My reflection - chapter 10, Ruki/Kai, Reita/Uruha
Author: yukigafuru
Title: My reflection
Chapters:11/?
Pairing: Ruki/Kai, Uruha/Reita
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Chapter 10
Ruki felt like he could finally tell the story without drowning in pain anymore. Maybe it was thanks to Kai’s confession and their entwined hands, maybe it was because it finally sunk in, the fact that he had tried to kill himself finally and he could see the consequences had he succeeded. No more the Gazette, the pain he’d put his friends and family through, the guilt Kai would feel, hell he’d even be giving satisfaction to that bastard and that bitch. And if something angered Ruki, that was to give those people satisfaction. So the past had to go. And the first step was to tell the story.
“There’s not much to tell actually. He’s a photographer. We met during a photo shoot. He’s attractive, successful and talented. We went out for some drinks, he said he admired me, I fell right in his trap. That same night we had sex. In the morning we decided to give it a shot. We were both single and lonely apparently. The dates were fun, the sex was amazing and it was nice having someone you could tell everything to at the end of the day. When I saw him, I couldn’t keep my hands off him. It was as if my whole body was on fire. It’s easy to figure out we had sex pretty often. I always knew he didn’t like chubby people, but one day he had just had a photo shoot with another visual band and he kept talking about how the vocalist had gained weight, that they needed to alter the pictures, how singers had a duty to keep themselves fit etc. I started getting conscious about my weight. What if he saw me like that too? Around that time he also seemed to suddenly become busier and busier. We hardly ever went on dates anymore, when he came home there was just sex, we hardly ever talked.
He came home one night drunk and started telling me how he was sick of me, sick of seeing my ugly face in the morning, how he never wished he had gotten together with me in the first place because then he’d be free to like this man he had met a few days before. It hurt but I still believed him when he apologized the next day. Maybe I forced myself to believe him. A week later I found him fucking another men in our bed. He wasn’t even sorry, he placed all the blame on me. It was normal after all, I wasn’t desirable, I was a burden, and he had been insane to want me in the first place. I think even his lover was ashamed for the things he said. He walked out that day. I was left blaming myself for everything. I never tried to think that maybe he was the bastard.“
Ruki just told his story in what seemed an emotionless fashion, keeping his eyes on the ceiling, his voice even and clear and still Kai could sense the pain hiding there. The drummer was happy Ruki trusted him this much, enough to bare himself in front of him and even though he knew he shouldn’t ask the question, he wanted to, he couldn’t help himself.
“Do you still love him?”
It was then that Ruki finally turned his face towards him and Kai could see clearly the pain hiding deep within his eyes, but there was something else there, acceptance, regret and hope?
“I don’t think I ever loved him, Kai-chan. I was infatuated, obsessed even. But now, when my head seems finally clear, I can say I don’t think it was love. It was too physical to be love. He hurt my ego and I refused to even think I had chosen wrong from he start. It must have been something I did along the way. That’s what I thought. Maybe I had been too wrapped up in my own desire to be a rock icon, to create the perfect image that when he touched that sensitive spot, the world just… I don’t know. But I can definitely say now that I don’t love him anymore. What I did feel for him led me to this. I believe love doesn’t turn out this way. I was never a fan of Romeo and Juliet, you see.” Ruki ended.
Kai was relieved. Ruki seemed more than fine; he seemed at peace. He seemed ready to leave his past behind and start anew, with Kai by his side. That was all Kai wanted in the first place.
“Thank you for telling me, Ru-chan. And you know, just for the record, I think you’re perfect the way you are. You are beautiful and even starting to think otherwise makes absolutely no sense to me but what I truly love about you is that bouncy personality of yours. The way you light up a room just by saying a corny joke, screaming your lungs out at Aoi-shi for being an idiot, being late and getting on my nerves and then dismissing me. Boy that annoys the hell out of me every time.” Kai said laughing. “And the you on stage is… I’m just happy you’re ok, Ru-chan. I don’t know what I’d do, what we’d do without you.”
“You better say that again.” Exclaimed Uruha while walking in, a big bundle of red roses in his arms. “I brought you flowers from your prince, my lady.” Uruha joked. For once Uruha was the one joking and Aoi wasn’t saying a thing.
