My reflection - chapter 8, Ruki/Kai, Reita/Uruha
Author: yukigafuru
Title: My reflection
Chapters:9/?
Pairing: Ruki/Kai, Uruha/Reita
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Chapter 8
Kai let out a deep sigh. He was a little bit assured by Reita’s words. He pulled himself together again and then pulled out his phone and dialed the manager’s number. Reita took the phone out of his hand when the call went through, mumbling an “I’ll take care of this”.
Kai was grateful but at the same time he needed something to occupy his thoughts. He listened to Reita’s conversation up to the point where…
“Yes, well, he was really upset.”
Midori. The anger just gushed out, leaving nothing in its path. Kai needed the anger to chase away the fear but until Reita shook him from his trance he didn’t realize he had been clutching the seat tightly, biting his lip to the point where he almost drew blood.
“Kai-kun, are you ok?” Reita asked. He knew it was a stupid question but he needed to say something.
“Reita, tell me everything she said.”
“She?” At first Reita was too surprised to realize the meaning of the question but when Kai looked at him he shuddered and knew exactly what the man meant. He had never seen Kai like that before. It was as if a different person was standing in front of him. His gaze was purely murderous, every fiber in his being wound tight and just screaming danger. Reita was a bit scared and then… a sudden thought came. It wasn’t just the guilt or the friendship… the conversation between the two of them…
“Kai-kun, I think it’s better I didn’t…”
“Reita, tell me!” There was no contradicting. Reita told him everything he had heard. When he had stopped talking, Kai all of a sudden punched the wall behind him. There was a loud noise and for a moment Reita feared Kai might have broken something but the drummer himself didn’t seem to care. He was trembling with rage. When he saw Midori…
Reita seemed to have read his mind.
“Kai-kun, if you saw her right now, what would you do?” Reita dared to ask. The answer came immediately, no hesitation in the drummer’s voice.
“Strangle her.”
The bassist knew Kai meant it. There was just something in his voice that showed that Kai wasn’t bluffing at all. But he could understand his friend because…
“You know, Kai-kun. I know what you mean. I won’t say I know what you’re feeling because I can’t but I know that if Uruha was in there instead of Ruki I’d say the same. I’d probably think the same and act the same. You care about him, don’t you?” There was no need to say more because Reita knew the answer just by seeing Kai relax for a brief moment, his eyes recovering their warmth. It was for just a few moments but Reita had gotten his answer.
He had to go and fill in the papers the hospital required so Reita thought now was safe enough to leave the drummer alone for a bit.
Fifty minutes later he headed back towards the emergency room but was surprised to see Kai wasn’t there. When he asked a nurse if she knew something, she said Ruki had already been transferred to a room. Yes, he was fine. The gentleman standing had gone with him. Reita released a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.
After finding Ruki’s room he immediately went in. Kai was standing next to Ruki’s bed, the vocalist’s right hand trapped firmly between his own, he was gazing lovingly upon the fragile form lying on the hospital bed. Surprisingly, it was Kai that broke the silence.
“He’s going to be ok… I’m surprised Uruha and Aoi aren’t here yet.”
“Oh, I told them not to rush over. Too many worried people around Ruki wouldn’t be a good idea neither for him nor you. They should come soon though, I don’t think they can bear to stay away for too long. I also told them to pass by his apartment and bring some clothes and things he might need.”
“Thank you. You know, you never realize how much you treasure something until it’s almost taken away from you.”
The doctor walked in, checked the IV and then addressed Kai.
“We just got the results from the lab. Due to who he is, it went… smoothly”, which meant it had went the fastest humanly possible.
Kai tensed again.
“It might be cynical to say it this way but it might have been his good luck that this happened.”
Kai barely restrained himself from jumping the young man wrapped in a white robe. Who cared if he was a doctor? If he dared say even one bad thing about Ruki, he’d…
“Don’t misunderstand, please. We performed a blood analysis, just in case. Of course the concentration of drugs was high but something else was extremely low. If he himself wouldn’t have come and demanded a blood analysis, we would have probably never known and his life would have been in graver danger. He is anemic. To a frightening degree, I might add. Do you happen to know the cause?”
