aoi resumed the subject.
“As in three weeks from now?”
“Is it too early?”
“No, it’s fine with me. But what about your band? I’m sure there are quite a few things you need to settle first.”
“Well, I’m going to have an interview the day after tomorrow. And I think it would be the best way to announce it. The magazine will be out in about 10 days, so even if it all will seem very sudden, it will still be out in the open before the wedding.”
“I would like a private ceremony, if you don’t mind? I don’t think there’s any need for a big fancy wedding, unless of course you’d like that?”
“No, actually, I was thinking the same thing. There’s just going to be our families and closest friends. Talking about family, when am I supposed to come meet your parents?”
“My parents are dead. Died in a car accident about five years ago.”
“I am sorry.”
“There’s no need to be, but thank you.”
“Well, I would love it if you would agree to meet my parents and the band. I’m sure that everyone will love you.”
The conversation went like that for twenty more minutes, discussing arrangements and just getting to know each other. Afterwards, Aoi would sit in his bed, rewind everything and ask himself again: “should it have been more romantic? Maybe she would have at least liked flowers and a ring…” He didn’t really stop to think about the fact that he had already started caring about her, a woman he had really just met a few days ago, a woman he was planning on spending the rest of his life with. She made him relax even though meeting each other in their circumstances should have been a whole different affair. But still, Aoi was growing fond of her and that night, thinking about the next three weeks and about his future from then on, Aoi caught himself feeling somehow less lonely. The once too big apartment would soon host two persons after all, or should he actually count up to three?
A/N: It's been busy. No, scratch that, it's been hectic. However, this chapter turned out too big, don't you think? I mean, it's double the size of a normal post. I hope you'll like it. I especially like how it turned out because it has a bit of everything. Do tell me what you think, ok? No matter how busy it gets, I still read all the messages and will keep posting as long as there are people out there really looking forward to this. Love to all.
Title: My reflection
Chapters:17/?
Pairing: Ruki/Kai, Uruha/Reita, Aoi/OC, Aoi/Sakito
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Chapter 16
Meanwhile, Uruha got into his car and simply stormed off to their apartment, not giving Reita the chance to catch up. Reita thought he knew the reason behind his lover’s conduct and he had already decided when they had gotten together that he’d never get in the way of Uruha’s wishes, no matter what they were.
“Uru-kun, can I come up? I want to tell you something.”
“Sure. You’re scaring me a bit, Rei-chan. What’s wrong?”
They got into the apartment and sat down on the couch, two beers on the table in front of them.
“Uruha-kun, I just want you to hear me out and not stop me. It’s hard for me to tell you this as it is. If you stop me, I’ll lose all my nerve.”
“You’re really scaring the shit out of me, Rei. What’s with the Uruha-kun, too? But I promise I’ll listen.”
“We’ve been friends since like forever and I can honestly say that I never want to lose that. You’re an extremely important part of my life and you always will be. And what I’ll say now is self-centered and might threaten our bond but I don’t want that. I just want to get this weight off my chest. And I know you’ll understand and we’ll be able to laugh about it someday. Gods, I’m babbling and going in circles, aren’t I? Uru-kun, I’m in love with you. I have been for a while now and just not saying anything isn’t my style. However, I don’t want you to ever be pressured by me so just let me feel better about finally confessing and getting some closure and then we can go back to getting drunk like two great buddies…”
Reita had tried to smile and act as if he wasn’t practically ripping his heart out in two. Because he was. He was ripped between hoping that Uruha just might love him back and the fear of freaking out his friend. His heart was mended back together a second later when Uruha’s lips sought his.
“I’ll never do anything to tie you down, Uruha.” He had thought just before his mind went blank from pleasure.
He had reached their apartment and saw Uruha in their kitchen, drinking whisky out of a bottle. He’d stick to that promise he had made with himself.
“Uru-chan, you know you don’t need to stress yourself over this. I think I’ve told you before but you’re my angel and I’d never dream of cutting your wings. So we can end this whenever you decide. You don’t need to give up on anything for me. We can always go back to being friends.”
He didn’t expect the tears or Uruha throwing himself in his arms. Nor the rough kisses. It really was their last time together, wasn’t it? Reita thought while trying to soothe the angel in his arms. But no matter how gentle his touches and kisses, he couldn’t stop Uruha’s tears from flowing.
Only one small tear escaped Reita’s eyes, the moment Uruha screamed his name as if he wanted the whole world to hear them. Thinking it would be the last time he had his lover like that, entrapping him and at the same time setting him free in a way no one else could, Reita shed a solitary tear.