“Come on, Aoi-shi, you’re letting Uruha-kun take up the stage.” Ruki joked. Aoi didn’t seem in the mood though, because he immediately replied.
“Ruki-kun, do you have any idea what you just did? I think someone should clearly scold you for it and since no one has until now, I think it’s my turn.” Reita had put a hand on his shoulder, signaling that it was better if he didn’t, but Aoi shrugged it off.
“He’s a grown man, he needs to listen to this, even if he realizes for himself that he was wrong. He still needs to listen. It’s part of the process. I may be an idiot most of the times but even I know that! Do you have any idea of the gravity of your act? You tried to take your life away. What about your family? What about us? What about Kai-kun thinking he was responsible for this? What about our music and our fans? We keep declaring how we love our fans, right? Did you even stop and think about them? You could have asked for help when all this started, but no, you and your big ego just had to decide you were wrong and that you needed to handle everything alone. For fuck’s sake, Ruki-kun, what are friends for? We love you, you big ass, and we’d never think you were a burden. Now I’m getting teary myself while you’re standing there on a bed. I was planning even on letting you know a little gossip once you got to the practice room…”
Ruki wasn’t mad at all. He appreciated Aoi yelling at him because he realized Aoi was right, he needed to be yelled at a bit. It was part of the process. He knew all that for himself but it felt even more real and powerful when you heard it from someone else.
“You’re an idiot, you know that?” Ruki said. “But I love you.”
By then, Aoi was practically swimming in a river of tears. But Ruki just had to prove he was on top of the game.
“Now Uruha-kun, would you mind giving me those roses?”
After Uruha handed him the bouquet, he took one out, beckoned Reita to approach and then stated, while grinning from ear to ear and offering him the rose: “Now you need to give this to Uri Chan and declare your undying love for him for two reasons. One, because he’s been obviously so stressed until now he’s almost ready to faint from relief, two because I haven’t been there for the gossip this morning and you owe me that. Of course I expect to hear the entire story later.”
The other four people in the room were wide-eyed and open-mouthed, in utter shock. Yeap, he still had it. Once his words finally sank in for everyone in the room, Kai started giggling, Aoi doubled over with laughter while Reita took heed of his advice. He took the rose, approached a blushing Uruha, stood on one knee and while presenting his lover the flower declared loud enough for the entire hospital to hear.
“Oh, though which are fairer than the moon and sweeter than honey… I’d go on in this note but I’m afraid they’d have to reassess who between Shakespeare and I is better and I’d hate to see literature’s history rewritten. So, in my humble words, Uru-chan, I offer you this rose with my love, following the unrelenting order of my heart and of that demon sitting in the bed over there. Now I would very much like it if you allowed me to kiss you senseless and end this show.”
The room at that moment certainly did not sound like a hospital room since everyone in there was either doubling over with laughing or clenching their jaws to try to not laugh.
Uruha took the rose and just to add to the effect, kissed the soft petals, then kneeled himself in front of his Romeo and took the initiative. And to Romeo’s forever shame, kissed him senseless.
Ruki was clapping. When the kiss was finally over about four minutes later he just had to…
“Ok, now, Uru-chan, since I see you are the one I should have addressed in the first place, I here order you to go get yourselves a room, as far away from here as possible and not come back until you two are completely exhausted from all the heavenly sex. Of course I’m going to demand a full report later on. Now, you’re dismissed.”
Yeap, he was a demon and that’s why they loved him. Uruha and Reita were out of the room faster than you could say “left” (they weren’t needed after all) and Aoi was breathing hard from laughing so much. Ruki wasn’t done yet though.
“Now, Aoi-chan, what was that gossip I missed this morning?”
Aoi just pouted and took the cue, leaving Kai and Ruki alone.
“God, that’s why I love you.” Kai managed to say even though he was still laughing hard. He stopped suddenly though when he saw Ruki’s serious face. He didn’t mean it like… it was just…He was doomed. How was he supposed to explain himself now? Why had Ruki reacted like that in the first place? It couldn’t be that…
Ruki decided it was best to pretend he hadn’t been affected by the sudden declaration. He knew Kai hadn’t meant it as one anyway. If he hadn’t been awake earlier he would have taken it as a friend’s statement and brushed it off. It was different now, he knew Kai’s feelings were way deeper than friendship and he quite liked the way his heart fluttered when considering that. But it was too soon to even think about that. So he just pretended to brush it off.