Kai didn’t realize that he was gripping a bit too tight Ruki’s hand. He couldn’t think properly. He had suspected something was wrong but after seeing that doctor and after the progress Ruki had made in the previous days, the thought of Ruki having a… slipped out of his mind.
“I think he hasn’t been eating properly for months. I’ve seen him vomiting quite a few times. That was the reason I made him see a doctor but he was only diagnosed with a mild depression.”
“I see. An anemia this severe can only occur when the patient hasn’t been eating properly but if you have seen him vomiting and if it was on purpose, judging by his body weight I would certainly suspect an eating disorder. Has he shown unwillingness to eat? Has he made comments about being too fat? Perhaps overly concerned with his appearance and the way he is seen by others?”
“All of those above.”
“I see. Unfortunately, unless one performs a blood analysis and suspects an eating disorder, it is quite possible that the patient be diagnosed with depression instead, especially if the patient is male. The symptoms are quite similar to depression. Actually, in the case of Matsumoto-san I suspect anorexia nervosa. In most cases it starts with a depression and a body image distortion. I’m sure you have heard of it. It is quite common especially in the entertainment circles but unfortunately the Japanese medical community still has some reserves when diagnostic patients with anorexia.”
Kai and Reita could only listen attentively. Reita had moved behind Kai, silently offering his support to the drummer who obviously needed it. The news was hard to digest, especially for the bassist who had had no idea. For Kai it was just too much to handle at once. And it got worse for after a brief pause the doctor continued.
“The bad news is that anorexia nervosa is extremely difficult to cure, as is depression actually. As for medicine, sometimes mild anti depressants are prescribed. There is no medicine for curing anorexia. We can only hope to treat the depression that caused it and restore the patient’s self respect, fix the distorted image if you will. Counseling is effective in most cases. For patients that have attempted suicide, I strongly recommend hospitalization. I am sorry to say that once they have made an attempt the chances are quite high they try it again. Anorexia is an extremely dangerous disorder.”
Kai couldn’t form a coherent thought. The doctor’s words were just running around in his head, refusing to settle. Everything came too suddenly, without a warning. That morning he had headed happily towards practice, happy when thinking that Ruki ate everything, it was ironic, truly, truly twisted. Was reality like that? One moment you were thinking that the world is at its brightest and the next… you saw your loved one on a hospital bed, diagnosed with anorexia.
Reita was the one who spoke next.
“Doctor, I am a close friend of Matsumoto-san and unfortunately I can say that he is a stubborn little fellow who absolutely hates hospitals and will positively refuse to be hospitalized more than two days. Being here will only make him feel handicapped and depress him even further.”
“I supposed as much. His status also isn’t favorable for him being hospitalized for a long period of time. The support of the people around him is essential, as well as seeing a psychiatrist and a nutritionist. He needs to be watched around the clock and coerced into feeding himself and kept from vomiting. What about his family?”
“I think the stress would increase. I don’t think he’d like getting unwanted attention, not this way.”
“I see. Then may I recommend a nurse.”
Kai decided that it was time he got his bearings back.
“I’ll take care of him. I’ll live with him. I’m the one who cooks normally and I will be sure to follow the nutritionist’s advice. In the last few days I have lived with him and convinced him into eating normally. If something this morning hadn’t… I dare say in time the problem might have been solved.”
“Unless the patient himself admits he has a problem, even though he may seem ok, there is always a chance for relapse. However, it may be best that you are the person to take care of him. May I ask what is your relationship?”
“We’re best friends and band members.” Kai said. And after looking at Ruki’s peaceful expression he added. “And I love him.”
A/N: It is finally in the open, what Ruki is suffering from. I'm sure some of you have guessed by then. I did do a bit of research on this and you wouldn't believe some facts... It's really not to be taken lightly. On a more cheerful tune, I love writing this and I hope you'll like it too. So I'll be waiting for your lovely comments, as usual.
