My reflection -chapter 4, Ruki/Kai
Author: yukigafuru
Title: My reflection
Chapters:5/?
Pairing: Ruki/Kai
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-13 for now
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Notes: This was a request from my darling xsweetnyappyx.
Chapter 4
When Ruki had simply cuddled with him on the sofa Kai hadn’t been too worried, it was just a bit of tiredness after all, right? After a few minutes they had finally decided to get some work done and everyone took their assigned places. Everything seemed to go just fine for about twenty minutes. It was a rehearsal so they didn’t need to exaggerate and spend all their energy after all, but Kai could do nothing but stand and keep hitting the drums while watching the situation grow worse and worse by the minute.
In other words, Ruki just didn’t seem to be able to handle the rehearsal. His voice had gradually quieted down until it became more of a mumbling of lyrics than actual singing. It was shocking to the members, to say the least. A Ruki that didn’t put emotion into their music was an extremely rare occurrence and had only happened a few times in the band’s history. They were human after all and they were aloud to have their good days and their bad days. But previously he had at least maintained the key and composition so as to keep it mostly unperceived. This time it was different. There just wasn’t anything there, either emotions or technique.
Kai, Aoi and Uruha were making surprised and worried grimaces, turning their gazes from Kai to Ruki and then back to Kai, asking their leader the same silent question: “what is wrong?” Not even Kai could answer that though. So after Ruki had butchered Carry and Cassis, Kai felt that it was time to take a break and have a talk with Ruki.
The moment the instruments stopped it seemed like a deafening silence had descended upon them. The guitarists were so surprised and weary of what had just happened that they actually didn’t feel like opening their mouths while Ruki hadn’t even moved from his place, leaning on the mike stand, eyes closed and a pained expression on his face.
Reita and Uruha went outside silently while Aoi took a seat by the window, without saying a word and started punching the buttons on his cell phone, probably messaging some future dates. Kai carefully approached the vocalist’s standing figure and while placing his palms on the smaller man’s shoulders decided to finally break the silence.
“Ruki-kun, come on, let’s sit on the couch.”
Ruki still didn’t talk and didn’t even lift his head. He just let himself be led there. Once they were finally comfortably seated, Ruki just let his head fall on Kai’s shoulder and inhaled a deep, shuddering breath. Kai wasn’t really sure how he should react under the circumstances. It was obvious that Ruki was a lot more tired than he had previously thought, tired to the point where he probably couldn’t stand straight without some support, tired enough to not sing.
Before that day, Kai couldn’t have imagined such a scenario. All the members were quite famous for their endurance and putting their all in their performances. Every single member of the Gazette did a live prepared to literally shake the fans’ worlds. Even when just rehearsing they would still try to improve themselves and Ruki was no exception. The movements and the head banging that occurred during lives may have been drastically reduced but Ruki compensated that in technicality. After all, his voice was an instrument also, an instrument that needed practice and tuning. A pissed off or an elated Ruki were not uncommon occurrences so it wasn’t that rare that ballads sounded a bit more heavy or that songs like “Discharge" took on an astonishingly romantic turn (Kai still hadn’t figured how Ruki managed that one) but still, the changes were never so shocking as to leave the four of them shocked into silence. This time it was different. There was nothing to be said or joked about because it was quite obvious that Ruki wasn’t well and not even Kai knew what he should do. He thought about canceling the practice but when he thought about Ruki’s reaction and Ruki being on treatment for depression he just couldn’t make himself to say it. The last thing he wanted was the vocalist blaming himself while in the privacy or better said, solitude, of his apartment.
So Kai just silently sat with Ruki on the couch, an arm draped over Ruki’s shoulder, his fingers drumming a soft beat, trying to help the other relax. He still hadn’t figured out how to announce that the day’s practice was over when Reita and Uruha came back in. It took Reita about a second to eye Ruki and Kai’s state before he was taking a great burden off Kai’s shoulders.
“Ok, sorry guys, but we have to wrap it up today. Me and Uru-chan have a date.”