When he woke up, Uruha was still by his side, dreaming peacefully. The sun shining through the windows landed on his hair and skin, giving the guitarist an ethereal appearance. His soft breathing, pouty lips and hand gently resting on Reita’s chest made him seem almost too innocent to be real. To Reita, it really seemed like he had caught himself an angel. But angels have to be set free. He raised his hand and gently stroked Uruha’s soft skin, knowing that it would probably be the last time he was allowed to do so. His heart ached. He whispered, a prayer almost.
“I can’t make you stay, can I, angel? It wouldn’t be fair to chain you down. I love you, Uruha, and always will.”
Uruha’s deep amber eyes opened up then, staring straight at him, with what looked like anger. Reita just stood mesmerized.
“You’re an idiot! When did I ever ask you to set me free? You big ape, if I hadn’t heard what you said just now, we would probably have broken up for nothing! Don’t you know that I’m in love with you? Just what exactly were you thinking?”
“But don’t you want to have the chance to have a family, like Aoi-kun? You can have that. I can’t give you that. I thought you suddenly realized it and stormed off. I knew that you love me, but you were hurting because you had realized Aoi’s words were true. So I thought I’d make it easier for you and…”
“And what, break up with me when I was thinking why the hell couldn’t I give you that?”
Uruha practically screamed at him.
“What?” Reita was more than confused.
“You are an idiot. I stormed out of there because I was mad at myself. I was jealous of Aoi-kun, when I shouldn’t have been. I was jealous of him being able to have a child. Of course I want children too. But I want them with you. For a moment I imagined you surrounded by kids. I just know you’d be a wonderful father. And I became even madder at myself for not being able to give you that. And in that precise moment you decide to break up with me. I was crying because I thought you realized the same thing and decided I wasn’t worth it anymore. Ok, so maybe I wasn’t exactly rational either after all that whiskey. You’re still an idiot!”
Uruha had been screaming his lungs out at a stupefied Reita. But his last phrase had been almost whispered and then Uruha leaned in and placed a soft kiss on his lover’s lips.
“I’m no angel, Rei-chan. And if you want to tie me up, please do so. Lock me up in the deepest corner of your heart and throw away the key. Because I’m here to stay. I love you.”
What is it with men crying these days? Be a man, Reita, and hold it in or you won’t be able to meet your ancestors. Reita thought.
……………………………….
When Kai came back to the practice room to pick up his jacket he didn’t really expect Ruki to still be there. Ruki was curled up on the couch, seeming asleep. Kai came closer, sat down careful not to disturb the other and peered down at Ruki’s face. He was surprised to find that Ruki had obviously cried.
He picked up the lithe figure and placed the vocalist’s head on his knees, playing with his soft hair while admiring his beautiful face. He was a bit surprised to hear Ruki release a whimper and ask, eyes still closed:
“Aoi-shi?”
“He went home, Ru-chan. Everything went fine, eventually. The company admitted it was a bit late announcing them but they don’t have anything against the wedding.”
Ruki didn’t say anything else. He just snuggled closer to Kai, shivering slightly.
“Ru, are you ok? You didn’t catch a cold or anything, did you? You’re trembling.”
“I’m fine, Kai-chan.” But then another whimper left his lips and Kai put his finger under his chin and guided his head upwards.
“Ruki, look at me.” Shimmering pools of sadness looked up at him and Kai’s breath caught up in his throat. “Ru, what’s wrong?”
“It’s my fault, isn’t it, Kai-chan? If I hadn’t been so stupid and gotten him and Sakito-san together, he wouldn’t be suffering right now.”
Tears escaped Ruki’s eyes again and Kai gently wiped them off with his fingers. He stood there, mesmerized by Ruki’s eyes. How could anyone hold so much hurt and sadness and still be so pure and strong and stubborn at the same time? He didn’t know what he was doing but he leaned over and placed a soft kiss on Ruki’s lips again, much like before in the restaurant’s bathroom.
“You’re not god, Ruki, to have known the future. It’s not your fault in any way. You only meant well and Aoi-kun and Sakito-san know that. Stop crying because I hate it when you’re so sad. You shouldn’t be. You should just be happy and smiling all the time.”
“Why?”
“Why? Because you deserve to be. You’ve been through too much pain and sadness already. I wish I could erase all that for you but I can’t. I do want to prevent any more pain in the future.”
“No, why are you so caring? Why aren’t you tired of me going through these stupid phases all the time, like I’m some PMSy girl? Why are you still by my side?” Ruki knew the answer, and now he wanted to hear it. He thought he was ready to hear it. He had almost reproached Aoi for giving up love and what was he doing? Causing pain to the one person that truly loved him and that he thought… no, he knew, deep down in his heart, that he loved back. He had just been scared but it was about time to snap out of it.