“You know, Kai-chan, I’m glad those two got together. They deserve each other.”
Kai was able to relax once again.
“Yeah. I’m surprised you guessed it though. I mean, with everything going on in your life.”
Now there was something to consider. Ruki hadn’t noticed it although now that he thought about it the signs had been pretty obvious. He had been so wrapped up in his own pain that he had stopped paying attention to his friends. When had his life spiraled out of control like that? The negative thoughts were coming back again. Could he actually get rid of them? They were like poison in his brain, hidden beneath the surface, wreaking damage until it couldn’t be repaired anymore. Ruki got scared again. But all it took was to look into Kai’s deep pools of black and to feel the warmth seeping into his very soul through their hands and he fought the depression away.
“I’m a bit tired, Kai-kun.”
“After all that laughter, I bet you are. Even I am. So how about we get some shuteye? I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Ruki wouldn’t have that.
“Come here. There’s space enough for the both of us.” Oh, the red on Kai’s cheeks was just too sweet to watch.
“But, Ruki, this is a hospital and that is a hospital bed and we shouldn’t…”
“And I’m the patient here and I want you in my bed!” Yes, he was aware of the connotations in that and he saw Kai’s fidgeting and he loved every single second of it. He had been an idiot, yes, but he had made his decision: he’d be one no more.
Kai just resigned himself, got up from the chair and slid next to Ruki. Ruki had indeed lost a lot of weight but Kai still needed to be careful of the perfusions’ wires and there was no way to manage that without slipping behind Ruki, actually embracing him from behind. Kai would lie if he’d say he was displeased and well Ruki was comfy and warm and all fuzzy inside so he was quite happy with this arrangement. Sweet sleep soon visited them both.
A/N: The mystery is revealed but you'll be hearing more about the "bastard" soon enough. So how do you feel? I thought an original character would definitely better than picking a rocker... And this chapter gave me a chance to bring upfront the rest of the characters too. So what do you think? You know you just have to give me sugar...
Title: My reflection
Chapters:11/?
Pairing: Ruki/Kai, Uruha/Reita
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Chapter 10
Ruki felt like he could finally tell the story without drowning in pain anymore. Maybe it was thanks to Kai’s confession and their entwined hands, maybe it was because it finally sunk in, the fact that he had tried to kill himself finally and he could see the consequences had he succeeded. No more the Gazette, the pain he’d put his friends and family through, the guilt Kai would feel, hell he’d even be giving satisfaction to that bastard and that bitch. And if something angered Ruki, that was to give those people satisfaction. So the past had to go. And the first step was to tell the story.
“There’s not much to tell actually. He’s a photographer. We met during a photo shoot. He’s attractive, successful and talented. We went out for some drinks, he said he admired me, I fell right in his trap. That same night we had sex. In the morning we decided to give it a shot. We were both single and lonely apparently. The dates were fun, the sex was amazing and it was nice having someone you could tell everything to at the end of the day. When I saw him, I couldn’t keep my hands off him. It was as if my whole body was on fire. It’s easy to figure out we had sex pretty often. I always knew he didn’t like chubby people, but one day he had just had a photo shoot with another visual band and he kept talking about how the vocalist had gained weight, that they needed to alter the pictures, how singers had a duty to keep themselves fit etc. I started getting conscious about my weight. What if he saw me like that too? Around that time he also seemed to suddenly become busier and busier. We hardly ever went on dates anymore, when he came home there was just sex, we hardly ever talked.
He came home one night drunk and started telling me how he was sick of me, sick of seeing my ugly face in the morning, how he never wished he had gotten together with me in the first place because then he’d be free to like this man he had met a few days before. It hurt but I still believed him when he apologized the next day. Maybe I forced myself to believe him. A week later I found him fucking another men in our bed. He wasn’t even sorry, he placed all the blame on me. It was normal after all, I wasn’t desirable, I was a burden, and he had been insane to want me in the first place. I think even his lover was ashamed for the things he said. He walked out that day. I was left blaming myself for everything. I never tried to think that maybe he was the bastard.“
Ruki just told his story in what seemed an emotionless fashion, keeping his eyes on the ceiling, his voice even and clear and still Kai could sense the pain hiding there. The drummer was happy Ruki trusted him this much, enough to bare himself in front of him and even though he knew he shouldn’t ask the question, he wanted to, he couldn’t help himself.