At that statement even Ruki opened his eyes.
“What are you talking about?” Aoi piped in, abandoning his cell-phone. “Don’t tell me that’s the reason you two aren’t interested in going with me and the girls…”
“Aoi-kun, trust me, no matter how much you nag you’ll never see us in the same room with those girls, eating in a civilized manner. I’d be probably throwing guitars in their faces before we even made it to the table.” Uruha remarked.
Aoi pouted but still continued his questionnaire. He was a bit curious after all.
“So?”
“So what?” Reita answered this time. “We’re just going out a bit. An old friend of ours just called and asked if we weren’t free to go for a few drinks. He just came to Tokyo for business and is taking the train back tomorrow morning so we really couldn’t refuse.”
“It’s ok, guys. We’ll see you again in a couple of days. And Uru-chan, don’t forget you have that photo shoot planned for tomorrow. I know what you and drinking can generate and you are not missing that shoot. And Reita-kun, I trust you to get him home safely and wake him up tomorrow if necessary.”
“Yeah, yeah, Kai-kun, I know the drill. Don’t worry. Take care.”
And after exchanging a meaningful gaze with Kai, Reita was out the doors, Uruha right behind him. Kai wasn’t sure if it was all a very fortunate coincidence or if Reita had just made that up on the spot seeing the predicament Kai was in. Reita after all was probably the most perceptive one in their band so Kai wouldn’t be surprised if it did turn out like that. A few minutes later Aoi was saying his goodbyes too, leaving the two guys on the couch alone in the room.
“Kai-kun, I’m sorry I messed up so bad today. It probably has been the worst performance in history, right?” Ruki whispered, loud enough for Kai to hear him though.
“There’s no need to apologize, Ru-chan. I kind of figured out you didn’t feel well. You shouldn’t have forced yourself to come to practice if you didn’t feel well.”
“I’m not an invalid, Kai-kun. And I wanted to be here with you guys.”
Kai bit his lower lip, inwardly reprimanding himself for saying that.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Ru-chan. I’m just a bit worried, that’s all. I want you healthy before anything else, ok?”
“Yes, mom.”
“Come on, I’ll take you home. You have two days to rest and get in shape. I expect you to rock this room the next time.”
Ruki softly smiled and, helped by Kai, stood up. They both walked to Kai’s car, the drummer supporting Ruki’s form, forming a lovely picture to anyone that would have laid their eyes upon them, anyone excepting the person following them, lurking in the shadows.
While heading for Ruki’s apartment it seemed that Ruki had been lulled to sleep by the car’s movement and the relaxing music playing on the radio. Every time Kai turned his head a bit to observe his passenger he couldn’t help smiling, watching the endearing picture. Kai didn’t think he had ever seen anyone sleeping more peacefully than their vocalist, his mouth a bit opened, his hands gripping the seat belt, his face turned a bit towards Kai so that the drummer had a perfect view of his sleeping form.
Even when the car stopped in front of Ruki’s apartment building, the vocalist didn’t wake up and since Kai didn’t want to disturb him he figured he might as well carry him up to his apartment if he didn’t wake up in the process. Ruki didn’t budge, not even when Kai had wrapped his arms around him and slowly lifted him up from the seat and out of the car. It really was unusual for Ruki to sleep that deeply unless he was practically dead-tired.
He had expected the bridal carrying to be more difficult but Kai was shocked by exactly how much weight Ruki had lost. Kai hadn’t exactly carried his friend in that way before but he had supported him a few times after the vocalist had had a little too much to drink in the past and he knew about how many pounds Ruki’s weight was supposed to be. And the present Ruki was at least 10 pounds lighter than Kai remembered.