Kai couldn’t answer. Not truthfully. So he just offered the same excuse, not realizing that Ruki had long ago ceased to buy it.
“Because I’m your friend of course. How could I not want you by my side?”
Ruki was sick of lying: Kai lying for him, him lying to himself. It had to stop. He had to make it stop.
“Do friends kiss each other, Kai-chan? Or pretend to be boyfriends? Sleep together? Think that just seeing the other one in the morning makes the day worth it? Try to stay alive for the other? Do friends do that, Kai-chan?”
Kai panicked. He had no idea Ruki had been bothered by those acts. But then again, how couldn’t he? It was so obvious that there was more between them than friendship and still, Kai didn’t see love in Ruki’s eyes. Then why was Ruki asking him all those questions? What did he want from him?
“Do those things bother you, Ruki? Because they are just meant to soothe you. If they make you confused instead, I’m sorry. I’ll stop. Come on, let’s get home.“
Ruki wanted to make him confess but then he caught himself before he could shout his reply at Kai. He had been a brat again, forcing Kai to admit his feelings in such a situation. Ruki now thought he loved Kai but he was still sad and desperate at the moment and even if he wasn’t wrong, he didn’t want to start his relationship with Kai like that. They shouldn’t start it like that. And what about Aoi? Wouldn’t it be better to just wait? He’d just be in more pain if he saw the two of them together and in love. It was definitely better to wait, for everything to settle down. And then, Ruki would make sure Kai would be his. This time he wouldn’t be an idiot and let love pass him by.
“No, Kai-chan, it doesn’t bother me at all. I actually love those little touches. They tell me how much you love me. Let’s go home. Thanks for cheering me up. We have to be able to cheer up Aoi-shi to after all.”
Kai breathed a relieved sigh. Whatever had happened earlier would just become one more bittersweet memory locked up and never shown in the light of day. No matter how much he wanted to reveal it.
………………………………….
Aoi got home, took out his cell phone and dialed the one number that he had postponed dialing all day long. After the fifth ring, he heard the other’s soft hello.
“Hi, Sakito-san. This is Aoi.”
“I know that, Aoi-chan. I do have your number, you know.”
“Yeah…” Aoi felt as if he was going to be sick. All he needed to say were three words: “I’m getting married”, but it felt as if something was stuck in his throat, not allowing him to end it all between the two of them. The silence was excruciating and seemed to last an eternity, until the first one to talk was actually Sakito.
“Listen, Aoi-kun. You really don’t need to be so stressed. I heard from Ruki-kun. I sincerely wish you a solid marriage, and a life full of happiness with your new family. I loved the time we spent together so if you don’t mind, I’d love to stay as friends from now on. Which of course means you’ll have to invite me to your wedding. When is it by the way?”
Aoi had been surprised, horrified, depressed, hurt, resigned, hopeful, all during a couple of seconds. He didn’t know if Sakito was honest or if he was just trying to be a gentleman and not hurt Aoi, but either way, Aoi was glad it had turned out this way. He was glad but somehow also sad. Why was that?
“We haven’t settled a date yet. Actually, I’m officially proposing to her tomorrow. But…”
“Yeah, you lucky devil you, you don’t need to stress at all because you already know she’ll say yes.”
“Yeah… So how was your day?”
“Oh, nothing much, practice with the band. We have a tour coming up soon and we have to be in top shape. You won’t believe what top shape means with these guys, though?”
“Tell me.”
“Revising the encyclopedia of dirty jokes. Hehe.”
It felt so right to hear his laugh and stupid jokes, Aoi thought.
“And I guess the main perpetrator would be Yomi-chan and you’re just the damsel in distress?”
“I resent that. I ain’t no damsel. I am in distress though.” Again the soft laughter, only this time it seemed a bit pained.
“Yeah.”
And there was that thick, heavy silence again, until Sakito spoke.
“Well, Aoi-kun, got to go now. I’m really tired and I just got home so I’m off to the shower.”
“Sure.”
“Oh, let me know when’s your bachelor’s party, ok? We’ll rock the clubs.”
“Don’t think there’s gonna be one, Sakito-kun.”
“No way. That was the last fun thing you’d get to do for the rest of your life.”
“Trust me, I’ve been having parties for quite some time now. One more won’t make any difference.”
“If you say so. Ok, see you, bye.”