“Do you still love him?”
It was then that Ruki finally turned his face towards him and Kai could see clearly the pain hiding deep within his eyes, but there was something else there, acceptance, regret and hope?
“I don’t think I ever loved him, Kai-chan. I was infatuated, obsessed even. But now, when my head seems finally clear, I can say I don’t think it was love. It was too physical to be love. He hurt my ego and I refused to even think I had chosen wrong from he start. It must have been something I did along the way. That’s what I thought. Maybe I had been too wrapped up in my own desire to be a rock icon, to create the perfect image that when he touched that sensitive spot, the world just… I don’t know. But I can definitely say now that I don’t love him anymore. What I did feel for him led me to this. I believe love doesn’t turn out this way. I was never a fan of Romeo and Juliet, you see.” Ruki ended.
Kai was relieved. Ruki seemed more than fine; he seemed at peace. He seemed ready to leave his past behind and start anew, with Kai by his side. That was all Kai wanted in the first place.
“Thank you for telling me, Ru-chan. And you know, just for the record, I think you’re perfect the way you are. You are beautiful and even starting to think otherwise makes absolutely no sense to me but what I truly love about you is that bouncy personality of yours. The way you light up a room just by saying a corny joke, screaming your lungs out at Aoi-shi for being an idiot, being late and getting on my nerves and then dismissing me. Boy that annoys the hell out of me every time.” Kai said laughing. “And the you on stage is… I’m just happy you’re ok, Ru-chan. I don’t know what I’d do, what we’d do without you.”
“You better say that again.” Exclaimed Uruha while walking in, a big bundle of red roses in his arms. “I brought you flowers from your prince, my lady.” Uruha joked. For once Uruha was the one joking and Aoi wasn’t saying a thing.
“Come on, Aoi-shi, you’re letting Uruha-kun take up the stage.” Ruki joked. Aoi didn’t seem in the mood though, because he immediately replied.
“Ruki-kun, do you have any idea what you just did? I think someone should clearly scold you for it and since no one has until now, I think it’s my turn.” Reita had put a hand on his shoulder, signaling that it was better if he didn’t, but Aoi shrugged it off.
“He’s a grown man, he needs to listen to this, even if he realizes for himself that he was wrong. He still needs to listen. It’s part of the process. I may be an idiot most of the times but even I know that! Do you have any idea of the gravity of your act? You tried to take your life away. What about your family? What about us? What about Kai-kun thinking he was responsible for this? What about our music and our fans? We keep declaring how we love our fans, right? Did you even stop and think about them? You could have asked for help when all this started, but no, you and your big ego just had to decide you were wrong and that you needed to handle everything alone. For fuck’s sake, Ruki-kun, what are friends for? We love you, you big ass, and we’d never think you were a burden. Now I’m getting teary myself while you’re standing there on a bed. I was planning even on letting you know a little gossip once you got to the practice room…”
Ruki wasn’t mad at all. He appreciated Aoi yelling at him because he realized Aoi was right, he needed to be yelled at a bit. It was part of the process. He knew all that for himself but it felt even more real and powerful when you heard it from someone else.
“You’re an idiot, you know that?” Ruki said. “But I love you.”
By then, Aoi was practically swimming in a river of tears. But Ruki just had to prove he was on top of the game.
“Now Uruha-kun, would you mind giving me those roses?”
After Uruha handed him the bouquet, he took one out, beckoned Reita to approach and then stated, while grinning from ear to ear and offering him the rose: “Now you need to give this to Uri Chan and declare your undying love for him for two reasons. One, because he’s been obviously so stressed until now he’s almost ready to faint from relief, two because I haven’t been there for the gossip this morning and you owe me that. Of course I expect to hear the entire story later.”
The other four people in the room were wide-eyed and open-mouthed, in utter shock. Yeap, he still had it. Once his words finally sank in for everyone in the room, Kai started giggling, Aoi doubled over with laughter while Reita took heed of his advice. He took the rose, approached a blushing Uruha, stood on one knee and while presenting his lover the flower declared loud enough for the entire hospital to hear.