After depositing his burden on the bed, making sure the vocalist was comfy and sound asleep, Kai made himself comfortable on the couch in the living room, in front of the TV, absentmindedly flipping through the channels while his mind was preoccupied with thoughts of the man he had held in his arms before. He had to force himself to stop worrying so much since he wasn’t solving anything by doing that, just tiring himself and so instead he decided to finally avert his attention to the TV. Kai didn’t feel like watching variety shows or watching anime or some cultural program aired on NHK so when he stumbled upon a cooking show just starting, his attention was instantly drawn, especially since the foreign dish was unknown to him and he always loved to try new things.
When the cooking program had ended a half an hour later, Kai was left with a watering mouth and nothing to do and since Ruki probably didn’t have anything delicious cooked in the fridge he decided he should put his cooking skills to the test with the new recipe.
Unfortunately Ruki’s kitchen was practically devoid of cooking ingredients since the vocalist wasn’t exactly a fan of spending time in the kitchen, so Kai decided to go out and buy the items needed seeing as Ruki was sound asleep and probably wouldn’t wake up for a few hours.
When entering the parking lot he was surprised to find someone reclining against his car. Approaching the vehicle and clearly distinguishing the person’s face, his surprise turned into irritation. Leaning against his car was his ex-girlfriend, a person he would have rather not seen again for a long, long period of time.
“Midori-san, what are you doing here?”
“Kai-san, I felt like we still had things left unsaid. Can’t we somehow solve this?”
She was beautiful. Her long black hair was carefully styled and draped her back and shoulders like a black curtain, she had deep black eyes and full lips, pure white smooth looking skin and a lovely nose. She was neither too tall nor too small and her body was beautifully shaped, having long legs, attractive hips and small delicate breasts, proud shoulders and a slim waist. She could rival a model. Her voice wasn’t loud or low, nor was it demanding or regretful. It was simply plain, level and rational as if she was conducting a business transaction. Kai knew better though. He knew that she hadn’t started reacting in an outrageous way yet because she was restraining herself from lashing out, not because for once she had gotten her bearings right.
“Solve what? You having jealousy crises every other day or insulting my friends or actually trying to lie to me about being pregnant?” Kai asked, his vice as icy as his gaze.
“I’m sorry for all that. Once I lost you I finally realized what I have lost and how wrong I have been. We were happy for a while, weren’t we? I’m sure if we try again, if I try again, if you give me another chance we could have that happiness back.” She replied, her voice gaining a pleading tone.
“To be frank, Midori-san, I was never happy with you. I was content. I have never truly loved you but I have tried to fall in love with you. I just don’t feel like trying anymore. It’s not just your fault, my band is my top priority now and we’ve been having some troubles so I really don’t have time to think about romance nor put any effort into a relationship.”
Hearing his answer, her gaze turned venomous and her face formed into a scowl.
“Would those problems involve carrying in your arms a certain blonde?” Her tone dripped with sarcasm and malice.
“Maybe I haven’t been clear enough. My problems don’t involve you anymore. And I certainly don’t like you following me. I do hope this will be the last time we see each other. Goodbye, Midori-san.”
And with that said, Kai opened the door to his car and hit the pedals, leaving the woman in the parking lot, a murderous gaze on her face.
PS: I know it's been long but since school has started again it really is hard updating two fics a week so I just settled with updating one a week and making the chapters a bit longer. On top of that, this was especially difficult to write since it has to be both a filler and an important development with Midori appearing. I do hope you like it.
Also, it's really hard for me to decide something else so I'll leave it up to you guys. Do you want Aoi to have a bigger role in the fic or just keep him this way and do you want me to find him his love or just keep him a playboy? And if you're up for the romance, male or woman? And if male, who would you like him wth. I have a Naitomea band member in mind but I'm also available for other opinions, well as long as I at least know a bit about the one you propose.
And, finally, boy this is getting long, right? Do you want Uruha and Reita together? I think I've iven plenty of hints that I'd like to take this in that direction but if you rather I don't...
Anyway, be sure to write ok?
Hugs to all my readers.
Title: My reflection
Chapters:5/?