That had went better than he had expected, Aoi thought. He guessed that it was because Sakito had found out from Ruki before. Aoi was grateful to the little vocalist. He didn’t even want to imagine how the conversation would have been otherwise. He couldn’t imagine it because it hurt too much already.
The next call he made to Miyuki was short and precise: they would meet the next day at the same coffee house.
……………………………..
Sakito was actually no place near his home since he had asked his friends to take him out for drinks and there he was, outside the club, finishing a conversation that he knew would be hard to erase from his mind. He wasn’t exactly convinced that alcohol would do that for him but at the moment alcohol and his friends were certainly better than spending the evening alone in his lonely apartment, a place he had briefly hoped would look cosier in the future, with maybe two people living in it instead of one… He had to cut off that thought just there since he was already murdering the poor cell phone, gripping it as tightly as he did. He had gone outside to take the call and now he had to get back in.
As soon as he reached the table he was greeted by a curious Yomi.
“Who was it? You were almost running to take that.”
“No one. Come on, you promised to get me drunk tonight.”
“As if that were easy. We don’t even know when you’re actually drunk.”
So three hours and about ten glasses of drinks later… Hitsugi and Ni~ya were somewhere having fun dancing or picking up girls, Ruka had gone to the bar to get them more drinks, which left Sakito and Yomi alone in their booth.
“Are you drunk now, Saki-kun?” Yomi asked. He had been going easy on the drinks just so that he could get to question their leader.
“Maybe.”
“Drunk enough to tell me the name of the person that’s gotten you heart broken?”
“Not nearly.”
“Damn, Saki, why do you have such a high alcohol resistance? After this many drinks any normal person would spill out the fact that his momma made him wear laces and pink underwear as a kid.”
“Well, I got away from that. Although she did make me wear a nice pink dress once. I went out to play in that and when I came back there were just stripes of material left. After that she kind of imagined dresses weren’t for me.” Sakito said giggling.
“Ok, so at least you are a bit drunk. After the next round you might just spill it.”
Ruka was back with two beers and a small bluish cocktail. The beers were obviously for him and Yomi.
“Are you sure about this, Yomi? I mean he might just enter an alcoholic coma with what you’ve been giving him to drink today.”
“Sakito-kun? No way.”
Yomi watched Sakito gulp down his drink. Ten, nine, eight… three, two, one, take off.
“You know, this is really similar to Hell freeze, a little more sting though.”
Malfunction. Abandon ship. Yomi almost banged his head on the table. He had been so sure that they were finally there. That thing was strong enough to make beginners kiss the floor instantly. He looked at Ruka, who was his normal cool self, pleading with the man to do something.
“Baby, you know there’s nothing I can do.”
“Damn.”
And then…
“You know, after he drank it, I could finally kiss him for the first time. It felt as if I was kissing someone for the first time in my life, like a stupid school boy and I was furious at the butterflies just flying in my stomach refusing to settle down even after I dropped him home.”
Yomi turned to watch Sakito so abruptly that he lost his balance and was about to fall on the table if it weren’t for Ruka’s strong arms keeping him safe.
“Who?” Yomi asked. If only he could get out that piece of information he could track the man down and rip him into tiny little pieces for getting his friend like that.
“What’s wrong with me anyway? One date, it took just a couple of hours for me to fall in love with him. Aren’t I easy?”
“No you aren’t Sakito-kun. Now will you please spill his name so Yomi can finally relax? I don’t want to even think about how many times I’ll have to do it tonight if he doesn’t lose some of this tension.” Ruka said to Sakito.
The guitarist just started laughing at that comment and at their vocalist’s surprised, annoyed, a little embarrassed face.
“Well, Ruka-kun, then I wish you good luck. You’re gonna need it by the looks of it”
“Damn.” Ruka cursed and then took a look at Yomi’s red face. He leaned down a bit to see what the little guy was muttering.
“Keep dreaming, buster. You aren’t getting any tonight.” Yomi was mumbling to himself.
Ruka just grinned, wrapped his arms around his lover, bringing him even closer to him and whispered in his ear.
“You know, Yomi-chan, you shouldn’t try to lie to yourself like that. You know in the end you’re going to be screaming my name over and over again tonight.”
“And weren’t you against that?” Yomi whispered.
Ruka was never one to answer that question though.
Their night out ended a few hours and a lot of drinks later without Yomi having learnt the name he so wanted to know. Sakito was famous after all, for being an impenetrable fortress when he wanted to be and it seemed there was just no way to make him confess. Yomi wondered if it was because he knew what his friends would do if they found out…
………………………….