Title: My reflection
Chapters:9/?
Pairing: Ruki/Kai, Uruha/Reita
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-15
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Chapter 8
Kai let out a deep sigh. He was a little bit assured by Reita’s words. He pulled himself together again and then pulled out his phone and dialed the manager’s number. Reita took the phone out of his hand when the call went through, mumbling an “I’ll take care of this”.
Kai was grateful but at the same time he needed something to occupy his thoughts. He listened to Reita’s conversation up to the point where…
“Yes, well, he was really upset.”
Midori. The anger just gushed out, leaving nothing in its path. Kai needed the anger to chase away the fear but until Reita shook him from his trance he didn’t realize he had been clutching the seat tightly, biting his lip to the point where he almost drew blood.
“Kai-kun, are you ok?” Reita asked. He knew it was a stupid question but he needed to say something.
“Reita, tell me everything she said.”
“She?” At first Reita was too surprised to realize the meaning of the question but when Kai looked at him he shuddered and knew exactly what the man meant. He had never seen Kai like that before. It was as if a different person was standing in front of him. His gaze was purely murderous, every fiber in his being wound tight and just screaming danger. Reita was a bit scared and then… a sudden thought came. It wasn’t just the guilt or the friendship… the conversation between the two of them…
“Kai-kun, I think it’s better I didn’t…”
“Reita, tell me!” There was no contradicting. Reita told him everything he had heard. When he had stopped talking, Kai all of a sudden punched the wall behind him. There was a loud noise and for a moment Reita feared Kai might have broken something but the drummer himself didn’t seem to care. He was trembling with rage. When he saw Midori…
Reita seemed to have read his mind.
“Kai-kun, if you saw her right now, what would you do?” Reita dared to ask. The answer came immediately, no hesitation in the drummer’s voice.
“Strangle her.”
The bassist knew Kai meant it. There was just something in his voice that showed that Kai wasn’t bluffing at all. But he could understand his friend because…
“You know, Kai-kun. I know what you mean. I won’t say I know what you’re feeling because I can’t but I know that if Uruha was in there instead of Ruki I’d say the same. I’d probably think the same and act the same. You care about him, don’t you?” There was no need to say more because Reita knew the answer just by seeing Kai relax for a brief moment, his eyes recovering their warmth. It was for just a few moments but Reita had gotten his answer.
He had to go and fill in the papers the hospital required so Reita thought now was safe enough to leave the drummer alone for a bit.
Fifty minutes later he headed back towards the emergency room but was surprised to see Kai wasn’t there. When he asked a nurse if she knew something, she said Ruki had already been transferred to a room. Yes, he was fine. The gentleman standing had gone with him. Reita released a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.
After finding Ruki’s room he immediately went in. Kai was standing next to Ruki’s bed, the vocalist’s right hand trapped firmly between his own, he was gazing lovingly upon the fragile form lying on the hospital bed. Surprisingly, it was Kai that broke the silence.
“He’s going to be ok… I’m surprised Uruha and Aoi aren’t here yet.”
“Oh, I told them not to rush over. Too many worried people around Ruki wouldn’t be a good idea neither for him nor you. They should come soon though, I don’t think they can bear to stay away for too long. I also told them to pass by his apartment and bring some clothes and things he might need.”
“Thank you. You know, you never realize how much you treasure something until it’s almost taken away from you.”
The doctor walked in, checked the IV and then addressed Kai.
“We just got the results from the lab. Due to who he is, it went… smoothly”, which meant it had went the fastest humanly possible.
Kai tensed again.
“It might be cynical to say it this way but it might have been his good luck that this happened.”
Kai barely restrained himself from jumping the young man wrapped in a white robe. Who cared if he was a doctor? If he dared say even one bad thing about Ruki, he’d…
“Don’t misunderstand, please. We performed a blood analysis, just in case. Of course the concentration of drugs was high but something else was extremely low. If he himself wouldn’t have come and demanded a blood analysis, we would have probably never known and his life would have been in graver danger. He is anemic. To a frightening degree, I might add. Do you happen to know the cause?”