Pairing: Ruki/Kai
Warnings: lots of angst, manxman love
Rating: PG-13 for now
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I am not connected to the real persons. This is just a figment of my imagination and I don't make any money nor profit in any way out of this (well, except gathering your love that is).
Summary: They are successful but are they really happy? Are there shadows lurking in the dark, just waiting for a chance to come out? What is happening with Ruki and how can Kai help? And what will this challenge for the two of them bring?
Notes: This was a request from my darling xsweetnyappyx.
Chapter 4
When Ruki had simply cuddled with him on the sofa Kai hadn’t been too worried, it was just a bit of tiredness after all, right? After a few minutes they had finally decided to get some work done and everyone took their assigned places. Everything seemed to go just fine for about twenty minutes. It was a rehearsal so they didn’t need to exaggerate and spend all their energy after all, but Kai could do nothing but stand and keep hitting the drums while watching the situation grow worse and worse by the minute.
In other words, Ruki just didn’t seem to be able to handle the rehearsal. His voice had gradually quieted down until it became more of a mumbling of lyrics than actual singing. It was shocking to the members, to say the least. A Ruki that didn’t put emotion into their music was an extremely rare occurrence and had only happened a few times in the band’s history. They were human after all and they were aloud to have their good days and their bad days. But previously he had at least maintained the key and composition so as to keep it mostly unperceived. This time it was different. There just wasn’t anything there, either emotions or technique.
Kai, Aoi and Uruha were making surprised and worried grimaces, turning their gazes from Kai to Ruki and then back to Kai, asking their leader the same silent question: “what is wrong?” Not even Kai could answer that though. So after Ruki had butchered Carry and Cassis, Kai felt that it was time to take a break and have a talk with Ruki.
The moment the instruments stopped it seemed like a deafening silence had descended upon them. The guitarists were so surprised and weary of what had just happened that they actually didn’t feel like opening their mouths while Ruki hadn’t even moved from his place, leaning on the mike stand, eyes closed and a pained expression on his face.
Reita and Uruha went outside silently while Aoi took a seat by the window, without saying a word and started punching the buttons on his cell phone, probably messaging some future dates. Kai carefully approached the vocalist’s standing figure and while placing his palms on the smaller man’s shoulders decided to finally break the silence.
“Ruki-kun, come on, let’s sit on the couch.”
Ruki still didn’t talk and didn’t even lift his head. He just let himself be led there. Once they were finally comfortably seated, Ruki just let his head fall on Kai’s shoulder and inhaled a deep, shuddering breath. Kai wasn’t really sure how he should react under the circumstances. It was obvious that Ruki was a lot more tired than he had previously thought, tired to the point where he probably couldn’t stand straight without some support, tired enough to not sing.
Before that day, Kai couldn’t have imagined such a scenario. All the members were quite famous for their endurance and putting their all in their performances. Every single member of the Gazette did a live prepared to literally shake the fans’ worlds. Even when just rehearsing they would still try to improve themselves and Ruki was no exception. The movements and the head banging that occurred during lives may have been drastically reduced but Ruki compensated that in technicality. After all, his voice was an instrument also, an instrument that needed practice and tuning. A pissed off or an elated Ruki were not uncommon occurrences so it wasn’t that rare that ballads sounded a bit more heavy or that songs like “Discharge" took on an astonishingly romantic turn (Kai still hadn’t figured how Ruki managed that one) but still, the changes were never so shocking as to leave the four of them shocked into silence. This time it was different. There was nothing to be said or joked about because it was quite obvious that Ruki wasn’t well and not even Kai knew what he should do. He thought about canceling the practice but when he thought about Ruki’s reaction and Ruki being on treatment for depression he just couldn’t make himself to say it. The last thing he wanted was the vocalist blaming himself while in the privacy or better said, solitude, of his apartment.
So Kai just silently sat with Ruki on the couch, an arm draped over Ruki’s shoulder, his fingers drumming a soft beat, trying to help the other relax. He still hadn’t figured out how to announce that the day’s practice was over when Reita and Uruha came back in. It took Reita about a second to eye Ruki and Kai’s state before he was taking a great burden off Kai’s shoulders.