Normally, proposals should be romantic, shouldn’t they? Aoi wondered. And still, there was nothing romantic in the way he had asked her the big question that day. They had ordered a cup of coffees and some cheesecake, and then went straight to business. There really was no point to beat around the bush.
“Will you marry me, Miyuki-san? And help me raise that child?”
He thought he had heard her release a sigh. Maybe it was just an impression because her voice was clear as always.
“Yes, Aoi-san, I will. I’m glad you asked me that. I’m glad to be able to have this child.”
Aoi nodded.
“So when do you want to have the wedding?”
“It doesn’t really matter, I think. If you need more time to get used to this situation…”
“No, I think it would be best if I got to spend as much time as possible with you, I’d like to be able to learn to love you, Miyuki-san. And I want to be there for my child, even if it is very early.”
“I see. You know, Aoi-san, there really is no reason to force yourself to fall in love with me. I’m sure a marriage between friends works just as well if not better than a lot of marriages I’ve seen.”
“I’m not forcing myself, Miyuki-san. I think you’re a wonderful woman and you deserve to be loved. And I would be very glad if you came to love me too. Perhaps what you say is right, but I want to offer that baby a true loving family. Maybe we didn’t get together in the best of circumstances, but I think we can remedy that.”
She was actually blushing a bit. Aoi caught himself thinking she looked cute like that.
“You know, I don’t think that will be too hard. When I called you a few days ago, I really expected the worse. After all, I knew nothing about you. I am happy it is you.”
“Wouldn’t you prefer to have the wedding before it begins to show?” Aoi asked.
“I would, actually. And I think it would be best for your image, also.” Aoi was happy he had managed to find someone that actually seemed to care about his band. For a woman, it was always hard when he was on tours and out during the nights for filming and other appointments, especially if they weren’t in the same field. He had had girlfriends before and it would always become ugly after a while.
“Miyuki-san, I do have to tell you this. I’m in love with my job. Hell, you could practically say I’m married to it. Sometimes, I don’t come home for days just because we’re recording something or when I come home I lock myself up and compose a new song. Not to mention the fact that I am not there during long tours. Life with me will probably seem like being married to a ghost at times.” He wouldn’t apologize for that, nor would he promise her to change his life. It would be an empty promise after all.
“I imagined all that, Aoi-san.” She smiled at her, a smile that wormed his heart. “I know what being married to one’s job is like. And believe it or not, I actually like the musician Aoi.” There was that blush again. “I must confess I took a look at some of Gazette’s videos and a few concert clips. It really shows, the love you have for your work. On each and everyone of your faces. That’s why I’m actually very excited to meet your band. I just might turn up to be your craziest fan.”
Yes, Aoi could definitely fall in love with her. Hell, she even managed to get him blushing…
“So is next month ok?” Aoi resumed the subject.
“As in three weeks from now?”
“Is it too early?”
“No, it’s fine with me. But what about your band? I’m sure there are quite a few things you need to settle first.”
“Well, I’m going to have an interview the day after tomorrow. And I think it would be the best way to announce it. The magazine will be out in about 10 days, so even if it all will seem very sudden, it will still be out in the open before the wedding.”
“I would like a private ceremony, if you don’t mind? I don’t think there’s any need for a big fancy wedding, unless of course you’d like that?”
“No, actually, I was thinking the same thing. There’s just going to be our families and closest friends. Talking about family, when am I supposed to come meet your parents?”
“My parents are dead. Died in a car accident about five years ago.”
“I am sorry.”
“There’s no need to be, but thank you.”
“Well, I would love it if you would agree to meet my parents and the band. I’m sure that everyone will love you.”
The conversation went like that for twenty more minutes, discussing arrangements and just getting to know each other. Afterwards, Aoi would sit in his bed, rewind everything and ask himself again: “should it have been more romantic? Maybe she would have at least liked flowers and a ring…” He didn’t really stop to think about the fact that he had already started caring about her, a woman he had really just met a few days ago, a woman he was planning on spending the rest of his life with. She made him relax even though meeting each other in their circumstances should have been a whole different affair. But still, Aoi was growing fond of her and that night, thinking about the next three weeks and about his future from then on, Aoi caught himself feeling somehow less lonely. The once too big apartment would soon host two persons after all, or should he actually count up to three?
A/N: It's been busy. No, scratch that, it's been hectic. However, this chapter turned out too big, don't you think? I mean, it's double the size of a normal post. I hope you'll like it. I especially like how it turned out because it has a bit of everything. Do tell me what you think, ok? No matter how busy it gets, I still read all the messages and will keep posting as long as there are people out there really looking forward to this. Love to all.