Kai didn’t realize that he was gripping a bit too tight Ruki’s hand. He couldn’t think properly. He had suspected something was wrong but after seeing that doctor and after the progress Ruki had made in the previous days, the thought of Ruki having a… slipped out of his mind.
“I think he hasn’t been eating properly for months. I’ve seen him vomiting quite a few times. That was the reason I made him see a doctor but he was only diagnosed with a mild depression.”
“I see. An anemia this severe can only occur when the patient hasn’t been eating properly but if you have seen him vomiting and if it was on purpose, judging by his body weight I would certainly suspect an eating disorder. Has he shown unwillingness to eat? Has he made comments about being too fat? Perhaps overly concerned with his appearance and the way he is seen by others?”
“All of those above.”
“I see. Unfortunately, unless one performs a blood analysis and suspects an eating disorder, it is quite possible that the patient be diagnosed with depression instead, especially if the patient is male. The symptoms are quite similar to depression. Actually, in the case of Matsumoto-san I suspect anorexia nervosa. In most cases it starts with a depression and a body image distortion. I’m sure you have heard of it. It is quite common especially in the entertainment circles but unfortunately the Japanese medical community still has some reserves when diagnostic patients with anorexia.”
Kai and Reita could only listen attentively. Reita had moved behind Kai, silently offering his support to the drummer who obviously needed it. The news was hard to digest, especially for the bassist who had had no idea. For Kai it was just too much to handle at once. And it got worse for after a brief pause the doctor continued.
“The bad news is that anorexia nervosa is extremely difficult to cure, as is depression actually. As for medicine, sometimes mild anti depressants are prescribed. There is no medicine for curing anorexia. We can only hope to treat the depression that caused it and restore the patient’s self respect, fix the distorted image if you will. Counseling is effective in most cases. For patients that have attempted suicide, I strongly recommend hospitalization. I am sorry to say that once they have made an attempt the chances are quite high they try it again. Anorexia is an extremely dangerous disorder.”
Kai couldn’t form a coherent thought. The doctor’s words were just running around in his head, refusing to settle. Everything came too suddenly, without a warning. That morning he had headed happily towards practice, happy when thinking that Ruki ate everything, it was ironic, truly, truly twisted. Was reality like that? One moment you were thinking that the world is at its brightest and the next… you saw your loved one on a hospital bed, diagnosed with anorexia.
Reita was the one who spoke next.
“Doctor, I am a close friend of Matsumoto-san and unfortunately I can say that he is a stubborn little fellow who absolutely hates hospitals and will positively refuse to be hospitalized more than two days. Being here will only make him feel handicapped and depress him even further.”
“I supposed as much. His status also isn’t favorable for him being hospitalized for a long period of time. The support of the people around him is essential, as well as seeing a psychiatrist and a nutritionist. He needs to be watched around the clock and coerced into feeding himself and kept from vomiting. What about his family?”
“I think the stress would increase. I don’t think he’d like getting unwanted attention, not this way.”
“I see. Then may I recommend a nurse.”
Kai decided that it was time he got his bearings back.
“I’ll take care of him. I’ll live with him. I’m the one who cooks normally and I will be sure to follow the nutritionist’s advice. In the last few days I have lived with him and convinced him into eating normally. If something this morning hadn’t… I dare say in time the problem might have been solved.”
“Unless the patient himself admits he has a problem, even though he may seem ok, there is always a chance for relapse. However, it may be best that you are the person to take care of him. May I ask what is your relationship?”
“We’re best friends and band members.” Kai said. And after looking at Ruki’s peaceful expression he added. “And I love him.”
A/N: It is finally in the open, what Ruki is suffering from. I'm sure some of you have guessed by then. I did do a bit of research on this and you wouldn't believe some facts... It's really not to be taken lightly. On a more cheerful tune, I love writing this and I hope you'll like it too. So I'll be waiting for your lovely comments, as usual.