“Ok, sorry guys, but we have to wrap it up today. Me and Uru-chan have a date.”
At that statement even Ruki opened his eyes.
“What are you talking about?” Aoi piped in, abandoning his cell-phone. “Don’t tell me that’s the reason you two aren’t interested in going with me and the girls…”
“Aoi-kun, trust me, no matter how much you nag you’ll never see us in the same room with those girls, eating in a civilized manner. I’d be probably throwing guitars in their faces before we even made it to the table.” Uruha remarked.
Aoi pouted but still continued his questionnaire. He was a bit curious after all.
“So?”
“So what?” Reita answered this time. “We’re just going out a bit. An old friend of ours just called and asked if we weren’t free to go for a few drinks. He just came to Tokyo for business and is taking the train back tomorrow morning so we really couldn’t refuse.”
“It’s ok, guys. We’ll see you again in a couple of days. And Uru-chan, don’t forget you have that photo shoot planned for tomorrow. I know what you and drinking can generate and you are not missing that shoot. And Reita-kun, I trust you to get him home safely and wake him up tomorrow if necessary.”
“Yeah, yeah, Kai-kun, I know the drill. Don’t worry. Take care.”
And after exchanging a meaningful gaze with Kai, Reita was out the doors, Uruha right behind him. Kai wasn’t sure if it was all a very fortunate coincidence or if Reita had just made that up on the spot seeing the predicament Kai was in. Reita after all was probably the most perceptive one in their band so Kai wouldn’t be surprised if it did turn out like that. A few minutes later Aoi was saying his goodbyes too, leaving the two guys on the couch alone in the room.
“Kai-kun, I’m sorry I messed up so bad today. It probably has been the worst performance in history, right?” Ruki whispered, loud enough for Kai to hear him though.
“There’s no need to apologize, Ru-chan. I kind of figured out you didn’t feel well. You shouldn’t have forced yourself to come to practice if you didn’t feel well.”
“I’m not an invalid, Kai-kun. And I wanted to be here with you guys.”
Kai bit his lower lip, inwardly reprimanding himself for saying that.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Ru-chan. I’m just a bit worried, that’s all. I want you healthy before anything else, ok?”
“Yes, mom.”
“Come on, I’ll take you home. You have two days to rest and get in shape. I expect you to rock this room the next time.”
Ruki softly smiled and, helped by Kai, stood up. They both walked to Kai’s car, the drummer supporting Ruki’s form, forming a lovely picture to anyone that would have laid their eyes upon them, anyone excepting the person following them, lurking in the shadows.
While heading for Ruki’s apartment it seemed that Ruki had been lulled to sleep by the car’s movement and the relaxing music playing on the radio. Every time Kai turned his head a bit to observe his passenger he couldn’t help smiling, watching the endearing picture. Kai didn’t think he had ever seen anyone sleeping more peacefully than their vocalist, his mouth a bit opened, his hands gripping the seat belt, his face turned a bit towards Kai so that the drummer had a perfect view of his sleeping form.
Even when the car stopped in front of Ruki’s apartment building, the vocalist didn’t wake up and since Kai didn’t want to disturb him he figured he might as well carry him up to his apartment if he didn’t wake up in the process. Ruki didn’t budge, not even when Kai had wrapped his arms around him and slowly lifted him up from the seat and out of the car. It really was unusual for Ruki to sleep that deeply unless he was practically dead-tired.
He had expected the bridal carrying to be more difficult but Kai was shocked by exactly how much weight Ruki had lost. Kai hadn’t exactly carried his friend in that way before but he had supported him a few times after the vocalist had had a little too much to drink in the past and he knew about how many pounds Ruki’s weight was supposed to be. And the present Ruki was at least 10 pounds lighter than Kai remembered.