“Oh, though which are fairer than the moon and sweeter than honey… I’d go on in this note but I’m afraid they’d have to reassess who between Shakespeare and I is better and I’d hate to see literature’s history rewritten. So, in my humble words, Uru-chan, I offer you this rose with my love, following the unrelenting order of my heart and of that demon sitting in the bed over there. Now I would very much like it if you allowed me to kiss you senseless and end this show.”
The room at that moment certainly did not sound like a hospital room since everyone in there was either doubling over with laughing or clenching their jaws to try to not laugh.
Uruha took the rose and just to add to the effect, kissed the soft petals, then kneeled himself in front of his Romeo and took the initiative. And to Romeo’s forever shame, kissed him senseless.
Ruki was clapping. When the kiss was finally over about four minutes later he just had to…
“Ok, now, Uru-chan, since I see you are the one I should have addressed in the first place, I here order you to go get yourselves a room, as far away from here as possible and not come back until you two are completely exhausted from all the heavenly sex. Of course I’m going to demand a full report later on. Now, you’re dismissed.”
Yeap, he was a demon and that’s why they loved him. Uruha and Reita were out of the room faster than you could say “left” (they weren’t needed after all) and Aoi was breathing hard from laughing so much. Ruki wasn’t done yet though.
“Now, Aoi-chan, what was that gossip I missed this morning?”
Aoi just pouted and took the cue, leaving Kai and Ruki alone.
“God, that’s why I love you.” Kai managed to say even though he was still laughing hard. He stopped suddenly though when he saw Ruki’s serious face. He didn’t mean it like… it was just…He was doomed. How was he supposed to explain himself now? Why had Ruki reacted like that in the first place? It couldn’t be that…
Ruki decided it was best to pretend he hadn’t been affected by the sudden declaration. He knew Kai hadn’t meant it as one anyway. If he hadn’t been awake earlier he would have taken it as a friend’s statement and brushed it off. It was different now, he knew Kai’s feelings were way deeper than friendship and he quite liked the way his heart fluttered when considering that. But it was too soon to even think about that. So he just pretended to brush it off.
“You know, Kai-chan, I’m glad those two got together. They deserve each other.”
Kai was able to relax once again.
“Yeah. I’m surprised you guessed it though. I mean, with everything going on in your life.”
Now there was something to consider. Ruki hadn’t noticed it although now that he thought about it the signs had been pretty obvious. He had been so wrapped up in his own pain that he had stopped paying attention to his friends. When had his life spiraled out of control like that? The negative thoughts were coming back again. Could he actually get rid of them? They were like poison in his brain, hidden beneath the surface, wreaking damage until it couldn’t be repaired anymore. Ruki got scared again. But all it took was to look into Kai’s deep pools of black and to feel the warmth seeping into his very soul through their hands and he fought the depression away.
“I’m a bit tired, Kai-kun.”
“After all that laughter, I bet you are. Even I am. So how about we get some shuteye? I’ll be here when you wake up.”
Ruki wouldn’t have that.
“Come here. There’s space enough for the both of us.” Oh, the red on Kai’s cheeks was just too sweet to watch.
“But, Ruki, this is a hospital and that is a hospital bed and we shouldn’t…”
“And I’m the patient here and I want you in my bed!” Yes, he was aware of the connotations in that and he saw Kai’s fidgeting and he loved every single second of it. He had been an idiot, yes, but he had made his decision: he’d be one no more.
Kai just resigned himself, got up from the chair and slid next to Ruki. Ruki had indeed lost a lot of weight but Kai still needed to be careful of the perfusions’ wires and there was no way to manage that without slipping behind Ruki, actually embracing him from behind. Kai would lie if he’d say he was displeased and well Ruki was comfy and warm and all fuzzy inside so he was quite happy with this arrangement. Sweet sleep soon visited them both.
A/N: The mystery is revealed but you'll be hearing more about the "bastard" soon enough. So how do you feel? I thought an original character would definitely better than picking a rocker... And this chapter gave me a chance to bring upfront the rest of the characters too. So what do you think? You know you just have to give me sugar...