After depositing his burden on the bed, making sure the vocalist was comfy and sound asleep, Kai made himself comfortable on the couch in the living room, in front of the TV, absentmindedly flipping through the channels while his mind was preoccupied with thoughts of the man he had held in his arms before. He had to force himself to stop worrying so much since he wasn’t solving anything by doing that, just tiring himself and so instead he decided to finally avert his attention to the TV. Kai didn’t feel like watching variety shows or watching anime or some cultural program aired on NHK so when he stumbled upon a cooking show just starting, his attention was instantly drawn, especially since the foreign dish was unknown to him and he always loved to try new things.
When the cooking program had ended a half an hour later, Kai was left with a watering mouth and nothing to do and since Ruki probably didn’t have anything delicious cooked in the fridge he decided he should put his cooking skills to the test with the new recipe.
Unfortunately Ruki’s kitchen was practically devoid of cooking ingredients since the vocalist wasn’t exactly a fan of spending time in the kitchen, so Kai decided to go out and buy the items needed seeing as Ruki was sound asleep and probably wouldn’t wake up for a few hours.
When entering the parking lot he was surprised to find someone reclining against his car. Approaching the vehicle and clearly distinguishing the person’s face, his surprise turned into irritation. Leaning against his car was his ex-girlfriend, a person he would have rather not seen again for a long, long period of time.
“Midori-san, what are you doing here?”
“Kai-san, I felt like we still had things left unsaid. Can’t we somehow solve this?”
She was beautiful. Her long black hair was carefully styled and draped her back and shoulders like a black curtain, she had deep black eyes and full lips, pure white smooth looking skin and a lovely nose. She was neither too tall nor too small and her body was beautifully shaped, having long legs, attractive hips and small delicate breasts, proud shoulders and a slim waist. She could rival a model. Her voice wasn’t loud or low, nor was it demanding or regretful. It was simply plain, level and rational as if she was conducting a business transaction. Kai knew better though. He knew that she hadn’t started reacting in an outrageous way yet because she was restraining herself from lashing out, not because for once she had gotten her bearings right.
“Solve what? You having jealousy crises every other day or insulting my friends or actually trying to lie to me about being pregnant?” Kai asked, his vice as icy as his gaze.
“I’m sorry for all that. Once I lost you I finally realized what I have lost and how wrong I have been. We were happy for a while, weren’t we? I’m sure if we try again, if I try again, if you give me another chance we could have that happiness back.” She replied, her voice gaining a pleading tone.
“To be frank, Midori-san, I was never happy with you. I was content. I have never truly loved you but I have tried to fall in love with you. I just don’t feel like trying anymore. It’s not just your fault, my band is my top priority now and we’ve been having some troubles so I really don’t have time to think about romance nor put any effort into a relationship.”
Hearing his answer, her gaze turned venomous and her face formed into a scowl.
“Would those problems involve carrying in your arms a certain blonde?” Her tone dripped with sarcasm and malice.
“Maybe I haven’t been clear enough. My problems don’t involve you anymore. And I certainly don’t like you following me. I do hope this will be the last time we see each other. Goodbye, Midori-san.”
And with that said, Kai opened the door to his car and hit the pedals, leaving the woman in the parking lot, a murderous gaze on her face.
PS: I know it's been long but since school has started again it really is hard updating two fics a week so I just settled with updating one a week and making the chapters a bit longer. On top of that, this was especially difficult to write since it has to be both a filler and an important development with Midori appearing. I do hope you like it.
Also, it's really hard for me to decide something else so I'll leave it up to you guys. Do you want Aoi to have a bigger role in the fic or just keep him this way and do you want me to find him his love or just keep him a playboy? And if you're up for the romance, male or woman? And if male, who would you like him wth. I have a Naitomea band member in mind but I'm also available for other opinions, well as long as I at least know a bit about the one you propose.
And, finally, boy this is getting long, right? Do you want Uruha and Reita together? I think I've iven plenty of hints that I'd like to take this in that direction but if you rather I don't...
Anyway, be sure to write ok?
Hugs to all my readers.